[2017 Year in Review] K-drama Non-productivity Suite

111 December 25, 2017December 30, 2018

[2017 Year in Review] K-drama Non-productivity Suite

by mary

Subject: Feedback on Kdrama Non-productivity Suite™ 2017
From: mary
To: Dramaland

Dear Dramaland,

I’m sending feedback on a couple of your programs I finished and liked this year. Please use it to improve v.2018 of your Non-productivity Suite.

Your loyal customer,
mary

Subject: Rescue Me’s Woo Do-hwan bug?
From: mary
To: Dramaland

This program was as creepy as advertised.

I felt Sang-mi’s desperation to overturn this cult that’s holding her family and a village’s worth of people mentally hostage. But I was also awed at how Father Baek worked your fear on a gut level, making you wonder why you want to torch him when he’s just serving you a friendly cuppa.

Actually, everyone in this program was great, right down to the cult members who drank the Almighty Father’s leg wash.

There’s only a minor problem. In the preview material, we were told that Taecyeon is one of the main features. In reality, something called Woo Do-hwan took over a majority of this program, sneaking around in dangerous places and giving me stress-induced ulcers. Is this a bug? Please advise.

Subject: Re: Rescue Me’s Woo Do-hwan bug?
From: Dramaland
To: mary

Dear mary,

Woo Do-hwan is a feature, not a bug. If you have further questions, please contact the the volunteer beanies offering 24/7 Woo Do-hwan support. You can also check out Mad Dog from the 2017 Non-productivity Suite for more Woo Do-hwan features.

Subject: Age of Youth 2 Ji-won phaseout???
From: mary
To: Dramaland

Look, I’m glad you increased the focus on Ji-won for v.2017, but you only fixed half of last year’s major bug! The Ji-won/Sung-min connection is still incomplete. AND you dropped some well-loved features from last year like Kang Yi-na and Chef. Even if the new characters made v.2017 a good stand-alone program, it would’ve been great to see all the old faces, since we love everyone from v.2016 and now v.2017 too!

But the biggest issue for v.2017 is the announcement regarding Song Ji-won’s sudden end-of-life. Why are you phasing out the most popular part of the program? Please fix this critical issue in v.2018 as I would like to enjoy Age of Youth every year until v.2050, if possible.

Subject: Re: Age of Youth 2 Ji-won phaseout???
From: Dramaland
To: mary

Thank you for your continuous interest in this program. We regret to inform you that:
[1] there are no plans to create v.2018 at this point,
[2] Song Ji-won feature is scheduled to end in year 2025.

Subject: Re: Re: Age of Youth 2 Ji-won phaseout???
From: mary
To: Dramaland

Dear Dramaland,

I hate you.

P.S. We all noticed you switch your supplier for Eun-jae.

Subject: Mystery Queen’s Scooby Gang
From: mary
To: Dramaland

I like that you had a lot of programs in this year’s Non-productivity Suite where the lady is the one calmly solving problems while everyone panics around her. Out of them all, Mystery Queen’s Seol-ok is my favorite: a busybody ajumma solving crimes and burning dinners (but never friendships!) using nothing but her ~~obsession~~ love of mystery novels. Plus, she isn’t anti-social at all. Not all geniuses are assholes that need to learn how to be human. Who knew?

I love the rest of the gang too. The exasperated grumpypants Wan-seung who can’t help but acknowledge Seol-ok’s genius, the moody Inspector Woo who treats Seol-ok as his equal in sleuthing, bestie Kyung-mi who’s a capable businesswoman and great at covering for our ajumma instead of just an excuse for spilling the heroine’s secrets, and Detective Crinkles McPuppy: Pioneer Member of Seol-ok Support Squad.

I’m glad you’re making a v.2018. Please bring back the adorable Scooby Gang and I’ll thank you forever, Dramaland!

Subject: Re: Mystery Queen’s Scooby Gang
From: Dramaland
To: mary

Dear customer,

We regret to inform you that we can’t bring back the whole “Scooby Gang” for v.2018.

Subject: Re: Re: Mystery Queen’s Scooby Gang
From: mary
To: Dramaland

See: I hate you.

Subject: Tunnel missing records?
From: mary
To: Dramaland

I didn’t open this right away as it looked like a recycled version of last year’s Signal. But it differentiated itself by dialing down the time-jumpy tricks and building more emotional connections in the present time.

It’s a pity though, because those connections were also the reason why the ending depressed me. All the friendships Kwang-ho built in the present were erased when he changed the past. Sure, you left hints that the two families remained close and the kids grew up together, but we’ll never know if Kwang-ho was still the grumpy dad-in-law, or if Sun-jae ever became a smartass detective with a chip on his shoulder, or if Dr. Shin became an expert in criminal psychology.

Can you tell us what happened in the new “present”?

Subject: Re: Tunnel missing records?
From: Dramaland
To: mary

Dear customer,

Our records show that someone restarted the program Tunnel without saving the changes to their work. Any progress made regarding Detective Sun-jae and Dr. Shin Jae-yi have been deleted and cannot be recovered.

Subject: Unknown program Unknown Woman?
From: mary
To: Dramaland

I found this program called Unknown Woman in this year’s Non-productivity Suite. It has the program type .mkjng. Did you send it to me for a free trial?

I don’t normally use this type of program as most reviews say it’s unwieldy. But I found Unknown Woman very robust. You can come back to it after skipping a few episodes and be entertained without missing much. It’s like a lot of things are happening every episode and yet… it doesn’t matter because a lot more things will still happen anyway, so there’s no pressure about missing one “major” twist out of a hundred.

Anyway, thank you for adding Unknown Woman to this year’s Non-productivity Suite. I might check out other .mkjng programs in 2018.

Subject: Re: Unknown program Unknown Woman?
From: Dramaland
To: mary

Dear customer,

Please be careful when opening programs of type .mkjng.

Most users report immense confusion and increased blood pressure when exposed to this type of program. It’s a virus that uses 10x more hooks and plot twists, allowing it to fake story progression and eat up a huge chunk of your precious non-productive time.

Subject: Request for new character in Voice
From: mary
To: Dramaland

Kwon-joo is my second-favorite supergirl from you this year, Dramaland. A cool-as-beans police officer with superhearing, saving the world while giving whiny men her best poker face? Yes, yes, and yes! But there’s a bug similar to Rescue Me, where Kwon-joo and her powers didn’t get enough focus as promised.

I’m not angry. I’m just curious. Was there a point in her life where she rejected her talent? Did having superhearing make her over-reliant on it and cause blindness in other areas? I need to know!

You obviously have to make a v.2018 of this program. Give her the full superhero treatment. And write her a villain with more tricks other than being terribly handsome and gory. Someone who will use knowledge of her superpowers against her. Someone who’s as good as Kim Jae-wook at being creepy and ambiguous. Actually, I know a guy…

Subject: Buam-dong Revenge Club as teaching material?
From: mary
To: Dramaland

Hi Dramaland,

I like this program so much. Just a suggestion: can you send a copy of this program to Kim Nam-gil and tell him there’s a way to satisfy a revenge and NOT die?

Subject: Forest of Secrets
From: mary
To: Dramaland

I know there is a lot of love for Shi-mok Bot and Mother Hen Yeo-jin, especially with news about your upcoming v.2018 (v.2019?) But I think what also made this program great is all the secondary features you added. They made Forest of Secrets a real forest of… uhm… secrets, where you’re alternating between wanting to hug someone and handcuff them because you can’t tell who’s good or bad anymore. Except for my favorite Weasel a.k.a. Seo Dong-jae.

In this program where everyone is shady, Seo Dong-jae is the only one you can trust. You can trust him to backstab you. Always. There’s something refreshing about his honest duplicity. It’s not personal. He’s just trying to survive. He’s the best weasel that ever weaseled its way out of such a tangled mess.

Please make sure that in v.2027, when Shi-mok has 3+1 emotions and Yeo-jin has moved up to doing still-life sketches, the Weasel is still there to remain our constant in this twisted show.

Subject: Account Suspension
From: Dramaland
To: mary

Your account has been suspended for suspicious activity.

We have traced a flood of messages from your account:
ELLEN PLS INVITE THE WEASEL
WHY ARE Y’ALL SLEEPING ON WEASELS
WHO’S WATCHING THE WEASEL IN 2027???
WEASEL IS OUR KING

Your suspension will be lifted after 30 days. Creating multiple accounts or trying to circumvent the suspension in any way will result in a permanent ban.

Subject: WEASEL IS OUR KING
From: not mary
To: Dramaland

I am a composer sending you my original work for use with Weasel’s character in v.2018 of Forest of Secrets. You don’t have to pay me anything.

WEASEL IS OUR KING

Weasel is our King,
Weasel is our King,
He didn’t die or get locked in (jail)
Weasel is our King

Weasel can hear anything
He’s by your door, just eavesdropping
That’s why drama fans all sing
Weasel is our King!

-not mary

Subject: Account Termination
From: Dramaland
To: mary, “not mary”

Your Kdrama Non-productivity Suite account has been terminated due to violation of our Terms of Use.

111

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1 topokki

December 25, 2017 at 4:12 PM

I luuuv this😍 and yes, I also hope weasel comes back in 2018/2019. He is irreplaceable

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bluedoe

December 25, 2017 at 10:40 PM

Me toooo this is so creative and really nerdy and awesome, it made me actually interested in reading about 2017 dramas .

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eked13

December 26, 2017 at 3:41 AM

Idiot spy/cockroach - wonderful character.

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2 latebloomer

December 25, 2017 at 4:16 PM

I love it, Mary! Especially your description of the Mystery Queen gang. I'm really going to miss Detective Crinkles McPuppy, too. What a great name for him! Why, oh why, did he have to bail?

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🍙 kimbap noona

December 25, 2017 at 4:57 PM

I nominate the unofficial name for Lee Won-Geun's fan club as "Crinkle Pup"

Side note: just found an interview article online titled Lee Won Geun, “How Are My Eyes?” with the first statement "His round eyes turn into crescents after hearing the compliment."

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Brownz

January 21, 2018 at 12:22 PM

I just read that article from 2015 about Lee Won Geun, which shows how modest he is. I have been his fan since I watched him in 12 Year Promise (Wild Chives and Soy Bean Soup), which was one of my first Korean shows. He broke my heart in that show! And, it was because of his eyes, those adorable expressions~ the longings and heartache of first love. Crinkle Puppy!!!

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3 elric

December 25, 2017 at 4:18 PM

Mary winning the 2017 Year in Review series!!

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4 🍙 kimbap noona

December 25, 2017 at 4:31 PM

Subject: Please Reverse mary’s Account Termination
From: an admiring Beanie
To: Dramaland

I understand that the recent flurries of activities from mary/not mary might be disconcerting to the Dramaland who is experiencing in 2017 below average costumer satisfaction. But mary/notmary’s inquiries only succinctly reveal the character of a true Drama fan. I would like to formally request that the termination of mary and her possibly doppelgänger not mary's account to be reversed.

Thank you in advance for your prompt attention,

mary's fan

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🍙 kimbap noona

December 25, 2017 at 4:37 PM

MARY IS OUR QUEEN

mary is our Queen.
not mary is also our Queen.
Her account shouldn’t get terminated or suspended, cuz’
mary/not mary is our Queen.

mary articulate our sentiments with surgical precision as well as impressive artistry
As demonstrated in this brilliant post,
That’s why Beanies all sing
mary/not mary is our Queen.

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🍙 kimbap noona

December 25, 2017 at 6:17 PM

May I inquire after the cost of the “Non-productivity Suite”?

Perhaps little monetarily, but I suspect the real cost lies in one's extreme mood volatility caused by unexpected interruption when kdrama viewing, incessant stalking on kdrama addict anonymous site, and infestation of drama OST and BTS on one’s Youtube’s homepage.

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5 Le__Ssy

December 25, 2017 at 4:32 PM

All hail Queen Mary.

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6 Saya

December 25, 2017 at 4:54 PM

pure genius

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7 conan

December 25, 2017 at 4:56 PM

Dear mary,

I love you.

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8 mindy

December 25, 2017 at 5:03 PM

HAHAHA. I love you, mary, and this (especially the Weasley Is Our King reference) had me in stitches.

Thank you for being a part of the DB team, Mary. The site wouldn’t be the same without you!

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9 lezah

December 25, 2017 at 5:12 PM

I only watched Buam-dong in this entire list but I had a lot of fun just reading this entire thing. It’s hilarious 😂

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10 tsutsuloo

December 25, 2017 at 5:13 PM

@mary—I'm genuflecting and gasping with laughter in front of my Mac.

Just a suggestion: can you send a copy of this program to Kim Nam-gil and tell him there’s a way to satisfy a revenge and NOT die?

*clasps hands over heart* Thank you for extending Christmas.

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11 Ally

December 25, 2017 at 5:20 PM

mary may have single-handedly renewed my interest in Forest of Secrets! All hail the weasel king and his queen, mary!

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12 isa: I'm not a serial killer I'm just really passionate about things

December 25, 2017 at 5:28 PM

Mary=awesome. That's all I've got to add to this conversation.

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13 inna

December 25, 2017 at 5:49 PM

Uh oh! He-who-must-not-be-named as new character in Voice?

Can't imagine while torture his victims, he's whispering something like; “Some people fuel up with gas, I fuel up with affection.” LMAO

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14 rue

December 25, 2017 at 6:10 PM

This made my day. 😂 Thank you

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15 Melona

December 25, 2017 at 6:19 PM

I love you, Mary! Best Drama review ever.

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16 celine

December 25, 2017 at 6:20 PM

Omg love this, Mary! You.are.so.brilliant. I can't even. This style is so cool and fun!

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17 neener ~ Inside the Magic Shop ~

December 25, 2017 at 6:35 PM

Too cute for words! I didn't read the others that I didn't watch but I totally agree with Age of Youth 2 and Forest of Secrets! WEASEL IS KING!

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18 Chukahae (축하해)

December 25, 2017 at 6:35 PM

Omo. The reviews and the creativity in presenting them definitely certified gold 💎💎💎.

# No gold emoji? # I guess diamonds will do

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19 Haru

December 25, 2017 at 6:46 PM

I haven't watched any of the above dramas and yet the whole thing just had me in stitches anyway. Bless you, mary (pun not intended). The geek in me just loves the entire review format (and beautiful, beautiful dvd/software box covers). You're a genius!

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20 Saya

December 25, 2017 at 6:59 PM

The little captions are killing me though! XD

FoS: "Take this, it's a gift"

help me I'm dying

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21 Cocoa, The Fake Poet of February

December 25, 2017 at 7:11 PM

😂😂😂😹😹😹

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22 WishfulToki

December 25, 2017 at 7:12 PM

I'd totally buy these beautiful boxed sets, @mary 😂

One question: what about Our Gap Soon?
ERROR 404 NOT FOUND

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⭐ Sera The Ms Temper ⭐

December 25, 2017 at 11:31 PM

😆😆😆

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23 alert

December 25, 2017 at 7:28 PM

Subject: Lawyers
To: Mary
From: Alert

Wow Dramaland sounds really cranky this year.

If you are in need of a lawyer (or lawyers), I may have some names in mind. A certain Mr Noh Ji-Wook is a good one, even though he deals mostly with murder cases. Or you could go for Mr Jae-chan - he's a rookie prosecutor, but he's really good at what he does.

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24 mrsdimple

December 25, 2017 at 7:34 PM

LOL. Had a great time reading this😘

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25 LookieLooWho

December 25, 2017 at 7:36 PM

This was super cute!

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26 Jenmole🍊

December 25, 2017 at 7:39 PM

DB really needs to add "likes" or ❤️️ on articles posted! 👏👍 Thanks Mary for making this so fun to read!

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Kudo Ran

December 26, 2017 at 11:23 AM

oh how many times I wish that , feel you :)

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27 korfan

December 25, 2017 at 7:56 PM

With this post, ending the holiday on a fabulous and hilarious note!

This is fantastic.

Thanks for this, mary, and for all your work throughout the year!

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28 Sunflowerdiva

December 25, 2017 at 7:56 PM

I got such a kick out of this creative year-end recap! Thanks, Mary!

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29 Kushi

December 25, 2017 at 8:09 PM

Most creative review ever. Loved it😍😍

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30 Altari

December 25, 2017 at 8:22 PM

I now want mary to review EVERYTHING.

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31 PakalanaPikake

December 25, 2017 at 8:51 PM

Manseh, @mary!

Although I only logged on to the VOICE module of the documented Kdrama Non-productivity Suite™ 2017, I nearly expired of anoxia while ROFLMAO. Brava!!! Kim Jae-wook was reformatted and installed in the TEMPERATURE OF LOVE module, where he lost not only his kettlebell, but apparently dropped all his bits.

Seo Hyun-jin from the Non-productivity Suite™ 2016 OH HAE-YOUNG AGAIN and ROMANTIC DOCTOR, TEACHER KIM modules suffered a head crash in the v.2017 module TEMPERATURE OF LOVE, although companion process Yang Se-jong of RDTK successfully spun off two interations in the v.2017 Non-productivity Suite™ SAIMDANG: LIGHT'S DIARY module, 4 iterations in the DUEL application, and successfully cooked up and delivered a storm of kisses in TEMPERATURE OF LOVE. Song Seung-heon likewise successfully spun off two iterations in the v.2017 SAIMDANG module before implementing a major upgrade and executing two more iterations in BLACK.

First proliferating in Non-productivity Suite™ 2016's MAN LIVING IN OUR HOUSE module, the Woo Do-hwan undocumented feature in the v.2017 RESCUE ME module strayed over to the MAD DOG application and successfully executed its Bromance Subroutine with Romantic Fliration Extension. Originating from the same v.2016 module, ManDood Kim Young-kwang was also spun off into the v.2017 Non-productivity Suite™ LOOKOUT module as a vengeful prosecutor, while Jo Bo-ah was copied without modification directly to the TEMPERATURE OF LOVE application, where Task Manager failed to terminate the runaway whining process.

v.2017 Non-productivity Suite™ executed two competing Yeonsangun processes with Lee Dong-gun in the SEVEN DAY QUEEN and Kim Ji-suk in the REBEL modules; the latter upgraded to leading man status in the 20TH CENTURY BOY AND GIRL module. Mighty Child Yoon Kyun-sang upgraded to Hong Gil-dong status before spinning off a bogus law enforcement iteration in the DOUBTFUL VICTORY application.

And now I'm going to terminate this sincerest-form-of-flattery process. Thank you for a great spoof! And to all a good night. ;-)

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PakalanaPikake

December 25, 2017 at 9:04 PM

PS: Wishing you only uptime in 2018, Mary!

UpTime Funk Linux (Uptown Funk Parody)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPKVqTOZC0o

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growingbeautifully

December 26, 2017 at 2:13 AM

Greatest form of flattery indeed! Well done PakalanPikake! 😆 💜

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Ally

December 26, 2017 at 6:06 AM

I figured you had some computer software issues this year as well! But as I was reading, I realized that these totally crashed my system and the only one which completed its programming was LOOKOUT. Lol.

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PakalanaPikake

December 26, 2017 at 11:28 AM

Amazingly enough, Win7 has been running just fine. I wish I could say the same for some of my live-watched dramas that abended. Auwe! ;-)

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32 egads

December 25, 2017 at 8:57 PM

Trying to explain why I was laughing so hard at .mkjng to my non-drama -watching family was impossible. Bravo.

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PakalanaPikake

December 26, 2017 at 11:32 AM

.mkjng filename extension FTW!

The thing is, I discovered when marathoning HAPPY HOME a couple of weeks ago that I can stand, and even enjoy, some forks of .mkjng -- which still surprises me. ;-)

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egads

December 26, 2017 at 12:42 PM

Sometimes you're just in a mood for .mkjng, and sometimes you're just in the mood to mock the .mkjng (generally if I watch, I mock watch).

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33 loveblossom🌸

December 25, 2017 at 9:28 PM

OMG I LOVE THIS REVIEW! @mary!!! 😍😍😍
It's so cute and creative!

Shi-mok Bot, best robot of 2017 = Puhahaha! ❤️❤️❤️

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🍙 kimbap noona

December 25, 2017 at 10:24 PM

Hehe I didn’t realize Forest of Secrets was the drama which started the recent robot trend until reading mary’s post.

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34 swoosiederkins

December 25, 2017 at 9:47 PM

I love this so much. Also, Mary, by chance were you the one behind the DB Black Friday (aka Subway) ad?? :)

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blnmom

December 26, 2017 at 6:44 AM

She was. Aaand I just read an article that Subway is closing down thousands of stores. Coincidence? 🤔

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mary

December 26, 2017 at 9:41 AM

Oh no :( We make fun of Subway but who will sponsor our kdramas now? :(((

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PakalanaPikake

December 26, 2017 at 11:17 AM

That's exactly what I thought when I read that they'd first closed 350+ stores, and will can nearly 1,000 more.

Although Beanies yowl about PPL, Subway Korea has been sponsoring the dramas we love. ;-)

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isa: I'm not a serial killer I'm just really passionate about things

December 26, 2017 at 3:42 PM

And Papa John's has been popping up in dramas.

Now I want to go and have a sub as thanks for the support.

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swoosiederkins

December 26, 2017 at 12:05 PM

Hahaha oh no....! There is always Quiznos...?

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bong-soo

December 27, 2017 at 4:52 PM

Right. Recently I noticed a Quiznos ppl in an episode and I thought "what happened to Subway?" Maybe it was in Prison Playbook because that is one of the 2 series along with INAR that I am watching right now.

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swoosiederkins

December 27, 2017 at 7:33 PM

Total Quiznos party in INAR today! I suppose we should be glad there is something to take Subway's place should it ever close down?

35 gadis

December 25, 2017 at 10:00 PM

Mary, this is such a cute review. I swear I giggled throughout it all, especially reading your concise and 'sweet' I-hate-you message to Dramaland. And thanks for the nod to HP's legendary chanting. Weasel is our king!!