Chapter 5: GUILTY CANDY is out. Scroll down…
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    CHAPTER 5: GUILTY CANDY

    “You have been charged with…” the officer yawns “Theft, being a public nuisance, and destruction of private and public property.”

    “Public property? What —- ”

    “That mound is missing 50 per cent of its top grass.”

    He stares at my fingers pointedly.

    I follow his eyes.

    There is something trapped under my fingernails. Something wet. Green.

    Grass.

    Oops.

    The officer slides his chair back and mumbles, “Wait here.”

    He walks past a big beefy guy in a tank top with forearms the size of tree trunks and the beefy guy pulls him in for a tight hug and he nuzzles his nose in the beefy guy’s neck and the beefy guy giggles. I rub my head. A headache is building. It’s Forest all over again.

    “Hey.”

    I drag my eyes back.

    “Want a sip?”

    A bored-looking lady is in the chair next to me. She taps the glass of red bubbly in her hand.

    “Isn’t it a bit early?” Wait. What time is it? Evening? Night? Morning? It’s a blur.

    She shrugs. “I thought you might need it. Misery loves company.”

    “Are you miserable?” She doesn’t look unhappy. She just looks —- bored.

    “Not me.” She takes a delicate sip. “Him.”

    There’s a guy there in handcuffs. He’s wearing a black leather jacket with L and T emblazoned, stretched across his rippling back, crying, and babbling, “LT, I love you, I love you…”

    He lifts his head, and omg, it’s – it’s Lee Min Ho!

    “It’s Lee Min Ho!” I gasp.

    “Who?” she frowns.

    “That guy! The guy who’s looking at you like – like…what on earth did you do to him?”

    “I haven’t the faintest idea.” She shrugs. “I’m just living my life, minding my own business, and the next thing I know, he’s barged into it. He posted a bunch of emo pictures on IG, and people are saying I broke his heart when…” A long, deep sigh. “I don’t even know how it got to this point…”

    He shouts, “Turn around and look at me, LT! Look at me! Don’t ignore me!”

    “See what I mean?” She shudders, takes another sip. “I filed a restraining order against him.”

    “What?”

    “That’s why I’m here.” She gets to her feet. “I’m off. Bye.”

    There is a commotion at the door, as LMH suddenly breaks free and dives to the floor in front of her, rolls a few metres down and collides with a wall.

    “Puh-lease,” LT mutters. Sidesteps him smoothly. And then she’s out the door, high heels click-clacking away, fading into the distance.

    Three men pounce on LMH and haul him to his feet, as he howls, “NO. NO. NO. Don’t go. Don’t leave me, LT!”

    A wild-eyed girl appears out of nowhere and throws herself at him, shrieking like a banshee.

    She’s wearing a T-shirt which screams, in red: MINOZ FAMY ❤ LMH 4EVA.

    A bunch of cops wrestle her to the ground, as LMH shouts, “I want a restraining order against HER!”

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    The officer comes back to his seat.

    “You can make a phone call. Just one.”

    “I don’t have any family.” I say, tearing up.

    “Friends? You have friends, surely?”

    “I do. Azzo, Wishful Toki, Trinpie, Katakwasabi, 13infamyss, Egads, Mugyuljoie, Ayan, Pickled Dragon, Flying Tool, bbstl and bbstl’s cat…” I rattle off their names tiredly, passing a hand over my face.

    “Your friends sound shady,” his eyes narrow suspiciously. “Especially this Flying Tool. Underworld, huh?”

    “Are you locking me up?” I glare at him. “I know my rights. I want a lawyer.”

    The door swings open.

    A cool, hot guy in dark shades, a suit and a briefcase walks in.

    He walks right up to me. Pulls off his shades. I do a double take. Song Joong Ki????

    “Omg,” I squeak. “You’re Song Joong Ki!”

    He stares at me.

    “My name is Vincenzo,” he says in a strange accent. “I am your lawyer.”

    He eyes the officer and starts to speak in a foreign language.

    “Uh-huh, uh-huh,” the officer grunts. Nods. Says, “Yeah. I understand —- ”

    “Hey,” I cut in. “Do you understand what’s he saying? It sounds like Greek to me.”

    The cool guy snaps his eyes to mine. Says coldly, “That’s because I WAS speaking Greek.”

    “But your name’s Vincenzo. Isn’t that Italian? But, aren’t you Korean? And if you’re Korean, why’s your name Italian and you’re speaking Greek —- ”

    He gives me a look, and I mumble, “Okay.”

    “You can make one phone call,” he says, slowly, as if I am simple.

    “In that case,” I draw a deep breath. “I’ll call my — who, exactly? Ex? Boyfriend? Betrayer? —- my babe.”

    He frowns. “His full name, please.”

    “Sure.” I look straight at him. “His full name is M. A. Babe.”

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      Delighted to be a part of the Shady Friends. Will Kwak Dong Yeon make an appearance too? Can’t wait for M.A. Babe to pick up the call.

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      Shady Friends 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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      Who is M. A? Mark Anthony? 😱

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      Your Meta is better than the Hong Sisters *cackling* *although in recent years that’s not hard to beat but know I mean this in the best possible way*

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      TrinPie is my favorite character. She is beautiful, intelligent, funny, and has 2 cats 😆

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      two more things
      1. The thought of @hebang being underwold is literally so hilarious to me and I feel like I could draw a whole set of comics that like tie the Melonia and Shitpost Lore into this … thing and they’d be amazing, and feature all new characters … if only I had the time rn gosh I miss drawing and hate burnout and lyfe
      2. I really want to make a joke about my name’s meaning and the whole Shady Friends thing and also my lack of cameo but I also wouldn’t want to influence the writer for the sake of fan-service… so carry on, but I’m just… saying… it would write itself…

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      *wipes brow and let’s out a sigh of relief* Having a bunch of shady friends is a good thing.

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      I’m really worried about Candy, but I know her shady friends will stand for her.
      I’m also intrigued why Vincenzo is speaking Greek, but I will wait until next episode. Or have no explanation at all. I’m ok.
      I just need another cat. The stray cat in the police station.

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      Hahahahha his name is M.A. Babe?? Who wouldve thought…😄

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      Please know that we are honored to be noted as Shady Friends ™️ 🙋🏼‍♀️🐈 and also be advised that when I see a new installment my reaction is generally a cross between a giggle and a whimper.

      And, I beg your pardon for trying to tell you that this is a mouse 🐱. Although it really looks like one, I see from the emoji menu that this 🐭 and this 🐹 are mice. I hereby lodge a complaint that there are two mice face emojis and only one cat that doesn’t look like a cat ☹️ Hmph.

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      I’m honored to be first on that list of friends! Candy can count on me then, I’ll make her proud, this Shady Friend will always come through for her!

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      Underworld, hmmm. Vampire or Werewolf? Flying…so vampire it is. I wonder whose blood draws me out from my ship sailing in in darkly lit in unending storms?

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        Can’t you be a cool witch or gargoyle? Maybe you’re a broom personified. Or a dragon 🐲

        Or what if she went mental & you’re a drone? FlyingTool after all 🤭😂

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          Hmmm. I was only thinking of the Underworld series of movies… clearly my options are broader than first I imagined. Flying Tool, the Underworld Drone? Although the Flying part of my handle is a reference to the cursed Flying Dutchman, not to an aircraft… Gargoyle, like from the Craft series of Novels? I will have to give this some more thought!

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            I don’t have any particular novel series in mind for gargoyle – the general idea is a flying beast.

            Just googled flying Dutchman – cool read. Where did the Tool part of the name come from?

            You definitely have more options than the usual teen fantasy ones.

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            @maybemaknae
            My college was an engineering school. The student body generally fell into three general groups – nerds, geeks, and tools. There were further refinements under each group… Anyway, I was a Tool.

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      Honoured to be mentioned!
      Love this chapter, I’m wondering how M.A. Babe will respond!

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      I feel like somewhere in this is a joke about how My Absolute Boyfriend was an absolute nightmare.
      Maybe it’s the M. A. Babe 🤭

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        My Absolute Boyfriend – M.A. Babe. That’s a good catch! Our Candy with a Robot Babe at her beck and call. What could go askew?

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          She’s candy, she might plug him for too long & fry him 😂

          I seriously don’t get why none of the robots till date are solar powered. If we can get houses, watches⌚ & calculators work on solar power, why not robots?

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            I can see it now… our tired and worn out o robot heads out to the sun, and out of his back pops blades that keep unfolding into black wings, a solar array to recharge himself for our Candy’s next need.

            Or going with modern ecological sensitivities, our robot is actually green from all the chlorophyll in his skin – a solar-bio-electric mode, if you will. Of course he would need to spend much of his time in various states of undress to get enough sunlight on his skin…

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    you know I think this should turn into a Korean Noir Movie where everyone dies.

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