*Clears throat* SHIPPPPPPPPEDYYYYYY SHIP SHIP!!!!!!!!
*MarryMyHusbandEpisode7**BeefcakeANDCheesecake!*

Pavlovian conditioning: Lee Yi-kyung says Gwenchana. I split my sides.
*MarryMyHusbandEpisode2**OrShouldIShoutBINGOWheneverHeDoes?*

[2023 Year in Review]. Mysteries and Mental disorders.

By TurtuallySarcastic

Second seasons were very common in the year of the Rabbit, although I tend to stay clear of them. A spoiler enthusiast like me wants to know rather than guess. No baiting, just one story from beginning to end. Color me surprised when I discovered a recurring question in my 2023 watching habits: Who is it?!

The heir to the throne. His bodyguard. The gazillion serial killers. Episodes upon episodes of clues and red herrings, a mind full of theories proven wrong, and a voice gone hoarse from yelling at the scream in utter delight and frustration. The Secret Romantic Guesthouse and Crash Course in Romance might have been the only mysteries I actively got involved in, but many more would eventually lure me to the recaps to unmask the hidden identity. Every answered question on screen was another step closer to the big reveal.

Solving K-drama mysteries was a coping mechanism to deal with my confusion in real life. At the end of 2022 I finally got diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, a welcome explanation of struggling for a long time, notably academically and professionally. At the same time, this important news posed a challenge to my ideas about myself and my employment. Seeking out career guidance was necessary, thought it took me a while to figure out which steps to take in what order.

While I eventually got occupied with diagnosis recognition and job coaching, K-dramas would take a backseat for a few months. Gradually, the original confusion got replaced by sadness and anger, as many bad memories about ableism and ignorance would resurface. I did not know how to handle those feelings, until the episodes of Daily Dose of Sunshine were made available all at once. Spending twelve episodes in a psychiatric ward seemed quite daring from a Korean point of view, which piqued my interest even more. At first however, I was turned off by the stilted dialogue that came across like it was having a teacher-student dynamic with its audience.

Fortunately, the drama did much better at showing exactly how the mental disorders affected the patients. A couple metaphors sprinkled with a touch of fantasy demonstrated the inner workings of their brains and their perceptions. Schizophrenia for example, is just one of the depicted mental disorders that I understand much better now. The show also made me rethink my own mental health in unexpected ways. Therapy has been a tremendous help in battling panic disorder and depression after burning out at the umpteenth workplace two years ago. Never would I have expected visual metaphors like water or quicksand to vividly explain how I dealt with those two specific disorders back then.

Multiple patients received treatment for anxiety disorders that not only had developed at their workplace, but simultaneously kept them from healing and returning to the job. Depressed patients without energy to function got scolded by loved ones. Others were ashamed, in denial and terrified people would find out about their illness. All shared experiences, finally converted into detailed words.

The show became an abstract representation of that one understanding person I had been wishing for. A boss tells an employee falling ill is not her choice, nor does it make her a criminal or someone worthless who should shrink and hide away from society. A love interest calls out his ill significant other for demeaning the person he likes so much. A customer waits patiently while the cashier slowly counts her change. A bestie genuinely apologizes to his ill friend for earlier ableist behavior and suggests they share their mental health journey from now on.

I retract my earlier statement about the teacher-student dynamic with the audience since it might have been intentional. A patient’s network might be among the viewers. Despite their good intentions, their actions and reactions might range from awkward to ignorant, leaving the patients feeling even more misunderstood and frustrated. The show might want those viewers to learn to do better and remind patients to acknowledge the sincerity hidden underneath the awkwardness and the clumsy efforts. My own social network certainly benefited from that newfound appreciation.

On the other hand, it is within my right to speak up to them about my needs. In my case, autism handicaps me at work and exhausts me continuously. Taking all these tiny leaps of faith throughout 2023 demanded all my courage in exchange for aid at my workplace. My employer is currently searching every department to find me a new function adapted to my needs. Somewhere next spring I should hopefully rejoin the workforce.

🎇Happy New Year Beanies! Keep Beaning on in 2024!🎇

I only got back yesterday evening from celebrating the new year elsewhere without internet, so I am trying to catch up as much as possible today before real life starts again tomorrow…😴

For me, it is a yearly tradition to publish something for the end of the year review in December. Some years the recappers select my essay, some years I publish it on my fan wall as a proper farewell to another K-drama year. Last week was too busy for me and too painful for Beanies, so I respectfully waited a bit.

In order not to hurt or offend anyone, I hereby announce that my next post will be my review. I do not underestimate Beanies and their resilience, but I’d rather be safe then sorry. Aside from offering me some needed closure, publishing would also be an exercise in daring to take up space. The essay is not too happyish, so please do skip if it might trigger or bore you. I only request to let it exist.❤️

Thank you for understanding.🙏🏻

Turtie🫂

#2023RoundUp Day 17: Oldie (non 2023) you loved the most.

I used to work in taxation, but my team leader was not Im Shi-wan, so I switched careers after a few months.😒 I am only half joking, this K-drama actually took away a lot of the bad memories on that job. I had to wait long for the required alert mindset, but once I pressed play, I binged the two parts faster than I ever did with much lighter shows! And Yim Shi-Wan guys!😍

#2023RoundUp Day 10: Your 2023 crush.

Less Beans than previous year. Twice the amount of crushes.
The fanwall did its one job.

Kang Hoon. The Secret Romantic Guesthouse, also Scene Stealer Award.
Im Shi-wan. Tracer, because Taxation has its sexy sides. Boyhood on radar.
Rowoon. Fan wall Lurker Destined With You. Matchmakers on radar.
Ha Joon. Fan wall Lurker Destined With You. Live Your Own Life on radar.

#2023RoundUp Day 3: Side character that stole the drama.

Back in the spring when The Secret Romantic Guesthouse ended airing, I proclaimed Kang Hoon the winner of multiple 2023RoundUp Awards. The first one is Scene Stealer.

I am in a fan wall hibernation nowadays…until @ally-le calls for duty!😘

Love to Hate You was a nice, but forgettable Valentine binge. This OST is too nice to forget.

Lovey Dovey by TAEIL #BeaniePlaylist2023

#2022RoundUp: Day 29: Freestyle: Uploading my 2022 Year in Review on my fanwall

2022 Year in Review: Extending the comfort zone with watch buddies.

When the clock struck midnight on the first of January 2022, New Year’s Depression struck me. I had spent the latter half of 2021 in therapy while on a long sick leave from work, and I absolutely dreaded the idea of spending another full year feeling stuck in my own mind. There also wasn’t any comfort to be found on the K-drama horizon, which rubbed more salt into my mental wound. Collecting K-drama beans with the occasional completed oldie in between was no longer cutting it, so I had no choice but to step out and extend my comfort zone.

Twenty-Five Twenty-One was not on my radar, until some Beanies invited me to join them for the first episode. I accepted on a whim and ended up staying the full eight weeks. At the same time A Business Proposal checked all the boxes for a cozy solo watch. Again, Beanies swooped in during the first half to demand weekly reports on Samantha, Rachel and the Archaeopteryx, followed in the second half by another group watch invitation. Miraculously, I still had time left to keep up with a third Beanie watch group for Healer and Shining Inheritance as well.

Watching Shining Inheritance in turn brought The Law Café to my attention. Many were also anticipating and discussing the romcom, which made my solo watch feel like I was attending yet another livestream. Love in Contract did not gather much attention at the start. Maybe this show would win solo watch of the year? Yes, you guessed correctly, the second half evolved into the umpteenth non-solo watch.

This is an ode to all my Beanie watch buddies. Although I always watch K-dramas either by myself or with a good friend, I could not help but feel lonely at times. There were loved ones who had unconsciously retreated as soon as I confided in them about my mental health issues, causing seeds of doubt about myself to sprout up in the process. This contrasted a lot with the casual way of Beanies, who provided a safe space in the streaming room where anyone could choose to bare their souls or merely be present in all their glory.

Fortunately, it rarely got too serious with all the camaraderie, laughter and recommendations. There were final nudges for me to start that one classic I still had to watch, like Misaeng or I am not a Robot. On other occasions I found myself trying adaptations that opened doors to other sources of entertainment like anime, Thai and Chinese dramas. The best recommendations, however, were the nostalgia fueled ones. Mystic Pop-Up Bar was my first K-drama rewatch ever with my friend who had not seen this gem before. Last but not least, I also went back to British shows I had been missing out on for years in favor of K-dramas.

Judging by a K-drama perspective, 2022 has been a year of lows in my humble opinion. Thankfully, my personal K-drama slump year ended up being a blessing in disguise. It gave me a beautiful opportunity to reflect on my watching habits and how I could improve them. While I sadly cannot predict what K-dramaland 2023 will bring, I see no reason to worry. With all these new sources of entertainment I discovered, there will always be something interesting to watch and someone to watch with. The more, the merrier.

#2022RoundUp: Day 28: Freestyle: The Leonidas Awards!💝

Don’t panic, you did not miss anything, this is just a joke that escalated quickly!😅

@eazal and I are among the founding mothers of this roundup and therefore she considers it her duty to nag me out of writing hibernation every year in order to participate in the roundup.🙄 Since we both are very fond of Leonidas chocolate boxes, I jokingly suggested we did something similar like the bean count for roundup entries this year. Basically, for every roundup entry you post, you earn a virtual box of Leonidas chocolates.🍫

It certainly motivated me to write more entries than I usually do. I collect few Beans every year, which gives me fewer options to choose from when answering the prompts, so I usually only write prompts if something comes to mind. The main goal of the roundup is to have fun and do whatever you feel like, but I always try to participate as often as possible to challenge my writing skills and creativity.💪🏻

Enough babbling, on to the award!

Congratulations Eazal for completing 18 official roundup prompts! That Egypt holiday might have slowed you down at the beginning, but you came back stronger than ever and easily obtained the crown with grace and wisdom!👑

18 virtual Leonidas boxes for Eazal and 7 virtual Leonidas boxes for me!💝🥳🎉

#2022RoundUp: Day 19: Your guilty pleasure: A Business Proposal

As I was lamenting the big romcom draught at the end of 2021, I feared I would never get to watch another one. Late February brought salvation in the form of this webtoon adaptation. I remember joking to other Beanies about how I was going to cheerfully inject myself with the trash that A Business Proposal obviously was going to be…and I honestly cannot decide whether it was trash or not.🤭

Every year I have this one show that just sings to me, though I recognize the actual siren in disguise from miles away. The show fit that guilty pleasure label perfectly in the leadup until the premier. The seeds of doubt were planted as soon as I started watching….just like everybody else. Does it still count as a guilty pleasure if almost everybody you interact with is watching? Secondly, does it count as trash if it parodies the K-drama romcom genre on purpose?🤔

Perhaps A Business Proposal does not count as a guilty pleasure on paper, but it certainly felt like one. I cannot think of a better compliment than that.❤️

Five years already, and I am still as lost.

#2022RoundUp: Day 16: Your 2022 crush: Kang Hyung-Suk

Who can say they get chosen as ultimate crush two years in a row?

2021 gave me a tie between two attractive policemen (Won-Takie!❤️). One of them was Choi Eun-Cheol in Hometown ChaChaCha. A pure, charming and adorable soul in uniform.🤭Imagine my utter delight when the actor, Kang Hyung-Suk, appeared as Woo Gwang-Nam in Love in Contract. I already waxed poetry about the guy on Day 11- Favourite bestie, so I will try to contain myself.🤗

Honestly, I did not stand a chance. Any Korean actor willing to portray LGBTQIA+ characters as decent human beings, earns brownie points in my book. Also, I need to recheck the dictionary for ‘charming’, because Eun-Cheol has nothing on Gwang-Nam in that department. Eun-Cheol showed goodwill to learn, but Gwang-Nam already knows. Whether it is housework, kicking butt or friendly gossip, he is your man.🥰

AND. HE. CAN. SIIING.😍

Runner Ups: Lee Seung-gi, because I finally understand all the fuzz😘
Kim Min-Kyu: portraying a character with and without glasses in A Business Proposal😘

#2022RoundUp: Day 9: The oldie (not 2022) you loved the most:
Misaeng, I’m Not a Robot, Healer and Because This Is My First Life.
After years of talking about wanting to watch these shows, I finally did!🎉

#2022RoundUp: Day 6: Best OST/BGM: With – 2521 cast

This song is actually my second favorite (after Love, Maybe – Melomance), but it offered some comfort while I was feeling lonely and grieving some lost friendships.

The song debuted during that infamous beach scene, and I had to pause during the refrain. Nam Joo-Hyuk. was. singing.👂Now, I do not have a particular opinion about Nam Joo-Hyuk, but as far as I am aware the guy is not a professional singer. However, my amateur musical ear just knew it was him and would not let me focus on that beautiful beach scene as long as I had not confirmed this.😅

It is a common to hire actors that are professional singers as well to perform an OST for the K-drama they appear in. Just let the OTP harmonize a romantic ballad in the recording booth and you are all set. Nam Joo-Hyuk was not an obvious choice, so I wanted to merely confirm his voice and then replay the beach scene.

Nam Joo-Hyuk was indeed one of the singers…along with the other four of our beloved group of friends.😍Bona was the only professional singer among them, which made the song feel a lot more authentic to me. Professional singers might sound nicer to the ears, but I sometimes feel disconnected if the singer I hear and the actor I see on screen are not the same person.

So I was a happy and sobbing mess when I realized Hee-Do, Yi-Jin and the others were singing lyrics that might as well have been their lines in the K-drama. On top of their beautiful solos the non-professionals also paired off with their bestie of the opposite gender for the refrain. No harmonizing, just two (platonic) soulmates of the same mind singing in one and the same key and sounding twice as powerful in the process. I mean, Ji-Woong and Seung-Wan singing about holding hands tightly and trusting each other? Friendship goals.😘