If there’s one trope I’ll always hate, it’s the “you got an abortion and now I no longer love you” some dramas love pulling now. Misty did it and so did Before We Get Married.
It’s like if the guy wants the abortion, sure it sucks for her, but the girl won’t stop loving him but if the girl wants it, she the most vile being in existence and is undeserving of love and respect after that. Hate it.
Wasn’t Misty a somewhat different case? There was a lack of communication, right? She got an abortion without telling him, right? I’m not sure I’m remembering it right. But if that’s the case, it makes sense to me. At the end of the day, she gets to do whatever she wants to do – her body, her decision – but the baby is equally theirs so the other party isn’t wrong for being hurt, angry and betrayed. She should have told him at least. I’d immediately distrust my SO who makes such a big decision without telling me. It’s our baby, let’s discuss it. You’ll still end up going through with the abortion but at least, I had a heads up and I had time to process it.
People should really discuss these things before they get married.
Yea, Misty was more she wasn’t ready for a baby because of her career and they didn’t communicate but my point is how writers use that as a reason for the man to hate the woman, like it leaves such a bad taste in my mouth cause at the end of the day it’s her decision and the way he and his mom treated her like she was some kind of monster for what she did is what pissed me off. I guess as a woman I just feel more understanding and tolerant towards abortion and I don’t like it being used in that trope. Kinda ironic that he treated her like a murderer for “killing” their baby only for him to become one….it’s not like she never wanted to have a baby, she just didn’t want one then.
I get that. I really do. A lot of times a woman who decided to get an abortion is treated like she’s a monster. I don’t like the sentiments behind it either.
On the other hand, there are also tropes that label men who don’t want their babies as being ‘dead-beat’ fathers. It’s kinda the same. Regardless of the woman’s choice, the man has to live with the decision whether or not he wants the kid.
The difference, though, is that the K-dramas always give them a redemption arc in which they meet their kid and bond.
I also see the similarities in matters of divorce. A woman who walks out without custody is made into the scariest demon after Satan himself. I
That’s just my observation.
I don’t watch this drama, but I have a question about this issue:
What if she decided to inform him about the decision to go through the abortion but he decided he wanted to keep the baby? Won’t it put her in a position where she will be forced to carry the baby to term against her will, knowing how taxing pregnancy and labor is to a woman?
That’s the thing though. These scenarios are not always black or white. I understand her not telling her husband. I don’t blame her. She didn’t want to have to be convinced to keep the baby especially because in this scenario, there was no indication that it was about having the baby. It was more of the timing.
At the same time, I don’t blame the husband for being mad at her. That’s why discussion is key. Having such conversations before marriage is key and having a dialogue is always key.
At the end of the day, it’s the woman’s decision. She can decide to keep the baby irregardless of the external opinions but it’d be difficult to say she can’t be pressured into keeping a baby she doesn’t want.
Thanks for the reply. I agree with what you said, especially about it being the woman’s decision.
However, depending on which part of the world the woman is in (take my Southeast Asian country for example), sometimes, she did not get to choose at all. So in such situation, I understand her motivation to do what she did.
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Valentina
December 19, 2019 at 7:13 PM
If there’s one trope I’ll always hate, it’s the “you got an abortion and now I no longer love you” some dramas love pulling now. Misty did it and so did Before We Get Married.
Valentina
December 19, 2019 at 7:15 PM
It’s like if the guy wants the abortion, sure it sucks for her, but the girl won’t stop loving him but if the girl wants it, she the most vile being in existence and is undeserving of love and respect after that. Hate it.
IamPilgrim
December 19, 2019 at 8:21 PM
Wasn’t Misty a somewhat different case? There was a lack of communication, right? She got an abortion without telling him, right? I’m not sure I’m remembering it right. But if that’s the case, it makes sense to me. At the end of the day, she gets to do whatever she wants to do – her body, her decision – but the baby is equally theirs so the other party isn’t wrong for being hurt, angry and betrayed. She should have told him at least. I’d immediately distrust my SO who makes such a big decision without telling me. It’s our baby, let’s discuss it. You’ll still end up going through with the abortion but at least, I had a heads up and I had time to process it.
People should really discuss these things before they get married.
Valentina
December 19, 2019 at 8:34 PM
Yea, Misty was more she wasn’t ready for a baby because of her career and they didn’t communicate but my point is how writers use that as a reason for the man to hate the woman, like it leaves such a bad taste in my mouth cause at the end of the day it’s her decision and the way he and his mom treated her like she was some kind of monster for what she did is what pissed me off. I guess as a woman I just feel more understanding and tolerant towards abortion and I don’t like it being used in that trope. Kinda ironic that he treated her like a murderer for “killing” their baby only for him to become one….it’s not like she never wanted to have a baby, she just didn’t want one then.
IamPilgrim
December 19, 2019 at 11:04 PM
I get that. I really do. A lot of times a woman who decided to get an abortion is treated like she’s a monster. I don’t like the sentiments behind it either.
On the other hand, there are also tropes that label men who don’t want their babies as being ‘dead-beat’ fathers. It’s kinda the same. Regardless of the woman’s choice, the man has to live with the decision whether or not he wants the kid.
The difference, though, is that the K-dramas always give them a redemption arc in which they meet their kid and bond.
I also see the similarities in matters of divorce. A woman who walks out without custody is made into the scariest demon after Satan himself. I
That’s just my observation.
Valentina
December 20, 2019 at 5:08 AM
Exactly! The men are always given redemption arcs. Women are just monsters and that’s it.
transient
December 19, 2019 at 10:15 PM
I don’t watch this drama, but I have a question about this issue:
What if she decided to inform him about the decision to go through the abortion but he decided he wanted to keep the baby? Won’t it put her in a position where she will be forced to carry the baby to term against her will, knowing how taxing pregnancy and labor is to a woman?
IamPilgrim
December 19, 2019 at 10:57 PM
That’s the thing though. These scenarios are not always black or white. I understand her not telling her husband. I don’t blame her. She didn’t want to have to be convinced to keep the baby especially because in this scenario, there was no indication that it was about having the baby. It was more of the timing.
At the same time, I don’t blame the husband for being mad at her. That’s why discussion is key. Having such conversations before marriage is key and having a dialogue is always key.
At the end of the day, it’s the woman’s decision. She can decide to keep the baby irregardless of the external opinions but it’d be difficult to say she can’t be pressured into keeping a baby she doesn’t want.
transient
December 20, 2019 at 12:40 AM
Comment was deleted
transient
December 20, 2019 at 12:47 AM
Thanks for the reply. I agree with what you said, especially about it being the woman’s decision.
However, depending on which part of the world the woman is in (take my Southeast Asian country for example), sometimes, she did not get to choose at all. So in such situation, I understand her motivation to do what she did.