I did not cry, I know Shinee , but I am not a fan, I was more shocked than sad to hear the news, but then I watched this and I cried, rest in peace, you had love of thousands, but you were still alone
Jonghyun: ‘Everyone lives like that. You’re not the only one having a hard time.’ This saying. For me, this is the worst way to comfort someone. Comparing situations with other people… pic.twitter.com/K3zUbyMKXH
but isn’t it actually better to tell them that you are not alone..there were others who faced it and won over it..
rather than telling them you are what you are…and letting them continue with that feeling of being the only one grappling with this (because no matter how much of a comforting environment you give.. if you aren’t going through the same thing.. the patient isn’t gonna confide in you 100%)
this is pretty much in line with the concept of all those help groups we hear about .. no?
idk, I am just sad, I do not even know most of what he is saying apart from that translation given in the comment to the vid, but I assume he meant that sometimes instead of being with you those people just brush you off saying that you are not the only one suffering and there are people who have it worse, when you just need them to say something like ” I know how you feel, have strength and you have me to lean on”
There’s two ways of understanding that –
1. The nice one, “You are not alone in feeling like this.”; or
2. The not so nice one where it can sound like one’s pain is being trivialised in comparison to others. Like being told, “There’re so many others going through this. Why do you act as if you’re the only one?”
I think Jonghyun words were probably referring to the second sense. And what he says is beautiful. The best thing to say is the third option (provided one means it/is in a position to) – “You’re not alone. I’m here for you. Lets talk about this.”
“I think, when comforting someone, it’s important to consider that something that may be invisible to me can still exist.”
This is so important to remember. Just because something is outside our realm of experience, just because we can’t see it with our eyes, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Isn’t realizing that the definition of true empathy and understanding of other humans?
but the challenge there is.. for a depressed person.. your empathy (your as in someone who is seemingly well sorted and not going through the same thing) can come across as just fake..
and you telling him/her that all will be well etc.. can on the other hand be super detrimental.. because all of that may mount to being seen as fake.. saying for the heck of it kinds..
but well i am no doctor..
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Nutini
December 18, 2017 at 7:24 AM
I did not cry, I know Shinee , but I am not a fan, I was more shocked than sad to hear the news, but then I watched this and I cried, rest in peace, you had love of thousands, but you were still alone
alasecond
December 18, 2017 at 7:33 AM
but isn’t it actually better to tell them that you are not alone..there were others who faced it and won over it..
rather than telling them you are what you are…and letting them continue with that feeling of being the only one grappling with this (because no matter how much of a comforting environment you give.. if you aren’t going through the same thing.. the patient isn’t gonna confide in you 100%)
this is pretty much in line with the concept of all those help groups we hear about .. no?
Nutini
December 18, 2017 at 8:09 AM
idk, I am just sad, I do not even know most of what he is saying apart from that translation given in the comment to the vid, but I assume he meant that sometimes instead of being with you those people just brush you off saying that you are not the only one suffering and there are people who have it worse, when you just need them to say something like ” I know how you feel, have strength and you have me to lean on”
greenfields
December 18, 2017 at 8:18 AM
There’s two ways of understanding that –
1. The nice one, “You are not alone in feeling like this.”; or
2. The not so nice one where it can sound like one’s pain is being trivialised in comparison to others. Like being told, “There’re so many others going through this. Why do you act as if you’re the only one?”
I think Jonghyun words were probably referring to the second sense. And what he says is beautiful. The best thing to say is the third option (provided one means it/is in a position to) – “You’re not alone. I’m here for you. Lets talk about this.”
redfox
December 18, 2017 at 8:23 AM
knowing there are others doesn´t help at all, I am sorry. One thing is knowing others have won but that can make some people feel even more hopeless.
mindy
December 18, 2017 at 8:36 AM
“I think, when comforting someone, it’s important to consider that something that may be invisible to me can still exist.”
This is so important to remember. Just because something is outside our realm of experience, just because we can’t see it with our eyes, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Isn’t realizing that the definition of true empathy and understanding of other humans?
alasecond
December 18, 2017 at 9:07 AM
but the challenge there is.. for a depressed person.. your empathy (your as in someone who is seemingly well sorted and not going through the same thing) can come across as just fake..
and you telling him/her that all will be well etc.. can on the other hand be super detrimental.. because all of that may mount to being seen as fake.. saying for the heck of it kinds..
but well i am no doctor..