[2023 Year in Review]. Mysteries and Mental disorders.

By TurtuallySarcastic

Second seasons were very common in the year of the Rabbit, although I tend to stay clear of them. A spoiler enthusiast like me wants to know rather than guess. No baiting, just one story from beginning to end. Color me surprised when I discovered a recurring question in my 2023 watching habits: Who is it?!

The heir to the throne. His bodyguard. The gazillion serial killers. Episodes upon episodes of clues and red herrings, a mind full of theories proven wrong, and a voice gone hoarse from yelling at the scream in utter delight and frustration. The Secret Romantic Guesthouse and Crash Course in Romance might have been the only mysteries I actively got involved in, but many more would eventually lure me to the recaps to unmask the hidden identity. Every answered question on screen was another step closer to the big reveal.

Solving K-drama mysteries was a coping mechanism to deal with my confusion in real life. At the end of 2022 I finally got diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, a welcome explanation of struggling for a long time, notably academically and professionally. At the same time, this important news posed a challenge to my ideas about myself and my employment. Seeking out career guidance was necessary, thought it took me a while to figure out which steps to take in what order.

While I eventually got occupied with diagnosis recognition and job coaching, K-dramas would take a backseat for a few months. Gradually, the original confusion got replaced by sadness and anger, as many bad memories about ableism and ignorance would resurface. I did not know how to handle those feelings, until the episodes of Daily Dose of Sunshine were made available all at once. Spending twelve episodes in a psychiatric ward seemed quite daring from a Korean point of view, which piqued my interest even more. At first however, I was turned off by the stilted dialogue that came across like it was having a teacher-student dynamic with its audience.

Fortunately, the drama did much better at showing exactly how the mental disorders affected the patients. A couple metaphors sprinkled with a touch of fantasy demonstrated the inner workings of their brains and their perceptions. Schizophrenia for example, is just one of the depicted mental disorders that I understand much better now. The show also made me rethink my own mental health in unexpected ways. Therapy has been a tremendous help in battling panic disorder and depression after burning out at the umpteenth workplace two years ago. Never would I have expected visual metaphors like water or quicksand to vividly explain how I dealt with those two specific disorders back then.

Multiple patients received treatment for anxiety disorders that not only had developed at their workplace, but simultaneously kept them from healing and returning to the job. Depressed patients without energy to function got scolded by loved ones. Others were ashamed, in denial and terrified people would find out about their illness. All shared experiences, finally converted into detailed words.

The show became an abstract representation of that one understanding person I had been wishing for. A boss tells an employee falling ill is not her choice, nor does it make her a criminal or someone worthless who should shrink and hide away from society. A love interest calls out his ill significant other for demeaning the person he likes so much. A customer waits patiently while the cashier slowly counts her change. A bestie genuinely apologizes to his ill friend for earlier ableist behavior and suggests they share their mental health journey from now on.

I retract my earlier statement about the teacher-student dynamic with the audience since it might have been intentional. A patient’s network might be among the viewers. Despite their good intentions, their actions and reactions might range from awkward to ignorant, leaving the patients feeling even more misunderstood and frustrated. The show might want those viewers to learn to do better and remind patients to acknowledge the sincerity hidden underneath the awkwardness and the clumsy efforts. My own social network certainly benefited from that newfound appreciation.

On the other hand, it is within my right to speak up to them about my needs. In my case, autism handicaps me at work and exhausts me continuously. Taking all these tiny leaps of faith throughout 2023 demanded all my courage in exchange for aid at my workplace. My employer is currently searching every department to find me a new function adapted to my needs. Somewhere next spring I should hopefully rejoin the workforce.