This Week, My Wife Will Have an Affair: Episode 12 (Final)
by chocolatte
From the beginning, This Week, My Wife Will Have an Affair has boasted a winning combination of dark humor, appealing but flawed characters, and a healthy dose of realism that’s made this show immensely watchable despite its less than savory premise of adultery. Luckily for all of us TOYCRANE fans, the show remains true to its roots until the very end — and though I’m sad to say goodbye, I’m so glad that we get to send our characters off into their new lives in the same heartfelt way that we were introduced to them.
FINAL EPISODE RECAP
We see Soo-yeon and Hyun-woo settle into life after divorce. While Soo-yeon’s busy unpacking and taking care of Joon-soo, Hyun-woo reels at the sight of anything in his house that reminds him of his separated family.
After reading through the responses to her husband’s last post on the stocks forum, Soo-yeon writes her own post, introducing herself as TOYCRANE’s cheating wife. She writes that she wants to share her side of the story and asks the internet community to blame her for their failed marriage, rather than her husband.
She says their story was typical at first: They dated, got married, and completed their little family with Joon-soo. Soo-yeon talks about the difficult decision of going back to work when Joon-soo was only a baby, saying that she didn’t want her career to end after having a child.
She recounts her struggle watching Joon-soo turn into a loner (very much like her), but adds that she didn’t have the bandwidth to deal with it. Although she tried hard to be a good mother and a good employee, she writes, she failed on both counts.
She goes on to add that her belated efforts to help Joon-soo fit in better at school mainly involved sucking up to the other moms, but it wasn’t an easy task. When she finally got the invite to the moms-only chat group, she says it felt like it was finally okay not to feel guilty.
By then, her every waking moment had been consumed with work, Joon-soo, and making sure she wouldn’t get kicked out of her mom group. She didn’t have a spare moment to herself, but she says she thought it was all okay — at least, until that fateful day she met with her soon-to-be lover, Sun-woo.
That day, Sun-woo had been two hours late to their scheduled meeting. She calls those two hours a “gift,” during which she almost finished reading an entire novel, and she says that’s when she realized she was living her life without even having two hours to spare for herself.
When she was with Sun-woo, she says she stopped thinking about her family, her work, and her responsibilities. She writes that she felt like a kid chasing after a balloon, and if her husband hadn’t discovered her at the hotel, she’d still be out wandering.
She says her relationship with Sun-woo had its ending written before it began, then affirms the rest of Hyun-woo’s posts: she was the first to suggest divorce, the first to give up on the relationship. She notes that Hyun-woo didn’t give up until the very end, and she, in contrast, remained a selfish wife.
Soo-yeon adds that surprisingly, life hasn’t changed much after the divorce. We see that Hyun-woo seems be adjusting okay as well, as he stops by a claw machine on his way home. And at the elevator in his building, his stuffed trophies in hand, he meets a pretty neighbor clutching her own claw machine prizes.
Soo-yeon finishes up her post by taking responsibility for all that’s happened. She asks the commenters to encourage Hyun-woo rather than tear him down.
Just as she’s typed her last words, the doorbell rings — it’s Hyun-woo, returning Joon-soo from a day of fun. Hyun-woo fixes a flickering light in the entryway for Soo-yeon before he goes, and Soo-yeon packs up side dishes for him to take home. All the while, the two talk comfortably, like good friends.
Yoon-ki’s sales clerk ex receives visitors on her wedding day, looking radiant — that is, until she sees Ara walk in. Ara congratulates the young woman, who’s now cowering in fear, and throws her arm around her for the commemorative photo. Before she leaves, Ara whispers something in the bride’s ear that causes her to break down in tears of despair.
Meanwhile, Yoon-ki has set up shop in the dusty basement of a worn building that attracts zero clients, and he looks as disheveled as his new office. He gets chewed out by his landlord for not being able to pay his rent, while the neighborhood ajummas gossip behind his back about how he’s a “garbage” lawyer. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Yoon-ki’s home life isn’t much better, as he now lives in a tiny ramshackle house with his Okinawa mistress. They start arguing the moment he walks in — she’s convinced that he’s still cheating, while he complains about her shopping habits. But really, their fight is about being unhappy with their new, poorer reality, and their night ends with a yelling match.
Hyun-woo can’t pass up a claw machine on his way home after noticing that all the toys are perfectly piled up on one side. Just as he slips a bill into the machine, someone calls out that the machine’s hers — and what do you know, it’s the woman he saw in his building earlier.
She pushes Hyun-woo out of the way to play her game, but her prize gets stuck right at the opening of the drop box. She’s not going home empty-handed though, so she puts her arm inside the machine and asks Hyun-woo to pull her other arm, successfully getting the doll out.
Hyun-woo trails after the woman as they walk into the lobby of their building. She recognizes him as a neighbor, then offers Hyun-woo the prize she nabbed on Hyun-woo’s dime. When she tells him she has one just like it at home, he confesses that he does too, heh.
Hyun-woo’s all smiles as he enters his place, but jumps when he finds Joon-young sitting in his living room, looking like death. Hyun-woo asks if Joon-young still hasn’t heard from Bo-young, then complains that he’d like to know what’s going on with the two of them.
In a flashback, we see that Bo-young had told Hyun-woo that she’s taking a break from work. She asked that he refrain from asking questions, then added that it’s possible she might not come back after her break. Oh no, did she just disappear?
Soo-yeon’s hanging out with her friend when she gets a call from Hyun-woo to ask her what kind of detergent he should buy. Soo-yeon’s friend amusedly remarks that it seems like Soo-yeon and Hyun-woo are still married, and wonders if they’ll get back together. Soo-yeon smiles at that, but says they won’t.
At the store, Hyun-woo finds the right kind of detergent, but is annoyed to find that it comes in a pack of two. He’s in the middle of trying to get one out of the pack when he notices someone doing the same next to him: his fellow claw machine fan and neighbor.
The two end up splitting some bulk items back at their apartment complex, where they each establish that they’re divorced and living alone. Changing the subject, the woman asks if Hyun-woo’s seen the claw machine with frying pans inside — she needs one, but she’d rather win one than buy one.
Yoon-ki tearfully looks at photos of Ara living it up on his social media feed, then heads off to his new side job as a chauffeur. After his shift ends, he tucks the money he earned in his sock before heading home.
But when he opens the door to his place, it’s empty, with no signs of his Okinawa mistress. It looks like she took all their stuff and left town with the security deposit, and doesn’t answer when Yoon-ki calls her.
With nowhere else to go, he heads to his office with a lone bag of his possessions. His key doesn’t work, though — the landlord there has since changed the locks, citing Yoon-ki’s failure to pay rent.
Joon-young walks down a dusty road, thinking back to a conversation he had with Bo-young: she’d asked him to stop cornering her about the baby, telling him that she might run away otherwise. Joon-young comes to a stop when he sees a familiar figure on the immediate road below — it’s Bo-young. Yay, he found her.
She tells him that it’s good that he came by — she was planning to go back to Seoul anyway, but only to clean out her place. He tells Bo-young to return to work, promising to keep his distance and not get involved if that’s what she wants. She doesn’t answer, instead patting her belly and affectionately calling her baby “dog poop.”
That doesn’t sit well with Joon-young at all, and it takes all of five minutes for him to forget his promise and start nagging her about the baby’s nickname. Bo-young innocently tells him the baby looked like “pretty dog poop” in the ultrasound picture, which gets Joon-young adorably excited. She shows him the photo, and his smile can’t get any bigger as he says their baby looks more like a peanut.
Hyun-woo runs into his divorced neighbor again, this time outside of a coffee shop. The two end up bonding over their claw machine experiences as they make their way over to the machine with the household appliances.
They return to their apartment complex after successfully winning a pan. As they wait for the elevator, the neighbor abruptly asks Hyun-woo if he wants to date her, causing him to spit out his coffee. Laughing, she explains that the worst thing about being divorced is eating alone, and says that this was her way of asking him to eat with her. Looking flattered, Hyun-woo suggests dinner.
Joon-young and Bo-young arrive at her house, which looks spotless. And that, we find out, is because Joon-young had cleaned every inch of it, not wanting Bo-young or the baby to spend time in a dusty apartment.
When Bo-young thanks him for his support, he asks if she’ll return to work. She starts to say she’s not sure, but stops in mid-sentence after seeing a photo of Joon-young propped up on her table. He tells her the photo is for their baby, and asks her not to remove it.
Once Joon-young leaves, Bo-young sees another picture of him tacked up on a nearby wall, then one on the ceiling above her bed. Upon closer inspection, she finds more photos tucked in random places throughout the apartment, including on the inside cover of the toilet seat, heh.
Hyun-woo walks into work humming under his breath, and Joon-young correctly guesses that he must be dating. Hyun-woo tries to be coy about it before quickly telling his hoobae all about the neighbor, marveling at how surprising it is that he’s gotten friendly with a complete stranger.
Joon-young says he has even more surprising news: Bo-young’s pregnant. Hyun-woo’s jaw drops, but Joon-young doesn’t even give him a chance to process the information before adding that the baby’s his. He then saunters out of the office, leaving Hyun-woo to stare after him in shock.
Soo-yeon shops for groceries, buying enough food for three people. Meanwhile, Hyun-woo enjoys dinner with his neighbor, then the two stop for a beer. The neighbor tells Hyun-woo that she doesn’t have many friends and calls Hyun-woo her closest friend in the neighborhood. She asks if they should go on a real date, causing Hyun-woo to do another spit take.
Homeless Yoon-ki spends the night at the airport and falls asleep while holding onto his bag, but even that gets stolen from him.
It’s Bo-young’s first day back at work, and though Joon-young gives her a longing look, he keeps their conversation strictly about work.
The team goes out to lunch to celebrate Bo-young’s return, and her colleagues try to get Bo-young to drink. Rather than make excuses, Bo-young just comes out with the news that she’s pregnant. She quickly lays out the ground rules for her pregnancy in her typical no nonsense way: no alcohol or other unhealthy foods, no late nights at work, and no team lunches.
Her foul-mouthed colleague raises the question everyone’s afraid to ask: Who’s the father? Bo-young gives Joon-young the briefest of glances before telling everyone not to even ask, because they’ll never find out.
Yoon-ki hides behind a wheelbarrow outside of Ara’s house as a car pulls in, and sees Ara get out with a handsome Frenchman. (You go, girl!) The two say their goodbyes as if they’re starring in their own movie, complete with declarations of love and a Hollywood-style kiss while Yoon-ki watches in horror.
Once Ara goes inside, Yoon-ki aggressively confronts the man, telling him that he’s Ara’s husband. But Yoon-ki’s no match for Ara’s new man, who gets Yoon-ki to back down with a simple twist of his arm.
Hyun-woo spends more time with his neighbor, going grocery shopping and even visiting a claw machine together with her. As they head up to their respective apartments, the neighbor asks Hyun-woo to wait in the elevator, then returns with a bag of side dishes for him.
It’s another day at work where Joon-young can’t keep his eyes off Bo-young — but today, he tells her that she looks best while she’s working here. Then he walks into the CEO’s office, looking like he has something important to say.
TOYCRANE fan Grandma fries up some pancakes, while Ajumma wonders if it’s a special day. Grandma informs her that it’s the anniversary of their husband’s death and asks her to help with the cooking. But Ajumma airily says the best gift to her husband on this day would simply be for her to visit his gravesite, earning herself a glare from Grandma.
As they leave for the cemetery, Grandma brings along a big shovel — she says it’s to bury Ajumma with their husband, since he liked her so much. Ajumma laughs at what she assumes is a joke, but her smile fades at Grandma’s serious face. Hee.
We next check in with several other TOYCRANE fans, who all receive a new alert on their phones and read it curiously.
Soo-yeon is up for a big promotion at work, and during her meeting with the (male) bosses, one asks what her husband does for a living. She’s startled, but she honestly tells them that while she may be divorced and with a kid, she’s done a good job at work, so she asks that the decision be made on the merits of her job performance.
Alas, when the promotion decisions are announced, Soo-yeon’s name is sadly not on the list. She puts on a brave face for her colleagues, then calls Hyun-woo to ask him out to coffee, telling him the bad news. Hyun-woo tells her he has dinner plans, so Soo-yeon hangs up, looking disappointed.
A colleague runs up to Bo-young with the news that Joon-young has resigned. Bo-young can’t hide her distress at this development, then all of a sudden, she doubles over in pain, grabbing her stomach. She tries calling Joon-young but he doesn’t answer, since he’s busy packing his bags.
Over lunch, Yoon-ki sheds tears over Ara and her new man. Yeah, I’m not feeling too sorry for you right now.
On her way home, Soo-yeon’s busy chatting on the phone when she suddenly shops short, having spotted Hyun-woo and his neighbor together. Hyun-woo looks up and sees Soo-yeon too, and the two just look at each other for a moment, both caught off guard.
Soo-yeon meets Hyun-woo back at his apartment, where she immediately starts tidying up. When she opens his refrigerator, she spots the side dishes that aren’t her own, and takes this as a sign to leave. Outside his apartment, she takes a moment to gather her thoughts, and Hyun-woo watches her leave from his window.
At her place, Bo-young finds yet another photo of Joon-young and wonders out loud to her baby, “What should Mom do?” When she gets up, she’s hit with another sharp pain that sends her collapsing to the floor. Seriously, why aren’t you at the hospital by now?
She grabs her phone to call Joon-young, but he’s in the car and doesn’t answer. It doesn’t take long before Joon-young turns the car around, but it looks like Bo-young’s already passed out from the pain.
Yoon-ki hops the gate to his old house and is incensed to find Ara and her boyfriend headed up inside. He rushes to Ara and apologizes, telling her that he’ll never cheat again, and that he wants to start over. Haltingly, he tells her that he loves her.
But Ara treats him like a stranger, and tells him that she’ll give him one minute to get out of her house. He shouts after her that he won’t leave and just wait for her. After a beat, a shot rings out, and a bullet just misses Yoon-ki’s foot.
From her balcony, Ara points a shotgun at her ex and tells him to leave before she counts to three. She’s not kidding around — Yoon-ki’s barely over the gate when she shoots at him, missing once, but making contact with her second shot.
For his part, Yoon-ki limps away from Ara’s property holding his hip where he’s been hit before promptly passing out.
Meanwhile, Joon-young rushes to the hospital in a panic, an unconscious Bo-young on his back.
Aw, all of our favorite TOYCRANE fans, including the hacker couple and the CEO, are gathered for an in-person meetup. The hacker husband kicks things off by introducing himself and sharing his username, and they each go around, laughing and chatting while they get to know one another.
Hyun-woo sits in his dark apartment, thinking about his conversation with his neighbor on their date. She said that she got divorced because she couldn’t forget the past, but she added that now, it doesn’t matter whether or not she’s actually forgotten her husband, because she’s moved on. Pointing her finger forward, she’d told Hyun-woo to look straight ahead before asking him if he’d consider dating her for real.
The conversation seems to spur something in Hyun-woo and he calls Soo-yeon, only to lamely ask after her and Joon-soo. Soo-yeon cuts right to the chase and tells him that he has no reason to feel sorry toward her; she wants them both to stop feeling sorry toward each other, and move on to happier things.
Joon-soo walks out to tell Soo-yeon that the bathroom light is out. He wants to call dad to fix it, but Soo-yeon tells him that she’ll do it from now on.
After hanging up with Soo-yeon, Hyun-woo starts emptying out his closet like a madman, then posts on the forum asking for advice on an outfit for an “important meeting” the next day. His post comes right in the middle of the TOYCRANE fan meetup, and the commenters excitedly consult each other before providing Hyun-woo with feedback.
At the hospital, Joon-young looks worried as he talks with Bo-young’s doctor. When he returns to Bo-young’s bedside, he tells the tearful Bo-young that the baby’s okay, thank goodness. She wonders what happened to her then, and Joon-young gravely says that her pain was from… constipation. HAHAHA. Bo-young turns away in mortification while Joon-young makes sure to repeat the diagnosis extra slowly for her benefit. I’m dying.
The next day, Yoon-ki climbs over Ara’s gate again, clutching his injured hip and loudly proclaiming that he can’t live without her. He doesn’t get far before he’s smacked on the head by a flying brick, then collapses to the ground.
As Joon-young drives Bo-young home, he tells her that he wants to be involved in raising the baby, even if she doesn’t want to be with him. Bo-young just says he shouldn’t have resigned from work, but he says he couldn’t bear for her to leave the job she loved because of him. When she asks if he really doesn’t have feelings for her, Joon-young hesitates, but says he doesn’t. At that, she asks for his help in moving her things out of her apartment.
The next day, Joon-young helps Bo-young get all packed up and asks her where they’re headed. She replies that she’ll show him the way, only to lead them directly to Joon-young’s place.
Joon-young can’t believe it when Bo-young tells him she plans to live with him from now on, but he’s clearly giddy at this turn of events. He pretends that he hadn’t been planning for a life with her and the baby at all, but when Bo-young opens the door to his spare room, she finds a nursery inside, fully stocked.
Bo-young drops the news that they’re expecting a girl, causing Joon-young to freak out with excitement, and he rambles about the things he’s dreamed of doing with his daughter. Aww.
They get serious for a moment when Joon-young asks Bo-young for one thing: not to hide or run away from him again. When she promises she won’t, he immediately tests her resolve by planting a kiss on her. Her eyes widen in shock, then close for a moment — but then she kicks his shin and pulls away huffily. Oh, Bo-young.
Hyun-woo rushes to his important meeting while his neighbor waits expectantly at a restaurant. He narrates that he couldn’t leave his wife because he was scared to forget her, and because he was scared of being forgotten. He says that when he did end up leaving her, he was always looking back. “Now,” he says, “I have courage to leave her there. I’m not going to care about her.”
His neighbor lights up when she sees her guest arrive — it’s her daughter, who she greets happily.
Meanwhile, Soo-yeon sees Joon-soo off to school. Joon-soo gets on the bus and waves goodbye to Soo-yeon, then turns the opposite way to look out the window. Before the bus pulls away, he waves to someone.
That someone is Hyun-woo — he’s across the street, winded from sprinting to the bus stop. When Soo-yeon finally sees him, she freezes in shock.
In voiceover, Hyun-woo says that the most important thing in his life now is the Soo-yeon that’s standing in front of him, and adds that he hopes she can leave the “old” Hyun-woo in the past too.
As they smile at one another, Hyun-woo narrates, “This week, our new story begins.” He runs across the street to his wife, and the two walk off together, into their future.
COMMENTS
The biggest question I had as we neared the finale was whether or not Hyun-woo and Soo-yeon’s relationship would survive — even after they actually ended up going through with their divorce, it wasn’t crystal clear to me that they’d really end up separated. This episode did a great job of conveying the enduring connection between our lead couple, even post-divorce, and how the divorce itself almost seemed to lighten the burdens of their relationship — enough that they were on better terms than ever after they officially parted ways.
It could have gone either way — they could have moved on, but remained friendly partners in raising Joon-soo, or they could have realized through their post-divorce interactions that in the end, they wanted to try again. Personally, I’m glad it’s the latter, and I appreciate that the reconciliation happened after Hyun-woo had an opportunity to see what life could have been like as a newly single man. Though Hyun-woo’s potential love interest turned out to be more of a plot device for Hyun-woo’s final realization, I found his decision to consciously leave the old Soo-yeon in the past and look to the future with the Soo-yeon in front of him pretty moving.
I think we can all agree that Soo-yeon as a character was probably the weak link in this main story, as she was never fully fleshed out. Even in the end, when we did get a little bit of insight into her experiences that led her to this point, she remained just as frustrating and enigmatic as she was in the beginning (or if we’re being generous, maybe just a little less so). But I think this was done on purpose, as This Week was, through and through, Hyun-woo’s story: a story about his growth as a husband and father, and as a human being searching for understanding and comfort over the internet.
His story wouldn’t have been possible or made complete without our beloved TOYCRANE fan community, who illustrated in multiple ways how individuals long for human connection, even if those connections are created online. I loved that the show gave proper closure to most of our fans through their in-person meetup (how awesome was it to see all of them together?) but it was even better to see that TOYCRANE’s story actually ended up spurring these commenters to make changes in their own lives, whether it was to decide against divorce, or to come out of one’s shell and live life a little more bravely. They showed us that connections forged online can actually become something real and more meaningful in our offscreen lives, if we let it.
As for the rest of our couples, their stories ended pretty much how we thought they’d end: Yoon-ki and Ara’s relationship went out with gunshots and blood, while Joon-young and Bo-young win the most adorable couple award. The latter couple was my favorite, and I have to admit I was hoping we’d get a little more affection from Bo-young towards Joon-young (or at least a better kiss!) in this episode. But Bo-young was who she is until the end, and Joon-young’s enthusiasm will have to cover them both — at least until he manages to wear her down on that front, too. They were often times the funniest part of the show, and I’m so glad we got to spend the time we did with our writer/PD couple.
Overall, I’m fully satisfied with the story this show told from beginning to end — and that’s not something that I say often about K-dramas. Thanks to CandidClown and all of our commenters who created our own little online community — I really appreciated hearing the various perspectives folks brought to the table, especially those who shared their personal stories and experiences. The value of a kind and understanding online community has never been more apparent as it has been throughout this particular show, and it made me thankful to be a small part of it. Until next time, everyone!
RELATED POSTS
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Tags: BoA, Episode 12, featured, Lee Sang-yub, Lee Seon-kyun, Song Ji-hyo, This Week My Wife Will Have an Affair
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51 matrice
October 17, 2018 at 12:51 AM
Actually, the more I think about the fact that she was overstretched, the more this thing sounds like something that doesn't make sense, doesn't check out, doesn't pass my bs detector.
Okay, she realized she hand'n had two hours to herself in ages. That's when people would think that they have a messed up schedule and try better planning, or think about some me-time to get their minds off work and family isses, such as exercise or meditation. I also don't really see how fucking another married person would add time to her calendar. If she can schedule two hours to fuck around with her lover, she can schedule two hours of yoga.
Better time management and lifestyle design is something many people with high stress jobs are interested in, once they understand they have to take responsibility for their time, which is a finite resource. Betraying your partner wouldn't be one of the potential hobbies on the list, it's actually so absurd to imagine that it is a little funny ("art class", "yoga", "book club", "cheating", ...).
I just wish someone called her out on her bs. This was no mistake, she didn't put down the wrong mark on a test thinking it was the correct choice, or forget their anniversary without meaning to, what she did was intentional. Was hoping someone else would notice and call bs on it (closer they got was her husband making the true observation that tons of people discover at some point in their life that they are not setting their priorities straight and need to some time for themselves, that's where a book club would come into play, not fucking another dude).
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matrice
October 17, 2018 at 1:06 AM
I mean, if I was reading that as her husband I would be like, what? You needed to take your mind off things and to have some me-time? How does that connect to betraying and deceiving me, had you considered photography? Secondarily, I have to say that the bs with the guy who wanted to release her information irks me quite a bit retrospectively, in how emotionally manipulative it was (and it was absurd in its own way, since it was not the place of random strangers that she had never even met, let alone hurt, to "forgive" her... it's not them that they have hurt, and I again I don't understand why the obvious fact that she shouldn't be exposed to a mob means she has earned "forgiveness" by people whose job wasn't to forgive her in the first place -what does it mean to forgive someone who did something to someone else? The person whose job would be to forgive would obviously be the person she has hurt, and no one else-). This was a cheap, emotionally manipulative plot device -both for the viewer and for the characters, who in that episode pondered a farse dicotomic choice that wasn't their to make in the first place-. The more I think about these corner cases, the more they seem like plot holes that should immediately jump to the attention.
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52 matrice
October 18, 2018 at 8:51 AM
To be honest, it's not really the cheating in and of itself that I am bothered by. If it happens to a character I dislike, then I can even enjoy it, because I don't like the character. This is of course subjective. I didn't find the MC unlikable enough to think that he deserved what he got, though if he gets cheated on after this latest delusional goodie-two-shoes bs I would probably think it to be a fit reward for his stupidity, and find it funny.
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53 matrice
October 19, 2018 at 3:17 PM
I have some confused impressions about what the MC's wife said in this episode about the asymmetry in their level of effort. It's something that the protagonist also noted, and was rightfully indignant about, in previous episodes. She isn't exactly chasing after him or fighting for him. He is suffering and sacrificing (in the last episodes, even absurdly apologizing for the emotional trauma *she* caused him), while she in not breaking much of a sweat or enduring much hardship (for the most part, it's stuff that affects them both, no some singular sacrifice or concession, like getting a divorce... and she gets to keep the kid and a large sum of money in child support, not to mention that she only very slowly come to the conclusion that she can't keep relying on him every time a light needs to be changed). It's rather strange and somewhat jarring, since she was the one who broke it, that he would be the one going around making concessions and enduring suffering to fix it. Besides that, her assessment of the situation is perfectly aligned with reality.
The same can't be said for the MC, who is apologizing for the emotional trauma she caused him, absurd, and even putting most of the blame on himself (I am worse than you), equally absurd. It's a demented view shared by some commenters, who I would never want to meet in real life and whose reasoning is as alien to me as discussing in the same breath cancer and a sore throat, because they are both illnesses. The truth is the one exposed by the MC's wife this chapter. He should do some soul searching, but also understand that no matter what he did, he wasn't the *cause* of her six month long betrayal, humiliation and deception. He is not her master, she makes her own decisions.
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matrice
October 19, 2018 at 3:19 PM
I feel like if what she had done had been more openly cruel, like in the case of domestic abuse, we wouldn't be making excuses, and I see her actions as something on the same continuum, beyond redemption: just as much as cruelty, betraying, humiliating and deceiving her husband for half a year would be grounds for fault divorce, by contrast claiming to a judge that your husband didn't understand that you were tired because of the schedule you chose, even though you didn't tell him, and that he was more understanding than the other wives' husbands, but not as much as her lover (the fantastic listener who betrayed, humiliated and lied to his wife for six months... would she have preferred that her husband had behaved like him?), might not go down so well.. It's not a small infraction. All in all, I can't really understand why her husband would ever want to go back, it's like she is not even asking for it, and he is chasing after her, while she was the one that had hurt him. I am thinking, it should be the other way around. But since I don't think that they should be together, I would actually prefer not to have her petulantly pestering him -in that respect, I think her approach would be more useful-. Certainly somewhat shocking that it would come always down to what she feels, etc, rather than something like "I know I don't deserve him and he could do better", something a bit more selfless.
All in all, I think he has "grown" much more, I use quotes because as I said hers is the correct perspective, and he has made a regression where he over exaggerates his own faults (apologizing for the emotional pain *she* caused him?), while she has not. He has had a "hero's journey", she largely didn't. The strange thing being that the was the one that committed the crucial offense that broke the camel's back, so the leaning should have logically been more on her side.
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matrice
October 19, 2018 at 8:10 PM
To complete the metaphor, I would say that the guy suffers from a variant of battered wife syndrome. He was better than the other husband, which puts things in perspective... I mean, not that we want to follow the lowest common denominator, but the charge against him from some commenters (and himself) is *literally* that he is not perfect. If this he was one of my female friends I would seriously be worried about what else she would be willing to accept from the relationship while being paralyzed by self blame and holding herself to an absurd standard (and excusing away the boyfriend's behavior). He is in no physical risk, but it's basically the same attitude and the same dynamic of unreasonable expectations and being unable to let go of a toxic situation.
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matrice
October 19, 2018 at 8:21 PM
Basically, in the beginning the she didn't even realize herself that she that she had a problem. Nor did anyone else besides her lover. The other guy was coming at it from a fresh perspective, sometimes the people we see less clearly are those closer to us (which is why it could very well happen that other people know someone has an affair before his partner does). It might be a higher emotional intelligence, a fresh perspective or chance. It doesn't say much about them morally (the fact that they would be willing to betray their spouse, humiliate them, and lie to their faces, with no case for how it would affect their partner or their children, does... I was disappointed that they didn't address it in the final episode or before, but essentially her lover-that-understood-her was the kind of person that would be willing to betray, humiliate and deceive his spouse for half a year... would she have preferred her husband to be more like that? I think not, on balance).
Consider that some texts were all she needed to catch her husband's attention and alert him that there was a problem. Not *that* oblivious and self centered, right? Could have been better. But he was not *that* dense. Imagine what she could have done had she explicitly told him she had an issue when she finally realized she was tired, rather than playing bs guessing games like a fucking teenager and pretend that he read her mind.
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matrice
October 20, 2018 at 5:31 AM
What I mean to say with this is that given what she had done, one would espect her to be tho one who should be doing most of the learning and changing, realizing that she was not appreciative of what she had before losing it, how her selfishness gave her family the coup de grace, how unfair it was that she didn't explicitly talk to her husband about the problem once she finally realized it, rather than playing guess games like a dumb teenager, as if he should read her mind, how the people you love don't always know how you feel, and the preciousness of what she had with her husband compared with what she got with her lover (he was the kind of person who would cheat on his spouse... would she have preferred her husband to be like that? Seriously, how does he stack up in terms of flaws?), and the type of person they were (her husband being better, the kind of person who wouldn't betray her, her lover being the kind of person that would lie to his spouse), etc. If it's about them growing as a couple and getting back together, she should be the one doing most of the learning -instead we are treated to his self flagellation-. If there was one of them that should have had a cathartic "eureka" moment should have been her, while she remains rather stable, basically the person she was before (let alone that I don't like the concept of them being "new people", you don't erase the past and become a new individual, there is no replay button in life), but without the lover, and he devolves in a self flagellating basket case.
Instead, the biggest character growth is on the part of her husband, who had perfectly normal, human flaws (bit self centered, wanting to impress others, bit inattentive, taking things somewhat for granted), and was not even all that bad (he did help out, and was at least better than the other mom's husbands, he had a job and provided for his family... he was not a lazy bum that spent his day sleeping on the couch while she did all the work and never helped at all). He was simply not as good as he could be (on the other hand, if this was a fault basically nobody would be safe, since we are not living up to our potential all the time). He has a journey of discovery about his flaws and character growth, to the point of becoming overaware, excessively self critical and self flagellating. You would expect her to be the one who would have most to learn, since the "fall", the crucial betrayal that motivated this crisis, is her fault. I didn't see an equal, let alone superior, amount of self analysis about her own selfishness, nor does she seem half as distraught and destroyed about the enormity of what she had done to him as what he seems to feel about comparatively insignificant flaws and oversights which he blows out of proportion. This is aside from the point that in my opinion, since no matter how she grows, she can't take back her actions, they shouldn't end up together anyway.
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matrice
October 20, 2018 at 5:44 PM
Actually, to get back to my original point, more than the comparatively greater amount of time spent investigating and correcting the protagonist's character's flaws, which I found strange because the person most in need of some soul searching should have been her, Is about the dynamic itself: one would expect her to be the one trying to make it up to him and, realizing what she lost, fighting to getting him back, and him the one trying to get away. Instead, he doesn't need any convincing from her, and is the one chasing after her and apologizing for the emotional hurt *she* caused him. Besides the fact that I don't actually think that she could offer anything that could amend her actions and be worthy of convincing him to take her back, I can't really understand why that would even be something he wants to do -I could swallow her not chasing after him if she didn't love him, or because she realized she had already ruined his life and he deserved someone better, but I fundamentally don't get why he would not even need to be persuaded, and be the one unwilling to end the relationship, instead chasing after her wanting to keep it together... I don't see the value, what she/it brings to the table, what's in it for him, besides delusionally clinging to nostalgia and the false image of her he had in his head, the object of his love that turned out not to exist in reality-.
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matrice
April 1, 2022 at 5:51 AM
"As Soo-yeon gets ready to leave, Hyun-woo notices that she’s folded all of his and Joon-soo’s laundry. He calls out to her that she’s a really bad woman — the worst, he says. “But,” he continues, “I’m even worse than you.”"
Words have meaning. Her lover cheated on his wife and the mother of his small children. In that respect, him and the protagonist's wife would have deserved each other, cheating included. By contrast he was a bit inattentive (and frankly, she did not make an effort to communicate with him, but was willing to deceive him for half a year -until caught-). In terms of the pain they inflicted each other, there is no comparison. She gaslighted him and he truned from a rational person into a doormat afflicted by battered wife syndrome. He was no wife beating drunk. They both have the example of her lover as the "other kind of husband", farcical that she would not appreciate the difference between her experience with her husband and her lover's wife with hers.
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54 matrice
October 19, 2018 at 3:21 PM
I really get irritated to see their behaviors discussed in the same breath, as if lying to someone's face for six months straight, betraying and humiliating him, would be somewhat comparable to . I think that we wouldn't be talking about this if it was something more openly cruel like outright domestic abuse. But in my eyes, it's a morally unacceptable behavior on the same continuum. Meaning that it's *really* fucked up, not *a little* fucked up. It's not a verbal fight or beign oblivious to someone's issues. I also have to note that Sun Woo was the *only* one that noticed (her son and her other friends were equally oblivious, which to me makes your unfairly critical assessment of her husband -coupled with a weasly, slithery minimizing of her actions- dubious at best). Also, you probably don't have teenage kids, or your assumption that you should be able to perfectly understand and introspect someone you love if you just chose to, even if they don't tell you anything, impossible to mantain without laughing.
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matrice
October 19, 2018 at 3:57 PM
You would think that it wouldn't be too difficult for the protagonist to arrive at the obvious and relatively plain conclusion: "Yes, I did this, this and that wrong, and that has contributed to my partner being unhappy" while still mantaining that what was done to him was unacceptable. Contrary to the I talked in the post above (hopefully not many, and not most, otherwise with such basic moral confusion and inversion we would be doomed as a civilization), I say "and that does not excuse what she has done to me" at the end, without "but" and an excuse following the phrase (oh, the lack of self awareness, hello Dunning Kruger). He was not perfect. It doesn't mean he deserve to be betrayed, humiliated and deceived. So it does not excuse what she did to him. Full stop.
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matrice
October 19, 2018 at 5:45 PM
To complete the metaphor, I would say that the guy suffers from a variant of battered wife syndrome. He was better than the other husband, which puts things in perspective... I mean, not that we want to follow the lowest common denominator, but the charge against him from some commenters (and himself) is *literally* that he is not perfect. If this he was one of my female friends I would seriously be worried about what else she would be willing to accept from the relationship while being paralyzed by self blame and holding herself to an absurd standard (and excusing away the boyfriend's behavior). He is in no physical risk, but it's basically the same attitude and the same dynamic of unreasonable expectations and being unable to let go of a toxic situation.
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55 Bob
April 20, 2019 at 8:01 PM
Coming (very) late to the conversation again. I don't see how you can continually describe Soo-yeon as an 'enigma' and a not fleshed out character. It was plain what she was. She was a standard middle-class worker, wife, and mother who after 8 years had nothing left of her for herself. I recall a film critic once describing a character having an affair as in search of 'sans souci' (French for 'free of care'), desperate for a few stolen moments in their otherwise mechanical life.
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56 Jack Kerouac
August 13, 2019 at 8:54 AM
Just finished watching this (it's on my list) and it was very good. I have to say, however, if I was Hyun-woo, while I would be civil to Soo-yeon for our child, there is no way in heck I would ever trust her again.
I get that they had equal responsibility for their marriage falling apart, but there is no justification for cheating. And no forgiveness. It is the ultimate betrayal and Soo-yeon didn't really seem to care what she had done.
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57 My Mom
January 19, 2021 at 11:14 PM
nice! I stopped watching after 2 episodes 4 years ago. Just finished watching it recently. Moral of the story...don't rush to get married lol
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58 Jackpapa376
November 19, 2021 at 5:22 PM
I enjoyed and watched this drama several times. I like the main lead actor and actress. The sound tracks were great and so emotional.
I liked the writer’s story that forgiving may not be difficult but forgetting is not such easy.
* Divorce is a solution for this couple. As I understood from the story, the key reason that led to their divorce was that the husband could not forget and accept the fact that his wife slept with another man. This bad feeling hurt him very much. The more trying to forget, the more hurting themselves - Husband tried to forget his wife’s physical-contact affair with another man and wife tried to forget her affair mistake.
* The couple still talked and had a good (friendly) relationship after the divorce.
The opened ending of this drama was that the husband would come to restart husband/wife relationship again. This led to a big doubt that he could really forget his wife’s physical affair contact with another man in his head within a SHORT period when they slept together after their restarting. This seems unrealistic as Forgetting this kind of emotional mistake feeling take years or forever. The story should end when the wife said to her husband on phone that they should stay happily with their their own separate way - they talked, cared, and could be friends to raise their child together. I believe this drama wanted to satisfy audiences so much by ending happiness this way.
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Jackpapa376
January 15, 2022 at 10:13 AM
Comment was deleted
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59 Jackpapa376
December 9, 2021 at 3:55 PM
I wondered that the Writer intended to let audiences/viewers have doubt mindset to SY’s character to look complicated and untrustworthy in the drama.
* At the beginning of this drama story, a few days before the planned (2nd) affair of SY and her ex-lover SW got caught red-handed at the hotel, when she talked with her husband HW, SY did not ever show any suspicious face or manner that she was cheating and had a plan to be with SW at the hotel.
* In the early EP after the affair was caught up, when SY said to HW that she would stop seeing her ex-lover SW “for now”, why it was not “from now on” which sounded more convincing?
* When SY firstly talked with HW, she said that she did not mean to deceive him. What did she mean by that … the (1st) affair never happen or she did not want to divorce because the (2nd) affair did not happen? The fact was that the affair had once happened and when HW pushed her a question if she had slept with SW, she could not deny.
* Her character seemed to please and not upset any people at all. But when she realized that she hurt HW’s feeling, she did not express her sad feeling enough. In some scene, why her apology (especially for emotional hurting) seemed so calm. Also when she confessed her mom-in-law about her affair mistake, although she cried out, she did not express her strong sad feeling enough such as kneeing down and begging for forgiveness as the mess-up was done by her.
* When SY talked with her old friend, she realized that HW was a good person but her reaction was calm and she did not express her sadness feeling much about her affair mistake.
* When SY read HW’s post in the previous EP, she claimed that she understood HW’s pain feeling and could not forgive herself. Why did she not cry out for the mistake that she had done and hurt her beloved people? She just typed her response with a calm thoughtful face.
Although she could not forgive herself about her affair mistake, she might not regret and be able to “forget” her enjoyment / happiness moment when she was with her ex-lover. So, at the end drama, Viewers could question if she deeply regret and really apologized for her affair mistake and deserved forgiveness that HW came back to restart the husband/wife relationship again. There was no clear scene showing that SY did improve herself to gain HW’s trust back.
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60 Jackpapa376
January 6, 2022 at 6:47 AM
I came to watch the original 2007 J-drama version of “this week” story in early 2022. There was a big key point difference between original J-version and K-version.
* In K-version, when the wife asked if her husband used to have an affair. It was unclear that the husband had an affair when he was dating with his ex-girl friend at the college. The K-version just said that he might have the emotional affair after tHe marriage but not the physical affair.
* In original J-version, the husband confessed to the wife when asked that he unintentionally had an affair (sleeping with a woman) after their marriage. The wife said that she had known it but pretended not to know that mistKe because she was pregnant and she loved her husband.
So, it seemed that the K-writer purposely changed and twisted the story to make the K-husband to look like the affair victim leading the Viewers to think if the K-wife should deserve the happy ending story. When I watched the J-version, I felt like no one was perfect and could do a mistake. Both of them in J-version had a scar affair … either intentionally or unintentionally. So, the mistake was balanced and forgiving was better understood when the J-husband came back to restart the husband/wife relationship.
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61 Jackpapa376
January 16, 2022 at 8:24 AM
Poor HW ….. before he went back to restart the husband/wife relationship with SY at the end of this drama, HW should take a look at what his wife shared her story in the beginning of this EP. SY said in the thread that when she was with her ex-lover SW, she forgot her family, works, responsibilities, etc. SY might be lured or tempted by her ex-lover and not intentionally did the 1st adultery by mistake, however, she CHOSE and DECIDED to do the (2nd) adultery again. HW should start thinking that she might not love him any more or might love her ex-lover more than himself. HW was an indecisive person and an affair victim in this story. So, he should think and rethink more than ten times to see if he wanted to start the relationship as good friends rather than going back to her. Did she improve herself to gain his trust?
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Jackpapa376
January 22, 2022 at 4:17 AM
I understand that the Writer team might want to o point out an unfair treatment between man and woman in the workplace to Viewers. But the team should not mess up between the work performance and gender/ personal status for SY’s not promotion case. SY had her base case issue that she over worked as a career worker and housewife. We could see from the show that the affair mistake could destroy family and life. SY could not focus on her works at all after the affair got caught. Her timeline work completion or work quality might not be as good as they were in the past and those should be the reason that caused her not to be promoted. The show should NOT include the scene that might misled an unfair treatment when the Managers asked for her personal divorcing status during her performance evaluation.
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matrice
April 10, 2022 at 12:51 AM
Actually, that was something I thought of as well (we see her forgetting appointments, etc.), but I thought it was just an episode in a stressful period and her performance did not drop overall. Her lover taking her off a project she led probably didn't help matters (just another case of covering).
In terms of having a relationship with someone in a position to "fire" her, or relationships in the workplace in general, I think that it might be something that depends on the society/company. In the US they are clearly a tricky subject: think about CNN director being put on the spot because he didn't disclose his relationship with a coworker recently. In Germany it's much different (even inquiring about one's relationship would probably be in violation of a labor regulation). In this case, though, he was her client, so in charge of assessing her output/performance, so I found it rather strange that nothing was made of that conflict of interest.
That aside, though, I feel it pretty believable that she would have recuperated from the lost project and temporary issues at work due to her family situation, and would now be discriminated based on her gender. Such things do exists, after all. Her work in general is really the place where I feel she would have the greatest right to complain: just the fact that her lover chose to fire her from the project, rather than step aside himself, without even discussing it with her (he could have given her at least a reason, such as "it would be easier this way because I wouldn't have to make up an excuse to my wife", though it would be rather weak and self serving -he could have come up with something-).
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Aung Thein
July 22, 2022 at 5:14 PM
I'm doubted that what Sun Woo said they had sex once because SY loved her lover so much.In this stage SY will allow her lover having sex whenever he wants.No man didn't want sex when they easily have sex with woman.
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Jackpapa376
July 26, 2022 at 8:19 PM
SW may lie to her husband HW that they slept together only ONCE. But there is no clue in the entire story showing that SW and SY slept more than ONCE.
If we try to be in the cheating wife’s side, SY feels in love with her lover after the affair has started. During the past 6 months, there will be push-and-pull decision until one-day that she can NOT resist what her lover wants and she also misses him.
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62 matrice
April 1, 2022 at 9:34 AM
The kicker is that they were both taking each other for granted at some level (forgetting the anniversary), but not at the same level (not knowing telepathy and therefore not knowing that when he asked how she did she was lying to him is not the same as consciously deceiving him for half a year until caught).
The truth is that her and her lover deserved each other. People unable to take responsibility for their actions, making excuses and rationalizations, cheating on their spouses with another married partner with a family, while they themselves had kids.
The two cheated upon spouses also deserved each other: loyal people that would (unfortunately) never cheat on their spouses and unfortunately not ever leave them, even after such a terrible betrayal.
The existence of scum like the protagonist's wife's lover show the stupidity of him holding himself to such an unreachable standard (really being too hard on himself, thinking himself worse than her, when she made no effort to be understood and was equally forgetful of, for example, their anniversary, the day after which she was planning to ghost him despite his offer to spend time together, in favor of sleeping with her lover).
The key point is that after all that, the lover's wife not only took him back (which she shouldn't have), but she also did not cheat on him (which she should have... turnabout is fair play). Even after that. So much for stress/indifference/... And all the other excuses that are wholly besides the point (you might have stolen the bread, doesn't mean that it's then reasonable to expect to have your hard cut off).
Cheating is not a given. Having a lover is not a strategy for time management. And you should not expect your lover to fix your effed up life, they are not your therapist. You should be happy and then pursue a relationship, not expect the relationship to "cure" you and make you happy. And her unhappyness did not stem from her marriage. It stemmed from her not having friends, or a hobby, or not liking where her career was going. All choices, all things that she could act upon (not even by dropping something, just by asking for help, or communicating her distress, or, for that matter, by not having a kid -though again they have *one* kid, and I personally know people with four where both parents work full time, an no cheating is in sight -none of this is planning a mission on the moon, they are not apollo 11 astronauts-). Again, feeling bad about yourself does not excuse deceiving those you claim to love but evidently don't even respect.
Point is, we have examples in this very drama of women going through much worse that would never cheat. Therefore we provably know that there are more suitable candidates as his companion, given that he himself is someone that would never cheat.
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matrice
April 1, 2022 at 9:43 AM
Tldr: there are people that would never cheat on their spouses. The two victims of the adulterous wife and her lover are such persons (they don't cheat ever after having been deceived for months, when they were much more distressed than their lying partners and had much more reasons to). Maybe the other divorced woman could have been another such person (most people are, it's not as if cheating is ubiquitous, statistics at hand, otherwise we would live in a much worse world... most people talk about their problems instead of lying about them and deceiving their spouses for months on end, until caught, because the latter were did not know telepathy -maybe they should have been like their lovers, and sleep with other married people with no care for the fact they both had kids and spouses at home... that's apparently what she wanted, given that when her husband proposed her to spend time together to reconnect, the day after their anniversary, she lied to his face and went to her lover instead-).
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matrice
April 1, 2022 at 9:46 AM
Point is, there is a bar, the wife is well below it, the lover's spouse is above it, the divorcee woman could have been above it. She could have been someone actually deserving of his trust. Wife was most definitely not, and in this very same episode there was no addressing the fact that when he asked her to spend time with him she ghosted him to be with her lover instead -how does it square with the "I have no time" complaint? It say something about her priorities and the effort they want to put in the relationship instead... how is that for taking your spouse for granted?-.
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matrice
April 1, 2022 at 10:51 AM
If they were to end up together, I would have at least appreciated if she did something, anything at all, to win him back. Instead he comes back to her like a lapdog, despite having alternatives. Why in the hell? He was the one that was deceived and would have never cheated, and he is also the one going through this effort to get together? While she cheated on him and deceived him, and then just had to wait around for him to convince himself that he was even worse scum that deserved what he got -despite both of them having under their eyes the example of the filth that was her lover, someone that was willing to betray his own wife and children to be with a married woman with children of her own? And without even getting not to say thrown out of the house, but even just cheated on? Doesn't he see how absurd this all is?-.
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matrice
April 1, 2022 at 10:56 AM
I mean, the guy stopped making sense in the beginning when he decided to go from a reasonable position (he could have done better, they had communication issues, his wife did not tell him things and lied to his face when he tried to understand how she was doing, he mistakenly though her happy and trustworthy, when she was neither of those things, but this is all besides the point because lying to his face for half a year -until caught- is unacceptable... and the stress excuse is bs, as the existence of families with four children where both parents work proves, both in real life -my boss's boss-, or drama -Once Again-) to insanity (him convincing himself that he was worse than her and deserved what he got, when her lover betrayed his wife and children for a married woman and was never cheated on... and that was the man his wife chose to cheat on -not that she was any better- the day after their wedding anniversary -which they *both* forgot about, despite only him being made the "heel" for it-, when he tried to get her to spend time with him to reconnect).
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63 matrice
April 2, 2022 at 2:43 AM
Many things wrong with this episode. First of all, apparently the trauma he suffered just two episodes back that made him unable to even touch her without thinking about what she did *magically* disappeared. No need for counselling or therapy, mental health issues are resolved through deux ex machina. How convenient (or bad writing, as the case might be).
Regarding the "starting fresh"... if you met her on the street and you knew she was the kind of person that would betray their partner with a married man with kids, not sure that you wold want to engage her if you didn't know her. Especially with living proof that this is not *all people* (her lover's wife being someone that would never cheat).
In this chapter she also calmly confesses to the world (and therefore to him as well) that she would have basically continued to lie to him indefinitely had she not been caught red handed (it was not a "one time thing" as hinted in the messages... on that point, was she really the one to initiate the second encounter as claimed? Not that it matters any). Red flags all around.
Let's set aside the fact that she shouldn't want him to be with her in the first place if she really understood how badly she hurt him, how unforgivable her actions, and realized how she does not deserve him, but other people, better than her, do (with the example of her lover's wife serving as a reminder that there are people that would never cheat on their partner even after having been put through something so horrific, and her husband is another one of them).
Even with that, which means that they *shouldn't* go back together in the first place (if she had any shame and if he had any sense), at least she should have been the one to fight to keep their , or to actively try to win him back. Instead he is the one chasing her. She is completely passive, and he seems to be the only active agent her. This is part of a general trend of this drama where her character is treated as if she didn't have any agency and people didn't expect her to *do* anything to improve things, like talking to her husband about her problems (or leaving him) *before* cheating or trying to do something to win him back (she really should step aside, acknowledging he deserves better, but if she is going to be with him, she should at least be the one trying to win him back, not vice versa).
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Jackpapa376
April 24, 2022 at 6:32 PM
The last two episodes seemed to give ‘too much’ responsibilities to the husband. In the previous EP, he was the one who told his mom, father-in-law, his lovely son about their divorce. The wife still maintained her character showing her calmness and not crying in front of their seniors. She kept her feelings well although she knew by herself that she was the key one who messed up her family.
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64 matrice
April 2, 2022 at 3:09 AM
How convenient that his trauma and mental health issues disappear by magic. Also very convenient that after treating him as basically useless in the household the drama shows us flashbacks of him helping with repairs in the house only in the last episodes, after basically treating him as useless baggage that did not contribute anything for the entire show.
In general, I get the feeling that a more US centric approach where people lived alone or in cohabitation well before forming a couple or marrying would be very useful, because the show treats common household chores like epic quest, and the husband ends up at a place where he believes that ironing shirts or knowing how to cook, or taking care of a single child, is basically like topping Mount Everest.
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marice
April 2, 2022 at 3:10 AM
Like topping Mount Everest in terms of difficulty.
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65 matrice
April 2, 2022 at 3:22 AM
I think that the protagonist should have really taken more seriously the indefinite ending of the deception, had he not intervened. Feels like it should factor into his decision.
In general, even more than the sex that she mentions, the deception and breach of trust are the issues to resolve here. She lied to his face for half a year, and would have continued to do so (one of the many reasons not to minimize/trivialize this as a mistake: this was premeditated and repeated day after day after many months, not that it would have been any less unacceptable had it been a casual, unprompted one-night stand, after the first encounter there was a second one that by her own admission she initiated, if I recall correctly, and true or not it does not matter... the point is that when he asked her to spend time with him to reconnect, she lied to his face and chose to go to her lover).
The show should have spent more time dealing with the trust/deception aspect of this.
For that matter, regarding her explanation, with regards to stress, etc., we should point out that her husband tried to get her to spend the day after their anniversary with him to reconnect, and she spurned him to spend time with her lover. Why? How does this factor in with her words in this episode regarding stress? That was not more work and responsibilities, and it was a chance to rekindle her relationship. She preferred to spend the day after their anniversary with filth that would betray his own family instead. This is something that the show should have spent more time addressing/justifying if they were going with the stress angle.
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matrice
April 4, 2022 at 2:47 PM
I mean, one woman says that she would have lied to him forever, the other he does not know, but he knows there are people like him, or the wife of his ex-wife's lover, who would never cheat. He should be with one of those.
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66 matrice
April 2, 2022 at 3:28 AM
While they shouldn't have ended up together anyway for obvious reasons (if he had any sense and she had any shame), they could have *at least* given the other relationship some depth, have them date for a bit, kiss and sleep together, try to make it work, make at lest a serious attempt.
As things stand, it looks like one day he was traumatized to the point where he couldn't touch her (strange how he didn't have dreams or random thoughts of the affair, but it was triggered *only* by physical contact... I am not a therapist, but it's unclear to me how *that* could be the *only trigger*, rather than, i.e. seeing her, or seeing her in certain circumstances -the clothes she wore when he caught her, perfume, or even something random that triggered a thought-), and the other day he is perfectly cured in terms of his mental health. That's convenient deus ex machina/behind the scenes quackery, also known as bad writing
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matrice
April 4, 2022 at 2:46 PM
I mean, if telling yourself to forget was enough, nobody would have unresolved mental/emotional trauma.
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67 matrice
April 4, 2022 at 12:41 PM
I didn't like the twist at the end, that I feel was put there more for shock value and didn't really fit with the narrative they were building... He goes through this growth phase and says he is letting her go and not care about her, then we see him running in her arms. It was in complete contrast to the message in the previous section. Furthermore, he didn't really give the other relationship a true chance, so how could he know that it wouldn't be even better? (the other woman might be like the wife of his ex-wife's lover, someone that would never cheat on him).
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68 matrice
April 4, 2022 at 2:38 PM
I would have liked her recount of the facts to clarify some things that were left unsaid, such as what she felt about her lover and what she feels now, or whether she would have ever come clean to her husband (I think that's a no, which frankly is pretty damning in terms of deciding whether to take her back). I like that she was honest about her being the one not being willing to put in the effort.
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69 matrice
April 4, 2022 at 2:40 PM
Would have preferred to have an actual, real relationship with the neighbor... like this, the character seems pretty useless, they tease some jealousy/fear of replacement, but I would have liked an actual, fleshed out relationship and characterization. A missed opportunity to let his wife see what she missed and maybe prompt her to be more proactive and not stand around like a damsel in distress, letting him do all the work.
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70 matrice
April 4, 2022 at 2:43 PM
I think all the growth and maturation mentioned in this chapter was a bit left here in the air. The goal should have been to give himself a second chance with someone that was actually worthy of his trust and love, not to go back to his wife without even having given other possibilities a try. It kind of makes the whole divorce arc worthless, and does not address all his psychological problems -it's not as if telling yourself "forget the past" equates to fixing mental health issues, otherwise no one would suffer from trauma-.
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71 matrice
April 5, 2022 at 12:56 AM
I don't get from her recount of her story whether she would have stopped the affair at some point or not. She says that she would have continued to wander if her husband hadn't stopped her, but at the same time she says that her affair had its ending written before it begun... does that mean that she was intending to stop it at some point or not? Does that mean that she knew she would be caught sooner or later?
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Alhambra
April 7, 2022 at 6:00 PM
I think that she knew that she would be caught someday and that would be the traumatic end to her affair not that she intended to stop it.
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Jackpapa376
April 24, 2022 at 8:16 PM
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Jackpapa376
April 24, 2022 at 8:46 PM
Matrice, Alhambra, etc.
When did you think that the wife started to feel guilty and remorseful about her affair? When I rewatched this K-drama, I still had this question and could not clearly answer it myself because I only noticed her crying heavily after they both talked at home and the husband asked what was the reason that she had an affair which she replied that “it just happened”.
* When she was caught up red-handed at the hotel and kept quietly?
* When she was back home saying that she would not see her lover for now?
* When she talked with the husband first time at home saying that she did not want to divorce but was upset when he pushed her a question if she slept with her lover and how long?
* When she talked with her senior friend and admitted that her husband was a good guy?
* When she confessed her affair to her mom-in-law without begging for her forgiveness? Did she feel so remorseful and not dare to ask for her in-law’s forgiveness?
* When she and her husband talked at home telling him that “it just happened” six months ago and wanted to insist for divorcing because she could not stand her remorseful feeling any more?
* When she read her husband’s TOYCRANE forum?
* …. or when?
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Alhambra
April 25, 2022 at 2:04 AM
This is a repeat of comments that I have made in earlier posts in the sense of `If I ruled the world and every day was the first day of spring` this is how I would have rewritten her words.
I do not believe that she really felt remorse or guilt…. Yes she was peeved and down and that was because she had been found out and her new social adventure had been brought to an abrupt end, a premature end, by her own admission she would have continued to wander in the street if her husband had not stopped her, she used her home as a base to prepare herself for her next date and lied coldly and impassively to her husband that she was working late, sh showed no guilt or remorse while seeing that person and treated her husband with total contempt, what he did not know would not hurt him, I would have liked her husband to have asked her what she thought would happen when she got found out? She said she did not do it to get a divorce and her lover said they did not want to damage their marriages so what? The husband finds out and she says, quietly, I am sorry, and he says ok, so you share my bed Monday to Thursday and then meet your lover on Fridays? In what world would that happen, she knew at the start that crossing the line with that person was the end of her marriage as soon as she was discovered, this only makes sense to me if she was no longer in love with her husband and was totally besotted with her new man and was continuing her affair without apparent hesitation or doubt.
These are the words that she should have said but Did not.
“I have lost everything that was dear to me, oh, if only I could turn back time, I am ashamed of who I have become, if only you could forgive me, please take me in your arms and say we can work through this, I will never again leave your side but I know that what I did makes me unworthy of ever having your love again, you did nothing wrong, it was all me, I was tempted and did not resist and threw my life away, I will never forgive myself for hurting you my dearest love my husband and truest friend, I want to hide away by myself and live in regret of what I did, you were my greatest love and treasure and I ruined what I had, I am so sorry, I am so unhappy, one day please find it in your heart to forgive me, I am in such pain and regret I just want to crawl away and cry, I cannot bare to see your lovely face and know the pain that I caused you, I am so, so sorry.
They are the words of a truly remorseful and repentant woman who desperately wants to save her marriage and erase the mistakes of the past, even I would forgive her if I heard her say those words but, she never said a thing so the writers created a character devoid of compassion morals or truthfulness, he should avoid her like the plague.
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Jackpapa376
April 8, 2022 at 5:20 AM
What she disclosed here was after the fact that the affair was caught-up. She did not intend to stop the affair before it was found out. What I interpreted her wordings was that she knew that her relationship with her lover would end in one day b/c she and her lover did not want to divorce from their own partners … So, they would keep their affair secret to the family until it was not the secret. But how and when the affair ended, it would cause a pain (to her or to whom ??)
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Alhambra
April 8, 2022 at 1:46 PM
I have been watching the Japanese version and the stories are essentially the same some translated words are different but similar, what is different is that in the Japanese version the lover is shown to be a ladies man a player, the girls from husbands office were seen admiring the lover and saying he was the No.1. Office Choice for extra marital affairs. The lover sent her a series of texts saying he was looking forward to seeing her that he had made the hotel booking etc. The day she fell was a day in the office when she was really tired, she said she was always working and about to collapse when he gave her his hand, gave her a coffee and told her you are so tired always working, don’t force yourself too much, she said at that moment she felt the strength inside of her had disappeared… husband explained that he was helping putting out rubbish fetching son she said that was a platitude what she wanted was someone to face the difficulties, to feel uncomfortable to feel troublesome together.
She said you have not understood me after I told you so much! It is not possible for me to be together with you anymore she wants to divorce.
I interpret that as she was disappointed with her husband and found what she wanted in this new handsome caring man, I believe she was totally committed to this affair because she changed into a flirtatious outgoing society girl, my reasons for feeling this is because husband was told to check for affair by reading wife’s credit card history when he did he found shoes, beauty products and glamour salon visits, he found the sexy underwear hidden, knew it was not for him, when he met her coming out of a bar restaurant she was all dressed up and he was visibly taken aback, in both Japanese and Korean versions, he asked why she was dressed like that showing her back and wearing such thick makeup for a mother and a married woman, she was not bothered. She was obviously into her new relationship enjoying the excitement and showed no sign of giving it up, I think she loved her lover but it could just have been a huge infatuation, either way she was lost to her husband. In my opinion never properly apologised showed remorse, tried to win him back or any reason that she could be trusted in the future, the girl who played the toy machine with cuckold husband would have been a better future wife,
It’s said that 10 out of 100 wives commit adultery, that means 9 out of every 10 are honest loving and faithful, he deserved one of those.
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Jackpapa376
April 9, 2022 at 7:24 AM
I also watched that original J-drama version. The remade K-version kept almost the same “key stories” but modified some details of original version quite a lot without good-story connection between scenes and episodes which created a lot of doubtful to the K-wife’s character and other characters. When I watched that J-version, I felt like I myself was watching a drama but when I watched the K-version, I initially felt uncomfortable and could not move-on. It might probably be due to the great actings of ML and FL of the remade K-drama which made me think further more about how realistic and unrealistic the story was.
Back to the scenes that you said above, what I got from the J-version was that the J-wife made her wordings “clearer” when talking with her J- husband that she wanted someone (implying her husband) to face the difficulties, to feel uncomfortable to feel troublesome together. The story behind the drama was that in J-culture during that time, as you might know, many husbands went outside after works to relax and drank beer with friends or office colleagues and left their wives to take care of the kids at home. With her explanation, the J-husband still did not get it and talked about coming home late, his help in throwing garbage, etc. were the reasons that the wife cheated on him. So, she gave up and wanted to divorce b/c the husband still did not understand what she meant and needed.
Also, the J-wife added that when she was about to complain about her burdens, the husband was never at home. Which there were other supporting scenes showing that the J-husband was always not available even when they agreed on the date/timing that they planned to clarify to each other. So, I understood that the lack of communication was the issue in this J-family. However, I did not clearly understand what was the reason of the K-wife in having an affair …. Husband in overlooking her burden? Lack of communication? Her ego to keep the perfect wife/mom image and not sharing her burdens? … All did not make any sense as so many scenes conflicted to one another.
You might also notice that the J-wife had a negotiation power when she asked her husband if he had an affair before … b/c she knew that her husband had an affair before. But there was no scene in K-drama clearing showing that the K-husband had an affair. For this encounter scene of the K-wife asking the affair question to her husband, I still did not understand what was the intention of that scene in the K-drama.
The final EP, which was the key chapter conclusion, was another key factor which, IMO, made the original J-version and remade J-version so different. There was no J-wife in disclosing her emotion of the affair at all. So, I felt like the J-wife had a one-night stand with her lover and she did not have a long relationship in those past six months until the day that she felt overstretched again and made the wrong decision. But the K-wife disclosed herself in the...
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Jackpapa376
April 9, 2022 at 7:29 AM
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Jackpapa376
April 9, 2022 at 7:34 AM
So, I felt like the J-wife had a one-night stand with her lover and she did not want a long relationship in those past six months until the day that she felt overstretched again and made the wrong decision. But the K-wife opened herself in the final EP sounded like she deeply felt in love with her lover during the past six months (although she slept with him once) and kept her affair secret during that period which would be further continued if it was not found-out by the husband.
Alhambra
April 9, 2022 at 10:14 AM
I like your analysis of the different dramas Japanese and Korean, subtle differences and it was because they were both so well acted that we felt involved with the story but I was frustrated with her calmness!
matrice
April 10, 2022 at 12:34 AM
I didn't watch the jdrama, and frankly I am unimpressed by the "explanation" of him being absent/her feeling overstressed -these were again, all things that could have been discussed and, if he was not receptive, led to divorce-. Also, if she was planning to see him again by definition it was not a one-night stand, and I would see this as even more improbable (if they did not have a connection, and she felt guilty for the one night stand, why would she reach out to him again? Then again, you did say he was the office player... at least this would not have denoted an emotional connection, as he would have been clearly identified as "scummy").
The instrumental part of what you said there was "her husband had an affair before" and she kept quiet about it. This completely changes my mind and makes me root for her 100%. If he was not faithful to her, he had no right to expect the same in return, and it would make perfect sense for her to feel justified psychologically in her cheating if she felt that she had put up with his infidelity in turn and was not even with him.
matrice
April 10, 2022 at 12:42 AM
I mean (as before, reference to comment below as well), if she reached out to him again then it was shaping up to be more than a one night stand, but clearly if he was in the "player" category and she was not having an emotional relationship with the guy it was not the same situation as the kdrama.
Makes me wonder if she also did the rest of the things kdrama wife did (bought sexy lingerie she didn't show her husband, met the guy in dates outside of work, had a moment outside his car as he brought her back, etc.).
I would still not characterize the kdrama version as them being in love, at least on her side, that's not what I got from this episode, though of course he claimed to be (but he also fired her from the project without discussing it with her first, and badmouthed her to his wife, so despite putting up a kind front he was not exactly the most honest guy, as him having a long running affair with a married woman and planning to lie to his wife indefinitely would also show). Of course, when asked about it she didn't say anything (and it was never discussed again). That she didn't confirm it could be interpreted either way (though he did say he loved her, so maybe her keeping quiet meant no? But she was reticent to say anything about the affair, generally).
I must say that them sleeping together only twice would make much more sense in the jdrama arrangement where it was "not serious".
Again, the fact that her husband had cheated on her before would have worked soooo much better in terms of her rationalization of her decision. And would have made all the self guilt and soul searching much more realistic and believable (here, he is essentially blaming himself for his unintentional ignorance and essentially not being a mind reader, when she was the one that intentionally deceived him about her mental state).
matrice
April 10, 2022 at 12:23 AM
Okay, that explains your previous comment about the lover being sort of the n1 choice in the office (in the kdrama version, we don't really see much of the guy's background or how this all started).
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matrice
April 10, 2022 at 12:28 AM
The key fact here would be trust. She was soooo convincing when she lied to his face about her affair. No one could have picked up any clues just from her words and expression. It was disconcerting. After discovering the lie, I don't know how one could look at her in the face without wondering "is she really telling me the truth"? After all, when she lied about being fine and about her lover, I was unable to tell. She is such a good actress (no pun intended).
Regarding the last point about choosing another partner if he wanted to start fresh, we *know* that there are people, like the husband himself, or her lover's wife, that would never cheat even after being so horrifically betrayed. He should have gone for one of those, because that's clearly the instrumental factor here. He would have never cheated, but he was cuckolded, while her lover not only cheated on his wife with a married woman, but was planning to deceive her indefinitely, and his wife not only does not betray him in return, but even takes him back. So, the faithful husband gets cuckolded, the habitual liar and serial cheater does not. The choice of partners in clearly the instrumental factor here.
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72 matrice
April 5, 2022 at 1:20 AM
Basically, granting the stress and the affair (though I have my doubts about what it did for her, as her schedule if anything became more hectic), the "will continue the affair and will keep lying to my husband indefinitely" part does not logically follow. Among other things, where is the guilt? After being discovered, she couldn't stand looking at his face, but before she had no issue looking him in the eyes and lying to him. And they broke off the affair super easy afterwards, so clearly they were not into a Hymn of Death "till death do us part" mode.
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Alhambra
April 5, 2022 at 2:16 PM
Well the Drama is over, and what a rollercoaster ride of emotions it has been, well acted and
filmed with a wonderful soundtrack.
But, I am frustrated with the character they gave to the wife, as in real life people do not
always react or reply as you would like them to, for example I did not see her do one thing
to save her marriage, she never said I love you and I want us to stay together! She lied to
his face with a smile while arranging her secret afternoon in the hotel, she sneaked the
glamorous underwear shoes and perfume that was not intended for her husband quietly
Into her cupboard, nowhere does her husband appear to be a bad person or violent
Or a bad provider, they were both busy with their work and child as all married couples are,
I think it was simply that she was tired, feeling neglected and or bored and met an exciting
Handsome man at work who paid her attention, she was tempted, swept off her feet
and did nothing to resist.
There was nothing that her husband could have done to compete with that man!
she said she did not intend to break up her marriage but seriously at that point she ended her
marriage the first time she slept with him!
She said the end of her affair was written on day one and that it was all too plain and sad but
Everything in this drama indicated that she was getting in deeper, it was really cruel of her
to stay in the hotel room with her lover, let her husband break his heart in front of her and
Go away alone!
My impression is that she was in love with that person and was no longer interested
In her husband, she almost said so when her husband asked her but her boyfriend silenced
Her by interrupting.
Yes, she said sorry, quietly without feeling with her eyes down to her lap, I felt that if the
Lover had asked her she would have started a new life with him.
Now, what do I wish she had said to save her marriage..
“ I am truly sorry, I have lost everything that I held dear to me, if only I could turn back time,
I am so ashamed of who I have become, if only you could forgive me, pease take me in
Your arms and tell me we can work through this together, I will never again leave your side but
I know that what I did makes me unworthy of ever having your love again, you did nothing
wrong it was all me, I was in a daze and threw my life away, I will never forgive myself for
Hurting you, my dearest love my husband and truest friend, I am so, so sorry.
That’s what she could have said and saved her marriage, but then it would have been a different
story.
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matrice
April 6, 2022 at 2:00 AM
Sure, the drama is over, but I am expressing my disappointment about how this thing was handled. They explored her stress and tried to tie it to her affair, but she didn't have a one night stand, the point is that she could have reversed course in any moment, and she did not. More generally, I didn't see any visible, dramatic change in her character, and all the components -knowing her husband was a good man, knowing this was wrong, the guilt she felt afterwards and the ease of the breakup- make it hard for me to understand what changed/why she wouldn't do this again/why she didn't stop it after the first time. I mean, they are both unacceptable, but surely a one night stand followed by swift confession and visible and lasting character change is different from choosing to deceive her husband indefinitely. This is not something that I can understand on the basis of stress/etc., it's a deliberate decision she took when she was given countless chances to reverse course (her husband asking what was wrong and trying to make time for them to reconnect).
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matrice
April 6, 2022 at 2:23 AM
I was frustrated about how passive they made her, as if she was a damsel in distress waiting for her prince to rescue her... she is a grown woman with agency! It's why I felt that the "vase" metaphor was demeaning and patronizing: she is not an inanimate object, she is a person making her own choices. My main concern is that I don't really understand how her stress could lead her not only to the affair, but to he reaching out to her lover after their first encounter and planning to continue seeing each other and lying to their partner indefinitely. Even accepting the premise (about which I have some perplexity as state above), the fact that:
1) I don't see how that would lead to her choosing every day to continue seeing her lover and lying to her husband (basically choosing the affair over her family), when she had every chance to reverse course (she lied to him about her state, and admitted she couldn't blame him for not knowing something she also ignored and then tried to deliberately hide from him, but if you remember when he had a inkling something was wrong, he asked her how she was doing and proposed they take time off to reconnect, and she lied that everything was fine and she had to work, while planning to sleep with her lover). This is baffling particularly if you consider how easily they broke off the affair and how she couldn't even look her husband in the face/stand being with him after he discovered the affair. Why the 180 reversal on the guilt front? Why did it not cause her to break things off or even come clean (and she wanted to continue lying to her lover's wife, deprieving her of the chance to make an informed choice, basically letting her lover make her choices for her, which I don't understand how she could have accepted, as a woman).
2) Because I don't see how she could do that, and I don't see any growth/visible and lasting character change/epiphany where she realized something that was acceptable before was really not, or that she had taken her husband for granted (who was much better than her lover, who fired her without consulting her -rather than walking away himself- and badmouthed her to his wife, who he would have lied to indefinitely). In other words, she has the same mindset as before, it's not like her opinion of her actions or her feelings towards her husband have changed, and in the past it obviously didn't stop her from committing an affair, seeking out her lover again, and planning to continue cheating and lying indefinitely.
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Jackpapa376
April 6, 2022 at 11:07 AM
I really liked what you said above for the wife SY to save her marriage.
The Male and Female Leads performed excellently in this show. The OST was so emotional and touch the heart. This last EP made me think about rewatching this K-drama from the start to better understand the wife’s character b/c I firstly felt 50/50 sympathetically to her and did not like the (opened) happiness ending. Then, the more I tried to understand her, the more I disliked her.
When I rewatched the scene of all-three confrontation in the hotel room that the husband noticed his wife not wearing her wedding ring and asked her if she was seriously in love with her lover. I had the same thinking as yours that SY was passionately in love with her lover and was reluctant to tell the truth and her lover knew her passion and quickly jumped-in to say the playing with fire statement.
I wonder if the K-writer intentionally portrayed SY’s character to be looked cruel and terribly in this remade K-drama. There were so many scenes which followed the original J-drama but were much changed … (not twisted) … to make the wife looked so badly and even some scene conflicted with her written character.
There was a doubtful hidden scene before the affair was caught-up when the wife came back in her lover’s car after her late night’s off-hour work and the husband HW accidentally saw his wife smiling along with her kissing/blowing hand given to her lover when her lover dropped her nearby the apartment and called her back. The original J-drama showed differently that the J-wife seemed uncomfortable when her lover called and wanted to touch her hand. After rewatching, I had a doubt if SY had really gone out for the late evening’s off-hour working or if she had lied to her husband to go out to meet her lover.
The K-writer wanted to portray that SY was overstretched by lots of works as a career mom and housewife. I firstly thought that she might have a communication issue to share her burdens to her husband b/c she wanted to keep her image as a perfect wife/mom to her husband. But after rewatching the scene that she REQUESTED and PUSHED her burden to her husband in finding a camera-man to satisfy the Mom group, I did not think the communication was her issue. Was this camera-man requesting scene added into this K-drama for only the reason to show the wife’s character in pleasing everyone? BUT this scene was obviously against to her character of not thinking to share her burdens to the husband. Or did the found-out affair change her character that she did not need to maintain her image as a perfect wife/mom?
There were a few scenes that I did not much understand the K-Writer’s intention in the show. One of them was when the wife encountered her husband asking if he had an affair before. There was NO clear scene in any EP showing that he actually had an affair when he was dating with his ex girl-friend when they were at the college or with any woman during his...
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Jackpapa376
April 6, 2022 at 11:13 AM
One of them was when the wife encountered the husband asking if he had an affair before. There was NO clear scene showing that he had an affair either when he was dating with his ex girl-friend when they were at the college or with any woman during his marriage period. He told his wife that he might have his ‘emotional’ affair with other girls …. BUT that emotional feeling was not WORSE when compared to the physical affair or adultery that the wife ‘intentionally’ did and lied to her husband. WHY did the wife ask that crazy question to make herself looked negatively in the story? Did the Writer want to highlight that HW was an honest husband while SY was clearly a cheater? This K-story was opposite to the original J-drama version that the J-husband also had an adultery mistake and his wife knew and pretended to not knowing it.
Another added scene in this last EP of K-drama when the wife disclosed her personal feeling that she forgot her family, son, etc. … and feeling sorry and guilty for the affair was not in her mind implying that she was truly in love with a new guy and she, IMO, was unhappy with her family and ready to leave her family whenever her lover decided to divorce his wife.
The last scene that the husband walked back to restart the family relationship was also disappointing. He still blamed and talked to himself that he hoped his wife would forget the ‘previous’ himself. I thought the K-Writer confused his/her own written story that the wife already forgave and knew that it was not his fault for their broken family … and he tried very hard to save the family. The wife wanted for the reconciliation and was waiting for his forgiveness. It was him who was hurt and could not erase the vision of his wife being physically contacted with another man. The husband should rather mention to himself to have a miracle or magic to erase that painful memory from his head … and made a wish that his wife would never feel in love with another man again.
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matrice
April 10, 2022 at 1:07 AM
Actually, that was a really creepy and unacceptable side of the show. He *didn't* have an emotional affair (I am uncomfortable even with the word, because it's not clear what the boundary between that and a platonic friendship are, and could be very up for debate... is this real, or is the other partner being jealous and possessive? Unless you take a Mike Pence like stance of no dinner with the opposite sex if wife is not present...).
The guy didn't really have a bond with other women comparable to the one he had with his wife, he simply had fantasies, like basically everyone else (who doesn't wonder what ifs... what if I dropped my job and became a barista on the beach, etc.).
You are not in control of your thoughts/emotions. Of course, you can focus your mind on a task, but not control every random thought. That's why we hold people responsible (criminally so if they commit a crime, otherwise in terms of social norms, etc.) for their actions, but the notion of a "thought crime" is repulsive and has no place in a normal, non Orwellian society.
If he had had an affair as in the case of the jdrama I would be 100% sympathetic towards the wife: he would have no grounds to expect loyalty from her if he was not willing to be loyal in the first place. It would have made the self guilt and equivocation/equiparation between their situations perfectly understandable, and I could have accepted the "feeling sorry for each other" and "we both forget our past selves", as if they were on the same level/as if they were even.
matrice
April 10, 2022 at 1:00 AM
I tried, but could never really feel sympathetic towards the wife, at least with respect to the affair. I understood that she was stressed and even thought that people at work, including her lover, were treating her unfairly. But she was the one that deceived her husband about her mental state (before they both ignored the issue), and all his slights were unintentional, while she was a habitual liar and serial cheater. She was also willing to sleep with a married man, reach out to him again after their first encounter, and deceive indefinitely her husband and his wife, risking to destroy both her and her lover's family. All that was done deliberately. Her husband's ignorance about housework and mistake at trusting her words about her mental state (well, when he noticed an issue he asked her how she felt and whether she wanted to take time off to reconnect, and she lied to his face that she was fine and had a meeting, when she was planning to sleep with her lover). They were both at fault for being inattentive, in that they both forgot about their anniversary. In terms of lack of communication, he might have been too trusting of her, and confident she would tell him if there were any problems, but not telling him and lying to him was her choice (and she freely admits that she should have). He would have obviously done something had she asked. So, all in all, nothing about that "stress" bit does anything to explain the cheating (would a lover improve her schedule? Though she apparently wasn't able to find two hours for herself, but could find time for him), and certainly not the habitual lying, serial cheating and being willing to deceive and risk ruining her and her lover's families. That's simply an non sequitur (among other things, her lover's wife didn't do anything to her), and there was no proportionality (he thinks his being ignorant ad slightly inattentive -she forgot their anniversary as well, let's remember- is worse than her habitual lying, serial cheating and homewrecking-... it is not, this is cutting someone's hand off if they steal a loaf of bread).
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matrice
April 21, 2022 at 7:12 AM
I have actually watched the Japanese series, and I must say that I have conflicting feelings on it, some things are handled better, other worse:
- The ML's attitude is more apologetic (he basically apologizes to the adulterers for following them, almost) and "calm". This despite his wife absurdly insisting that he calm down. Seems unrealistic.
- Same not answering/not addressing the "love" part, missing ring, etc. Same "won't see him for the time being" bit. However, when he questions her about her words (as she has spoken to the guy), she explicitly tells her husband that she will continue to see him for work (here he is not a client, from what I understand), as if it was perfectly normal and expected. Funnily enough, the guy cuts her off the project via text message and is off to Europe (permanently?). Dynamic seemed more disrespectful. Bit iffy about them being coworkers (is he permanently in Europe?).
- She insists on telling him the reason, as if it mattered, and the reason is the same nonsensical "stressed out" bit, but she does not even acknowledge her responsibility for *choosing* to lie to him about her state. At least in the kdrama version there was some acknowledgment that he couldn't be a mind reader, and about the craziness of the whole excuse (a lot of people have it worse, etc.).
- In general, I found creepy and not believable that she would frequently talk about her husband/child to her lover. I find it more believable (and coherent with her not carrying the wedding ring) that she would not think about them at all while with her lover (as explained in the kdrama). Them having conversations about her husband and kid and *still* deceiving and betraying them seems crazy.
- In general, there was not as much emphasis on housework, things progressed much quickly. Also, when she asks whether he would be able to forget her sleeping with another guy, he clearly answers "no", which is the logical and realistic answer. He tells her he can try to put this behind them for the kid, but he is not an amnesiac. There is much less lecturing than in the kdrama (lecturing that was insulting to the viewer's intelligence).
- The scene with his mother was absurd... the woman basically ripped him a new one for believing he cheated, but when she confessed to cheating, she basically tells her she is the perfect mother and wife (you mean apart for the habitual lying and serial cheating bits?) and that it's basically her husband's fault (made me think that the guy might be her husband's illegitimate child, cannot believe his own blood mother would be so indifferent to his plight and side with the one that betrayed him).
- The cheating was one of the more realistic elements here. Though frankly, I didn't get if he progressed past kissing (in the past), and when he has the chance he does not cheat again, plus I got the feeling he broke things off in the past (not sure, can't remember). The point being that this was not serial...
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matrice
April 21, 2022 at 7:12 AM
The point being that this was not serial cheating, and the only way I can see this in the same "equivalence class" is if the guy actually slept with his lover. In this respect, despite appreciating this as a more realistic element (the "thought crime" bit was just downright irritating), it's not really used much (it's not as if she makes it part of the explanation for why she cheated, which she should have, as she clearly resented him having an affair while she was pregnant... more realistic than "stress", maybe she felt entitled to the affair because he had one as well).
- Liked how he explicitly said that he didn't want her lover's wife to be ignorant of this, that it would be worse to continue deceiving her. They also kept the "it's unjust for there to be no accountability for this guy's actions" bit. Those were my preferred bits, and in terms of characterization I liked the emphasis here. Despite that, she insist on the "unnecessarily hurting" part, and he doesn't push back. First of all, they were the ones that deceived her without giving a hoot about her. Secondly, there is nothing unnecessary about this, see his comment about her being ignorant of the affair being wrong: they are taking a choice away from her by depriving her of the ability to make an informed decision. He even said this himself (and she thanks him for it as in the kdrama).
- Didn't like the reason they gave for her lover's affair (root cause being his wife not being able to conceive... not sure what she thinks she should have done differently, given that at a base level this is not her fault). Didn't like that are missing the scene of her confronting the guy's wife.
- Didn't really like the (unintentional?) paragon with the AV actress situation (though I did like the concept of his friend marrying an av actress, in general I liked his friends more in this one)... there, there was no cheating involved. The trust issues were not there. It's not about sex... actually, contrary to the kdrama, I didn't like the way he really seemed to think that male cheating was more acceptable than female cheating, while in the kdrama he was pretty adamant that they were equally bad.
- All in all, it was nice and refreshing to see this in the context of a "bad production". Meaning that the good acting and production of the kdrama series covered up what was essentially shoddy writing, and I feel reaffirmed in my objections to the characterization. I also liked the husband cheating and the lack of emphasis on brown beating him.
73 matrice
April 6, 2022 at 2:07 AM
The "stress" explanation is pretty leaky, and I would wish to see addressed questions such as "why did you continue the affair then"... he offered to spend some time together to reconnect after their anniversary, why didn't she take him up on his offer, if the issue was a lack of "me time"? Basically, granting the stress and the affair (though I have my doubts about what it did for her, as her schedule if anything became more hectic), the "will continue the affair and will keep lying to my husband indefinitely" part does not logically follow. Among other things, where is the guilt? After being discovered, she couldn't stand looking at his face, but before she had no issue looking him in the eyes and lying to him. And they broke off the affair super easy afterwards, so clearly they were not into a Hymn of Death "till death do us part" mode.
I am disappointed about how this thing was handled. They explored her stress and tried to tie it to her affair, but she didn't have a one night stand, the point is that she could have reversed course in any moment, and she did not. More generally, I didn't see any visible, dramatic change in her character, and all the components -knowing her husband was a good man, knowing this was wrong, the guilt she felt afterwards and the ease of the breakup- make it hard for me to understand what changed/why she wouldn't do this again/why she didn't stop it after the first time. I mean, they are both unacceptable, but surely a one night stand followed by swift confession and visible and lasting character change is different from choosing to deceive her husband indefinitely. This is not something that I can understand on the basis of stress/etc., it's a deliberate decision she took when she was given countless chances to reverse course (her husband asking what was wrong and trying to make time for them to reconnect).
Most of all, I didn't like how "passive" she was, she was the one that had the affair, he was the one that did basically all the growth and change (when clearly if anyone needed some visible and lasting change was her). She did not really do anything to redeem herself (not that she could), and all in all, because even with all the points about the stress, etc., I don't get how she could continue the affair and deception indefinitely without being swallowed by guilt, when it was so easy for her to break things off and she couldn't even look her husband in the face afterwards, AND because I don't see any visible and lasting character change on her part, I am confused about why she wouldn't do this again. I don't get why she did, why she didn't stop, and she didn't have any epipthany that made her see how something she thought was acceptable before was really not: she had the same opinion then as she does now, and in the past it didn't stop her from not only having an affair, but planning to continue it and deceive her husband indefinitely.
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74 matrice
April 6, 2022 at 4:06 AM
I liked how she acknowledged that she was the one that didn't tell her husband how she felt, and that she didn't really try to redeem herself (she couldn't have, but she didn't even make an effort). He was the active one, growing and changing, fighting to keep the relationship together, while she was the passive one, passively accepting this without really making an effort of her own.
This "damsel in distress waiting for the knight in shining armor to save her" attitude, this lack of significant attempts to atone/redeem herself and of significant epiphanies/growth/change on her side are worrysome. The fact of the matter is that neither the way she views her actions nor her feelings for her husband have really changed from the time of the affair: it's not as if she thought something was ok and discovered it was unacceptable, or if she thought her husband was scum (and there is no more clear way to say "I take you for granted" or "I don't value what I have" than having an affair, reaching out to her lover after their encounter and plan to continue seeing each other and lying to their partners indefinitely) and then realized how much he meant to her (he always said he was a good person and did not regret marrying him, she didn't want to divorce).
On one hand, the lack of change is disturbing in and of itself. He might have been somewhat clueless, but he never deceived her. She cheated on him, sought out her lover again and planned to continue cheating on and deceiving her husband indefinitely. It seems to me like in terms of growth/realizations/epiphanies and need for some deep, long lasting character change, she needed it much more than him. On the other hand, since it's not like she discovered something she thougth was ok was not, or that she despised her husband and now realized she value him, but her thoughts about her actions and feelings for her husband didn't change that much, given that in the past they didn't stop her from actively reaching out to her lover, planning on cheating on her husband and deceiving him indefinitely (frankly, I am perplexied why she never felt the need to break it off or even come clean given the ease with which she did the former and the guilt that made her unable to even look her husband in the face after he knew, which should have by all accounts made it torture to deceive him while continuing the affair indefinitely). I don't get why she planned to cheat and deceive him indefinitely, and since she had no significant change or epiphany I don't get what's to keep her from doing this again. It's not as if before she thought what she was doing was ok, or thought her husband was a bad person who deserved this (she said he was a good person herself), but neither of those things stopped her from deceiving him indefinitely, or at least planning to.
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75 matrice
April 6, 2022 at 4:11 AM
Point is:
- She should have shown the greater change (as she was the one willing to deceive her husband indefinitely, and she clearly has a problem with honesty), willingness to work on the relationship, and she did not.
- Since she didn't have any significant change/epiphany, and I don't understand how she could be willing to continue cheating and deceiving him indefinitely when she had the change to reverse course every second of every day, I don't understand how he can expect her not to do this again in the future. It's not as if before she thought this was okay, or she thought he was the kind of filth that deserved this. It didn't stop her from doing it.
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Alhambra
April 6, 2022 at 5:01 AM
I think the point is she did not want to stop, she said I thought it`d be alright if only he didn’t know, she had been released from her uneventful housewife life to that of an excited, beautiful, flirtatious and sexually desirable woman, pursued and (so Michael said) loved, by the most dateable man in her office, it was obvious in her face when she was texting him or speaking about him
That she could not wait for their next meeting, she loved who she discovered she was, and just wanted to be in that exciting lifestyle with her new man and cocktail bar clothes, there was not one hint that she would not cheat again or seek out another companion when
Things had `quietened` down at her safe home. She admitted that when she was with that person she did not think of her husband, son or work, no sign of regret just a petulant sulking because her adventure had imploded.
The ending for me was unsatisfactory as nothing had been sorted out and she seemed to just settle for dependable old husband ‘for now’
Ok, on to the next gripping KDrama any suggestions?
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matrice
April 6, 2022 at 7:03 AM
I don't think we are talking about the same series, I don't remember any of these details (besides the one about not thinking of responsibilities, family, etc.). To be honest, they didn't discuss in depth how the affair started at all besides saying that she was overworked and starting to wonder what she wanted. In that respect it didn't fully make sense to me as adding an affair wouldn't clear up her schedule, and her problem, as explained in this episode, was literally that she couldn't find 2 hours to be alone (how come she could plan meeting with her lover, then? This is never called out or explained).
My point remains that they both had things to improve on, but frankly, he did most of the growing/changing/had the most epiphanies, and she barely changed, if at all, while being the one that was ready to cheat and deceive him indefinitely, one would guess that she would need to do the most introspection/trying to redeem herself, etc. In terms of the narrative arc, it was unsatisfying to see the victim working to hold together a relationship that she didn't want to fight for, or see her self righteously pressure him because she felt that he "was not on schedule" when he couldn't get over what he had just discovered she did (like when they argued about him talking about his story, or when he was traumatized when they tried being intimate).
I would suggest My Mister as another Drama with the same male protagonist, I could actually found the wife a more tolerable character in that drama, at least in relative terms. There was not such an involution where the victim started out in a reasonable place (if not completely fair due to justified anger) and ended up apologizing to her for not having yet been able to heal from the emotional scar *she* inflicted (and a thousand other things that were just "too much" and one-sided to be believable, almost as if he was the one that would have deceived his spouse forever). Also, in that drama there was no such one-sided portrayal of the wife's reasons as "objectively right", because the female lead serves as a counter example and allows to see that what she complains about is just a matter of perspective (for example, she complains about his bond with his extended family and community, who she hates, but the female lead shares the same family values, with her grandma, and loves his friends). The ending is also ambiguous, which you might not appreciate, but at least does not disappoint you as if you get a clear cut conclusion, but it is not the one you desire.
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matrice
April 6, 2022 at 7:24 AM
On that note, I found the extreme self-debasement of the husband excessive and unrealistic. Also, laughing at people calling this a "mature" and "realistic" portrayal of the situation, given the speed with which they resolved matters without ever the need for counselling or therapy. Like, the last episodes he was so traumatized he could not even hug her, and now he is perfectly okay? After a spiel about looking forward? As if merely wishing to was enough to forget trauma? Pure deus ex machina hogwash.
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Alhambra
April 21, 2022 at 12:50 PM
Matrice
They state clearly in both Japanese and Korean versions that they had sex, both wives said yes when pressured by the husband and both lovers admitted they had affairs once in K version but doesn’t say when or where and once inJ version when on a business trip in Seoul, I did not get the impression that because they spoke about their husbands and families during the affair that it would stop them having sex! She states in her song that `I thought it`d be alright if only you didn’t know` my interpretation, I will carry on with this affair and deal with the consequences when that day comes, or what you don’t know won’t hurt you! there was no indication that she felt any constraints during this six months, we did not see her texting her lover before the hotel meeting saying ` I cannot meet you anymore, this has to stop, I am a wife and a mother I am besides myself with guilt and cannot continue, and then backspacing and deleting the message showing doubt and concern and hesitation, she shows NO concern during the whole affair, yes, there is a scene when she Is finally alone in the apartment, when she looks around and sees the wall chart showing her boys growth and all the shared items that she literally collapses and sobs her heart out but what is she sobbing for? The mess she has made? The pain she has caused her family? The loss of her lover? Regret over what she has done and the enormity of her actions? All we know is that she is desolate but why did she not sob to her husband and beg his forgiveness ? She does nothing which is why I judge her character as being cold and amoral and they should not have written a happy ending for her …….in my humble opinion, it is only a tv drama but so real when performed by world class actors.
Alhambra
April 6, 2022 at 10:22 AM
Matrice, what details do you not remember?
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matrice
April 7, 2022 at 1:56 AM
She clearly states that he just happened to find her when she dropped her mask and she simply does not give a clear explanation of how the affair started, so the "pursued by the most desirable in the office", etc. were simply not mentioned (he was a married man with kids, in any case). As explained in this chapter, this was not about sexual frustration or her life being "uneventful", on the contrary it was about her having too many activities to take care of (by the way, she was not a bored housewife, she was a career woman working on her promotion), essentially stress, the opposite of boredom. Not sure who "Michael" is. Not sure how she couldn't find two hours for herself, but could fit a lover into her schedule. She said she begun to ask herself what she wanted, but didn't really change anything about her life/responsibilites/etc. Not clear why she would spurn offer of reconnection, etc. if stress related, or cheat, or even after cheating once, turn into a serial cheater, with no guilt during the affair (consider again that the husband asked how she was doing and whether she wanted to spend time to reconnect, which is exactly what she wanted, and she lied that she was fine and had a work meeting, planning to go sleep with her lover and then pick up her kid, and wanted to continue doing this indefinitely... guilt apparently not being a factor/doing any work here, otherwise the idea of keeping it up and answering her kid's and husband's question about how the meeting went would have been pure torture). So, why it turned serial without any intention to stop when it was so easily broken off was not explored; or why she chose a married man with kids of his own (stress doing a lot of work there, I would say inversely proportional to guilt, which never prompted them to not have the affair, or break it off, or be honest).
matrice
April 7, 2022 at 3:20 AM
The bit about it being about flirting/sexual desirability and her being a bored housewife. The guy was not a coworker but a client, no the 'most desirable in the office' but a married man. Don't know who Michael is. The problem was exactly the opposite: stress rather than boredom. She was not a bored housewife, but an overworked career woman. Now, as I said, "stress" is doing a lot of work here, leading her to become a habitual liar, serial cheater and homewrecker. She not only cheated, but reached out to her lover after their first meeting and when her husband tried asking how she was and whether she wanted to spend time to reconnect, despite it being exactly what she wanted, she lied that she was fine and had a work meeting, only to go sleep with her lover, planning to pick up her kid afterwards. Guilt not really doing much here, given that the prospect of looking her kid and husband in the face when they asked how the meeting went, and doing something like this indefinitely, would have otherwise been pure torture.
matrice
April 7, 2022 at 6:24 AM
I apologize, I didn't recall that the surname of the lover was Michael... in any case, I think that in terms of the events I will take what she has been talking about this episode. It was not about her being attracted to the "office stud" or being a bored housewife, it was about her being overworked and him catching her with her mask down (maybe it's easier to see such things from the outside, maybe it's easier to talk about your issue with a stranger, these are features of therapy, after all). I honestly cannot blame her husband for trusting her lies about how she was at face value, considering how shamelessly she lied about her affair and how honest she appeared when looking at him and the kid without a shred of guilt... It's hard to see how he could have known about her problems if she put up such a convincing mask. In terms of being inattentive, they both were (they both forgot their anniversary, for example). In terms of stress, to be fair, the guy was in a situation where he could lose his job at any moment, like it happened at the start and he had to come up with the idea of that distasteful cheating tv show.
I don't think she loved the guy, she didn't answer affirmatively, while he confessed to loving her (I think he lied, as he never left his wife and then proceeded to fire her from the project without even a discussion beforehand -rather than leave himself- and badmouth her to his wife, basically throwing her under the bus. He also left after he received a call when they were at the hotel, leaving her alone.
She didn't want to leave her husband, which to me is indicative that she was not in love with her lover. The adulterous relationship was ended without any struggle. But yes, I would have liked to hear more details about how it started and what they really felt for each other, and a bit more self reflection in general on her lover given his self serving behavior.
It's true that she was non-committal and ticky thurthing with the details, and did not disclose that the lover was her client (though he said they were coworkers) working *on the same project*. And met him the very next day despite promises to the contrary, when he "solved the problem" by firing her.
malcom
April 7, 2022 at 9:44 AM
My basic point is that they actually addressed the reasons, etc., but not in a satisfactory fashion. She was stressed, she didn't love her lover (they broke it off like it was nothing, there was no Hymn of Death literally lethal struggle, it was all superficial whim... he claimed to love her, not at all sure about that given he didn't leave his wife, he left her alone at the hotel when he received a call, and fired her without a discussion, badmouthing her to his wife): https://dramaforreal.com/2016/12/06/my-wifes-having-an-affair-this-week-series-review/
"""not enough for the audience to think he ever “deserved” getting cheating on. Which then brings me to my next issue: the cheating wife. Jung Soo Yeon acts so unremorseful about the affair for the majority of the drama. That only made any type of reasoning or justification for her infidelity completely unacceptable. (And her reason for cheating really was dumb.) """
malcom
April 7, 2022 at 9:49 AM
I basically agree with the statement above (they gave clear indication that she didn't love her lover, saying she was stresse, etc.). The fact that the justification did not make sense is not really something we should consider as if she was a real person, the issue is the characterization and motivations were not explored or made sensible/intelligible/believable. From:https://dramaforreal.com/2016/12/06/my-wifes-having-an-affair-this-week-series-review/
"""My Wife’s Having an Affair This Week really was an infuriating drama to watch. There’s no other way to put it. The writers overt attempts to characterize the cheating wife as sympathetic really turned me off. The portrayals of these supposedly “modern relationships” just didn’t have enough depth or relatability to them."""
Basic point is that I don't see the connection between being stressed and becoming a habitual liar, serial cheater and homewrecker. It's not a one night stand, she didn't break it off or come clean, the moment before she would have spurned her husband, slept with her lover and lied to her kid's face about her day when she went to pick him up, the next moment she was unable to look her husband in the face and the affair was broken as easily as a popped bubble.
malcom
April 7, 2022 at 9:50 AM
Again, I was confused by the western name as in this episode, etc, he was called with his true Korean name.
Jackpapa376
April 6, 2022 at 8:45 PM
I more preferred the written character of the wife in My Mister which more clearly showed why the wife hated and betrayed her husband — I do not mean here that any cheating is justified … Then the wife felt hurt and was suffered due to her wrong affair decision and expressed sincerely remorseful to the husband for her guilt.
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matrice
April 9, 2022 at 8:38 AM
Actually, I am not sure I agree.
- The wife did not hate him, in the first episodes she tells her lover that he was a kind and reliable, if lonesome, husband, and most women would have loved being with him. Why does she stand by the side of his worst enemy, even when he is prepared to fire him, you as? Well...
- We don't really know, because they don't explain why she cheated. They explain why she was unhappy (frankly, I think she was possessive/clingy/needy/insecure, and was like that even with her lover, calling him, etc... I don't think her complaints are objective slights, just different perspective, for example Ji An had the same attitude on family -her grandma and his mom's parallel-, and hit it off beautifully with his friends and family).
- In the apology scene, he makes it clear that they were both unhappy, but he would have never cheated, and he would have agreed to grant her a divorce (like she planned to ask when she was cheating and is okay with even now), and in particular he asked why she chose his worst enemy... we don't see the answer to that question (it's a fragmented flashback), the closest we get is Ji An's question in the final episode, which she answers as "I could tell you a thousand excuses/rationalizations, but no true reason".
- I was equally uncomfortable with the apology, because she told him she felt like dying when she knew he knew. So was it ok when he didn't know? For that matter, it's not just about him not knowing -that became about that after she broke up with her lover and planned to stay with him without ever coming clean (fallback choice?)-, because when she was planning to divorce him to be with his worst enemy, who was trying to fire him for the occasion, she was perfectly okay with letting him know of her relationship by asking for a divorce and officially getting together with her lover, without any regret. She didn't do this not because he was willing to hurt her husband but because he lied to her about camping.
- In this context, I don't know what is supposed to be "remorseful" and "guilt"... in objective terms, what she did was much worse (she was okay with being with someone that tried to fire him with the help of an accused murderer, and she was betraying him with his worst enemy).
matrice
April 10, 2022 at 1:23 AM
I also didn't like how during the apology she threw accusations that were really about her insecurities and opinions, rather than objective slight. Her keeping score of old favors means she didn't do them without expecting anything in return, basically she didn't treat her in laws like family (unlike her sister in law). And she knew how he was about family/friends before marrying him, but was biding her time, wanting him to distance himself from them -a key part of his life-. Compare and contrast with Ji An, who had the same idea of family (her grandma parallel with his mom) and hit it off immediately with his friends/brothers. Wife clearly didn't want to fit in, she wanted him to give her all his attention, for their family to be about her and the kid. Note how she doesn't have her own friends circle, even outside the neighborhood (like he does with his work colleagues).
He was much more unhappy and stressed out (having to take care of the house before she came back to work and not even turning the tv on, to support her; having to financially support the rest of his family, and therefore be in a job where he was subject to discrimination (boss was his junior, wife made more than him -he didn't care about either, but people talked-), and unfair treatment (boss trying to frame/fire him).
Besides her projecting and accusing him of things she did 1000 times worse (questioning his commitment, him not sharing things, being insecure, when she was the one cheating with his worst enemy who wanted to fire him and trying to emotionally manipulate him, playing on his insecurities, and thinking nobody would follow him, to mortage his house, leave his job, and... fail at a new business when she wrecked him by leaving him for his worst enemy, right when he needed to put all his focus on the new business), deceiving him for years, and left him questioning not only whether she had any care for him, but any shred of respect).
She should have discussed this (maybe understanding that he was under much greater stress and feeling much more unhappy, to the point where at some point he eve stares down suspiciously long at the Han river on a bridge) at a later time. Doing it when she was offering an apology, in a moment that was supposed to be about him, when he had just said she had made him feel worthless, meant gallingly and self absobrbedly ignoring his psychological safety.
matrice
April 10, 2022 at 1:23 AM
In My Mister, divorce was definitely an option for them, this is made very clear in the show. She wanted to divorce him when she was having the affair, he would have liked her to divorce him if she was unhappy, rather than cheat, and she wanted to let him divorce once he realized he didn't love her anymore after her apology. We see various divorced characters: her lover was divorced, her sister in law was separated and going for divorce (and still being part of the family), her child was perfectly comfortable with his uncle's separation. Her child was already living separated from his parents, in the US and she was an affluent (lawyer) seoulite, and moved in the US as well in the end. So, there was no true stigma associated with it and the child was already mature and comfortable with his uncle/aunt situation (his aunt remained in his life, and in her mother in law's life, even after the separation).
The fact of "suffering for your family/loved ones" was also explicitly rejected during the arc with the monk, where he told him that if he wouldn't ask his son to sacrifice and suffer for other people, why would he live that way. Also, the monk coming back to the town and realizing that he shouldn't have felt guilty about making his decision because it went against social conventions, or because it hurt his lover, since he never lied to her, and that he had the right to prioritize what felt right for his own life. The message was clearly that as long as you are honest and don't deceive others and yourself, you have the right to your own happyness. All in all, divorce was presented as much more of a taboo in *this* drama (My wife is having an affair), and they *still* went through with it.
Now, for the reason My Mister's protagonist wanted to keep things together and to not have other people know about this (which is why he suffered so much when his brothers learned about it, and why he said that Ji An understood what would hurt him the most when she got rid of the recordings because his wife's affair would have been exposed otherwise), it was not because of social stigma around divorce (as he said, he would have agreed to that without any problems had she asked him), but because he didn't want his family to see him suffer and humiliated and worry for him. This was explained clearly in the scene where he threatened the guy into giving his brothers a gift basket, and reinforced when he asked his mother if she thinks he is pathetic/worries for him. In the end, he lets go of this when he talks with Ji An, showing that he is strong enough to face the gossip if it means saving her, and that he will try to be happy so she doesn't feel pity for him.
matrice
April 10, 2022 at 1:42 AM
Here are the reasons I like the characterization more in My Mister:
- I actually could feel the chemistry (before her lover was recognized as scum), in the first scene, had she not been having an affair, I would have loved the relatioship between an older woman and an equally ambitious young man. Problem was, he was not interested in doing a good job (like Dong Hoon), he was ambitious in the sense of being manipulative and crooked.
- In the end, I would not say that My Wife's apologies were insincere (he was the one that blamed himself and though he was worse than her), and what she did was certainly not worse than My Mister's wife (she didn't sleep with his worst enemy and try to get him out of a job). Actually, one thing both dramas had in common is that they showed their real guilt when the wives let out their cheating due to guilt (My Wife with his mother, My Mister inadvertendly with his brothers), after deceiving without compunction for so long.
- It was more about My Mister standing his ground (if she is unhappy, she should have divorced + my caring for my family/friends does not mean I don't care for you... I would have liked a Crazy Rich Asian like Astrid scene with a: "you are a coward for giving up on us, it's not my job to cange myself just to deal with your insecurities").
- The wife's actions are not excused away. They both suffer. She tries to blame him for being with his friends, but he retorts that he didn't want to come home to a empty house, and she says it was a vicious cycle, and who knows who started (she was usually short/impatient with him, before getting scared when she discovered he knew, while he was always civil -and might I add, always thinking about her wellbeing, even when confronting her lover he accused him of not wanting to marry her for her lacking background-). Note how she habitually tended to place the whole blame on him. But he pushed back, on that and on his perspective on things (the value of an extended family -she brings the kid into this, but does she really think he would be better off without the connection to his extended family, particularly when living alone abroad?-), he defends himself. He also has more ground to stand on (he is basically the overstressed spouse that takes care of the household and is not appreciated, basically the wife in My Wife, only he doesn't cheat, the partner taking him for granted does).
- People around him take his side and don't buy her bs (Ji An confronting her, his director brother -the other one I found unimpressive, thinking he does not deserve a better, equally committed partner, the same as he asks him to put up with as unsatisfying job-, and I got an inkling that there was money involved (her favors for the businesses in the past, not rocking the boat).
- The lover is scum (actually, the disturbing part is that she had no issue being with him anyway, knowing he mistreated her husband at work and wanted to fire him... if Ji And and Dong Hoon...
matrice
April 10, 2022 at 1:43 AM
f Ji And and Dong Hoon hadn't intervened and he hadn't lied to her about camping she would have left her jobless husband for him).
- As the lover is scum, eventually she works against him (first she takes a "wait and see who between her lover and husband come out on top"). She is at least an active participant here, not passive.
- They don't try to demonize the husband and make the wife into a better person than her actions show. She is someone that would police who and when he could talk to due to her misplaced insecurities, don't go to family meetings with an excuse (episode 7) and then blame him for being there without her. Possessive and controlling.
- They make it clear that her unhappiness is not a reason for cheating. He explicitly tells her that if she was unhappy he would have granted her a divorce (which she had wanted to ask during the affair anyway). He was even more unhappy than her (in the Han river bridge scene, I would say almost suicidal) and much more stressed (housework, bad job, having to financially support the rest of his family, and her affair), and he didn't cheat (and always thought of her, as in the scene when he confronted her lover about him looking down on her for her background, or when he cared for her and nursed her back after the breakup, while knowing).
matrice
April 10, 2022 at 1:53 AM
Let's say that My Mister's wife did much worse, as explained above, and was treating him shortly/impatiently (until she knew, maybe until the apology included in terms of projections -pot calling the kettle black recriminations-) and gaslighting him (up until the apology included -if anyone had the right to question her commitment/not sharing things with him/feeling insecure, it was him -as an example, he wanted to keep the promotion he was up to a secret, revealed it to his brother only because they were guilty about asking him to stay in a job he hated, and in any case was worried about the other candidate doing something crazy when cornered... and the other candidate, as they both knew, was her lover, so did it really make sense to trust her with that information (he didn't ask himself that, but a little self awareness on her part wouldn't hurt), and didn't her hiding the affair for years count as a bigger "thing not to share"?
At the same time, after the apology she was ready to give him all the space he needed, and let him process things at his own pace, while My Wife, while never treating him curtly in his daily life, was still a habitual liar and serial cheater, and she was pressuring him to get over his trauma, resenting him because he was angry about the affair and correctly brought it up when she seemed to forget she was the perpetrator and him the victim.
In that sense, despite all her recriminations (which I found unfair: she knew about family/friends being a central part of his life/personality when she married him, she was asking a cat to bark, as she herself acknowledged in the first episodes with her lover when she said he was a kind and reliable person, if lonesome, and most women would be happy with him, but they had different perspectives), after the apology (included) she was willing to give him space and never acted as a victim again (in the end, she even admitted to Ji An that she could give a thousand rationalization/excuses for the affair, but she had no real reason).
matrice
April 10, 2022 at 2:01 AM
Ji An integrated herself perfectly with his friends and brothers in a short time, because she really wanted to be part of their group. His wife was in the neighborhood for years and did not. Moving to another neighborhood wouldn't have helped (notice how she has no friend group outside the neighborhood like the one Dong Hoon does with his work colleagues), essentially she didn't want a friend group, she wanted her husband's attention only for herself. His brothers, etc. were not family, only she and her kid (she didn't consider her in-laws family). Him, on the other hand, wanted to be part of a community. These were character differences, and ones that she had known before the marriage. She married him wanting to change him, and that was completely unfair. Basically, she bought a cat and wanted it to bark.
In terms of her stress, the wife in My Wife didn't blame the husband, the husband blamed himself.
In terms of the recriminations, in My Mister the wife suffers and puts all the blame for her choosing to marry someone that had a different perspective on him, but he does not take it lying down and pushes back (telling him he is doing the work at home, etc. for her and trusting her, and that she was never at home so he didn't want to come back to an empty home, and leaned on his friends (making her back down and fall back to the "both our fault" downward spiral explanation). I will take that reversal any day over someone that would blame himself for not being able to heal from his emotional wounds on his wife's schedule.
matrice
April 10, 2022 at 2:04 AM
I also liked how the recriminations were not an issue after the apology, and she gradually (implicitly) seemed to come to understand how unfair she was about that as well (dinner for promotion, not scorning his question about whether she needed anything as he was back from work, thanks to Ji An, and seeing how his friends were really accepting and always had his back (funeral, housing JI An), no questions asked. In the end, when asked by Ji An, she does not fall back on recriminations/excuses/rationalizations, but tells her that she could give a thousand excuses/rationalizations, but no real reason.
matrice
April 10, 2022 at 2:08 AM
Basically, my preference is due:
- him not being turned in a worm like creature that puts the blame on himself for his wife's actions: she is the only one responsible for her choices, she could have divorced him if she was unhappy; that is made explicit, by him
- in My Wife, she does take responsibility for the affair, but her cuckolded husbands and his female colleague and some internet people, etc. gaslight him and he accepts it, to the point he starts to consider his unintentional slights worse than her habitual lying and serial cheating, and to blame himself for not being able to heal from the emotional wound she inflicted fast enough.
matrice
April 10, 2022 at 2:16 AM
I also liked the reflection on the lover being scum. I think that while it was not to the same degree, a little bit of this could have been done in My Wife as well (too little attention paid to how he was essentially scum that stepped out on his wife and would have deceived her forever, or to him telling her he loved her, but not leaving his wife and firing her from the project without discussing it, and badmouthing her when it was convenient for him
- the lover being such a bad person in My Mister also gave the wife a chance to proactively fight against him, while in My wife, objectively, she didn't have much to do (but could have confronted him more strongly about her treatment of her, and she could have matured otherwise... in My Mister she is her that has the epihpany/realization, and that reconsiders her relationship (admittedly, pretty farcical and appalling that she would have divorced her husband to be with someone that belittled him and would have fired him, but broke up with him because, due to Ji An and Dong Hoon's manipulations, he ended up showing his true colors -about his relationship with her: the fact that he was scum that would sleep with a subordinate's wife and plan to fire him for his convenience was already known and was not beyond her threshold of acceptability- and lying to her about camping), also with Ji An playing the part of My Wife's protagonist's female colleague (but saying true and rather obvious things, rather than outrageous hogwash such as his wife being a pretty vase he should save with his male approval, or thought crimes now being a thing, or lack of communication while she was the one that intentionally lied to him about how she was and deliberately didn't tell him the truth about her state). Dong Hoon was instead reassured that he was a good person that didn't deserve this, and deserved to be happy instead. Actually, his wife was also shamed by Ji An liking him and being ready to go to such length for him, understanding the care she gave him and that she, as his wife, should have been the one to provide in terms of support.
matrice
August 22, 2022 at 5:08 AM
All in all, lots of hogwash that should have been called out in My Mister as well:
- YH gaslights him about things that she was a billion times more guilty of. They guy trusted her unconditionally (tells his disbelieving brother in ep1 that if she says she has to work, then it's true), thinks of her even when in pain (when confronting the boss at the campsite he sees the glove and cannot help but think of the two of them together, but still takes him to task about not wanting to marry her because he looks down on her background), takes care of her when she is recovering from the breakup (prepares porridge), despite the fact he cannot stop thinking of them together and has to physically turn around from his apartment when he sees her car downstairs. He also tries to compromise about his friends/family, an offer which she spurns without offering one of her own, despite the fact that she raised the issue, while fully knowing he knew of her affair -completely self absorbed, no empathy or understanding for the fact he needs space and the help of his support structure, again think of the scene of him being physically unable to enter the apartment because he felt so sick), not to mention the not insignificant fact that we learn he hung out with them because he didn't want to be home alone: he did all the housework before she came back to support her, but she was not there and when she was, she went straight to the study and he couldn't even comfortably watch tv. He didn't complain because he wanted to support her.
- In terms of priorities, she was willing to divorce him for someone that, on top of kneecapping his career and humiliating him at the job (his goons, making him pour drinks like a servant), tried to fire him (when her husband went to her for help, she told him to do nothing and ratted him out to her lover, milking her husband about what he knew... this is something he actually asks her lover about during their campsite confrontation). She conspires to get him out of a job (and mortage his house) in an attempt to make herself feel better about her self image, but when she doesn't feel like the reason for the conflict, she explicitly tells JA that she doesn't care about whether he even keeps his job (conversation in her lover nest). Again, she has the gall to talk to her husband about priorities (then again, she complains about not being told about the promotion, which in light of her affair with the boss, who he feared might do something crazy when cornered, and to whom she had already ratted him out when he came to her to save his job (with which he was supporting the rest of his family, might I add), she betrayed him... he does not owe him anything in terms of trusting her with information, as she has factually speaking demonstrated herself to be untrustworthy, not to mention that it was true that he didn't plan to tell anyone, and only revealed it to his brother because the latter felt guilty about asking him to work at his job,...
matrice
August 22, 2022 at 7:26 AM
... and factually speaking he would have been 100% correct in not telling her on accounts of her having ratted him out to her lover before (he even made sure to check with him whether she knew of the bribe backstory when he confronted him at the camp, and explicitly called her out for the fact that she would have been willing to see him out of a job and with a debt on the house in order to protect her self image -and, as JA very well knows, she didn't even care about whether DH lost his job once she felt she was not the "reason for the fight"-. So much for "priorities". Of course, it's seeing JA, who was hired to betray him, actually strive to protect him, while she was his wife betrayed him physically, emotionally, financially, basically in any dimension imaginable, that made her feel bad. On top of remembering how DH responded to her treating him curtly and shortly with kindness, taking care of her and being there for her despite knowing of her affair (which she seemed to promptly forget, given how she gaslighted him in a completely hypocritical manner, given her own actions were immeasurably worse, and if anyone had any right to question one's care and commitment it was him).
- She had a strange outlook all around: her niece, whose marriage she missed to spend time with her lover, is not family? Seems extreme, not exactly the recital of a cousin trice removed: her niece's marriage. Her mother in law helped her raise the kid while she was busy at work. Not family? In all this, she knows DH is depressed (suicidally so, see letting himself freeze to death or considering jumping off a bridge), and still trying to do his best, despite saying stuff like wishing he was never born, and that he continues to live only out of duty. She knows of his unhappiness and of how much he is trying to do his part for the family, but then turns around with a joke telling her lover he was just too charming. Which made her behavior all the worse, frankly. All this in a context where her own sister in law is about to divorce, which her son completely accepts, and her lover is divorced. And she is a lawyer, so pretty much as privileged she could be in this respect. And DH would be more than ready to agree if he could not make her happy. But no, after decades and a kid together, was more important to her than treating him with a shred of respect and dignity (excuse might be anything from being uncomfortable with the idea of breaking up, to finding it inconvenient... this is just moving the goalpost, then the question becomes why one's fear, discomfort, or being inconvenienced, matter to her more than the prospect of deceiving and humiliating her husband -repeatedly and over a year, and continuing to deceive him for a lifetime, might I add-.
So, plenty to explain regarding the blatant hypocrisy of her behavior, or how she was willing to betray him, lie him to his face for a year, while facing him and the kid and his family as if nothing...
matrice
August 22, 2022 at 9:06 AM
Basically, I guess that JA's presence was the saving grace, someone that was paid to betray DH and that did not. YH was supposed to be his family (that's what she claimed), and he shouldn't have considered his biological family "family", but she was the one that betrayed him, while they did not. Seeing JA stand up for DH at great personal cost (compare YH telling JA that she didn't care about whether he even kept his job, since she was not directly implicated anymore, to JA telling her that her lover is trash, and that she feels pity for DH, when YH incredibly asks her why she was sticking up for her husband -incredibly because of how much "taking for granted" is implied in such a question: DH is essentially what the female protagonist in this drama is meant to be, a billion times worse, only he gets cheated on instead of being the one doing the cheating-).
matrice
August 22, 2022 at 9:11 AM
Essentially, seeing JA sticking up for DH when she was paid to betray him, while she herself betrayed him in any way imaginable, physically, emotionally and even in terms of his job (and she didn't even care whether he kept it, as she told JA, once she felt she was no longer implicated), while she was his wife and family and was supposed to have his back (like the family she didn't want to call family, namely his biological family and friend group, did). JA calling out her hogwash was the saving grace, plus the fact that her lover's scumminess was called out, instead of brushed off as in this drama's lover, who essentially suffers no consequences for his actions, his wife being willing to put up with him and even exculpate him as if he didn't have agency. JA telling her that even if she had slept with her husband she didn't have any right to complain, because she had betrayed him first, not to mention that she had done much worse, basically mirrors my opinion, which is that in The Magicians, I was 100% behind the ML's gf sleeping with another guy since the ML had already cheated on her with one of their friends..
matrice
August 23, 2022 at 12:42 AM
Actually, I will moderate the opinion a bit:
- These things, in part, were called out, for example DH upholds his values and does not let himself be gaslighted, he is simply trying to keep his family together, and so puts up with much of her hogwash without challenging her (except in rare occasions where the outrageousness of it all overwhelms him, for example when she does not give him space and takes him to task for spending time with friends, acting as if *she* had the right to complain about *his* commitment, despite her knowing full well he knew of her affair, and he points out that the reason he spends time with them is that she is never at home, and when she is she goes to her studio, and while he wants to support her, and therefore never complained about his loneliness, he does not want to come back to an empty home (plus, at this point in time it's hard for him to even enter the apartment if he sees her car downstairs, but at this moment he is still trying to avoid the issue of her affair).
I would also say that DH, in addition to JA, also pushes back on her hogwash, though not in as complete or eloquent a manner as he could (for example, when she brings up the kid as a token, I wish he would have asked if she actually thought that *not* having his extended family in his life would have been better for the kid, particularly when he is in another continent the support structure they provide does seem to come very in handy).
matrice
August 23, 2022 at 12:58 AM
All in all, I much prefer the characterization in My Mister (and while I wish that some of the above issues were addressed more explicitly or eloquently, or the point was made at all -such as the effects of having a close relationship with his extended family on the kid, etc.-), all in all I appreciate the way the show has characters such as JA or DH's director brother not buy YH's hogwash for a second, and DH himself upholds his values and does not let himself be gaslighted or becomes so spineless as to seem afflicted by Stockholm Syndrome, as does the protagonist of this drama.
The points about My Wife's absolutely absurd characterization (not sure how an affair and a busy schedule are related, let alone the former helping address the latter, rather than making even more of a mess), and general shamelessness (she pretends to control who the victim talks about his own trauma and experience -this is quite aside from the fact that the notion he would asking online for anonymous people's opinion is idiotic, the basic point is that he owes her and her lover nothing, and telling, for example, her lover's wife about her husband's escapates, is not only fully within his rights, but also 100% the correct thing to do: she is an adult woman that deserves to be put in the position to make an informed decision about her relationship, rather than being deceived by her husband for her entire life-). Also the gaslighting about thought crimes, doublespeak, excuse making, lack of taking responsibility in any adult way for her behaviour, and dismissal of perfectly valid points (they are people in a career they have *chosen* than are raising *one* kid, not working two minimum wage jobs to raise four children: not only are most people in their position, plenty of people are in much worse positions... in that respect, the parallel about DH does not mean I would have support DH having an affair, if his wife had actually been loyal to him and, as in the ML in My Wife, also none the wiser about the situation due to her being completely uncommunicative, which is on her, and him not being a mind reader).
matrice
August 23, 2022 at 1:03 AM
All in all, the point made in the rest of this thread about me liking the characterization (loyal friends that have reasonable expectations about his wife not backstabbing him, etc., DH not gaslighting himself and having a shred of self respect, etc.) holds, namely it being more about how people, DH included, react to her betrayal (overall a more realistic reaction in terms of the pain and trauma that doesn't disappear when convenient, etc.)
matrice
August 23, 2022 at 1:11 AM
I was really, really rubbed the wrong way by the shamelessness of suggesting that My Wife's ML should have been their accomplice in the perpetual deception of her lover's wife. He didn't owe it to the two traitors, and her lover's wife was owed the truth. That gall and shamelessness and general sense of self entitlement implicit in such a request were frankly hard to believe. I mean, in the ballpark of My Mister's wife's gall in gaslighting DH about *his* commitment while betraying him emotionally, physically and financially, in terms of shamelessness. Possibly more stupid and insulting of the viewer's intelligence. Like the wallet bit. I mean, am I supposed to be impressed, while she was at the same time carrying on a full blown affair, with zero guilt about deceiving and humiliating him while lying to his face and spurning his offer to reconnect? The attempt is blatant and the hypocrisy palpable. It's intellectually insulting.
matrice
August 23, 2022 at 1:31 AM
All in all, cue the reasons mentioned in the other posts of this thread for why I like the characterization in MM much more than in this drama, and add to it the fact that bits like My Wife's cheating wife trying to make him an accomplice in the deception of her lover's wife, or wanting to police how he processes his trauma, as the victim, and who he talks to about his problems (irrespective of the fact that I think that talking about strangers online is idiotic), or trying to gaslight him by equating or drawing a parallel between one's emotions and fantasies and reality (if that was how we judged this, given irritation with traffic, let's just say that the commute to work would see much less cars due to sudden disappearence of people... by this I mean that feeling the impulse or desire to do something and actually doing it are two different things and if that was not the case, I would be 100 pounds heavier, given my sweet tooth... but I talked at length about why I think that the thought crime, orwellian hogwash we heard in previous episodes)... I mean, it did not only denote shamelessness (her admission to having been at fault being perfunctory, particularly when she expressed irritation for the victim of her betrayal daring to actually bring it up when she seem to forget it and is relevant to their discussion, which is often, which does not really denote genuine contrition or even an accurate assessment of the damage she had inflicted him), but it was genuinely stupid and insulting to the audience's intelligence.
matrice
August 23, 2022 at 12:47 PM
In my comments above, I said that MM's wife's betrayal was worse. Actually, I would say not under *every* dimension. For example, she chose a divorced man as a lover, while the wife in My Wife chose someone with a wife and a family of his own. Not that I think that MM's wife wouldn't have done the same, had her lover been married, given everything else that she was willing to do. Another example would be the issue of hypocrisy, of backstabbing and deceiving someone while putting up a facade of decency and respectability, feigning concern or even acting buddy buddy. I have already discussed this with respect to her lover, both in his attitude towards the ML and towards the ML's wife, who he claimed to love but then basically unilaterally fired from the project without even consulting her, and badmouthing her to his wife, towards whom he also pretended to act the part of the caring husband, while he would have been willing to deceive her ad infinitum. Nothing of this is credible, in fact it would be funny if they didn't take it seriously.
The basic facts are that he was willing to sleep with a married woman with a kid, backstabbing and humiliating a guy he had never met and with which he had no beef, and would have continued to do so ad infinitum, had he not been caught red handed. He obviously, factually, didn't care enough not to do this, so he shouldn't pretend to care now. Frankly, if I catch someone at home running away with my TV set, I could hardly buy their apologetic, concerned tirade, when I know that had I not happened to be there they would have been somewhere else counting the money. By comparison, I very much prefer MM's evil boss, who while being a hypocrite in his own way, either doesn't pretend to be sorry for hurting DH, or, when he pretends to care about his lover, she quickly reminds him that she is not an idiot and can clearly see that he did not: he is a crook that wants to ammass more power. Again, "pretend to care", because factually speaking they didn't care enough not to betray and deceive their partners (indefinitely, had they not been caugth, at that).
matrice
August 23, 2022 at 12:48 PM
Mutatis mutandis, the same holds true for My Wife's adulterous wife. Quite frankly, between YH being curt, short and impatient toward DH, and gaslighting him explicitly, and the hoghwash we see in My Wife with the wallet scene, I find that the latter is simply intellectually insulting for the viewer. What are you trying to say? That she backstabbed and deceived him for so long, would have continued to do so indefinitely had he not caught her, spurned his offer to reconnect, and was willing to hurt, humiliate, betray, deceive him over a whim, but since she bought him a wallet it means he should think she cares? Factually speaking, not enough to avoid betraying and deceiving him indefinitely. Is he, would any human be, really so cheap and/or stupid? I mean, sure, when I was irritated I shot your dog, but I apologized and bought you a wallet for Chirstmas. Frankly, when she told him that she didn't want to divorce, I was thinking "Was this supposed to make things better? You are essentially confessing you would have continued to deceive him forever, and that you were betraying him to satisfy a whim, not caring enough not to betray and deceive your partner... those, factually speaking, your priorities".
matrice
August 23, 2022 at 12:48 PM
Actually, frankly I don't kwon what I find more irritating... as I mentioned above, in MM there is plenty of hypocrisy (thankfully, much of it is called out by people in-drama, while here we are supposed to take this hogwash seriously and the ML self flagellates and gaslights himself, like a Stockholm Syndrome victim), and on some level seeing YH gaslight her husband about stuff she had been doing a billion times worse herself, or questioning his commitment when it was him that had every right to question hers, given her actions. I guess that in some sense, this is more in-your-face and explicit, while in My Wife I felt like they were trying to be subtle, while really being ham fisted, in their attempt to emotionally manipulate the audience, and would have liked the viewer to take seriously attitudes that were blatantly duplicitous, resulting in many moments where I was left wondering "Do they think the ML is stupid? He caught them red handed, they all know that if he was not there they would be going at it in the hotel bedroom at this very moment, and he is supposed to drink up their hogwash about being apologetic and caring or giving a s**t about him and the other cheated partner? What use is a cheap "being sorry" or "here is a wallet" going to be any good, or of any use, for him? Frankly, it looks like mockery, it looks like they are laughing at him, it's just that ironic and hypocritical.
matrice
August 23, 2022 at 12:48 PM
All in all, there is something seriously repulsive about the "pretending to care", probably because there is even less "signal" that the backstabbing is going on, and it's something snake-like that triggers reptilian brain reactions out of self preservation. Factually speaking, they didn't care enough to avoid betraying and deceiving their partners. "Don't trust and run for the hills". Not sure that the term "concern trolling" fits, but it certainly seems like a form of trolling, depending on how serious they take themselves it oscillates between the sociopathic and the delusional. Again, give me a billion MM evil bosses for each of My Wife's lover. Of course, I say that now since I have seen My Wife, maybe I would be more irritated by the more obvious in your face shamelessness in other circumstances. But hogwash like the wallet scene was really expecially repulsive. And the sheer *stupidity* of the "I was too busy so I chose to backstab and deceive you indefinitely" spin is frankly intellectually insulting in a way where one is left asking themselves if they actually expect the viewer to take this all seriously (holds for the wallet scene too).
matrice
August 23, 2022 at 12:49 PM
I would also remark that in terms of gaslighting, in My Wife they certainly did a lot as well. Again, in the sneaky, indirect manner of always perfunctorily acknowledging the horrific betrayal and deception, but then acting irritated and self absorbed and self entitled, almost suprised that he is still dealing with trauma and that he brings up what she did when it is perfectly relevant and she seems to have forgotten who is the victim here. Like when she tries to make him an accomplice in the continued deception of her lover's wife, acting as if he owed it to them to go along, and not doing so would be a moral failure (the exact opposite is true: continuing to deceive her would have been morally reprehensible, the fact that undeservedly and absurdly her lover still gets off scott free, in and of itself an insult of the viewer's intelligence and of the betrayed wife's characterization, notwithstanding). These things, like the thought crime bit, and the slow descent into spinelessnes, lack of self worth, not believing he deserved better, self flagellation, non sequiturs, self gaslighting and apologizing for being unable to heal fast enough from the psyschological trauma *she* caused him.
But I have spoken at length about the utter absurdity of her refusing to give him space and pretending to control who he opens up with regarding what she had done to him, or how he chooses to process the betrayal he was a victim of. And, I mean, factually speaking the affair laster less simply because he discovered it sooner. She would have carried it out indefinitely (in MM's case, the continued deception point holds true also for the wife after the breakup with her lover, since she would have continued to deceive DH indefinitely had she not learned that he knew of her betrayal). So, one could say that it was just a matter of time before we reached MM levels. Or maybe we would have stayed on more subtle levels of hypocrisy. Or levels of hypocrisy that would like to be more subtle, but that are really obvious in reality.
matrice
August 23, 2022 at 6:49 PM
Actually, with reference to the "MM's wife has done much worse", I have to say that this is not true in *every* respect: for example, she didn't have an affair with a married man with a family of his own. Not that I am saying she wouldn't have, had the guy had wife and children, given what else she was willing to do.All tings considered, after all, I have to say that I cannot claim that My Wife's wife is simply "earlier" on the same path. The mess with DH's job reachead criminal charges level. But there are parallels. I am not sure I am supposed to be impressed by the fact she doesn't want to divorce, I ear this as "I would have continued to deceive you indefinitely" (similarly, YH didn't plan to reveal the affair after the breakup with her lover, before learning DH knew, and would have continued to deceive him indefinitely).As I have already commented in the episode with her lover, I very much prefer coherence to hypocrisy, like MM's evil boss, who either didn't even pretend to be sorry about hurting DH, or when he pretended to care, he was immediately unmasked (DH and YH pointing out he didn't have any intention of marrying her, etc.). I would say that him and YH are still hypocrites (see above), but it's more "in your face", without the show pretending that we take their hogwash seriously (I mean, if you see someone act insecure about one's commitment while carrying out a full blown physical and emotional affair, and conspiring to get them out of a job/not caring whether they get fired if they feel they are not directly involved anymore...). On the contrary, I am supposed to buy My Wife's lover telling us he loves her, then essentially firing without consulting her and badmouthing her to his wife, or the whole wallet thing that was frankly embarassing and insulted the viewer's intelligence.
Bottom line, he caught them red handed, otherwise they would have continued to backstab and deceive him. So the apologetic and "I care... no really" little act is impossible to take seriously: they all know the two adulterers would be in bed together if they had not been caught red handed, their words are about as believable as those of a thief I just caught with my tv set... they are sorry for being caught, otherwise they would be somewhere else counting the money. I must also say that I found her excuse particularly intellectually insulting. It's not even at the level of hypocrisy, it's just plain nonsense, to the point that it almost sound like mockery. A crooked politician's concern trolling. And My Wife's wife was not inferior in terms of treating him shortly/curtly or gaslighting him, after he learned of the affair (MM's wife did this mostly before, though the bit when she gaslighted him and he told her he didn't want to go back to an empty house, and also the attack during the apology scene, happened after she knew he knew -and more bafflingly, after the flashback about his care and kindness she had in the car, which...
matrice
August 27, 2022 at 9:27 AM
With reference to my previous comments in this thread, upon further reflection I believe that I don't really believe so strongly the point about the MM and My Wife wives' guilt being signified by their inability to hide their actions.
In MM's wife's case it should be pointed out that she basically struggled to hide only the stuff that DH already knew. She didn't have any issue at all hiding the thing about JA. If it was for his sake, why then confess the other stuff to him against his wishes. Contrary to My Wife's wife she at least didn't voluntarily tell this to his brothers when she knew he wanted to keep it a secret, it was kind of leaked due to her being caught off guard (though she had no compunction lying without any shame or guilt to DH's face for a year -or to DH's brothers' faces if we count her missig family occasions to be with her lover, including the marriage of the older one's daughter, her own niece-).
In My Wife's case, the most ironic thing is that she absurdly thinks the victim of her betrayal and deception owes it to her to not only come to terms with the psychological pain and abuse and scars she had caused him on her schedule, but also to not mention what she had done because she feels uncomfortable, and not talk about his experiences to other people in order to protect her reputation. Needless to say, as the victim, he does not owe her anytihng. In praticular, he has every right to open up about his experiences with whomever he pleases (I mean, there are dedicaded Sub-Reddits when people do exactly this).
Completely ipocritically, at the same time she not only says she would tell his mother, who he wants to protect because she was traumatized by a similar experience, but actually does this explicitly against her victim's wishes (obviously, while the victim does not owe those that hurt them anything, and should be able to process their trauma taking as much time as they need, and open up with whomever they want about their experiences, the perpetrator ought to avoid going explicitly against the victim's wishes and add further psychological pain to the emotional scars they had already inflicted -scars that even affect his intimate sphere, as we see).
matrice
August 27, 2022 at 9:53 AM
Actually, in the posts above I have talked about the complete physical, emotional and even financial betrayal in MM. But there are ways in which the betrayal in My Wife is worse. For example, she chooses a married man to sleep with, with no regards for the damage she is doing to her lover's wife, who had never done anything to her, and to her family. Even being willing to make her husband an accomplice in their indefinite deception.
Also, it's true that MM's wife treated him shortly and curtly, and was pretty impatient and uncharitable, always seeing his actions in the worst possible light and gaslighting him about things that she was billions of time more guilty of (frankly, to make just an example, if there was anyone who should question anyone's commitment it should be his; also, his family never backstabbed him, nor did he backstab her, she backstabbed him... that's not family).
At the same time, I would say that with some excetpion (her not giving him space and gaslighting him even after knowing he knew and having the flashback in the car), in some way My Wife's wife was even more hypocritical. She gaslighted him when he, correctly, refused to help her lover continue to deceive him wife because they wanted to evade the consequences of their actions. She treated him as if it owed it to her to not open up about her betrayal, to protect her reputation, to avoid the topic of the way she betrayed him because it was inconvenient when she was trying to be self righteous. When he correctly brough up this fact only because she seemed to constantly forget he was the victim here, despite her perfunctory admissions, without showing any indication she actually understood how badly she had hurt him.
matrice
August 27, 2022 at 9:54 AM
The guy couldn't even hug her without seeing her lover, and she didn't give him time and space to process these psychological scars, on the contrary she constantly pressured him with impatience because he couldn't heal from the psychological and emotional trauma she cause on her own schedule. She ever revealed, intentionally, the affair to his mother aganist his will, despite him having told her explicitly not to do so. She was completely self absorbed and self entitled (and her lover's wife taking her down a notch was something I greatly appreciated).
All things considered, I despise hypocrisy and acting like the victim, or being all buddy buddy, feigning care and decency. She certainly did that in spades, as did her lover (wish the fact that he was willing to continue to deceive his wife, and dropped FL without consulting her, badmouthing her to his wife, got more of a comment). Thousand times better MM's evil boss, or My Wife's cheating colleague of the ML (Yoon-ki?), who, while liars, arguably hypocritical in public, at least didn't feign to care or be decent, certainly when not in public. Let's be clear: FL willingly slept with a married man with a family, she cannot act as if she cares about the man's wife's wellbeing.
Mutatis mutandis, the same holds for her lover, towards the man whose wife he would have been in bed with had he not been caught red handed. They hid this for themselves, beacuse they wanted to betray their partners, while avoiding facing the consequences of their actions. Certainly FL didn't seem too preoccupied with keeping her family together (it's basically an unilateral efford from the ML, whose spine was surgically removed and ended up apologizing to her for being impacted by the psychological scars she caused with her betrayal and deception). In any case, this is like a company dumping toxic waste into the river, then pretending to be concerned about the environment when caught. Not believable at all, frankly vaguely insulting for the viewer's intelligence to be asked to take the fake concern and facade of decency seriously.
matrice
August 28, 2022 at 12:59 AM
Quite frankly, ML's claim in My Wife is essentially that he ought to be punished for being unaware of something his wife, and anyone of her friends and family, was unaware of, and for not being able to read her mind when she deceived him about her issues. Also, he was new to some chores, and was not as skilled at them, so he was overawed. Same for his useless friends (worrysome to think that they would have a kid). Had he been better at said chores, or had he remembered that they are well off and could simply hire a babysitter or house cleaner, or eat out, or ask family/friends to help out, he wouldn't have become a prefect depiction of what internalized self hatred means.
In all this, he seems to have amnesia and not remember that his wife had an affair with a married man, so if this was "punishment" for him (and I don't think that he did anything so horrible as to warrant this disloyalty: he was not physically abusive, nor a philanderer like Yoon-ki? Whatever the one serial cheater that actually gets his due is called... nothing in his behavior is something that made him unworthy of loyalty, as his wife agreed that he was a "good person" -in fact, factually speaking he is pretty much the best husband we see: he actually helped out his wife more than the other husbands, and he didn't cheat on her with a married woman with kids, like her lover, and yet none of those other husbands had been betrayed and deceived, and he was: clearly the problem here is not the situation, but his wife: her lover's wife didn't cheat on him even after discovering his infidelity and deception, it's about her character and being the kind of person that would never do such a thing-).
The wife of the FL's lover surely cannot be fit in the ML's Stockholm Syndrome framework of "you let her down, so you deserve this punishment". The woman didn't even know her, let alone have any beef with her. And FL callously partecipated in her betrayal and deception, and wanted to continue to deceive her forever, letting her lover treat his wife as an object, without giving her any choice in the matter. For all the posturing about societal ills, that's how a victimized female character is treated: it's right for her to be deceived, the implication being that a continued relatioship with her scumbag of a husband would be in any way desirable, when the reality was that they were stealing time from her which she could have spent trying to find someone better... and she did deserve better.
matrice
August 28, 2022 at 8:48 AM
On balance, I would say that ML was basically the best husband we see in the drama, since on one hand he did help his wife more than any of the other husbands, while on the other hand, he didn't cheat on her with a married woman like her lover did. On the other hand, she was probably among the worst and disloyal wives we are shown: compare her with her lover's wife that didn't cheat on him despite his betrayal, or to basically every one of the other moms... comparable to Yoon-ki's mistress in terms of the readiness to sleep with someone else's husband, the constant attempts to whitewash her behavior and put a nice spin on it making her character more irritating than the latter (not to mention that, as said above, I don't appreciate hypocrisy, and therefore someone having an affair with a married man pretending to care about the victim of their betrayal and deception is more irritating than seeing them coherently not giving a damn as demonstrated by their actual actions -words are cheap-).
matriec
August 28, 2022 at 8:52 AM
All in all, if we take, as we should, her words in this episode as valid, I would say that I don't find her reason to have an affair any better than Yoon-ki's lust, in fact I would even say worse, in that the latter's is at least understandable on a cognitive level, while factually speaking there is literally no way for adding a lover to free up one's schedule, despite the fact that, while complaining she didn't have time to even read a book, she suddenly seemed to acquire the ability to find the time to have a full blown affair. Go figure.
matrice
August 28, 2022 at 9:46 AM
Frankly, I think "My Mister" was a much more realistic drama, and I also liked his message better, not to mention the fact that the vague finale let me get away with thinking that he didn't stay with his wife.
matrice
August 28, 2022 at 9:49 AM
Actually, with My Wife, my desire is not only that he does not stay with her, but that he does not *want* to stay with her, because he understands that he deserves better. I think that this is something that MM let me get away with given its vagueness.
matrice
August 28, 2022 at 9:52 AM
All things considered, I must say that I had doubts about the true guilt and remorse in both shows (certainly, for example, as far as the ability to deceive your partner without guilt for months on end). My Wife certainly could have done a better job showing that she understood how effed up not only her betrayal and deception were, but also the way she gaslighted her husband and acted with complete self entitlement, as if he owed her anything, in the aftermath of being discovered.
matrice
August 28, 2022 at 10:10 AM
Frankly, if in My Mister I was a bit disappointed that the wife got as happy a ending as she got (besides her lover turning out to be scum, the attempt to get her husband out of a job, and the complete disinterest in the fact he might be fired when she broke up with her lover and felt she was no longer the direct reason for it, until she was shamed into action by JA, as she admitted, she gets away relatively scott free, leaving her husband to face the same and carry on with his life alone -not that I think that not having her around was, factually speaking, a loss-). The evil boss gets his due. In My Wife, both the FL and her lover basically get away with their betrayal and deception scott free: despite the long and tired trip, they end up at the beginning, namely married to the same people they backstabbed and would have deceived for life. Yoon-ki getting his due is an almost insulting double standard, though of course I am very happy that he did.
All in all, I think that there was an undue focus on the *reasons* for the betrayal (without really getting a satisfactory answer, frankly), which while understandable, really is not the correct message. At a basic level, nothing justifies this against someone fundamentally deserving of loyalty and respect -i.e. not someone physically abusive or a philanderer, for example-, and the victims shouldn't be unduly concerned with the perpetrators' motives, nor consider a good explanation to be a precondition for moving on with their lives.
matrice
April 6, 2022 at 7:10 AM
Frankly, I would have appreciated some more reflection on what her lover was like, in particular in comparison to her husband, because while the show might have made a huge deal about him not being able to read her mind when she lied about how she felt and didn't talk about her problems, it's a fact that:
- her lover cheated on his wife and was intending to continue to deceive her even after the affair was discovered, thus taking away her ability to make an informed decision
- he also claimed to love her, but stayed with his wife and later on badmouthed her to his wife (telling her she was nothing and not worth meeting)
- rather than walking away from the project himself, he essentially fired her from the project without even consulting her, giving her no choice in the matter (as with his wife, he treated the women in his life as objects he could dispose of as he wished, without letting them have a say in the matter, though at least she was informed of this, while his wife wouldn't have even known there was a choice to make), because it was convenient to him
- on a personal level, I disliked the kind facade and the supposed guilt that never actually translated into him doing anything different (not sleeping with a married woman, being honest with his wife without being coerced)... reminded me of villains from My Mister, putting up a kind front and acting chubby with the husband while they both knew that if he was not there in the hotel in that moment he would be in bed with his wife. If I had to choose, brazen and honest any day, at least he wouldn't seem hypocritical or duplicitous.
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matrice
April 6, 2022 at 7:18 AM
Most significantly, at the end of it all her philandering husband of a lover was with someone that, like the protagonist, would never actually cheat on their partners, even after discovering the truth (and worse, would even take them back). In other words, he was all the things I mentioned above, and he didn't get cheated one, and the protagonist was a bit inconsiderate and couldn't read her mind (she was unaware of her problems and then she lied to him instead of talking about them, but note that when he started to feel that things were wrong, suspecting an affair, he asked her how she was doing and tried to get her to spend some time together to reconnect, but she lied about everything being fine and that she needed to work, while planning to sleep with her lover (strange, because it was everything that she wanted, and she didn't plan to divorce him to be with her lover, so that could have been a wake up call that could have prompted her to break things off... again, she had the chance to do this every second of every day in those six months, and considering the ease with which she let go of the affair and the guilt that made her unable to look at her husband in the face and stay in the relationship, one wonders about how or why she didn't feel any of this before getting caught, to the point where she could reach out to her lover after their first meeting, and plan to carry on the affair and deception indefinitely without it feeling like torture).
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malcom
April 7, 2022 at 10:09 AM
Actually, if you want something similar, there is the original Japanese version (which from what I read from the other commenter container her husband actually cheating on her first in the past and her putting up with it, which would then make SOOO much more sense... wished they had given me that, to make me think that the husband actually deserved what he got, rather than being treated so disproportionately unfairly compared to his actual flaws, and becoming a twisted creature that would consider himself worse than a habitual liar, serial cheater and homewrecker).
There is also https://dramaforreal.com/2015/02/18/valid-love-series-review/ mentioned in the review in Anna's take (https://dramaforreal.com/2016/12/06/my-wifes-having-an-affair-this-week-series-review/)
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matrice
April 10, 2022 at 1:08 AM
Okay, in the context of the JDrama lover was a player and number 1 choice for office affairs, apparently, that explains this comment better.
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Alhambra
April 10, 2022 at 3:23 AM
I would urge you to watch the earlier Japanese version called Konshu Tsuma ga Uwaki Shimasu to be found on watchas!an.sh the stories are almost identical but in the Japanese version the wife is so much more friendly and affectionate to her husband broad beaming smiles to him in the house and at the same time blatantly lying to him as to where she is going and what she is doing, the husband can be forgiven for not having the slightest clue that there was something wrong in his marriage! There is also a scene not in the Korean version where she is in the office and exhausted and the lover is kind and attentive to her and she admits that at that point her strength disappeared I think that that is when her affection for the lover began and she decided to look to him for comfort, what we don’t get in either version is the order of events? Was it after this meeting in the office when she viewed him more affectionately that they had their affair business trip to Seoul and slept together or were they already lovers from months back? And the office meeting rekindled something that they had cooled? I think this was the first time she crossed the line and looked at him with desire,
In the Korean version she is in the cafe waiting for him when he is late and she thinks he has given her 2 hours for herself, was this after the affair in Seoul or leading up to it? in the Koran version she says in her song lyrics `It’s definitely not that I dont love you, its not even that I love that person` She doesn’t say that she does not love that person? A little ambiguous, and the hotel room scene says to me that she was in love with her boyfriend and was about to say so when the husband asked her if she was serious and the boyfriend interrupted her to stop her speaking, possibly the only chivalrous thing he does!
Both versions give no indication as to what kind of affair they had for six months, was there really no sex? Did they just meet for coffee? Was there no kissing? What I would have loved to see was what the actors thought of their scripts, was the wife comfortable not showing her husband more concern and answering him so coldly when she answered him at all, did they not think that that was an unkind way to react to the husband?
The Japanese version has a slight difference when the husband challenges her for seeing the lover the day after telling him she decided for now, not to see him again. She says I said I would not meet him again personally this was a work meeting, so perhaps she did accept her affair was over.
How many other Kdramas have made us think this much? So it did its job and worked as entertainment, lesson to be learnt, chose your wife carefully, there are good ones out there and some terribly cold impassive selfish ones.
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Alhambra
April 10, 2022 at 4:28 AM
Please, recommendations for another drama of quality that captures your imagination and involves you in the plot,
I was really moved by `Mother’ writing acting filmmaking so well produced, stays in the memory long after watching and dramas about a good kind woman facing difficulties and overcoming them by strength of character.
Jackpapa376
April 10, 2022 at 5:31 AM
Wow … you addressed a comment on the lyrics. I also had the same comment in a Youtube if Park Won’s lyric was correct b/c I saw many scenes in the K-drama showing differently that the K-wife seemed to feel in love with that person.
By the way, I really like all the songs in this K-drama. They were so emotional.
Jackpapa376
April 10, 2022 at 6:11 PM
@alhambra …. I agreed that the timeline that they firstly slept together was not quite clear in both versions. The story just showed that it happened once during the past six months. For the J-wife’s first affair, my opinion was that the J-wife slept with her lover during her out-of-town business trip with her lover b/c she later told her husband that her strength disappeared … then I had an affair with him (her lover). For the K-drama, I did not think that they slept together in that business appointment day. My logic was that the lover already came two-hours late for the appointment, so they should not have enough time to sleep together on that day. Anyway, the coffee given and the late business meeting appointment was the starting point of the ‘this week’ story.
For the ‘not seeing the lover’ for now or for a period in J-version if we watched the same sub-title, I thought the story was more clearer in J-version when the wife told the husband that she met the lover due to working related. I recalled this scene in J-version that the J-wife was so surprised to see her husband’s colleagues shown up at her lover’s office building to interview her lover and she suddenly called her husband asking what he planned to do. The J-husband encountered her back that why she was presented at her lover’s office and his wife responded that it was work-related and told him that she decided not to see him for personal matters. The J-husband seemed to not believe what she said and told her that he did not either want to interview her lover. Later, he also thought to call the printing section to stop printing the lover’s successful business interviewing story. But finally, he changed his mind after realized his colleague’s hard effort in coming up with the interviewing story, so he decided to publish it. So, the J-version better clarified the working-related meaning.
The K-drama showed differently that the K-wife visiting her lover’s office to (gently) complain about her removal from the project without telling her. And it was the K-husband who called his wife telling her that he met her lover at her lover’s office and the wife responded that she knew about it …. And that was only the scene that we saw in the K-drama. So, I would not be surprised if the K-husband assumed that that his wife still met her lover and always lied to him b/c she never said anything clearly.
So, between the two versions, the J-wife’s character and actions were more visible … not creating so much doubtful thinkings in my head.
Alhambra
April 12, 2022 at 8:17 AM
Has anyone read the original novel `Konshu Tsuma ga Uwaki Shimasu`
Do the various series differ from the novel?
matrice
April 21, 2022 at 7:20 AM
Watched Jdrama, see below comment beginning with "I have actually watched the Japanese series, and I must say that I have conflicting feelings on it"
Some better things, some worse things. Him cheating made more sense, but was not really utilized (I also didn't get whether he broke things off -I think yes- or whether he had sex with her or just kissed her -if sex, they are in the same equivalence class as far as they are concerned-.
Explanation made about as much sense (none at all), she didn't even acknowledge that she actually lied to him about her state, and he was not a mind reader. I actually find her not thinking about her husband/kid while with her lover more coherent with the "not wearing a wedding ring" bit, and find it basically impossible to imagine they would sleep with each other while having conversations about her husband and kid. His mother's reaction (brownbeating him, and immediately forgiving his wife, calling her the perfect mother and wife -you mean apart from the habitual lying and serial cheating?-, and saying it was her husband's fault, was funny -made me think he was her husband's illegitimate child, rather than her own flesh and blood-).
Liked better the characterization of why he tells the lover's wife, missed the lack of confrontation between the latter and ML's wife. In jdrama, they were colleagues, not a client, and he drops her via text before moving to Europe (permanently?). But she was planning, and shamelessly tells her husband, as if it made sense to assume it, that she said she wouldn't talk to the guy for leisure, but would continue to see him at work.
Liked the decreased brownbeating about housework and the fact that when she asks whether he would forget her husband cheating, he tell her no, and when she posed the question that's what she was expecting. At least they agree he is not an amnesiac.
matrice
April 21, 2022 at 7:22 AM
All in all, the jdrama version showed me what this looks like without the high quality acting and production value, and confirmed my poor opinion of the plot/characterization (though some things, such as his cheating or him not saying he could forget her cheating, made more sense in the Japanese version).
Jackpapa376
August 1, 2022 at 8:05 PM
@Alhambra …. May I suggest a K-drama named “Valid Love” which I just watched it in July’22? It was a good K-show in 2014 which FL is the cheating wife. The show was less tense compared to the “this week”. Many viewers did like the ending but some did not agree. There was only EP-1 Recap with not much comment in the dramabeans back in 2014 but there were lot of comments/discussions in AsianWiki.
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Alhambra
August 6, 2022 at 6:41 AM
I watched that drama but could not feel involved with the characters, the wife was annoying and silly so I did not care about the outcome unlike This Week which was so dramatic and compelling.
At the moment I am watching a heartwarming K drama `Extraordinary Attorney Woo` it is so charming and feel good that it has my complete attention.
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Jackpapa376
August 16, 2022 at 4:32 PM
@alhambra …. I enjoyed watching the “Valid Love” drama since EP-3 onward. ML, FL, and second ML performed excellently. I liked that drama in portraying the wife’s paralyzed sister-in-law on bed acting like a normal person whom could hear and talk with other persons.
It was amazing when reading through AsianWiki’s comments on Valid Love that many viewers liked the cheaters to stay together at the end without realizing the fact that the (handsome) lover did the wrong thing in approaching a married woman and damaging a marriage family.
The Extraordinary Attorney Woo drama is one of my drama lists and I will watch it very soon.
76 matrice
April 6, 2022 at 4:16 AM
It's worrysome how she doesn't really have any new information or great epiphany, and he was the one to change/grow/fight to have the relationship work.
Given that she was the one ready to deceive him indefinitely, she was obviously the one that needed to make a deep, long lasting, visible character change in order for the reconciliation to work. As things stand, she doesn't *really* have significantly different ideas about the appropriateness of her actions or the quality of her husband (who she always thought was a good person): it's not as if she thought her actions were justified or her husband was scum that deserved them, but that didn't stop her from behaving like she did, and since in terms of mentality she didn't change, it's not clear to me why he would trust her not to do something like this in the future. It's significant to me that in all this, by her own admission, she had no intention to break things off or come clean to her husband.
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Alhambra
April 8, 2022 at 2:38 AM
I was uncomfortable watching the wife’s performance in this drama, the husband seemed such a nice man and apart from perhaps some lack of attention, I don’t think he deserved to lose his wife home and child, why all three? His wife had and was planing to continue having, a sexual affair,
For most men they could not continue to live with an unfaithful wife so she took his wife from him, his home would be sold in the divorce which would follow and his son who he adored, would probably only see him weekends, his life would never be the same and what was her reaction? Silence!
She just said I am sorry, she tried not to tell him anything about her affair, who was he? How long has it been going on? Did they sleep together?
Nothing, he had to shout and force her to reply, she did not offer any hope to him that this was a one off, deeply regretted mistake never to be repeated just stormed off and left him devastated.
And as the episodes progressed she reached for divorce too quickly, And as far as I could see, doing nothing to try and save her marriage, no heartfelt regret or apologies, never asked him to stay with her or assurances that it would never happen again, she gave him nothing to cling to, the poor man had no choice but to divorce against his will. And so that is why I felt the end was unsatisfactory, he just took her back closed the past without any resolution and hoped that it would not happen again.
I am going to find a well acted drama like this that involves you in the story BUT has a truly happy ending.
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77 malcom
April 6, 2022 at 7:29 AM
I think I would have preferred an open ending
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78 matrice
April 6, 2022 at 10:03 AM
I find the lack of the wife's character development (epiphanies/realizations/visible and lasting character change/attempts to atone/redeem herself -not that she ever could, but she does not even attempt it-) disturbing... *she* was the one willing to deceive her husband indefinitely, destroying the trust in the relationship, and *he* is the one doing all the learning?
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matrice
April 6, 2022 at 10:04 AM
I mean, it's not as if she was convinced he was a monster that deserved to be hurt/humiliated/deceived (she thought he was a good man), and it's not as if she thought her betrayal was not revolting, and none of those facts stopped her from deceiving him. Her being more or less the same at the end of this story does not exactly paint a reassuring future.
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matrice
April 6, 2022 at 10:49 AM
Even without mentioning her husband, the encounter with her lover's wife should have driven home more than enough material for some substantial soul searching.
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79 matrice
April 6, 2022 at 10:10 AM
I think that we saw far too little character growth on the part of the character than most needed it, namely the wife, who was the one that chose to deceive him. While I don't object to his character growth (is it growth? When you get to the point you apologize to her for the mental damage *she* caused maybe you are no longer an equal partner in a relationship, none of this seems the action of a healthy person with self esteem), given her actions she was the one most in need of epiphanies and visible, lasting character change. They had bad communication, but she essentially destroyed the relationship and scarred him to the point he would apologize for the emotional trauma she inflicted him, and *he* is the only one doing the learning and growing? She doesn't have to introspect or learn anything new, she is perfect just the way she is? No reason for her to grow and work on fixing what she broke, he is the one that has to do everything? I think that in this way the show infantilizes women and make them helpless creatures in needs of rescue.
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80 matrice
April 6, 2022 at 10:12 AM
Really wished that he had at least given dating someone else a try. He really doesn't seem a part of an equal relationship. His wife betrayed him and was ready to deceive him forever, and she stayed more or less the change, while he had all the epiphanies. Really? No need to learn anything, about him, etc, on her part? Nothing she needs to change about herself? No, she needs some visible, lasting character change, but she barely had
any character development (if any).
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matrice
April 6, 2022 at 10:47 AM
I mean, the encounter with her lover's wife in episode 6 should have triggered some sort of epiphany about the fact that she was willing to deceive and risk destroying two families over a superficial whim, a relationship she was ready to lie for a lifetime not to quit, that was ended as easy as that.
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matrice
April 6, 2022 at 10:48 AM
I mean, even if she had hated her husband, the encounter with her lover's wife should have prompted some serious self reflection and epipthany, and driven a visible, long lasting character change that transformed her from who she is to a person that would not be willing to do something like that (cheating with a married man and seeking him out again after their first encounter).
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81 matrice
April 6, 2022 at 3:45 PM
I am at some level disturbed by the copious excuse-making towards the adulterous wife, compared to the treatment of the character yoon-ki. The latter is made out to be repulsive and unsympathetic, however factually speaking, in terms of their actual actions, they were both habitual liars and serial cheaters that would have continued to cheat and deceive their own families indefinitely if left to their own devices. Afaik the latter had various relationships, and I can't recall if he was a homewrecker as well, maybe that's something that the adulterous wife has over him. Everything I said holds true for the protagonist wife's lover as well. The motivations might change, but they are fundamentally ready to destroy their families' lives (and in the adulterous' wife and her lover's case also the lives of the families of their lovers) chasing a superficial whim, the actual actions are in the same ballpark: habitual lying, serial cheating, deceiving their partners indefinitely if left to their own devices. No sharp moral superiority as far as what actually matters, which is reality: habitual lying, serial cheating, deceiving their partner indefinitely.
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matrice
April 6, 2022 at 3:46 PM
Of course, yoon-ki was also held accountable for his own actions without minimizations, sophistry, a sob story, excuse making and rationalizations and victim blaming/gaslighting the victim, while the protagonist ended up in such a delusional place that he is apologizing to his adulterous wife for the fact that he couldn't heal from the trauma she caused, and considered himself, a sometimes inattentive husband that was uneducated about housework, worse than her, for the crime of them both not understanding she had a problem, and then him trusting her as she habitually lied about being fine (he started to suspect this was not the case and asked her how she was and whether she wanted to spend time together to reconnect, and she lied that she was fine and she had to work, plotting to sleep with her lover and then pick up her kid after their sexual encounter), which was all unintentional, compared to her habitual lying, serial cheating, where she reached out to her lover after their first encounter and planned to continue cheating and deceiving her husband indefinitely, as well as for risking and then actually wrecking both her and her lover's family.
In no universe is the outlook outlined above considered sane and balanced. And apparently, the focus on motivations and the victim blaming herself (or himself) for the faults of the cheater is also applied selectively, and not everyone gets lectured from the bully pulpit by people that have no moral qualifications to do so (like their female colleague that physically assaulted a cheater and then launched herself in a series of unintentionally sexist tirades comparing women to (pretty?) vases waiting to be saved through the power of male validation, or equivocating between fantasy and reality, between imaginig something and being a serial cheater willing to deceive you for life, etc.). Not that I am complaining about Yoon-ki being punished: good for Ara for doing what the protagonist could not and *actually* move on, rather than cooking up some handwawy sophistry like the protagonist, who, as mentioned above, was already in such a twisted mental place where he considered his ignorance of housework, and believing his wife's lies about her mental state until it was too late as worse than her habitual lying, serial cheating and willingness to deceive indefinitely and risk destroying both her and her lover's family.
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matrice
April 6, 2022 at 4:57 PM
With "the same ballpark" I mean that they are in the same class/category:
- habitual lying
- serial cheating (they met for 6 months, they slept together once because when she reached out to him after their first encounter, they were caught red handed the second time, but by her own admission they were going to keep this up indefinitely)
- willingness to deceive their families indefinitely (willing to make her husband an accomplice in the deception of her lover's wife)
Regrading the homewrecker comment, Yoon-ki slep with a man's wife, but they were divorcing and it was not clear whether he was the root cause or not, or if he arrived towards the late stage where the couple was on the way out.
He had more affairs quantitatively. On the other hand, it's not clear to me whether purely physical affairs like that (even multiple ones) are more or less hurtful than emotional ones (maybe it being a single one is even worse). I could very well imagine some people having the view that the latter is more hurtful. We are talking about shades of gray and a subjective perception here, the point is that there is really no room for unwarranted feelings of moral superiority between the three cheaters and we are essentially talking about the same class of acts: habitual lying, serial cheating, in the case of the the protagonist's wife and her lover full on homewrecking. In all cases, with different motivations, but fundamentally to satisfy a superficial whim (I don't take her lover's one sided proclamation of love seriously given he didn't leave his wife and fired/badmouthed his lover when it was convenient for him... in any case, the affair ended without a whimper, so the term superficial whim fully captures the meaninglessness of the whole exercise).
One thing to consider is also that Yoon-ki had more time. They were at it for six months. They were having their second encounter, and neither of them had any intention to stop. If the protagonist had done like Ara and turned a blind eye, he would have likely ended up in a similar situation.
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matrice
April 6, 2022 at 4:58 PM
Actually, I can't remember if Yoon-i ever sexually assaulted anyone, in that case I will make it clear that we are comparing only
- habitual lying
- serial cheating
- homewrecking
and nothing pertaining to criminal activities that he committed.
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artistaraccolta
April 8, 2022 at 7:24 AM
Yoonki was a homewrecker, he confessed it in the first episodes, I forgot.
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82 matrice
April 6, 2022 at 3:50 PM
At some level, I prefer Yoon-ki's brash vulgarity to the adulterous wife's lover's fake kindness/politeness. Acting chubby with the husband when they both knew if he was not caught in the act he would be sleeping with his wife. Claiming to love his lover, but not leaving his wife, and firing his lover without a preliminary discussion and badmouthing her to his wife. And not being honest to his wife even after the affair was discovered, planning to lie to her her entire life, depriving her of the ability to make an informed decision, treating her like a possession, rather than treating her like an equal.
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matrice
April 6, 2022 at 3:53 PM
She should take a page out of Ara's book, the latter has become my hero: a female character that actually *acts* and is not passive at least. What a refreshing change compared to the cheating wife, who just lies around and, despite being a habitual liar, a serial cheater that slept with a married man and wrecked both their families, does not have epiphanies/growth/learning moments/introspection/character growth (all of that is reserved for the husband, whose evolution is more an involution into a self blaming creature without any self respect, that blames himself for everything including not being able to heal from the emotional trauma his wife caused on her schedule).
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83 matrice
April 6, 2022 at 3:55 PM
Just to point out that like Yoonki and her lover, the adulterous wife was a habitual liar, a serial cheater and (in the case of her lover and her, can't remember if it's Yoonki's case), a homewrecker. Yet she has no epiphanies, great revelations or visible, long lasting character changes. No, it's her husband that needs to go through growth, introspection and learning moments, she doesn't have to, oh, reflect on her actions and at least become someone that wouldn't destroy, if not her family, her lover's family that she didn't know and never did anything to her, for a superficial whim.
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84 matrice
April 6, 2022 at 3:59 PM
Great Ara. She should have been the protagonist of this drama. She has something to teach both the actual protagonist and the wife of his wife's lover. And she has much more spine than the protagonist with his handwawy sophistry at the end could ever hope to muster. She has actual self respect, he considers his ignorance and blind trust of his wife's lies about her state, which were unintentional, worse than her habitual lying, serial cheating and deceiving and risking to wreck her and her lover's families, which were intentional. He also apologized to his wife for not being able to heal the emotional/mental trauma she caused him on her schedule, when he was begging her to let him give it another try and give him more time to heal. No, Ara has much more of a spine than that.
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85 matrice
April 7, 2022 at 12:40 AM
I absolutely despised the equiparation of the protagonist and his wife’s actions. Being inattentive, lack of communication, neither realizing her situation and him mistakenly trusting his wife’s lies about her condition were unintentional. Her being a habitual liar and serial cheater were deliberate (and a homewrecker to boot). It’s like mistaking the speed limit and getting a ticket, versus Bernie Maddoff’s long term fraud (potentially without end), only in this metaphor Bernie also switched the speed limit sign. He ended up in an unhealthy, crazy place where he considers himself worse than her and having caused her habitual lying and serial cheating. This is unfair towards himself, unbalanced and irrational, and also awfully patronizing, completely denying her agency. She does not claim that this is the case, he should adopt her much more rational perspective. He could acknowledge his faults and still have a sense of proportions. He is not responsible for her actions, she is not a child in his care. His only responsibility in the matter is that he chose her as his wife, rather than someone like her lover's wife. The lover was a habitual liar, serial philanderer and homewrecker, and she didn't cheat on him (or even leave him). Protagonist was non of those things and got cuckholded. Seems like who you marry is the determining factor.
“I will forget/let go the old you, you forget/let go the old me”. What is the implied equivalence? Do they have equal amounts of baggage to let go of? Does she also forget her lover’s wife? “Stop feeling sorry for each other”. What is the implied equiparation? Do they have things to be equally sorry for? Should she really stop feeling sorry for what she did to him? What about feeling sorry for what she did to her lover’s wife? The latter’s wish that she would feel guilty was unanswered: she forgot about her the moment she left her office, and now she is a non entity both in her blog post and in her mind. How convenient. .She got over it before her victims, leaving her husband when he couldn’t heal from the trauma she inflicted on her own schedule. Perfectly consistent with her pattern of avoiding the consequences of her actions first demonstrated when she wanted to continue deceiving her lover’s wife indefinitely, depriving her of the ability to make an informed choice.
I also strongly disagree with the commenter on the reasons for the adulterous wife and her lover's, and Yoon-ki's, different outcomes, based on the facts also presented in this episode. They were all habitual liars, serial cheaters and, in the former pair’s case, homewreckers. The only difference is that the former started later and did this for less time, before by chance the husband found out and chose to intervene. It was luck and him not putting up with it, not a difference in behavior on the cheaters’ side. By her own admission this episode they would have continued to cheat and deceive him indefinitely, just like Yoon-ki did, and he...
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matrice
April 7, 2022 at 5:08 AM
By her own admission this episode they would have continued to cheat and deceive him indefinitely, just like Yoon-ki did, and he would have ended up in Ara’s position.
The fact that his relationships were about physical attraction rather than more emotional attraction, and the number of his partners, have little significant (in fact, I believe many people would consider one emotional long running relationship to be a worse form of betrayal). In any case, we are always talking about a superficial whim.
They just started later, and had less time. After the wife reached out to her lover after their first encounter, they were caught when they were going to sleep together (might I add, by the husband that asked her how she was and whether she wanted to spend time together to reconnect, to which she lied that she was okay, had a work meeting and went to sleep with her lover, planning to pick up her son after the encounter.... guilt apparently not doing much here, as she was able to lie to her husband's face and would have calmly faced her son after the encounter... if guilt was a factor before the discovery of the affair, they wouldn't have been able to consider continuing it and deceiving their spouses indefinitely, by their own admission also in this chapter-.
In short, no reason for any moral superiority. On the contrary, consider the guilt that appears only after the discovery, and even then did little, a guilt doing very little work before and after the affair, not prompting them to honesty, for example, towards her lover’s wife, deprived of the ability to make her own choices. Or in the impatience and moral posturing with the husband who was their victim, and the way and timeframe with which he processed the events, sometimes too slowly for her own schedule. The veneer and pretense of respectability layered over disgusting duplicity is worse than the honesty that exists in Yoon-ki’s brash vulgarity. And if he had not stepped in, but rather tolerated things like Ara did, in a few years time they would have reduced him like her. He basically stopped them in advance, through no merit of their own.
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Aung Thein
August 5, 2022 at 6:18 PM
SY was the one who made a big mistake.She herself opened the door for SW to get into her house.First mistake was she liked SW who attraction made her obsession.Second she told about her overload stress and feeling to SW.Third after several meeting with SW she decided to accept him as a lover and start an affair.Fourth she missed him so much because she like him more than her husband that made her every time stay with him.Fifth she made every steps of her move cautiously by making password on her phone and always wear a smile.Sixth DW loved her so much and he trust her and believed her whatever she said before she was caught red handed in the hotel room including with her lover.Seventh after the affair was caught SY still loved her lover and tried to cover him and his family rather than her family.Eighth after she was dump and disposed like a trash by her lover she seem helpless and feel distress start thinking of divorce.Ninth SY did not tried to reconcile with her husband even DW made every steps to cover his family.
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Alhambra
August 6, 2022 at 6:49 AM
I agree with all of your 9 points, it happened just like that.
I noticed that when she was in the Cafe with her lovers wife and the wife said to her ` Did you think that he would abandon our family for you?` she does not contradict her by saying `Oh no we never intended leaving our families` and when the wife said `It’s not easy working and raising a child we’re you hoping that my husband would be the saviour there to rescue you?` again no denial! Just sullen silence.
She is so calm that it would not have surprised me for her to ask her husband to sit down as she wants to talk to him then say, I have met a person at work and I want to spent some time in his company, this person is important to me but it is not my intention to damage our family or to leave this family, on the contrary by spending a little time in his company I will not feel so stressed and conflicted and be more relaxed, I ask you to be a little patient with me while I occasionally get back home a little later or stay away for the odd day, I still love you and wish to continue our warm family life together, just a little longer while I sort out my thoughts, I do not envision this lasting for more than a few months, I never intended this to be permanent, ok honey?
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Aung Thein
August 8, 2022 at 7:48 PM
SY was a big cheater who slept together with her husband in the same bed at night but had having sex with her lover behind her husband.She not committed her adultery even her husband caught them in the hotel room.She covered her lover to the last moment of her ability to make him free from the affair.If she eagerly to confess her sin DH was ready to forgive her. But she was not.She had feeling about her lover even her lover left her in the hotel and removed her from the project on the next first office day after they were caught like a trash.Even DH decided to reconcile with her only DH crossed the road but she still standing on the other.
Jackpapa376
August 13, 2022 at 6:59 PM
The wife’s written character was quite disappointing. Her character was to please and to not upset or let anyone down. However, her betrayal hurt her entire family so much BUT there was not enough written story showing her effort to save her own family … but the story portrayed her care to protect her lover’s family instead.
As she always did not speak out, her character could be interpreted to so many imaginations. During the encounter between SY and her ex-lover’s wife, SY just kept quietly and did not deny any wordings that her ex-lover’s wife belittled her. Her UNSPEAKING character did not clearly express her remorse BUT led to a thinking that all of the lover’s wife wordings might be true. SY herself might want to free herself from her “tough” career mom and housewife and stay with her lover who earned high salary income whenever he decided to divorce his wife.
Jackpapa376
August 7, 2022 at 5:04 AM
We were clearly told that SY was so (much) happy when being with her lover before the affair was found out ….. After the husband HW left the Hotel room, I recalled that there was a later short scene of SY in reminding when she kept quietly in the Hotel room and her lover SW got a phone call, he took that chance to leave her alone in in Hotel room without comforting her. This scene implied that she was thinking that he might NOT love her although he just recently said to her in front of her husband that he “loved” her. What was her thinking and feeling about her lover following this short scene? …. There was NOTHING written further in the story !!!
Even her lover SW abandoned her completely while she just wanted to temporarily stop the relationship with him “for now” …. I did not understand WHY she just “gently complained” her lover in not early informing her in taking her out from the project. Did SY have no disappointing or upset feelings to SW whom dumped and completely abandoned her but had early said that he “loved” her and she MISSED him so much? There was no scene showing that she either cried out or hated herself that she was so damned stupid to love and have emotional feelings with her lover (with only ONCE sleeping together ??) for the past SIX MONTHS. She, as always, kept quietly …. Did the Love blind her and she incredibly loved/cared her lover in trying to protect his family and was always his doormat “all the times” …. BUT without trying her own best to keep her being broken family which had been messed up by her?
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Alhambra
August 14, 2022 at 3:11 PM
Yes, we must try not to fill in the gaps with our imaginations but only go by what the writers have given the actors to say
And it is such a little in SYs case, we know what her husbands thoughts and wishes are very clearly, he loves his wife and son
He is horrified by his wife’s infidelity is having difficulty with the image of his wife with another man but wishes to stay married and continue living with her, but, we know nothing of his wife’s feelings or wishes, the things that the writers gave her to share were that she was tired, stressed and overworked, that she wanted a partner to share the troubles of life with, whether she found that partner in her lover or was hoping that her husband would be that man we do not know. The writers did not tell us whether she still loves her husband, whether she is in love with that person, whether she was planning to leave with him and run away together, she did say that she did not do all this because she wanted a divorce and her lover said they both did not wish to damage their families but neither of them intended to end the affair even though she said the ending was already written and it was ordinary and plain. Her husband demanded a divorce during their angry confrontation in the Hotel room but he soon calmed down and was trying for a reconciliation. The character of the wife that was presented to us in the drama was an enigma, totally lacking in communication
Or personal feelings apart from concern for her lover and his wellbeing, concern about her husband thumping him, telling his wife, visiting him at his work. There was a telephone conversation with her husband after he had visited the lover at his work and his wife said `I know` he said of course you know you are still seeing him after everything? She says `it’s finished now, I have no reason to see him again` that’s the first time she states it’s over, because she only found out for sure she was dumped that afternoon.
The writers had her packing her bags and attempting to leave and take her son away! Because he did not understand why she
Had the affair he thought he was helping in the home but she was exasperated with his lack of understanding and said she could no longer live with him! For someone who did not do this because she wanted a divorce or did not want to damage her family she reached for divorce very quickly as if life with him was no longer tolerable? But all the writers presented us with was that he may have been less observant and complimentary about her and her working day? But she said herself even she thought everything was fine.
There were, in my opinion, some dreadful omissions in her script, when the mother in law was rubbishing her son as a useless person, she did not defend her husband, when she knew that he was a caring and good person, when the lovers wife accused her of wanting to run away with her husband she did not correct her and say that was not what they intended, when her husband asked her in the...
86 matrice
April 10, 2022 at 12:19 AM
No reason for moral superiority over Yoon-ki. On the contrary, consider the guilt that appears only after the discovery, and even then did little, a guilt doing very little work before and after the affair, not prompting them to honesty, for example, towards her lover’s wife, deprived of the ability to make her own choices. Or in the impatience and moral posturing with the husband who was their victim, and the way and timeframe with which he processed the events, sometimes too slowly for her own schedule. The veneer and pretense of respectability layered over disgusting duplicity is worse than the honesty that exists in Yoon-ki’s brash vulgarity. And if he had not stepped in, but rather tolerated things like Ara did, in a few years time they would have reduced him like her. He basically stopped them in advance, through no merit of their own.
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87 Aung Thein
July 23, 2022 at 4:08 AM
When DH tried to hug SY after her birthday party .he can`t succeed because he saw SY sleep with another man in the hotel room.SW also committed he had sex with SY once in their six months period of affair.Is this true?Because SY said she likes SW so much,missed so much and want to see him so much.She can do every thing to have with SW.SW on the other hand he knows every thing about SY and he might easily control SY including her sex needs.No man cannot refused a woman that can easily to have sex.SY said when she had with SW she did not remember her husband and her son and also her job.She did not feel guilty also.When she recd txt from SW her face turned to feel happy.SW and SY relationship are more than a lover.SY was a doormat before SW.When SW removed SY from the project she made no complain to her lover.But when her office authority plan to reduce some work from her,she immediately reject and refused to accept.So why SW lied he had sex with SY only once,because he did afraid that a problem cause between DH and SY.I think SW and Sy had sex not only once but more what ever they want to.So how do you think my comment BRO.
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Jackpapa376
July 25, 2022 at 12:15 AM
We were told by the early EP’s that SY started to have emotional affair relationship with her lover about six months ago. But it was not clear when was the period that they “ONCE” slept together …. about six months ago … OR some time during the on-going project that they were working together before the affair was caught-up at the hotel.
There was no hint in the story showing that SY and her lover slept together more than ONCE. Based on my understanding of this K-drama, the story wanted to portray that the cheating wife SY did NOT love another man but only wanted him to comfort her when she was exhausted from over-works. The 2nd physical affair attempt did not yet happen because it was caught-up. She should deserve for forgiveness b/c of her stress of over-works as a career mom/ housewife with only one “physical” affair mistake.
The last EP, as I recalled, confused me a lot if I should sympathize SY when she shared her story and expressed her feeling of “when” being with her lover, she “forgot” her husband/ family and did “not” feel guilty of her affairl. The six months period showed her “long emotional” affair relationship with her lover that she did not think of her family and did not feel guilty of her 1st affair and later intentional plan and lying to her husband to be with her lover without any suspicious manner or expression in front of her family. The six months period was long enough if she felt guilty for her first affair mistake and wanted to break-up with her lover. The worst sharing story was that she did not plan to stop the affair (like a kid chasing for a balloon) if it was not found out.
Anyway, I quite agreed with you that SY was controlled by her lover and his doormat b/c he was the one who made a hotel room reservation and texted her for the room arrangement without asking her following with the message he missed and would wait for her. She could deny but did not …. and later constantly walked following him in the Hotel hallway toward the elevator. Even after her lover removed her from the project, when they both talked together, SY did not feel any upset or disappointed although she had heard during the three’s confrontation in the Hotel room that her lover “loved” her.
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Aung Thein
July 30, 2022 at 2:31 AM
the txt that doo hyun seen was rced on 2016-10-31 Monday night.Sy and her lover arranged to see for sex in the hotel was on 2016-november-5th Saturday.Nov 4th was the day of their wedding anniversary.They had had affair for six months.So their affair started on may 2016.On the final episode SY wrote about her feeling upon her lover was very erotic.When she had with her lover she forgot her husband son and her job.That feeling came from sexual behavior that the two human were exercising their sexual activity.SY expressed her feeling upon SW was much seen.SW knew SY had a book in her bag,that why when he late two hour for arranging meeting place he told SY read that book and wait him.Sw knew first that SY was a woman who work hard and feel heavy burden on her career.He tamed her and lead her to free from her burden with his philosophy.That SW philosophy made SY to cheat her husband,and said that it was just happened.How many just happened SW and SY made behind DW.
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Jackpapa376
July 30, 2022 at 11:29 AM
The wordings of her story sharing in the final EP was not quite clear and one might interpret that they slept more than ONCE.
But as earlier said, I (at least) tried to be on SY’s side that she started her “emotional” affair with her lover since about six months ago and slept with her lover only ONCE until one day that her lover wanted to sleep with her and arranged a hotel room reservation and she did not deny. Then the “this week” story started.
Her feelings in forgetting her family and guilty might be during the times when both she and her lover met or talked together in a restaurant or coffee shop as they were working on a project.
But if it is believed that they slept several times during the six months period, SY would be clearly an unbelievable unfaithful wife and it did NOT just happened. Her excuse that she had NO time to even think about herself due to her over-works (leading to the affair) were all LIED in the entire story … b/c HOW she could suddenly manage and spend her busy times to sleep with her lover several times while she claimed that she was extremely busy after daily-works and even during the weekend to raise her son; do the housewife work; and do her follow-up company works at home.
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Aung Thein
July 30, 2022 at 7:13 PM
SY was unbelievable unfaithful wife.She had time to ask her husband about her hair but not her over burden work.She had no time to fix her shoes but had time to wait her late lover for two hours.After they were caught red handed in the hotel SY did not show her feeling guilty b/c she was not with DH.That`s why she did not follow her husband after DW left from the hotel room.After that she said her husband that she did not see him for now.That words show how SY had still feeling for her lover.I`ve read one comment that say if DH would not get caught SY and her lover at the hotel room they had have jolly good rump at that evening .She can made time for what she want to do(her lover late for two hours and that two hour she read a book and wait for him.)After she had an affair she went to office very early and made family breakfast with ready made food.After she gave her love to her lover and became flirtatious wife she did nothing about burden job and made free time for her lover.She asked her husband to take their son to school.The most unfaithful work she did was she would not remember their 8th wedding anniversary and went to her son`s friend birthday.She had had an idea for their anniversary,that why she bought a wallet for her husband but she not pay fully attention on that day rather than the day they arranged meeting at the hotel.I think SY redemption came after SW`s wife came and see her and talked her like good for nothing woman.SW`s wife belittle SY made her start feel guilty and knew she made hurt her husband.After that she start talked about divorce(first she talked lets stop now)
Alhambra
July 31, 2022 at 3:16 AM
We do not know if she slept with her lover more than once, in both Japanese and Korean versions they state clearly just once but it really does not matter as she was in the hotel meeting to have sex again, it was an ongoing affair, she had no intention to stop it and showed NO remorse guilt or sorrow when caught, the lovers both said that they did not wish to damage their marriages but what did they think would happen when the affair was known? I found it disturbing that in the early episode she was shown sleeping with her husband this is while she is in an affair, that shows total betrayal and no concern for his feelings, when she is getting ready to leave and he asks her about dressing up so beautifully for a business meeting and says she is a party freak she quietly sneers and says under her breath and you are an entertainment freak (jversion), she holds him in contempt but the main reason I believe that her marriage was over (in her mind) was that she was so delighted with her new flirty life, she was an attractive woman again, feeling wanted and listened to by a charming handsome man, for eight years she had been the hard working and routine wife who’s husband did not pay her much attention, he meant no harm but he was busy as well and had no idea that she was missing being an individual and desirable woman, she lied and hid things without apparent concern or guilt month after month, when discovered she becomes silent! Uncommunicative, withdrawn and aggressive when questioned as to who, when, how long, she offers no explanation other than she wanted to be with him and missed him. I may have missed it but I did not once hear her tell her husband that she loves him and wanted to stay in a marriage with him yes, she said I did not do this because I want to divorce but she never said let’s stay together, or gave him any assurance that she had finished the affair (she had not, the lover did) I found it contradictory that in her song lyrics she says `it’s definitely not that I don’t love you it’s not even that I love that person (she does not say that she doesn’t love him) one mistake cost me everything`. No, not one mistake but months of cheating and lying! She repeated the betrayal each day for six months plenty of time to stop.
in essence she was a cheating unrepentant wife who had trashed the marriage six months ago, she was beautiful, good at her work but not loyal loving or trustworthy and should stay divorced.
88 Aung Thein
August 1, 2022 at 7:12 PM
SW was a bad man.SY told everything about her exhausted over work feeling to SW,and SW took these as an advantages to control SY mentally and sexually.Subsequently SW committed adultery with SY.Both SW and SY were married and had a family.But SW brainwashed SY that their adultery were not sin and not feel guilt that their affair did not hurt their family.
SW was a liar.When he met DH for the first time on their arranged meeting hotel elevator he tried to cheat DH by pressing the ``L`` button to cover their intention for sex hotel room.
SW afraid of DH anger,so he lied the total number of sex with SY just only once.But SY wrote in her txt msg that when she with SW she forgot everything her husband son job so on.It show that their intimacy rate was very high when SW and SY were both together.That was they were in the mood of making sex.
SW was not unfaithful partner.When he and SY caught red handed in the hotel room by SY husband he said he love SY much,but after that he first dump SY and removed her from the project and cut all connection with her.
SW told his wife that SY who good for nothing was not worth to take time for her to meet.SW wife was downgrading SY and made her feel belittle with harsh wording.
SY did not betray her lover till to the last minute.She always tried to cover him and his family than even of her own.
to my conclusion,
SW was a liar,womanizer,unfaithful partner also a cheater.
SY was a flirtatious woman.She betray her husband and destroy her family.
DH was a noble man when he found his wife with another man in the hotel room for making sex he talk them calmly and control himself not to fight.
how do u think bro.
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Alhambra
August 2, 2022 at 2:37 PM
I agree with you, I would not lend her an umbrella if it was raining.
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Jackpapa376
August 7, 2022 at 4:54 AM
Manger SW, who was the cheating wife SY’s good-looking and smart lover, seemed to have high salary income and company’s power in the “this week” story. His character could be thought as you said above. After their affair were caught up red-handed by HW at the Hotel, SW took a chance after getting a phone call to escape the situation and left SY alone in the Hotel room without comforting or discussing anything with her.
He might be a womanizer like Yoon-Ki but with a different character in approaching another woman ONE at a time. We might notice in a short scene that SY asked her colleague, whom took over her project, if her colleague had her lunch yet and she happily replied that Manager SW bought it for her already. Her colleague also admired that Manager SW was smart. It could be guessed that SW might start to approach and move forward to SY’s colleague whenever he had a chance.
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Alhambra
August 7, 2022 at 5:59 AM
Yes, I did not notice that scene, all the more reason for SY to be unhappy but still not one word of regret to her husband, this drama leaves us with so much unspoken..
We do not know her thoughts, what she wants to do now she is discovered, what she actually thought of her lover, was it just a quick fumble? I do not think so, WOULD she have run away with him if he had asked? My opinion has not changed after watching both Japanese and Korean dramas and that is that she checked out of the marriage at least six months ago and is now indifferent to her future relationship with her one time husband but it would have been nice if the writers had just given us a little more of her thoughts and feelings.
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Jackpapa376
August 13, 2022 at 5:57 PM
I just recalled a scene of Hotel Reservation text message that the husband unintentionally found out between the original J-drama and remade K-drama versions … and I went to rewatch that EP in the J-drama version again. Another difference was that the J-wife was the one who “reserved” a hotel room (which was booked under her name and the husband later checked it at the Front Desk) and “texted” her lover for the appointment while the K-wife’s lover was the one who booked a hotel room and texted the K-wife which she did not deny. So, that difference was a reason that I felt like the J-wife did not MUCH fall passionately in love or had a long affair relationship with her lover BUT until one day that she was exhausted and missed a man who used to comfort and help her during her business trip with him and had an ONCE affair with about six months ago. Definitely, she repeated the affair mistake in cheating her husband ….. Anyway, it did not make a good connection in the written original J-drama story for the J-wife’s excuse that she was exhausted and could not complain her burdens to the husband b/c during the Hotel reservation period, the husband was around in the house and she could complain her burdens to him and cancelled the hotel reservation at that time …. rather than lying and cheating her husband for her intentional affair. Anyway, if she complained her burdens to the husband during that day, the “This week” story would not happen.
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Aung Thein
August 8, 2022 at 8:10 PM
YES!SW was a womanizer i knew first when they were caught and left behind in the hotel.He said nothing except``i`m sorry i took first to leave``.A while ago he already said he love SY before her husband.He was a great cheater take advantages on woman.He took chance from the woman who was substituted in the place of SY by offering her lunch.
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89 Aung Thein
August 9, 2022 at 8:01 PM
Lets me analyze the character of SY.
_on the wedding day friends and relative were shouting give a kiss to her now husband DH.She kissed DH only on the cheek not on the lip.
_there wedding date was 2008-November 4th.A year later they had a son Joo Soo.Their son date of birth was maybe 2009 Sept/Oct/Nov.
-Son admitted to pre-primary school was 2015 Sept/Oct/Nov.She transformed to be a good mother, started the day her son admitted to school.
-Joint project was starting on the early day of 2016.The statement SY was written in the last episode mention``I was already acquainted with him through many meeting in the past``.``I had several meeting with him before i knew him fairly well``.
-SY and SW were getting involved through acquaintance many times.
they both crossed many stages of relationship before they became lover.a/co-worker relationship b/close friend relationship c/intimate relationship and finally d/sexual relationship.
-Their deep relationship started on around 2016 May.They went too far by sleeping together once or several times in their secret meeting.
-The worse thing SY betrayal was she took off her wedding ring when she was with SW.
-Most of the SY office staff knew their affair but not deeply and they made gossip only behind.
-SY and SW met mostly at night because SW wife said her husband come back home early these day after they were caught.
-SY knew she was a flirtatious wife at last,but she did not confess her sin infront of her husband till they reconcile in the end.
-SY bought many lingerie to wear and show her lover to increase their potent when they were together.
-my assumption that was true or not was SY did not love her husband much thats why she did not said her extreme work exhausted feeling to him.That was SY disrespect her husband when mother group asked SY about a photographer she politely replied them but she talked to her husband was not like them.Harsh and anger words were using.
-Why SY wanted to divorce?Because she afraid of DH used this weak point to over her in the future.
-During the six months affair period SY sleep with DH in the same bed at night,affair with SW at day time,but after their affair were apprehended and DY was not forgot she was not dare to sleep with her husband any more.
-SY acknowledge her husband was considerate man,but she did not confess her mistake to forgive.
-SY knew her lover SW was a womanizer at last but she did not put their affair blame upon her lover and accept all the blame upon her.
- SY worries much her lover family to hurt than her family was the worse attitude SY show when she talked with DH.
All friends and bro how do you think about my assumption.Analysis of DH and SW will follow later.
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Alhambra
August 10, 2022 at 3:15 AM
Exactly my thoughts, you have observed the wife and her character well, I would have liked to have felt some warmth and sympathy for SY but I cannot, her husband is a good man and had no idea that there was a problem in his marriage, all young families with both parents working settle into a routine, taking each other for granted yes but it is also known as wedded bliss, to feel so confident with your home and child and wife that the image of your wife secretly in the arms of another man never enters your mind and why should it? And must come as a crushing blow, a life altering crisis, SY chose to do this, you do not accidentally take your clothes off and get into another mans bed she went to him willingly, sneakily, she is an intelligent woman and knew that she was crossing a line that could never be backdated and erased, her own words told that she did not concern herself with her husband, son, work, well that little boy now has lost his father and safe secure home, suddenly he will live apart from his beloved father, the effect on that little boy in the years to come cannot be overestimated and all because his mother was a self indulgent whore? Too strong? At any time she could have said to her husband ` I am so tired honey, could we all have a break and go to the beach for a family day and would you mind if I cut back on my hours this is getting me down?` there was no suggestion that they were short of money or that he was EVER unkind to her, just that they had settled into a quiet life together and my opinion is that she was bored and thought she deserved excitement in her life, went out and found some and now her world has imploded, she, by her own choice, has pushed for a divorce and separate home,
Ok, so she will now establish a new single life until she meets another man but her character has exhibited a calm attitude and ability to carry on more than one separate relationship and a liking for excitement, good luck in the future.
A brilliant drama, powerful acting especially from her husband and divorce should have been the end not reconciliation.
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Jackpapa376
August 10, 2022 at 8:14 AM
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Jackpapa376
August 10, 2022 at 10:33 AM
Totally agreed with you that ML and FL performed well in the show. They acted so real and naturally. The second ML and FL also performed well.
You remind me one EP in the “This week” story portraying an Unknown person (whom was disclosed later as her husband’s Boss) whom wanted to disclose her ID in the Net Community which I disagreed with her written feeling/emotion when she talked her husband on phone that people could blame her about her affair and then she expressed a depth emotion of her MOST CONCERN of her son’s feelings. Did she NOT yet realize that in the “current” situation, her affair “presently” known and doubted in a SMALL community already effected and HURT HER SON/family and it would be even worse in future? Her husband’s closed colleagues knew about her affair and her office’s colleagues were questioning and talking behind her back about the reason of her moving out of the project and immediately stopped talking about Manager SW when they noticed that SY might be listening to them? The Mom group had already talked and doubted about her being broken family and separation reason resulting that her son injured his friend who bullied him. I wondered that SY might be mostly worried and concerned about herself but NOT her son/family as she claimed for her disclosed ID in the Net community.
But I actually liked a short scene in this EP when TunaMayo replied to HW (if I recall correctly) something like … if HW’s wife did nothing wrong or not cheat, she should NOT worry about the affair story.
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Jackpapa376
August 10, 2022 at 6:09 AM
One crazy story in this K-drama was that HW wanted to reconnect or restart a family relationship with his cheating wife at the end. It was so hard to believe that he would NOT read through SY’s sharing story in his TOYCRANE’s Forum when he was asking his F/C for his clothes style selection for his upcoming dating with a woman (turned out to be his cheating wife at the end). Did he not feel anything when knowing that his cheating wife publicly admitted that she was so happy with her long affair relationship with another man, though not thinking of her family and guilt? How could HW trust his cheating wife any more? Could he forget his painful memory when his wife was hold by another man so soon?
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Alhambra
August 12, 2022 at 9:11 AM
The trust is gone, what is he to think if she has to go on a business trip in a month or so and stay overnight? There will be businessmen in her group, they will work together during the day, share a group lunch and after refreshing, meet in the hotel dining room for supper and drinks, she will wear her beautiful clothes, makeup and perfume, (take off her ring?) and laugh and flirt with the boys during the evening as a single woman because she has shown that she is comfortable and happy behaving like that, and why would she not go to a charmers room for just one brandy and coffee to finish of a busy and productive day, the words of her song said `I led it to become this way I came this far knowing that I enjoyed the moment and tell you it was a mistake, being a mother and wife did not stop her a few weeks ago, is her husband to think she would be different now when she has not said one word that she has changed or shown any guilt or remorse? If they go back to living together as things are with her outlook and understanding of how married people should behave then his life and happiness will be untenable.
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Aung Thein
August 12, 2022 at 7:06 PM
Brother let me explained why SY became a flirtatious wife.Their affair were not begin with a one night stand.SW the big womanizer fairly planed to get her.I show how the affair were started.Lets see SY condition before the affair.SY gave birth baby boy one year later after they got married.They were happy a lot.After SY maternity leave ended they decided to send there son to daycare.SY did not gave up her career upon having a baby.She was doing her best for her baby.Whatever she did her best was not enough for her baby.When JS started to attend his pre-primary school she worry much about her son was becoming a loner.She tried her best doing way over what she was capable of doing to protect her son left him alone.She wanted to be perfect at everything.But unfortunately she did not meet her goal.She afraid of her son to become a loner she tried everything what good for among the moms group.Those work made her exhausted and gave more stress on her.She was happy when she was invited to a moms group simple chat invitation message.She felt ok and not feel guilty.She had no holiday because she paid a visit to son`s friend`s house as well as kid`s musicals center also went to amusement parks with her son`s friends.She was trying hard as possible as she can do everything not her son to get kicked out.Those excessive work made feel bad when she the first ever leaved office to pick up her son from school.But she still think ok that even she had a hard day work ever.But more and more day passed she felt exhausted and cannot stand anymore.At that time she met SW the big womanizer.SW made plan to gain her mind and soul first.He gave her free time to rest and time to do what she wanted to do.For example the day when SY shoes wore down almost a week but she had no time to fix it SW send txt msg to SY said he would be late for two hours and that two hours he gave to her done whatever she want.SW gave her his philosophy that ``do what you want make decisions on everything of your own you have feel free to do.``SW was starting control SY mind and soul like this in the early day of their affair.When SY accept SW as her lover and she let start opened her door for SW to enter her house.From now on SW totally control SY body of mind and soul .They became committed adultery .SY started betraying lying and cheating.SW made her felt happy to stop thinking about her husband her son and her work when she was with him.SY on the other hand put new lustful cloths to increase high potent when they were together SW lured SY and made her totally be came his mistress for six months till their affair were apprehended.After that SW was the first to stop contact SY by removing her from his project and totally dump her.
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Alhambra
August 14, 2022 at 3:40 PM
Continued from Aug 14th
There were, in my opinion, some dreadful omissions in her script, when the mother in law was rubbishing her son as a useless person, she did not defend her husband, when she knew that he was a caring and good person, when the lovers wife accused her of wanting to run away with her husband she did not correct her and say that was not what they intended, when her husband asked her in the Hotel if she had anything to say and was she serious? She calmly replied `what can I say`
I have watched it twice looking for reasons to believe that she still loved her husband and wanted to stay married but have not found any, so was it intentional by the writers to present her as an unsympathetic and disloyal woman who has alienated most of the male viewers? Or is it just me who is being an arse?
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Aung Thein
August 13, 2022 at 2:23 AM
Once a leopard is always a leopard.Leopard cannot change color of its skin till die.As of SY she betray her husband once can easily betray another time when she get a chance.SY loved her lover whole heartedly and missed him very much always.She forgot her husband son and work when she was with him was the worse happening of feeling that cannot be tamed easily.When she heard SW was injured she felt sad and she asked her husband about it and show her concern upon her lover SW.In ``This Week``i think the director had some commitment not to use sex scene instead of using words upon sex act.That why SW and SY adultery scene were totally out of the series .For example DH could not hold her wife because he seen SY with SW in the elevator full dressed.But in real DH seen SW holding SY naked on the bed instead.DH finally to reconcile and restart a family relationship was only in the ``THIS WEEK``In real this act was never to be happened because SY was not worth to forgave and forgot for her mistake and insulting words upon DH.
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90 Aung Thein
August 10, 2022 at 8:59 PM
DH was a very kind-hearted person.He was always sympathize other man feeling.He also love his family and also tried best for them.He was married on 2008 Nov. 4th. with the girl name SY.He loved her so much.When DH came back home from work he always phone to his wife asking what he had bought for her. He put his big trust on her always until he knew SY was betrayed him.After a year passed of their marriage they had had a baby boy named Joon Soo.He and his wife started struggle for their son and homework .His wife was very ambitious to become perfect wife,mother and good employee.That selfish desire made her over stress and exhausted.DH on the other hand was working as a PD in TV comp.He also busy with his work.He help her wife when ever he had a chance.They both had their self job to do at work.DH job was sometimes come back home late.When Joon Soo joined day care school both DH and SY started daily work with busy schedule.This circumstances lead SY to become a flirtatious wife and had had adulterous with a married man.This was the storyline of ``THIS WEEK``.DH was a considerate man.He think and act calmly.When his wife and her lover were caught red handed in the hotel he responded it with cold head.He first want to get divorce but later on he control himself and start thinking to protect his family.My assumption SY did not love him much and disrespect him.That was why SY relied much on her lover and did everything whatever he said.But on the other hand DH was always tried to protect his family until to the last drop of sweat.He was the first to forgave SY and tried his best to forgot the past.I think DH already read SY statement aka her first confession of her affair. He did not had hot anger on her.DH sometimes drifted his mind by seeing neighbor woman.DH character was a noble minded man.That why he forgave and forgot all of SY fault and mistake and restart his family again with SY.Happy ending.
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91 Aung Thein
August 16, 2022 at 7:21 PM
SW was not a platonic man.He was a womanizer.He cannot let go SY sitting on a chair holding each other hand and talk while they were dating during their six month period of affair.He knew everything how to used and lured a woman.He bought lunch for a SY substitute girl in the first day meeting.SY was totally brain washed and unconditionally giving up all her mind and soul to SW control.That was why when she removed from project she did not make any argument and complaint to SW.After they were apprehended by DH in the hotel she was agitated when confronting with DH talking about the affair.After she was belittle by SW wife made her known that she was totally dump in the trash can.SY confessed her mistake at last by issued the statement about how she became a flirtatious wife only not mentioned any apologies to her husband. DH the husband decided to reconciled and started with her a new family first and ran to the place when SY see her son go to school by bus..SY was standing on the other side of the road.Only DH can crossed the zebra junction to hold SY.SY the wife still standing on the other side of road wearing a smile but no hand were flying out from her to greet and hold DH.What a fuss!
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92 Aung Thein
August 20, 2022 at 12:23 AM
SW used the word``love``instead of ``sex`` to cover their adultery.SW and SY were physically contact each other once in there six mths period of affair.They both were met mostly every evening after office hour.AT that meeting SY prepared herself to be sexiest woman by wearing lustful cloths and made beautiful make up and put bright color lip stick to increase power of sexual potent for SW.That`s why when SY were dropped out from the car after way back home from their dating SW called her back and put out his right hand to hold SY hand for a while.Did SY loved SW really?My opinion was yes!Why?Because SY slept with SW by the way of love not for getting money or by the way of force.SW and SY both were accepted each other love and the concept of if their love were not hurt their family it was not meant to adultery and had not to be sin.They both were not felt guilty feel freely to do what they want to do.That`s why SY agitated DH while talking about their affair face to face. I think SY did not accept their affair named as adultery.When one of TOYCRANE fan sent a flower basket and call her adulteress she was shocked and started scared of knowing her story.SW sinked SY totally after their affair were caught.He threw out SY from his mistress relationship and cut all ties with her.The great expectation of SY to continue their relationship with him when the time gave them chance were totally dim and later collapsed. She had had no straw to save her.If DH were not decided to reconcile and restart a new family SY were lost totally like a boat wrecked in the storm at sea .
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Alhambra
August 20, 2022 at 4:32 AM
Sometimes a story is just what it appears to be.
Wife is tired, overworked, in a quiet marriage, she has not felt like an attractive woman for a long time, husband does not show appreciation, she is befriended by a charming work colleague, an emotional attachment developed, they start a physical affair,
Neither wish to damage their marriages and consider themselves in a Romance not a cheap affair and that way the guilt and
Regret that would normally be felt by cheaters does not seem to bother them.
Husband finds out, dramatic confrontation, wife is indignant when husband questions and chastises her, seems to consider this a private matter between her and her lover, husband continues to be abrupt and confrontational, wife asks for divorce and leaves the home taking her son. They divorce , keep in contact and after a while appear to reconcile.
The rest is conjecture on our behalf.
Unanswered questions, was she in love with her husband? Would she have run away with her lover if he had asked her? What did she want to happen when she was eventually discovered, why did she not show her regret and sorrow to her husband and ask him to stay with her? Was this really just a story about an affair that gets found out? But presented by superb actors and production team.
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Aung Thein
August 20, 2022 at 9:37 PM
I will answer yr question ``was she in love with her husband``.My answer was no.Why?SY love her husband right before she met SW.The love she gave to DH was limited.On the wedding day friends and relatives want them to kiss each other but SY was shy and reluctantly to kiss on the lip and gave a kiss to DH cheek instead.There was a saying that husband and wife need to love each other and pay good respect to each other.Meaning was no love beget no respect to each of them.In ``THIS WEEK``the script was written for SY character was totally betray on her husband.In ep 6 you can see clearly how SY behaved on her husband.When mother group looking for a camera man they ask help from DH by the way of SY.But it was not easy the way they think and mother group insist again when they met DH.SY act obediently
and servile to them agree all what they said.At this ep. what DH said back to SY was``and you want to show off that yr husband does everything you say.Be as bold to those women as you are to me`` SY did not gave any respect to DH by the way of this.But on the other hand SY went to SW office after she was removed from the project to ask something about her removal.When SW enter the hall SY did pay great respect to her lover by standing up and bow her head and made no agitated about her removal.We can easily seen in this week that what ever DH said to her she responded agitated not for herself but for her lover family to protect.Even DH decided to start a new family and want to reconcile with her by the way of forgot and forgave SY responding was very cold fated.When DH came across the road and she can see him well but she only wearing smile only and had no bodily respond to greet him.In real no man can made a same mistake by forgiving her to commit another affair in future.That was only happened in the``THIE WEEK`` only.
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matrice
August 28, 2022 at 2:02 AM
Well, sometimes a story does not make much sense. The problem with these claims is that they are *not* what the drama says, as explained perfectly well in this last episode by the FL herself. Not that I fault the viewer for evading and making up their own explanations to patch up the plot holes: it's the characterization that does not make sense. I have already responded elsewhere in the episodes comments, and I think to these claims specifically, so I will just make some observations.
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matrice
August 28, 2022 at 2:10 AM
With regards to "not wishing to damage their marriage", this is a completely hypocritical evasion, and factually false. By having the affair they are turning their marriges into relationships based on lies and deception, by definition damaging them. And, more concretely, when ML tries to reconnect, she spurns him to be with her lover. How can one claim that they are not damaging their marriages? They cannot. They obviously took the risk of shattering their families (and the families of their lover, who did nothing to them). Also, if you backstab and deceive your partner, you cannot then put up a front of decency and fake care, just like a company that dumps toxic waste into the river looses any right to act all concerned about the environment when discovered.
With regards to them loving each other and seeing this as romance, this is factually untrue. This was just a distraction for her: she says it explicitly here, and never claimed the contrary. Her lover claimed to lover her, but then fired her without consulting her and badmouthed her to his wife. Both have any issue nor seem to struggle not seeing each other after the breakup. So this notion of them being in love and that being the reason for the lack of guilt is simply false (not to mention that it's unclear why them being in love would make them not feel any guilt towards their partners, particularly when the FL admits that her husband was a good person -which, together with her later denials, also invalidates the point about the husband being "unappreciative" being behind the affair, a claim that I would contest anyway, arguing that instead he was overawed due to his own incompetence being new to house chores -which was frankly, while not a moral fault, certainly embarassing-.
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Alhambra
August 28, 2022 at 4:37 PM
Matrice
a You say above….
With regards to them loving each other and seeing this as romance, this is factually untrue. This was just a distraction for her: she says it explicitly here, and never claimed the contrary’
Where does she say explicitly, that this was just a distraction for her? Was it in ep 12. Where she types her story on the web chat page?
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matrice
August 28, 2022 at 2:21 AM
Also, on the point of regret, note that even after breaking up with the lover the basic self absorbed and self entitled behavior remained: gaslighing her husband, treating what she did to him as a mere slight like forgetting his birthday would have been, something easily ignored after a perfunctory acknowledgment, whereas he was so traumatized he couldn't even hold her without remembering her lover. So guilt and regret were missing for a long time (frankly, I don't really find them believable even when show tries to convince our they are finally felt, I particularly disliked the way she doesn't fight for their relationship at all, while he apologizes for not being able to heal from the scars she inflicted on her schedule: it's frankly baffling why, if she is not going to even fight for him, he would even find the prospect of a relationship with he desirable, when he has options such as the beautiful neighbor, who he knows had not cheated on anyone, and thus character wise at least is similar to him).
On the "attractive", etc., this was clearly not the reason given, even in this very chapter. She was not bored, there was no lack of love in their relationship (show tries to persuade us of this, I remain unconvinced given her actions, but the wallet scene, which I found intellectually offensive -I mean, after he betrayal and deception, it seems like mockery-). Among the various gaslighting there is the suggestion that he ought to have "saved her, the damsel in distress, with his male approval", which I found appallingly offensive (and FL said that this was not the case when they discussed it in the relevant episode -not to mention she and the rest of her family/friends didn't notice she had a problem, and when she realized it she intentionally deceived him, a non-mind-reader, about it-), or the fact that they were comfortable with each other and not jealous (which is presented as a problem, but to me really speaks of a mature relationship where people don't have to constantly kiss each other's a*s or think that their partner are sleeping around if they have a normal interaction with female friends and colleagues, or need constant validation, etc.).
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matrice
August 28, 2022 at 2:35 AM
Regarding his behavior after catching them red handed, I wouldn't characterize it that way: to me, it was well within the parameters of what one ought to expect after finding out they had been the victim of such a horrible deception, if anything he is *less* confrontational than should have been reasonably expected, particularly when faced with her lack of remorse and guilt, and her unreasonable and self entitled demands. Basically, he asks for answers that he is owed, gets lied to (she doesn't tell him her lover is her client, claims she won't see him then meets him, etc.), gets gaslighted (she has the gall to ask him to become their accomplice in the deception of the guy's wife, gaslights him when he refuses to comply: the real moral failure here would have been to continue to deceive the poor woman, as she acknowledged by thanking him and ripping his wife a new one.
I would have liked, in additional to the completely reasonable anger and indignation, a bit less self hatred -hating himself and the other victim for having been duped- and a bit more "I tried to get to the truth, and would have liked to have known it, she deserves the same courtesy, and the ability to make an informed decision"... to me, the lack of the last element was really a problem of characterization), and then gaslighted some more (she acts as if he owes it to her to protect her reputation, and as if she has the right to control how he processes his trauma, and who he opens up to, while at the same time not only threatening, but actually telling his mother about the affair, not only without his consent, but against his express wishes: obviously, in such a situation, the victim has every right to open up about his experiences, while the perpetrator ought to respect the victim's wishes and not, for example, cause further pain by telling the mother, who had suffered a similar experienc, about the affair). Not that this self entitled and absurb behavior is something that she acknowledges explicitly and apologizes for in any serious way.
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matrice
August 28, 2022 at 2:42 AM
In this context, I don't find him inappropriately confrontational, and I find him reminding her that he is the victim here perfectly fine, given that she seems to have forgotten it (i.e. in the context of her finding out that he had opened up online about his experiences to cope with his trauma, something that was well within his rights, if maybe not the wisest decision, and that is rather common, as a look at relevant Sub-Reddits would confirm). Not to mention that I don't get where she gets this idea that she is entitled to forgiveness she didn't even seriously ask, or to him not raising the issue because she prefers not to be reminded of it since it is kind of inconvenient for her self righteous and self entitled argument, or that he doesn't really owe her anything, really. Factually speaking, this is *not* between her and her lover, given they are both in monogamous long term relationships with other people. If she really thought that, she would have no issue with him telling strangers or her kid: it's obvious that when push come to shove, this is an evasion and an excuse, and she knows it. Her lover's wife certainly drove that point home when she confronted her. She also basically "kidnaps" the kid, a move of dubious legality.
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matrice
August 28, 2022 at 2:48 AM
Frankly, the lack of serious guilt and remorse, and the unsatisfactory *actual* explanation, i.e. not the one presented in this post, but the one actually provided by the FL in this episode, namely that she was overwhelmed, coupled with basic logic, i.e. having a lover wouldn't obviously ameliorate the situation in any way, given the fact that it would make the schedule more, not less, hectic, coupled with the observation that somehow, she couldn't find the time to read a few pages, but she could magically find the time to carry out a full blown affair, is frankly an insult to the viewer's intelligence. In this respect, the original series was more realistic (the ML had also cheated, can't remember if he actually slept with his lover, in which case I not only would approve of the FL's actions, but also think that they shouldn't be together because *he* does not deserve her... Jdrama version had FL's lover cheating because his wife couldn't conceive, which was particularly cruel and scummy, and Kdrama version had the confrontation with the FL's lover's wife, which I liked, thought I hoped they would have her divorce her husband), though I agree with you about the Kdrama implementation's superior quality (frankly, as I have said elsewhere, seeing the JDrama version without the polish is a good way to realize how weak the characterization is).
All in all, I didn't like the fact that the FL was mostly passive, and the victim was the one trying to savage the relationship with the perpetrator (for all the lecturing, the FL is treated essentially as the damsel in distress), didn't appreciate him being turned into a spineless worm crawling on the ground, forgetting the fact that his wife slept with someone else's husband, and not bothering to fit her lover's wife into this self hating narrative, as she is obviously not participant to his unearned guilt, not having even known, let alone messed with, his wife before she started sleeping with her husband). Guy is an embodiment of self hatred, we are essentially witnessing an abusive Stockholm Syndrome where the victim of massive betrayal and deception (which stopped only because he discovered them) does not acknowledge the toxicity of the person that psychologically scarred them, but blames themselves for relatively minor slights, essentially believing not being perfect meant he didn't deserve basic loyalty and trust, and taking away agency from someone that is after all an adult woman responsible for her own actions.
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matrice
August 28, 2022 at 2:54 AM
Frankly, Yoon-ki's wife is the one character that I really appreciated, and I liked that she was a female character that finally chose to have a non bs conversation and attitude towards what happened to her (not like the FL's lover's wife).
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matrice
August 28, 2022 at 3:01 AM
Frankly, the explanation of "bored housewife", "love with the lover", etc. are what the actual claims in this episode contradict, whereas the final questions are questions that the drama explicitly answers.
Was she in love with her husband? Drama says yes.
Would she have run away with her lover? Drama says no; her lover wouldn't have either, given that he dropped her like trash, firing her from the project without consulting her.
- Lack of regret and general self entitlement and shamelessness (frankly, regret and guilt *before* being found out, not only unatisfactory crocodile tears and feeling sorry for having been found out, which were frankly also underwhelming and not really there: she appeared more upset at her lover being outed to his wife than at her husband discovering the affair, when she was lying to his face as he was trying to reconnect with her and take time for themselves, or when she went pick up her son after having sex with her lover at a hotel).
Does all this make sense? Not at all. The "love" is an assertion of the drama, but with her lack of guilt and remorse *during* and *after*, her self entitlement and gaslighting, her largely passive attitude and not fighting for the relationship, am I supposed to believe that because she bought him a wallet (ironically, forgetting their anniversary but remembering his birthday? how do you square that in terms of messaging that the drama is attempting? Also, not sure he should feel too impressed, given that after all her lover got her buying lingerie she didn't show her husband, so I am not sure how he is supposed to feel with a wallet as a birthday gift).
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matrice
August 28, 2022 at 3:07 AM
I will agree on the production quality (and certain nice additions such as the confrontation with the lover's wife), which trumps that of the JDrama. Watching the JDrama, on the other hand, highlighted to me even more the obvious characterization mistakes and writing plot holes -frankly, in some respects, such as making the ML cheat in the past, before the wife's affair, it's more realistic, thought it could have been better: if he had slept with someone else, which I don't remember if he did, it could have been used to explain how she felt entitled to betray and deceive him herself (I don't remember, but I believe they explicitly make her say that didn't play a part, frankly it would have been more realistic if it did)-. Anyway, on the cast, loved ML in My Mister, which I found overall more realistic and balanced (not having everyone kiss the lying, cheating spouse's a*s and losing all sense of proportions, and not feeling as if you are being lectured to in a didactic presentation, certainly helped my enjoyment of the movie, as did the presence of characters actually on his side, like the director brother or Ji An).
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matrice
August 28, 2022 at 5:24 AM
With regards to them ending up together in the end, I also wouldn't characterize it as you did. First of all, I don't find the peekaboo trauma believable. So he can easily interact with her, just not touch her and he is okay? And for this reason they cannot be together, but he can continue to see her a lot? That's obviously hogwash. Trauma was depicted much better in MM, here it seems like something they use when it is convenient and forget when it is not. If he needs space and cannot be with her, then he should need space and not be able to be with her. What is this mess? Secondly, they actually *did* drift apart when he started to get closer to his neighbor, but absurdly and inexplicably he chose to go with the one person that had already betrayed him without any compunction in the past. The whole issue of *trust*, an issue that is not merely emotional, but also rational based on her factual behavior, is glissed over. She has factually speaking demonstrated to be untrustworthy, by her own admission she is the kind of person that would have deceived her partner forever, had she not been caught red handed. Again, she didn't confess, she was caught if not in the act, right before the act.
All in all, with reference to him correctly pointing out her hypocrisy and calling out her bs, I don't think that she was treated unfairly at all. He is the victim. I thought that the "between them" was meant to include her, her lover and her husband. Hogwash, still: try telling her lover's wife that she had been deceived for her own good and that her husband backstabbing her and lying to her face was something between him and his lover. If she meant it was a matter between her and the lover it would still be hogwash (not sure if more or less contradictory than excluding one of the victim but not the other). The question of her being overworked is a separate issue than never should have been conflated with her actions. Again, we are talking about activities she chose to do, where she had options that included not lying to her husband about her state, or delegating some activities to her husband, family or paid helper (like a babysitter), or clearing up her schedule (like she self evidently magically manages to easily do when it comes time to meet up with her lover). The question of trust is never raised: in the beginning ML assumes complete trust... in the end, it's not clear to me, barring a lobotomy, how that could not be an issue for him. Lastly, on the JDrama version, I must say that it too had its moments where the audience was intellectually insulted, like the comparison between the utter betrayal and deception that his wife would have carried on indefinitely, and another character marrying a pornstar that had already retired. Obviously, pornstars and sex workers have nothing to do with betrayal of anyone's trust, it's a job. In poly or open couples, you can have sex with other people without it being a betrayal. So, apples and oranges (not...
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matriec
August 28, 2022 at 8:59 AM
The "reconcile" part is the one that require explanation, given the peekaboo nature of his trauma and the unaddressed issue of trust, which was simply set aside, despite it being frankly very relevant given what happened.
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matrice
August 28, 2022 at 9:20 AM
Quite frankly, I would go out on a limb and say that one cannot say that she was treated particularly unfairly, and I agreed with the points he raised about him being the victim, since she seemed to constantly forget, or to treat what she had done as something easily set aside, as if she had forgot his birthday (which apparently she did not, but frankly her doing that and not backstabbing and deceiving him indefinitely would have obviously be preferable, and the drama's implication there were vaguely insulting for the viewer's intelligence). Not that he owed her forgiveness, or impartial emotionless-ness: it's perfectly reasonable for him to be angry, given that he has a perfectly rational reason to be, and he does not owe her anything in terms of forgiveness or time taken to process this. It's shameful and a complete travesty, given her position, that she would dare to lecture *him* in any way regarding who he ought to tell what happened to, or how he processes his trauma.
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matrice
August 28, 2022 at 9:32 AM
I think that I need a better reason than the delusional hogwash, essentially adding unearned guilt, internalized self hatred and just plain ostrich like burying his head in the sand and not looking at the ugly truth (might not be pretty, but it's reality, and ignoring it already bit you in the a*s), to justify why he wouldn't give his neighbor a chance. Frankly, his obsession with his ex wife is something in dire need of an intervention.
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matrice
August 28, 2022 at 9:37 AM
Quite frankly, him and his wife continuing to see each other even when he is so traumatized that he can't even physically touch her, making them chose to divorce, makes zero sense, and the very fact she brings him food makes him even more pathetic, if possible, in my eyes: it's high time that the guy learns how to cook for himself and cuts her out of his life. But trauma is very "vanilla" and also disappears very conveniently, in this show. I mean, more realistically, seeing her in a dress, or the underwear, or the phone, anything like that triggering the memories also, would make more sense. Or her telling him she has an appointment, and him wondering whether it's true. The trust issues -not sure we can call them "issues", given that it suggests it's his problem, when the truth is that, factually, she has shown herself that she is the kind of person that would be willing to backstab him, and therefore there are completely rational reasons to distrust her, namely that she broke his trust and by her own admission would have continued to lie to his face for his entire life, therefore she is factually, by definition unworthy of his trust- are completely bypassed.
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matrice
August 28, 2022 at 2:35 PM
Just pointing out the obvious, but according to the drama, she didn't love her lover (nor, factually speaking, did he love her, given how he basically fired her from the project without consulting her, and badmouthed her to his wife). They effortlessly manage to be parted forever without any desire to reconnect. In this episode, she says that he was essentially a distraction. So is zumba, or any other hobby, with the obvious difference that they don't involve betraying and deceiving your spouse (forever, might I add), and don't end in hurt and humiliation for the aforementioned spouse. Not that a hobby, or an affair, would help in any way with the issue of being overbooked, instead making it worse.
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matrice
August 28, 2022 at 2:46 PM
Sometimes, a story, or in this case an explanation (talking about the one given in this episode -basically, being overbooked/overworked, something not ameliorated by a lover, though magically she can find the time to have an affair, when before she couldn't even read a book-, not the one in this post, since it does not reflect the explanation given by the FL in the actual drama, in this very last episode) does not make sense. Zumba can act as a distraction as well. But, like an affair, it does not free up one's schedule in the least. Though she apparently managed to fit in an extramarital affair, despite claiming she couldn't even find the time to read a book.
More to the point, I must stress how love or relationship issues are quite a separate matter from her betrayal and deception. Couples manage to part amicably when they have irreconcilable differences or the love is no longer there. Basic loyalty, trust and respect are non negotiables. This is quite a different issue from betrayal and deception. As correctly stated in My Mister, unhappiness is not a sufficient condition for that, while lack of any shred of respect for your partner is a necessary one. Of course, there is the case where the partner did not deserve basic loyalty, trust ad respect, such as in the case of a physically abusive partner or a philanderer, in which case the reason for the split and the reason for the lack of loyalty, trust and respect can and are conflated together. Put another way, I fully supported the girl in The Magicians sleeping with another guy, after her boyfriend cheated on her with their friend (former, in her case).
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93 Aung Thein
August 23, 2022 at 10:58 PM
All Bro let me clear of some dim think knowing of ``THIS WEEK`` confused by the script writer.The script writer did not mention clearly about the affair.First let see how the msg was recd in to the SY phone.The msg recving date was 2016-October 31 Monday.On that day SY was working overtime at her office.At that time teacher from JS school phoned to SY that her son JS was left only at school need to pick up.SY then stop her work and headed for school to pick up her son.I think SY doing overtime purposely.She had a date with SW after office hour ,but planed time did not reached she had to work some office work to kill excess time.But SY went back home for picking up her son from school their dating schedule was canceled.Then SW and SY missed each other to meet that night.That`s why the msg was arrived into SY phone by Micheal. Micheal had something to say at their meeting but their meeting was canceled he decided to sent his msg by the way of txting to SY phone.The msg was``I made a reservation. Hill Hotel.Saturday 3:00 pm.I`ll be waiting for you.I miss you``Micheal made this reservation not only his will,but also someone has insisted him to do the hotel reservation i presumed.Because when DH asked SY about the affair for the first time SY responded angrily and lastly she said that``Six mths ago.Yes!I slept with him.I missed him.I missed him all this time.So i asked him to meet me.``That`s why Micheal made the hotel reservation and sent txt to SY phone to know as early as he can that he was done what she said to him instead of seeing each other while they were dating.That was their second attempt of arranging sex encounter in their six mths affair.
On their first face to face talk after the affair were apprehended SY said``I`m sorry.I know apologizing isn`t enough,but i don`t want to divorce you.`` ``I know what i`m going to say won`t make any sense,but i really had no intention of keeping this from you``.SY did not want to cover her affair but said nothing about it.Whatever she said was she was sorry/apologizing but nothing mention about her lover and said only to cover him and his family.She only said her lover was the one and only man that knew her over work exhaustion and comfort her to ease and free from those burden by giving some advice.
When DH caught SW and SY in the hotel they respond calm and cool,do nothing,no sign of apology for cheating.SW said``We are playing with fire.We didn`t in tend to ruin each other family.On that same note,i think we are just playing with fire.just for fun.Even though it is an inappropriate relationship,i love her.Of course,i feel sorry to you and my family.`` SW said they were playing with fire for fun that means they had sex for fun.SW said he love SY and also said they had sex for fun meaning was SY was a woman with high potency needing to had sex with man ease her passion. lust of desire.SW tamed SY desire by making love to her.That assumption came true when SY made a confession statement she said...
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94 Aung Thein
August 24, 2022 at 4:28 PM
continuation of 23-8-2022
``When she was with SW she stopped thinking about her husband,her son and her work.Feeling sorry being guilty those things didn`t come to her mind either.Like a kid who was chasing after a balloon that is flying toward the open road she was just chasing after the balloon.If her husband did not come to the hotel that day she must have been wandering around the streets.``
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95 AUNG THEIN
August 26, 2022 at 6:48 PM
``I was curious.I wanted to know who my husband is dating.Did you think that he would abandon our family for you?If you did you must have been quite disappointed.We don`t have any problems.When i told him that i wanted to meet you he said you are not even worth my time.He said it was really nothing.I heard you had a child.It`s not easy working and raising a child.Were you hoping that my husband would be the savior there to rescue you?If you did ,then i am sorry.As his wife i apologize for him.I`m not here to ask you questions.I`m not even curious.A married woman having an affair with a married man.It`s so cliche.IF OTHERS DO IT,IT IS AN AFFAIR,BUT IF I DO IT,IT`S ROMANCE.Is that what yo thought?An affair can never be romance.Because of you, our whole family was wounded.I hope you have a good memory.I hope you will remember forever the wrong you did.I hope you will remember us for the rest of your life, and be pained by it.Then i`ll get going.I wanted to see what kind of a person you are.But as my husband said,i shouldn`t have wasted my time.You`re no match for me.``
These were the words SW`wife told SY during they met.SW`s wife totally degrade SY dignity to the bottom.I want to know how SW`s wife knows SY way of living.And how she knew that SY want to depend on her husband by the way of abandon her family.I clearly got known that these were all told to her by her husband.He told all about the six months affair with SY story to his wife.He uncovered all the words what SY told to him when they were dating.SY was totally betrayed by her six months affair lover she love more than eight years married husband.SW was a liar cheater unfaithful partner and can easily betray upon his partner.Unreliable person were the man who can see his self only.In ``THIS WEEK``DH was a victim caused by his wife SY.And SY was the victim in front of SW`s wife caused by SW who told once that he love SY when they were caught by the husband of SY.
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96 AUNG THEIN
August 26, 2022 at 11:18 PM
cont.from 27-8-22
SW was a total opportunist man.He took advantages from SY when they had had an affair for six months.He dated with her nearly everyday after office hour till dark hour.Sometimes they see each in day time but mostly they see after office hour in a secret place that no one can see.They were not seeing each other for sitting on the chair and holding each other hand and chat only.SW said to SY husband that they had sex once.(not acceptable it was a lie i presumed).SW also said he love SY.(If it was really true why he dump her as soon as possible after they were caught by DH).He said only this for a chance to show he was so eager to ease SY exhausted over work by giving some advice covering a white trap to capture her heart(that was her mind and soul).SY also relief by this way of comforting method and totally accept him as her lover later.SY really honestly would tell SW openly about her feeling when they were met.SW told all this to his wife made SW indirectly insulting her and let her gone heart broken forever for her mistake through her whole life.SW`s wife also said to SY to feel like this in ``THIS WEEK``.
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97 matrice
August 28, 2022 at 1:19 AM
"From the beginning, This Week, My Wife Will Have an Affair has boasted a winning combination of dark humor"
I cannot agree with anything in that statement, besides the "flawed" characters, and even that is an euphemism. This is not "dark humor", the humor is at the *victim*'s expense, which his made to look ridiculous, but at the same time is in horrible psychological pain. It is not a serious or respectful way to deal with the theme, and frankly insults the victim's experience by turning him into a caricature, when the scene would have deserved the respect and pathos the dramatic situation warranted. It's simply impossible to take this seriously or care if it's all made into a joke. I found him taking the pic and saying "cheers", or ending up in a photo with his wife's lover, to be in very poor taste, given the overall tone of drama that they wanted to give to the scene. Either this is not taken seriosuly and it's treated comedically, or we are supposed, as viewers, to actually treat this realistically and seriously, and then this is just disturbing.
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98 matrice
August 28, 2022 at 1:22 AM
"appealing but flawed characters"
The characters themselves were not appealing at all. FL spent most of the time gaslighting ML and acting with a self absorption and self entitlement that were legendary, basically treating her massive betrayal as something trivial that he ought to not mention just because he might or might not have got a perfunctory acknowledgment, and acting self righteously when trying to make him an accomplice in the continued deception of their other victim (satisfying seeing the latter rip her a new one, but completely ruined by her exculpating her lying, cheating husband that stole time and opportunity and informed choice away from her by trying to deceive her indefinitely). ML started out in a good place, but with stuff I didn't like (he really ought to know how to cook himself, having his wife cook for him after their divorce is just pathetic, and if he was more independent or realized he could use money to hire people like a house cleaner, babysitter, or to eat out, he might be a bit less overawed), and frankly while understading he was about to lose his job, his program is trash tv.
Then he evolved into the embodyment of internalized self hatred, his spine having been surgically removed, and started to apologize for *daring* to still suffer from psychological trauma his wife caused, and not being able to heal from those scars on her schedule. Insane. His mother is even more despicable, having been in his situation, and pretending he suffers through the same pain. He ought to tell her that he would have much preferred to see her divorced and happy, than pathetically putting up with her humiliation. It's why I really think that, as the child of the FL's lover, I would like to know that my father was a scumbag that betrayed and deceived my mother, if only to dissuade the latter from her course of action and persuade her that she does deserve someone better, which she does. I think that being aware in the future that you were the reason your parent stayed with someone that didn't deserve them, that hurt, humiliated, betrayed, deceived them, for their sake, when they didn't have a choice in the matter given their age and lack of awareness of the overall situation, and would have persuaded otherwise if they could, is the worst thing you can do to a kid.
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99 matrice
August 28, 2022 at 1:25 AM
"appealing but flawed characters"
To cite MM, if you don't want your kid to sacrifice and put up with this "second best" and humiliation, why would you do it yourself? Then we have the ML's "friends" and blog readers, who are schizofrenic, and end up overawed and basically kissing his wife's a*s. The female colleague correctly thought of cheaters as scum, as a victim of cheating (even physically assaulted a woman in one of the first episodes, which was obviously unwise), then she became an apologist, and even engaged in absurd "both side-ism": no, the notion that one's fantasies and emotions that they have no control over are morally equivalent to choosig to betray and deceive their partners is absurd, the definition of orwellian thought crime; no, being tempted by a bribe and resisting it, and actually taking the bribe are not the same thing, and not randomly following one's whims says something about your character. As for his ex gf, not doing something because the image of the man you want to be wouldn't have done something is not hypocritical, it's what it means to have a conscience: you have values, an ideal to aspire to, and you try to act accordingly. The issue might have been that him not leaving his gf when he realized he was not in love with her is not a rational value to hold, but as for the basic premise of having an ideal and following it, that's simply having a conscience.
The only actually appealing character was the wife of the cheating colleague (Yoon-ki?) who actually realized that it didn't matter which reason one partner might have, unless you literally were unworthy of loyalty (physically abusive, or a philanderer like her husband, ...). She was what the FL's lover's wife ought to have been: a strong woman that kicked to the curb her lying, cheating spouse that would have stolen her time and life away from her, when she could have found someone better -which she deserved-.
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100 matrice
August 28, 2022 at 1:43 AM
"healthy dose of realism that’s made this show immensely watchable despite its less than savory premise of adultery."
I disagree that there was any realism involved here. What, because they showed the process of going through a divorce? No. Besides the actually *magical* elements (which I don't know why they added, given that they were not present in the original work), the characterization is all over the place and doesn't make any sense. I have already talked at length about the issues elsewhere, but just to name a few:
- The show tries to convince us that they didn't remember their anniversary, but somehow she remembered his birthday; she gaslights him and lies to him about her lover (tells him she wouldn't meet him, proceeds to meet him; doesn't tell him he is a client she sees at work); she acts with incredible self entitlement, thinking she ought to be able to control who he talks about his experiences with, while at the same time feeling entitled to reveal the affair to his mother not only without his consent, but when him, her victim, explicitly asked her not to, because the woman was traumatized; she does not do anything to keep her family together, he is the one chasing her... why? No, seriously, he meets a perfectly fine woman that had been betrayed, and that like him never considered sleeping around even after discovering the affair... why would he want to go back to someone that backstabbed him, would have deceived him indefinitely, and couldn't even be bothered to fight for their relationship? She is not even fighting to get him to stay, so why would he want to? Because she is better than him at doing chores, chores that he could have delegated to people like baby sitters, etc. that he could hire? I mean, is being able to cook more important than basic loyalty and trust in a relationship? Priorities.
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