This Week, My Wife Will Have an Affair: Episode 6
by chocolatte
The consequences of an affair are far-reaching, especially if the offenders are married and have families of their own. Our protagonists are still in the process of wading through their new reality, but a path forward isn’t as clear when none of the questions they face are easy to answer. When does it make sense to fight for your marriage? When do you move on? And how do you make these decisions when it’s not just you involved?
EPISODE 6 RECAP
Soo-yeon packs her things, determined to move out of their apartment. Hyun-woo asks if she’s really going to go through with this, but before the conversation can continue, they hear the front door open — it’s Hyun-woo’s mom and Joon-soo.
Hyun-woo’s mom knows that Soo-yeon wants a separation. Determined not to let that happen, Hyun-woo’s mom is clear with the couple: They can fight if they want to, but they should do it while living together.
Soo-yeon starts to speak up, but Hyun-woo stops her. He tells his mom that he and Soo-yeon will fix their problems on their own and tries to usher his mother out. Mom agrees to leave, but not before reminding the couple that marriage isn’t easy to undo. She says it’s easy to talk about separation, but hard to reverse once it actually happens.
Those words don’t change Soo-yeon’s mind though, and she continues to pack. Hyun-woo bitterly asks if she’s giving up on her role as a mom now that she’s given up being a wife. Looking wounded by his words, Soo-yeon tells Hyun-woo that she’ll take Joon-soo with her.
Hyun-woo can’t accept that, so he stops her and tells her he’ll leave instead. He makes it clear that he’s not doing this for her — he just doesn’t want Joon-soo to suffer.
It’s dinner time at Ara and Yoon-ki’s, and Yoon-ki is busy stuffing his face. Ara gently suggests that he take his jacket off, but when he does, a single flower petal drifts from his jacket onto the table — a remnant from Yoon-ki’s dalliance with the flower arrangement instructor. Ara’s eagle eye spots a few more petals, but as soon as she gets up from the table, a panicked Yoon-ki ends up eating the petals, effectively destroying the evidence.
Hyun-woo heads to the office to spend the night. He’s written another post online to announce the separation, where he notes that his wife seemed more concerned about Sun-woo’s wife finding out about the affair than she was about her own husband.
He settles onto the couch only to be interrupted by a tapping on the shoulder: it’s Bo-young, there to reclaim her space. She sets Hyun-woo up in the conference room for the night, but unable to fall asleep, Hyun-woo checks the responses to his post. None of his commenters are particularly supportive of his decision to leave home.
The next morning, Bo-young continues to help Hyun-woo get adjusted to his new environment, providing tips on how to freshen up using wet wipes and blotting powder. Haha, she’s so awesome.
When Joon-young arrives at work, he and Hyun-woo discuss the separation. Hyun-woo says he plans to spend his nights at the office or wherever else he can find, and Joon-young starts to invite Hyun-woo over to his place only to stop himself, looking guilty. Hyun-woo tells him not to worry — he’d feel too sorry towards Joon-young’s wife if he imposed.
Ara shows Yoon-ki a photo of a good-looking man and asks him what he thinks — she wants to set him up with the flower arrangement teacher. Ara looks straight into Yoon-ki’s eyes and says, “I hear she’s the type that men like.” Yoon-ki stares back at Ara, then loudly disagrees with her assessment.
Of course, back at the office, Yoon-ki exchanges kissy faces and sexy texts with said teacher. He jumps when his secretary enters with a message from Ara, but after she leaves the room, he says to himself with glee that it’s so much more thrilling now that he has a mole in the office.
While Hyun-woo catches up on responses to his post, we check in with TOYCRANE fans Ajumma and Grandma. They make themselves at home in the post office with face masks and food as they get ready to check out the latest posts. But they get kicked out just as fast, and they fret about how they’ll be able to read the next installment of Hyun-woo’s story.
Hyun-woo’s team makes last minute edits to their show before airing. Afterward, Hyun-woo, Bo-young, and Joon-young meet with the CEO, who praises their work on the pilot. While Bo-young and Joon-young involve the CEO in their usual bickering, Hyun-woo answers a call from Sun-woo’s wife.
Yoon-ki’s on the phone too, making lunch plans with his saleswoman girlfriend. But first things first: He meets with an attractive new client who thinks her husband’s cheating on her. Yoon-ki instantly turns on the charm, sidling up next to the woman and adding her as a friend on Facebook.
Walking out after coffee, Bo-young asks Joon-young if Hyun-woo’s situation has changed recently. Joon-young tells her that Hyun-woo left home, having separated from his wife. Bo-young says that if Joon-young was in Hyun-woo’s situation, he would have kicked his wife out and made a scene. Joon-young thinks that’s unfair and brings up the dinner they had together a while back, saying he joined her because he felt bad for her. Bo-young just retorts that he should feel worse for his wife.
Oh, speak of the devil — Bo-young notices Joon-young’s wife walking by and points her out. Joon-young doesn’t even seem to recognize her at first, then comments that his wife’s grown her hair out, sparking an odd look from Bo-young.
Hyun-woo sits down with Sun-woo’s wife, who’s eerily calm as she thanks him for telling her about the affair. She says that the affair turned out to be an opportunity to examine her relationship with Sun-woo, and for her to ask herself why he cheated. Hyun-woo’s incredulous that she’s not angry, telling her, “It’s not important why he cheated. What’s important is that he did cheat.”
She says she was angry, even after Sun-woo sincerely apologized to her. But her anger helped her realize that she didn’t really want a divorce. She says she’s trying to muster up the courage to forgive and understand him instead of the courage to divorce him.
Hyun-woo stammers that he and Soo-yeon aren’t thinking about divorce so quickly either. But after Sun-woo’s wife leaves, he takes his wedding ring off and slams it onto the table before shoving it back into his pocket.
Soo-yeon treats some fellow moms to a fancy lunch. Anxious for the other moms’ approval, she ends up agreeing to ask Hyun-woo about securing a videographer for an upcoming school event, even though she looks uncomfortable about it. Her troubles seem to be extending to work too, with no relief in sight.
Back at his office, Hyun-woo mulls over his conversation with Sun-woo’s wife and chucks his pen across the room in frustration, almost hitting an unexpected visitor: Ara. She’s stopped by to drop off lunch for the crew; she says she brought lunch for Yoon-ki too, but he isn’t in his office.
That’s because Yoon-ki’s at a hotel with his saleswoman girlfriend. As she chatters on about her day, Yoon-ki focuses on hitting up his newest target — the jilted wife who visited his office earlier — on his phone.
Joon-young, Bo-young, and Hyun-woo are out drinking when Bo-young gets a call from one of the husbands from their show, who keeps calling her to complain about his wife’s affair. Joon-young sympathizes with the husband (because men have an instinct to breed, he explains), but Bo-young rolls her eyes and asks what’s wrong with men.
When Joon-young asks Bo-young why she got married, she answers, “Because I was bad at math.” She says she wasn’t able to calculate whether or not she’d live well with her ex; she was bad at foreign languages too, since she couldn’t understand a word her ex said to her. Hyun-woo tells her that not all marriages are like that, but Bo-young doesn’t have any plans to get married again.
Though Bo-young’s drunk by the end of the night, she refuses a ride home from Joon-young. Instead, she stumbles over to a patch of grass and lies down. When the two men try to get her up, she rolls over and flashes her ring finger at Hyun-woo, asking him why he took off his wedding ring.
She asks Hyun-woo if he knows why the wedding ring is worn on the ring finger, but instead of answering, she collapses in a fit of giggles before passing out. Joon-young screams at her to get up, and after a moment, she does. Calling herself crazy, she takes off her socks and chucks them towards Joon-young before lying back down. Hahaha.
Hyun-woo, meanwhile, runs his fingers across the empty spot where his wedding ring used to be.
Joon-young carries Bo-young home and struggles to put her down on her bed, eventually collapsing into bed with her. He comes face to face with Bo-young’s sleeping face and freezes — his heart starts pounding, and you can practically see the hearts shooting out of his eyes. He gets himself together, but before he leaves, he takes off her shoes and covers her with a blanket.
Hyun-woo is about to check into a motel when Soo-yeon calls. Sadly, the first thing Soo-yeon asks about is the videographer for Joon-soo’s school event. Disappointed that she didn’t ask after him, Hyun-woo cuts the conversation short.
For some reason, the motel clerk is reluctant to give a room to a solo Hyun-woo, and even checks up on him multiple times. It turns out someone had committed suicide in the room not too long ago, and much to Hyun-woo’s horror, the clerk is worried about Hyun-woo’s state. That creeps Hyun-woo out, and in the end, he grabs his stuff and leaves.
Soo-yeon returns home and finds her mother-in-law in the kitchen and Joon-soo already asleep. When her mother-in-law asks after Hyun-woo, Soo-yeon honestly answers that Hyun-woo left the house. Mom isn’t pleased with this and starts to criticize Hyun-woo. Soo-yeon then decides to admit the truth: “It’s not him,” she says. “It’s me. I cheated. I’m sorry.”
Joon-young meets Hyun-woo at the playground where Hyun-woo plans to spend the night. This pricks at Joon-young’s conscience, so he finally invites Hyun-woo spend the night at his place, saying that his wife isn’t home.
Hyun-woo gushes at how nice Joon-young’s house is, oblivious to the dark expression on Joon-young’s face. It’s only after Joon-young leaves to get beer that Hyun-woo starts to notice things about the apartment — the lone toothbrush in the bathroom, the empty refrigerator, the general absence of a female presence in the house.
Hyun-woo’s looking into Joon-young’s bedroom when Joon-young creeps up behind him, looking like some kind of a serial killer. (A Signal reference, maybe?) Before Hyun-woo follows Joon-young out, he makes note of a suitcase tucked away in the corner.
Now Hyun-woo’s fully suspicious of Joon-young, and we get some scary background music to match Hyun-woo’s mood. He returns to Joon-young’s room to try to open the suitcase, but before he gets too far, Joon-young grabs his shoulder. Hyun-woo yelps when he sees a small knife in Joon-young’s hand and recoils in fear.
Hyun-woo’s overactive imagination is put to rest as he gets the real story from Joon-young (who’s using the knife to cut apples). It turns out that Joon-young’s wife really did leave three days after their honeymoon, and he’s lived in this apartment alone for the last three years pretending to be married.
Joon-young says he was too embarrassed to tell the truth, and then he missed his chance to come clean. He also says that he hasn’t been able to date other women because he’s scared of something embarrassing happening again.
Meanwhile, Hyun-woo’s mom and Soo-yeon are having a similar heart-to-heart conversation. Hyun-woo’s mom asks Soo-yeon about the possibility of divorce, but Soo-yeon responds that she and Hyun-woo haven’t really had a proper conversation yet.
Hyun-woo’s mom says that wives can have affairs too — after all, they’re human — but she says that mothers don’t have that same luxury. Soo-yeon quietly tells her mother-in-law that even if she gets divorced, she’ll make the best decision for Joon-soo.
Her mother-in-law assures her that she knows what a good mother Soo-yeon is. She recalls how Soo-yeon used to rush home from work when Joon-soo was breastfeeding, sweaty and with bruised toes. “If your mother had seen that, she would have cried,” she says. At this, Soo-yeon breaks down in tears.
When Joon-soo stumbles into the kitchen asking for his dad, it’s Grandma who comforts him by giving him a big hug and telling him that his dad will be home soon.
Many cans of beer later, Hyun-woo and Joon-young argue about who’s got it worse between the two of them. Hyun-woo was stabbed in the back and made a fool of himself online and Joon-young’s gone through some ridiculous lengths pretending to be married, including buying himself an anniversary cake and present every year. Joon-young wails that he’s afraid to date again and both he and Hyun-woo dissolve into tears, throwing their arms around each other in solidarity.
The next day, Bo-young grabs Joon-young as soon as she gets into work and drags him to the conference room. She shoves a plastic bag holding his socks in his face, asking him why he’d take his socks off at her house and leave them there.
Joon-young explains that he brought a drunk Bo-young home safely, then got his socks dirty while taking out her trash. Bo-young’s annoyed that he’d do such a thing in the first place, so Joon-young angrily tells her that he’ll stop caring about her.
Hyun-woo returns a call from Soo-yeon and is surprised to hear his son on the other end, asking him when he’s coming home. Joon-soo passes the phone over to Soo-yeon, who asks Hyun-woo about the videographer again. But then she asks him to come home, admitting that she was hasty in asking for a separation. True to form, Hyun-woo gets huffy and tells her that he’ll come home when he’s ready to come home.
He returns to his desk where he comes across his wedding ring, tucked away in his desk drawer. He slams the drawer shut in anger.
Yoon-ki waits around for his latest client (and potential mistress) to show up for another appointment. He turns down an invitation from the young PD, LEE JI-HOON, to join their team for a premiere watch party; he also takes note of his secretary swooning over the handsome PD.
When his client ends up pushing their meeting to the evening, Yoon-ki asks his secretary to go watch the premiere of the show with the team in his stead, strategically mentioning Lee PD’s name. She needs no further convincing and bolt, freeing up Yoon-ki to visit his flower teacher for a quick rendezvous.
Yoon-ki exchanges texts with Ara while he’s with the teacher, telling her he’s busy with work. But Ara’s actually in his office, and she visibly deflates when she reads his text.
Our Ajumma fan reads the latest TOYCRANE post on a tiny screen — it looks like she got herself a cell phone. Grandma wonders where she got the money and subsequently freaks out when she looks in the mirror and realizes that her gold tooth is gone. Ha.
At work, Soo-yeon finds herself in a text chain with other moms who are planning an outing after school. She gets guilt-tripped into promising them the videographer in exchange for the moms taking Joon-soo with them, and sighs with frustration.
Soo-yeon then picks up a call from an unknown number. Her eyes widen when the woman on the line introduces herself as Sun-woo’s wife.
Hyun-woo’s team (plus Yoon-ki’s secretary) gather in the conference room to watch the premiere of their show. Hyun-woo distractedly rubs his ring finger, which is still sans his wedding ring.
Sun-woo’s wife wears a defiant look in her eyes when she meets Soo-yeon, completely different than her demeanor with Hyun-woo. She tells Soo-yeon that she was curious to see what kind of woman she was, and asks if Soo-yeon expected Sun-woo to throw away his family for her.
Soo-yeon can’t say much as Sun-woo’s wife tears into her, calling her a cliché. She tells Soo-yeon her affair could never turn into romance, since she’s hurt their entire family. “I hope you always remember the wrong you did,” she says. “I hope you remember us for the rest of your life, and that you’re pained by it.”
Before she leaves, she says her husband was right: “You weren’t worth meeting. You’re a nobody.” Damn.
Back at Hyun-woo’s office, the team’s happy about the initial positive feedback to their pilot. Hyun-woo’s still distracted, and asks Lee PD about a videographer’s availability.
Soo-yeon’s lost in thought at work when she’s interrupted by a colleague asking about a project due that day. Soo-yeon seems to have completely missed the change to the deadline; she apologizes and promises to get the job done.
As she’s working, Soo-yeon receives a text reminding her to pick up Joon-soo by 6:00 p.m. Faced with no other option, Soo-yeon calls Hyun-woo for help. He’s unsympathetic to her plight, telling her that he’ll be busy taking his team out to dinner in celebration of their premiere. They hang up, but Hyun-woo looks conflicted.
Ara scrolls through the flower teacher’s social media feed and pauses at an update that she finds suspicious. She texts Yoon-ki to ask about his dinner plans, and he writes back that he’s still working but will be home for dinner.
Yoon-ki technically is still in the office, as he’s meeting with the client whose husband is cheating on her. But work’s not really what’s on his mind, and he makes his move on the woman. Surprisingly, she’s down for it — why shouldn’t she be, she asks, when her husband is seeing someone else?
Hyun-woo does end up going to get Joon-soo after all, but he’s unhappy to find Joon-soo sitting by himself. After a few minutes, Soo-yeon rushes in, then immediately starts sucking up to the other moms, which Hyun-woo notes with disapproval. One of the moms brings up the videographer again, and surprisingly, Hyun-woo speaks up to say he’s put in a request.
Outside, Hyun-woo berates Soo-yeon for agreeing to the videographer request and for pandering to the moms. He says she needs to pay more attention to Joon-soo — Hyun-woo says he’s being excluded by other kids, and blames Soo-yeon for not being a better mom.
He tells her that she uses Joon-soo as an excuse, when all she wants to do is show off to the world that she’s a super mom that’s better than the stay-at-home moms. Soo-yeon looks shell-shocked at Hyun-woo’s words, but she quietly tells him to think what he wants. In response, he tells Soo-yeon to act boldly around those other moms instead of acting like their maid.
At a noraebang with the rest of their team, Joon-young warns Bo-young not to drink too much, because he’s not carrying her home again. Bo-young says his wife would be upset to know that he carried her home in the first place, and Joon-young retorts that it won’t happen again.
By the time Hyun-woo arrives, everyone’s gone except for Bo-young (and Joon-young, who’s throwing up in the bathroom). Bo-young mentions Hyun-woo’s missing wedding ring, then surprises him by asking if his wife is having an affair. She then asks Hyun-woo if there was any meaning in taking off his ring.
Hyun-woo thinks back to earlier that night when he dropped Soo-yeon and Joon-soo off at home. As he watched Soo-yeon struggling to carry Joon-soo in on her back, he’d received a comment from TUNAMAYO asking if he still hasn’t had a proper conversation with his wife. TUNAMAYO encourages him to remember the vows he took when he slipped the wedding ring on Soo-yeon’s finger. Noting that the ring is worn on the weakest finger, she wrote, “Maybe it means we should live supporting each other’s weaknesses.”
Back in the present, Hyun-woo leaves Bo-young with a credit card and heads back into the office. He opens his desk drawer and looks at his ring.
Hyun-woo tells the world via another online post that tonight, he’s going to try again to talk to his wife and ask her why she did what she did. As Hyun-woo hails a taxi to head home, we see that he’s put his ring back on. But at home, Soo-yeon sits alone in the living room and takes her ring off, setting it atop divorce papers.
“This week,” Hyun-woo says in voiceover, “my wife is divorcing me.”
COMMENTS
I know it’s a symptom of their troubled relationship, but man, Hyun-woo and Soo-yeon are SO out of sync with one another. While Hyun-woo’s too angry to be able to sit down with Soo-yeon for a levelheaded conversation, Soo-yeon’s overwhelmed and chooses to retreat and run away rather than spend time dealing with her marriage (or what’s left of it). When Soo-yeon wants to talk, Hyun-woo blows her off. And when Hyun-woo decides he’s ready for another conversation, Soo-yeon’s ready to throw in the towel. As painful as it is to watch, you can’t deny that it’s realistic, and I have to applaud the show for depicting the slow downward spiral of a marriage in such a compelling and heartbreaking way.
I have to admit I felt sorry for Soo-yeon as she went through what was probably one of the worst days of her life. It’s true that Soo-yeon doesn’t really have a leg to stand on when it comes to the fallout after her affair — Hyun-woo has a right to be as angry as he is, as does Sun-woo’s wife. But as a working mom myself, I truly felt for Soo-yeon in those scenes where she’s scrambling to make sure Joon-soo’s taken care of while falling down on her responsibilities at work.
It’s just really sad to see how alone she is, and how much lonelier she’ll be if she decides to go through with this divorce. I don’t see any of her issues improving once she really separates from Hyun-woo; if anything, I see it getting worse. So from that perspective, I’d probably be an advocate for her to at least try saving her marriage with Hyun-woo, but only if she has any feelings left for him. I’m not in agreement with Hyun-woo’s mother that a mother has to be bound to a loveless marriage just for the sake of her children, because sometimes, it’s better to get divorced rather than force one’s children to live in a toxic household. The question for Soo-yeon now becomes whether or not her relationship is worth fighting for, and I hope that as the show continues, we keep learning more about Soo-yeon’s motivations and what their marriage really looked like before her affair began.
Bo-young’s character is quickly turning out to be one of my favorites — I just love her no-nonsense attitude towards her work and her relationships, and the fact that she could really care less about what others think of her or her lifestyle. She’s shown us from day one that she’s thoughtful and introspective when it comes to the topic of marriage, and she’s probably done more to help Hyun-woo get through his issues than anyone else in his circle of supporters (maybe with the exception of TUNAMAYO). Also, she makes a hilarious drunk.
That being said, I’m looking forward to the inevitable romance between her and Joon-young, now that we’ve confirmed that he’s not another sketchy married man. Our king of overreactions was so subdued when he told Hyun-woo the truth about his faux marriage — it’s as if he’s bottled up all of his emotions regarding his life and only lets them out when it comes to other people’s problems. While I found it ridiculous (and not believable, frankly) that he pulled off the charade of being a married man for three whole years, I totally buy that he’s been unable to date because he’s so paralyzed by the fear of something similar happening to him again.
Despite all his talk about male “instincts,” Joon-young seems like the kind of guy who can nurse a crush for years on end, and judging by the way he looked at Bo-young when he took her home, he’s probably already there with her. Now, we’ll wait for Bo-young to realize that her unending annoyance with Joon-young is actually a deep-seated attraction to him. I’m all for including an adultery-free love story in this stormy tale of affairs and marriages on the rocks, so bring it on!
RELATED POSTS
Tags: BoA, Episode 6, featured, Lee Sang-yub, Lee Seon-kyun, Song Ji-hyo, This Week My Wife Will Have an Affair
Required fields are marked *
Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *
1 karin
November 16, 2016 at 3:41 AM
Thanks for the recap!
I think Bo-Young annoyance to Joon Young is not because she doesnt realize that she is attracted to Joon Young more like it is her wall of defence, because she thought that Joon Young is still with his wife and in a marriage, thus she doesnt want him or herself to have any romantic feelings towards each other, making her the third person in Joon Young marriage. Especially when she already experienced how hard it is to be cheated by your partner.
Required fields are marked *
Nina Chikovani
November 16, 2016 at 4:09 AM
Yap, I totally agree, she is always the first one to remind Joon Young that he has a wife
Required fields are marked *
Chandler
November 16, 2016 at 4:43 PM
Yeah, ever since I first noticed her reminding him of his wife, I suspected that she was probably pretty aware of the mutual attraction between them (I'd say more than him, tbh). The fact that she had such a hard time accepting his friend request is already indication enough of her awareness actually. She's been trying to set boundaries for a while now and I'm definitely curious to see how the news about his wife is gonna affect her.
I kinda want a flashback to that cherry blossom scene they keep referring to! Haha, I adore this couple. I've said it before, but I could watch a whole drama with them as the leads. We only have 6 more episodes so hopefully we'll get some developments soon.
Required fields are marked *
mary
November 16, 2016 at 12:58 PM
That's what I think too! :)
Required fields are marked *
a
November 16, 2016 at 2:29 PM
One sec, so this guy stays married even after the post honey moon fiasco? He's not got a divorce? And she walked off out of his life without even sending or initiating a divorce. Totally weird. And unreal.
Required fields are marked *
mary
November 16, 2016 at 2:40 PM
We don't know that yet.
But we're just guessing that from Bo-young's point of view, Joon-young is married, albeit aloof from his wife. She keeps driving him away because she gets weird vibes from him and she doesn't want to be the third party.
Required fields are marked *
a
November 16, 2016 at 3:09 PM
Oops. I meant from Hung woo n Jung woong's table at his place when he confessed his wife had indeed left him n he still is married. Ok, even if he is too 'embarassed' meeting confronting her, she , what is she doing, nothing is told. Exactly that the status is still married. I found this very strange n whether really this is plausible.
Dramaqueen
November 16, 2016 at 3:16 PM
It looks confusing but the simple answer is probably that they hadn't formally registered their marriage. I have watched other dramas where the couple live as man and wife but not send in their registration papers.
Required fields are marked *
a
November 16, 2016 at 3:32 PM
So that means technically they are not married? So what's with his drama then if he is legally still single. Is that he's still embarrassed about his exp n thus maintains a married status?. For three years?? He definitely needs help!!
2 Kath
November 16, 2016 at 4:08 AM
I hadn't realized how isolated Sooyeon was until this episode, she doesn't seem to have any friends (no clue about her father but I assume her mother has passed on) and compared to Hyunwoo's working environment, hers is more stringent due to it being the corporate world. Having a career and juggling being a mother/wife at the same time ain't easy and it's clear as day she's worn out now.
Hyunwoo and Sooyeon are both so frustrating to watch, like you said chocolatte they're both so out of sync and it's hard seeing a relationship fall apart (props to this show, they ain't shying away from it at all). We still haven't gotten enough of Sooyeon's side of the story, she really does hold the keys to the bigger picture. Every time they do talk it's depressing, the last conversation they had was P A I N F U L ! Hyunwoo questioning Sooyeon's motives as a mother and asking what has she done for Joon-soo, like seriously ?.
Two plot twists of the show so far : Joonyoung technically DOES have a wife lol & the other being the understanding Mother-in-Law, when it started out I was side-eying her but she came through in this episode and it warmed my heart seeing her reassure Sooyeon that she is a good mother despite everything she knows how much she cares and loves Joon-soo.
[SPOILERS FROM PREVIEW]
Less Yoonki please, unless Ah Ra is finally dumping his ass if not then enough already.
Required fields are marked *
Akash
November 16, 2016 at 5:38 AM
Hyunwoo's reaction shows why Sooyeon had an affair, he doesn't seem to care what she does in the background for the family. If he keeps being condescending to her it will look like they won't have any future together. Also, I hated that wife's reaction to her, she acted like a Mother Teresa to Hyunwoo and here she was totally opposite.
Required fields are marked *
Elle
November 16, 2016 at 6:56 AM
How should the wife have reacted to Soo-yeon, though? The wife probably saw Hyun-woo as a fellow betrayed soul and felt they were on the same boat. I don't see why she should act the same for her husband's mistress.
Required fields are marked *
Islander north
November 16, 2016 at 10:05 AM
Soo-yeon seems rather passive-aggressive; she tries to be super woman but of course fails. She doesn't turn to her husband, but to another man. So what if her husband is rather untuned to their relationship; how is he to know if she is so martyr like? What did she expect to happen from the affair? She seems like a self-sacrificing coward.
Required fields are marked *
gem28
November 16, 2016 at 7:29 AM
She could dump his ass and begin fresh, I don't see why she had to have a 6 month long affair with a married man when she has basically given up on her marriage. She doesn't want to fight to save her marriage, she had one foot out the door in their confrontation, so why make this mess to begin with?? Hyunwoo may not be perfect but Soo Yeon is sort of overly image concerned. I hope they explain this part about her.
Required fields are marked *
BC
November 16, 2016 at 12:25 PM
She didn't give up in the beginning - her words like " I didn't want this to turn up this way " - said everything, but the reaction of HW and all the blaming is pushing her towards the final end of their relationship. As for divorce there are always both of them to blame. HW didn't look back at himself why she was looking for comfort in another man's arms.
I'm so similar to SY - like a bomb ready to explode, but before I was even worse = never complained, all the time easygoing, just when I got angry, I didn't talk for two days. Until I got really sick and the doctors couldn't find out why I had high fever and an awful chest pain. My sisters friend is a shaman (I know it might sound ridiculouse especially with the drama Lucky Romance, but she can see everything about you) and she told me that until I won't talk when I disagree I'll keep the pain. From that time I try to be franc and talk, sometimes it's impossible because the other side doesn't listen to my arguments. People still think I don't stress, but I do, I get so itchy. And sometimes I find myself looking at my life partner when he is lecturing me and berating me, like HW did in this episode to SY, questioning myself why I'm living with this guy, he's not the man I fell in love with.
Required fields are marked *
matrice
October 17, 2018 at 5:27 PM
I don't think this is reasonable. They had issues. He was inattentive. They didn't communicate properly. That's only relevant if her betraying his trust and lying to his face for six months is an appropriate response. Does he deserve that? Is that an appropriate response? No it isn't. If I am rude to you without meaning to, and you punch me in the face, then you are at fault. We are not both at fault, you are at fault. You have escalated the situation past a normal, solvable situation, in a that is not proportionate, morally and in terms of severity.
The relatioship was not black and white. They had a lack of communication, he took her for granted... on the other hand, he was no mind reader. And she can't very well complain he didn't listen if she didn't even try. In any case, even if she though the had done all she could, that still doesn't mean that that's what "caused" her to cheat. Nothing *caused* her to cheat, she *chose* to cheat, she is not a robot, she is a person, with all the moral implications about personal responsibility that come with that. There is nothing is being unable to express your feelings that leads you to the obvious conclusion that you should address the situation by betraying, humiliating and deceiving your partner for more than half a year. The two things are not connected and her actions don't address, let alone solve, the situation. You could say that, if you were not hungry, you wouldn't have beaten up that person to steal his food. You can't claim that "hunger" was the cause of your actions. You also had the option of, I don't know, buying lunch. You are an adult, not a child, there is no "but he started it", you can't avoid being responsible for your actions.
Giving up on the relatioship would have been perfectly okay, moral and respectful. He wasn't entitled to her love. Had she left him because he was inattentive, he would have had only himself to blame, and she would have been in the right. But then she punched him in the face (worse, she lied to his face for half a year, without caring how her actions could potentially affect him or their child, and would have continued to do so had he not caught he red handed). A divorce would have been honest, and she would have shown him a modicum of respect. Trust could have been preserved.
I don't understand the claim that she didn't give up on the relationship. She willingly geopardized it with the affair. She was perfectly okay with deceiving him, of course. Hopefully her reasoning wasn't "even if caught, he will keep me around and act as if nothing happened", that would truly be taking him for granted and showing an uprecedented level of arrogance. She was willing do what she did not caring about the way it could affect her husband and child. If that's not taking your relationship for granted, I don't know what is.
matrice
October 17, 2018 at 6:17 PM
"She didn't give up in the beginning - her words like " I didn't want this to turn up this way " - said everything"
Anyone can say anything they want, but actions speak louder than words. A student that failed the exam because he was lazy and never studied could very well say "I didn't want this to turn out this way", but choosing to watch tv instead of studying means he had given up in practice. It's useless to cry crocodile tears after the fact. One's words carry about as much weigt as one's actions, otherwise it's all empty talk. The relationship was flawed because they lacked communication. That's on both of them, and it's a fair statement (of course, to be precise, they are still responsible for the way it ended up). As for the cheating, she is entirely responsible for that.
matrice
October 17, 2018 at 6:19 PM
"but the reaction of HW and all the blaming is pushing her towards the final end of their relationship. As for divorce there are always both of them to blame. HW didn't look back at himself why she was looking for comfort in another man's arms."
They had perfectly manageable problems they both contributed to. But she was entirely responsible for escalating that situation past the point of no return, showing herself to be unworthy of his trust, humiliating him and lying to his face for more than half a year. She is an adult. She is a person. She has to take responsability for her actions, nobody "made her do it", she *chose* to do it. She was the one that took a solvable situation and turned it into what it is, and she has only herself to blame. The MC has been deceived for months on end before catching her red handed, he is therefore perfectly justified in putting the blame for that no her. The car was hovering on the edge of the abiss, but it could be requed, she was the one that gave it a push.
On the divorce question, I don't agree that "there are always two to blame" in the general case. That's just stupid, it's easy to think of one-sided cases. If your husband physically abused you, he would be the only person responsible for the divorce, for example -I wouldn't even dare to victim-blame and try to equate victim and perpetrator-. Obviously here we are not talking about physical abuse. But we are talking about betraying someone's trust, humiliating him and deceiving him for half a year, which I do see as on a continuum of unacceptable behavior. This, by the way, is acknowledged in the legal system, such that there is a concept of "fault divorce" while things like cruelty (physical or emotional abuse) or adultery are valid fault causes.
Speaking more generally, had it happened before the betrayal, I think it would have been perfectly ethical. She could have reasonably decided that they had unsolvable issues and he was unappreciative and took her for granted. She would have been on the same, morally. It would be a reasonable response to the lack of communication and other issues. No one is entitled to his partner's love, but they are entitled to be treated with a minimum of respect. It would have been the moral, honest way to address the problem while not breaking each other's trust.
matrice
October 17, 2018 at 6:29 PM
"but the reaction of HW and all the blaming is pushing her towards the final end of their relationship. As for divorce there are always both of them to blame. HW didn't look back at himself why she was looking for comfort in another man's arms."
As for the last phrase, I have to say that I find it rather irking and revolting to see this kind of euphemistinc language, these weasel words. Reminds me of George Carlin's bit about "polite language". I also on't like the way you tried to put the divorce and the betrayal together. The issue of the betrayal is not of secondary importance. It's really not just another way to break up. One could break up with honesty, mutual respect and mutual trust. She went behind his back, humitialed him in the worst way she could, lied to his face for half a year, and would still be deceiving him, had he not caught her red handed.
I also don't agree with the implication that he in some way is responsible for her actions and "made her do it". He is responsible for no treating her as well as he could, and for the reasons they were on shaky ground. Half of the lack of communication is his fault. But not the betrayal. That's her choice. First of all, he is not her father, and she is not a kid. She is also not a robot he is programming. She is a person, and people are entirely responsible for their actions. Not partially. Entirely. You are the person that, ultimately, decides how to act in the world, barring physical coercion.
If you are hungry and beat up someone to steal his lunch, you can't claim that *hunger* made you do it. You chose to deal with the circumstance of hunger in that way as opposed to, say, going to a restaurant. I think that most people in her situation would have reacted differently (in fact, I think anyone should expect that out of their partner as a minimum standard), so it was not a choice: it was a set of circumstances, in the face of which people could make various choices. Which means that the choice was decided by the person itself, not *caused* by the circumstances.
"And sometimes I find myself looking at my life partner when he is lecturing me and berating me, like HW did in this episode to SY, questioning myself why I'm living with this guy, he's not the man I fell in love with."
That's a perfectly fine admission on your part, and you could deal with it in several ways. Telling him he is an asshole, or even breaking up with him, would all be up for grabs. Breaking his trust and lying to him for whole months until found out is not among the given options. That's something that both of you should feel confident to consider a non-option, a bare minimum standard that the other person should be able to meet. *Not* doing that is the low bar. That would not be a proportional response. It wouldn't be fair, honest, you would't be showing him the slightest respect. And you wouldn't have the right to claim that he made you do it, and place even a part of your...
matrice
October 17, 2018 at 6:30 PM
"And sometimes I find myself looking at my life partner when he is lecturing me and berating me, like HW did in this episode to SY, questioning myself why I'm living with this guy, he's not the man I fell in love with."
That's a perfectly fine admission on your part, and you could deal with it in several ways. Telling him he is an asshole, or even breaking up with him, would all be up for grabs. Breaking his trust and lying to him for whole months until found out is not among the given options. That's something that both of you should feel confident to consider a non-option, a bare minimum standard that the other person should be able to meet. *Not* doing that is the low bar. That would not be a proportional response. It wouldn't be fair, honest, you would't be showing him the slightest respect. And you wouldn't have the right to claim that he made you do it, and place even a part of your responsibility on his shoulders. As I said, looking someone in the eye and lying to him for half a year, until caught, intentionally betraying his trust, is not just another way to break up.
matrice
October 17, 2018 at 7:13 PM
"And sometimes I find myself looking at my life partner when he is lecturing me and berating me, like HW did in this episode to SY, questioning myself why I'm living with this guy, he's not the man I fell in love with."
Talking about unfair, to put things into perspective, there is also the fact that we should not forget that the guy has just learned that his wife has been betraying his trust, humiliating him and lying to his face for the last half a year, and is understandably pissed off. Add to that the fact that he is, quite reasonably in my opinion, disconcerted and irked at her rather perfunctory apology, certainly underwhelming when compared to the scale of her deception, and she doesn't really seem to understand how she hurt him, or the severity of her not caring about how him or their child would be affected by her selfish behavior. She didn't exactly give an image of "appropriate" contrition, if you will pardon me the term (not that anything she said could undo what she did).
She didn't run after him at the hotel, and seemed to treat this as if basically it was nothing more than her apologizing for forgetting his birthday. I showed more regret when I stole candies in elementary school. Instead, she talks back to him, almost taunts him with her affair when pressed, and is otherwise noncommittal, almost as if his hurt and anger weren't her fault, and he should just move on as if nothing happened. She shows no interest in his point of view, it doesn't really seem to matter to her how he feels, instead it's kind of expected or implied that they should be talking about her circumstances, and she seems to say almost annoyed "just get over it" (at least that's the impression she conveys).
I think that given what he suffered at her hands it would be perfectly understandable for him to be pissed off at her. It would be insane to expect perfect self control and equanimity. His whole worldview had been shattered, and she doesn't seem to particularly care. Getting into verbal sparring with her can't satisfy him, there is nothing he could to do her that could come close to "evening the score" and hurting her as much as she did him. So he is unfair to her. Given what he just discovered, he has a right to be, in my opinion, feeling angry and wanting to lash out after what he went through would be as normal as feeling sad and grieving after a funeral. She doesn't really have the right to have access to the guy she fell in love with, at the moment.
We are not exactly seeing his "normal" self (who in the previous episodes, in any case, took her for granted), but someone who is lashing out in anger, because he is understandably hurting, and his target is not someone that didn't do anything to him, but the person who hurt him. I am confident almost everyone would react like he does in this circumstances. By contrast, I would consider not doing what she did to be a low-bar necessary condition for any romantic partner. I...
matrice
October 17, 2018 at 7:15 PM
We are not exactly seeing his "normal" self (who in the previous episodes, in any case, took her for granted), but someone who is lashing out in anger, because he is understandably hurting, and his target is not someone that didn't do anything to him, but the person who hurt him. I am confident almost everyone would react like he does in this circumstances. By contrast, I would consider not doing what she did to be a low-bar necessary condition for any romantic partner. I guess that's the way to say that I can empatize with him, but not with her -I simply don't think that her behaviour is acceptable, and I am positive I wouldn't do that if I was in her shoes, and I would consider it a basic requirements for someone I date that he wouldn't either-.
matrice
October 17, 2018 at 7:39 PM
All in all, the point is that I think that he has shown himself, from the beginning, to be a flawed character, who appreciated his wife but also took her for granted (forgetting the anniversary until he remembered, thinking she would cook him something with affection, but also with some entitlement). That said, in terms of the way he is handling things with her at the moment, I have to say that his level of anger doesn't seem to be disproportionate to the level of pain he has endured at her hands. I would say he is almost too calm (I didn't particularly like to see him punch the guy, the fact in terms of revenge is that he can't really do anything to him that would top what the guy did to him, barring having a half a year long affair with the guy's wife, but even then, the guy did that to him first. Same with his wife. What could he do, cheat? He would be reactive, he can't really do anything to get back at either of them.
I think that most of the commenters here are monday-morning-quarterbacking, half of them would be screaming and be at their whits end in that situation, I would like to see in what planet they would show perfect equanimity. By contrast, I don't really find her behavior acceptable. There are rare occasions where I could empathise with her. Had she been cheated on, or worse, I could understand it (in the book The Magicians there is a similar scene, and contrary to the MC who was trying to pretend that it wasn't fair because when he cheated was drunk, I was perfectly approving of her giving him his just desert: they have an agreement the assumes trust, if you breach it, all bets are off). In this circumstances, I don't care how bad they communicated, if I put myself in her situation, I continue to see what she did as beyond the pale. I simply can't imagine myself doing the same, thus I can't empatize with her.
matrice
October 17, 2018 at 7:44 PM
My impression is that most commenters have a tendency to be overly critical and less understanding of his behavior, which is certainly not perfect, but let's just say that so close to the earth shaking discovery of the betrayal, it's more than expected. I would even go as far as to say that their treatment of him has earned him the right to be unfair, they don't really have the right to look him in the eye and pretend to be treated with equanimity after what they have done to him. By contrast, her actions are downplayed and euphemized, which I find somewhat revolting, and also conflated with things such as their lack of communication, the divorce, his recent behavior (which is altered by his recent experiences, and suredy doesn't match the way he treated her before discovering that he had been deceived for months on end... not saying that he didn't take her for granted, but he would probably be less cold and confrontational, though that doesn't change their lack of communication, to which he contributed to in some measure with his behavior).On that point, I have to reiterate tha leaving somebody is quite different from betraying them and lying to their faces.
Let's be explicit about what we know. They had issues. He was not perfect. He took her for granted. They had trouble communicating. She didn't speak up. He didn't listen. But he was also not a mind reader. Now, after discovering that she had been betraying, humiliating and deceiving him for half a year, he is pissed off and not entirely cold blooded. I simply find he has the right to be that way, up to a point (he didn't hit her, which would put him in the "scum" box and in jail in my eyes... he hit him, which I also didn't like, because I found it stupid and essentially a powerless struggle... the simple fact is that he can do nothing to him that would get them even, that's a simple fact of life). Lastly, we know that she was unhappy, but also that she made the decision to betray her husband's trust, humiliating and deceiving him for months on end, withouth caring about how that could potentially affect him or their child. She was not mentally controlled by her puppet master, her husband. She did that because she chose to, full stop. He had a role in the lack of communication, but the responsibility for her actions has to be personal. The betrayal is all on her.
matrice
October 17, 2018 at 7:58 PM
While the relationship wasn't black and white, and he made some mistakes, we should be careful about not conflating that with the betrayal:
1) Let's pay attention to linear time. He is interacting with her after learning that she had been deceiving him for moths. He is understandably cross with her -no one would logically show perfect equanimity in his position-. That's not his normal behavior.
2) That said, he took her for granted and wasn't a good listener. Half the communication problems were his fault. The other half are hers. He is not a mind reader, you can't very well complain abut not being listened to if you don't even try to speak... she is not a child.
3) None of this has to do with the betrayal, which was her sole responsibility. Had he hit her during a fight, we wouldn't be victim blaming her and talk about communication problems, we would recognize it as an escalation that was beyond the point of no return. Betraying someone and lying to his face for half a year are not physical abuse, but are on a continuum of unacceptable behavior that we shouldn't rationalize or excuse (they differ in that I don't view betrayal as always impossible to understand and beyond the pale, for example I would get it in cases where the other party had cheated first, etc., when all bets are off... I wouldn't even be considering a betrayal in that case, since the assumption of mutual trust and respect would have already been violated by the other side: they declared war, she would be responing). See point on cruelty, adultery and fault divorce.
4) He shuold learn how he contributed to crate an atmosphere where he wasn't listening and paying attention to her enough, and they didn't manage to communicate. He should not conflate that as him having had a role in the betrayal, that has been entirely her descision to make one way or the other.
5) Divorce would have been a moral option to consider, and in that case they would have had equal fault. Now they are *not* standing on the same plane morally, with her having escalated the sitution to a point of no return all on her own. The relationship was not black and white, but her specific actions were in no way ni a gray area. They were unacceptable, and entirely her responsibility. He is neither her father nor her puppet master, she is old enough to make her own decisions.
matrice
October 18, 2018 at 9:03 AM
I would also add that I see a rather uncharitable interpretation regarding the lover's wife in the comments that I think it's completely crazy. The truth of the matter is that the MC's wife didn't give a damn about the fact that her lover had a family. She didn't mind hurting her, and so she should not expect her to be friendly -she messed with her first-. The MC's wife was completely in the wrong in her dealings with her lover's wife, she has no right to talk back, it's perfectly obvious that the woman wouldn't like her -she had not cared at all about her her actions would impact her and her children, if you don't show the slightest regard for my wellbeing and screw me over, don't expect me to treat you as a friend-. Some of it could even be wanting to protect her family, but of course the truth is that her attitude towards her husband is idiotic. He claimed to love the MC's wife, now he apparently told his own wife some story, he is totally untrustworthy, she should eject from that situation as soon as she can.
Bob
April 18, 2019 at 10:25 PM
Go back and rewatch the start of episode 1. There is no indication that the husband is ignoring the wife, dismissing her or belittling her. There is no indication that she is trying to tell him something that he is not hearing. There is no indication that their relationship is at all strained or that he is imposing his positions on her. They look like a well functioning team. The fact that there was virtually no foreshadowing before the bombshell was deliberate on the writer's part.
Darlene
November 16, 2016 at 9:23 PM
I agree with you. I'm not excusing Sooyeon's affair but I do see why it started. However, it could have been avoided if she told Hyunwoo about her troubles and worries or even divorced him before finding happiness in herself or another guy. (albeit she still ruined another family)
But as we know, this show does not depict black-and-white relationships. So, she might have been insecure and wary of her husband. As we've seen, Hyunwoo isn't the best when it comes to listening to other people and having an unconditional positive regard. He's quite self indignant and only hears and sees what benefits him. But talking to him before the affair could have salvaged their marriage.
Required fields are marked *
matrice
October 17, 2018 at 5:30 PM
"I agree with you. I'm not excusing Sooyeon's affair but I do see why it started."
I couldn't think of anything more wrong to say. This should really be the new "I am not racist but". What this phrase does, by minimizing, euphemizing and putting everything on the same level, is exactly excusing her inexcusable behavior. They had issues. He was an inattentive asshole. They didn't communicate well. This is not the *reason* the affair started. It started because she chose to start it. What they were in was a perfectly solvable situation, she escalated with a callous disregard for the trust and love he gave her. There is no proportionality between her actions and his behavior. Was he inattentive? Yes. Did he deserve to be cheated on? No. Let's forget deserve. Was cheating on him a proportionate response? Again, no. If I say something that irks you, it would be reasonable to say something snarky in return. If you punch me in the face, you can't very well claim that me irking you "started" the fight (or the affair, in this case). You would have willingly escalated, and would have to take responsibility for your actions, like she does for hers.
"But as we know, this show does not depict black-and-white relationships. So, she might have been insecure and wary of her husband. As we've seen, Hyunwoo isn't the best when it comes to listening to other people and having an unconditional positive regard."
To go back to the analogy, if you can't think of a retort you can't very well justify physical violence as a response. Their respective culpability is not a gray area. They had isses. They were both at fault, he was inattentive. But as for the cheating specifically, that's unanbigous, she was wrong, she was the one that chose to do so, and so it's entirely her responsability (cue fighting analogy). Him being inattentive and contrbuting to making their marriage unhappy? His fault. Her deliberately humiliating him, betraying his trust and looking him in the eye and lying to his face? That's all on her, I am afraid, and there are no two sides in that story (there are in the broader conversation about the relatioship, and I wouldn't have any complaints had she decided it was time to split up).
The relatioship was not black and white. They had a lack of communication, he took her for granted... on the other hand, he was no mind reader. And she can't very well complain he didn't listen if she didn't even try. In any case, even if she though the had done all she could, that still doesn't mean that that's what "caused" her to cheat. Nothing *caused* her to cheat, she *chose* to cheat, she is not a robot, she is a person, with all the moral implications about personal responsibility that come with that. There is nothing is being unable to express your feelings that leads you to the obvious conclusion that you should address the situation by betraying, humiliating and deceiving your partner for more than half a year. The two...
matrice
October 17, 2018 at 5:34 PM
The relatioship was not black and white. They had a lack of communication, he took her for granted... on the other hand, he was no mind reader. And she can't very well complain he didn't listen if she didn't even try. In any case, even if she though the had done all she could, that still doesn't mean that that's what "caused" her to cheat. Nothing *caused* her to cheat, she *chose* to cheat, she is not a robot, she is a person, with all the moral implications about personal responsibility that come with that. There is nothing is being unable to express your feelings that leads you to the obvious conclusion that you should address the situation by betraying, humiliating and deceiving your partner for more than half a year. The two things are not connected and her actions don't address, let alone solve, the situation. You could say that, if you were not hungry, you wouldn't have beaten up that person to steal his food. You can't claim that "hunger" was the cause of your actions. You also had the option of, I don't know, buying lunch. You are an adult, not a child, there is no "but he started it", you can't avoid being responsible for your actions.
To be clear, while I don't agree with the point about the cheating, I could very well see this as a reason for divorce. That would be perfectly ethical. It would be a reasonable response to the lack of communication and other issues. No one is entitled to his partner's love, but they are entitled to be treated with a minimum of respect. It would have been the moral, honest way to address the problem while not breaking each other's trust. The issue of the betrayal is not of secondary importance. It's really not just another way to break up. And most people would have reacted differently, so it was not a choice: it was a set of circumstances, in the face of which people could make various choices. Which means that the choice was decided by the person itself, not *caused* by the circumstances.
matrice
October 17, 2018 at 4:15 PM
It would have been exponentially better to leave him -he isn't entitled to her love, but he does deserve some basic honesty and respect-. It would have been the honest, respectful, morally and ethically superior way to handle the situation.
She was obviously willing to gamble her marriage, with no care about the way her actions could impact her husband or child. Obviously she hoped to not get caught, but that makes her position scarcely better.
Required fields are marked *
matrice
October 17, 2018 at 4:17 PM
Not sure there is anything to explain, in any case. Not all reasons are good reasons. In a sense, her wanting to leave him woud be preferrable to her simply imagining the he would have to keep her around and act as if nothing happening even if he discovered the truth... now, that would be being insufferably entitled.
Required fields are marked *
matrice
October 15, 2018 at 5:45 PM
Yes, but that was understandable, since Soo Yeon knew her husband had a wife and kids and didn't give a shit about it. You will find that people tend to treat you the way you treat them, and if you are an asshole... well, they will treat you accordingly.
I also take issue with the causal relationship here. He is an unattentive asshole. That's a 10. He was unintentionally distant. She betrayed, humiliated and deceived him for half a year, and would have continued to do so had he not caught her. That's a 1000000. and Intentional. It's the difference between being inadvertently rude and hurling slurs at someone. Or a cough and a cancer.
Tons of people have a difficult life. You don't get to blame it for something you decide. The cause of her betrayal, somewhat circularly, is that the *chose* to cheat, rather than talk it out or even leave him (he is not entitled, and possibly doesn't deserve, her love, but he *is* entitled to the basic respect that you owe any human being, and that means being honest and telling him "I want to split up", rather than humiliating and betraying him behind his back).
Required fields are marked *
matrice
October 18, 2018 at 9:05 AM
I would also add that I see a rather uncharitable interpretation regarding the lover's wife in the comments that I think it's completely crazy. The truth of the matter is that the MC's wife didn't give a damn about the fact that her lover had a family. She didn't mind hurting her, and so she should not expect her to be friendly -she messed with her first-. The MC's wife was completely in the wrong in her dealings with her lover's wife, she has no right to talk back, it's perfectly obvious that the woman wouldn't like her -she had not cared at all about her her actions would impact her and her children, if you don't show the slightest regard for my wellbeing and screw me over, don't expect me to treat you as a friend-. Some of it could even be wanting to protect her family, but of course the truth is that her attitude towards her husband is idiotic. He claimed to love the MC's wife, now he apparently told his own wife some story, he is totally untrustworthy, she should eject from that situation as soon as she can.
Required fields are marked *
3 Amie
November 16, 2016 at 4:14 AM
So I guess the question now is - is the marriage worth saving? Who will stand by you Soo Yeon when the very person you risked evrything for just threw you out? And adding insult to injury you have to face the confrontation with his wife and there's nothing you could do or say to defend your actions. But the guy is back to his life like nothing happened. Tchk.
More than anything... I`m rooting for Joon Young and Bo Young. And this show is seriously grossing me out with chronic cheater Yoon ki, eeewwww. Pretty ahjumma should divorce him asap or have an affair with a younger, handsome guy or somebody with a better specs than her husband. She knows he is cheating but can't seem to catch him. Why not hire a detective? I want him in shreds by the end of this show. She can go Lorena Bobbit on him. I hate him, he is so disgusting! I want to pull all his hair out and shave his eyebrows.
Required fields are marked *
akash
November 16, 2016 at 5:40 AM
Pretty ahjumma should leave instead of staying and snooping over his activities, she has enough evidence already.
Required fields are marked *
4 Bluepanda
November 16, 2016 at 4:22 AM
Funny thing about the hotel scene..I was wondering why checking in alone is like a bad thing til it was revealed that somebody commited suicide.
Required fields are marked *
MapleSilver
November 17, 2016 at 7:46 AM
I just love that six episodes in I am still able to laugh at cleverly inserted funny scenes like the hotel one and various others. I seriously LOL when Joon Yoong confessed about everything to Hyun Woo.
Required fields are marked *
5 Nina Chikovani
November 16, 2016 at 4:25 AM
To be honest, at first I really felt sorry for Soo Yeon but then I remembered. SHE CHEATED, and it wasn't one time thing, it lasted for six months. No matter how much I think about it I really can't understand or forgive it.
He was a bad husband? Didn't listen to your problems? Oh well, then divorce him if he is that bad and besides it's not like he changed after the wedding.
They have been dating for SIX years, it's more then enough to get to know the person(at least know that he isn't the best listener or hot header sometimes).
She is all sad and acting like a victim but imagine her ditching her family dinner and spending less time with her child to meet someone who ALSO has a spouse.
I don't get it, at the end of the episode I wondered why should I feel for her, she doesn't even TRY to save her marriage. Hyun Woo hasn't been the best husband and is having trouble with dealing with his problems, but really? Can't she give him a little time to process things?
Required fields are marked *
Owl
November 16, 2016 at 4:46 AM
She probably didn't want to get divorce. Maybe she loved him or didn't want to lose the child (child goes to father in Korea?), so she tired to bear it. But when someone came who loves her or pretend to love her she broke down.
Required fields are marked *
Nina Chikovani
November 16, 2016 at 6:51 AM
As far as I know mothers have more chances with getting child custody and if she didn't want to leave then it comes out strange how fast she decided to get divorce, espacially now, when her husband has proof of her affair/can use it in court
Required fields are marked *
KpopKitty
November 16, 2016 at 9:57 AM
Divorce is pretty harsh in Korea though especially to single mothers. Very looked down upon and there's really no support if you happen to be a female with a kid. It's also a hard decision in general. I'd like to believe Sooyeon loves him, but then I don't know what would be her exact reasoning for staying with him this long if his personality has always been this way, before they had a kid.
I don't agree with her cheating of course but I can start to understand why she might have done it. They do have a kid after all. However, I do agree with you in the fact that they've been dating for so long AND married for so long. It's very concerning that one person had this super perfect image of their marriage but the other didn't. However, this can also be attributed to their personalities - Sooyeon just backs down from conflict when approached with it, and would rather submit rather than defend herself. It's weird that Hyunwoo really doesn't realize how much she works either. It's like they're just married under name but then they get together for the important dates and -boom-
I feel bad for her in the respect that she really is stretching herself too thin and she has no main support to help ease her troubles, but it's hard for me to decide whether I really like or dislike her, because we have yet to see Sooyeon's perspectives of what their marriage life was like before all of this happened.
However, I like that she show accurately portrays the complexity of a marriage and then the intricacies of everyone involved when an affair takes place. It's not always that a character is 100% evil like that one wife we saw that had no remorse when she cheated, but it's hard to tell with Sooyeon because she really doesn't vocalize any of her opinions at all.
I can definitely understand Hyun Woo for lashing out and saying hurtful things, but I feel like the show has a lot more to reveal about Sooyeon and why things might have led her down this path. And of course, I'm emphasizing that I don't agree with her for cheating - but each person is different and each case is different when it comes to this. I'm not saying everyone should justify her cheating because she was wrong to participate in that - but that doesn't mean we can't at least try to understand her or perhaps realize that it's not as simple as black and white on who ruined the marriage because we can obviously see they're so out of sync with one another.
Sorry for the huge comment, I ended up kinda just rambling - but I really enjoy discussions and I think it'll be interesting to see how the show portrays this relationship in the last 10 eps.
Required fields are marked *
KpopKitty
November 16, 2016 at 10:01 AM
Also forgot to mention I agree with the point about their kid though - though she is busy, it does make you wonder how many times she skipped out to meet her love and how many of those skipping meetings was actually because she had work that she needed to do. So, although Hyunwoo's comment was hurtful, it's a reasonable comment to see and understand based on everything that has been revealed
Dina
November 17, 2016 at 6:03 AM
She has a stable job. I don't see why it would be a problem with shared custody.
matrice
October 17, 2018 at 3:48 PM
While the particular circumstances around divorce might not be ideal, and should be changed -in the sense that in general I don't think that seeing a relationship as something that has to be mantained at all costs, lets it be considered a grave moral failure-, that doesn't really have anything to do with the case in question. Our actions have consequences in the world, and she is responsible for her own actions. She was willing to jeopardize her relationship, but risks can pay off (like they did for six months) until they do not anymore (after she was caught). Let's also not forget that she also does have advantages, for example as the wife she will get to keep the kid, and he will likely lose custody and have to pay child support.
matrice
October 17, 2018 at 3:55 PM
Also, she doesn't have to stay a single mother, she is young, she could meet someone else if she so chooses. And there are tons of women in her condition, many without having a choice in the matter, meaning that they were the ones that were cheated on, or even abandoned. By contrast, while they had manageable issues that could be worked out, she escalated the situation to this point, so she is not exactly in a position to complain (for getting caught and having her actions catching up to her). You don't want a ticket? Don't speed. If you want people to trust you, don't break their trust. If you behave like an asshole, people will treat you like one. Call it karma if you will.
MG
November 16, 2016 at 5:11 AM
Cheating is bad - nothing can justify the act BUT we also need to see how and why it happened. Not to justify what she did but atleast to understand some of the reasons why it made her cheat.
Seriously though, we can't always blame the person who cheated and given the fact that this will forever be in her past, we need to atleast know her story before anything else. But I have to agree that she should have given him enough time to process the events though I also understand her given how he acts towards her. I don't think this is a spur of the moment kind of decision from her.
Required fields are marked *
Islander north
November 16, 2016 at 10:12 AM
Every cheater I've met has some LA (Lame Ass) excuse. But in the end, it boils down to ME, ME, ME. I want, I didn't get, I need... and hubs and kids are just collateral damage.
Required fields are marked *
maymay
November 16, 2016 at 7:28 AM
Hi beanies, just sharing my opinion. I don't think is wrong to feel bad for the cheater. We might not condone their action but it doesn't mean that they weren't suffering in their own way. Would it make you feel better that the wife never cheats but suffers silently until she breaks down mentally? And have you considered how would you react if your best/close girlfriend did the same thing? As always we are always rational when we are just observers but who is to know what we or our close friends do when placed in the same predicament. If you were in her shoes, would you not crave for a sympathetic ear. If it were your friend, would you not at least hear her out. It's not like she is unrepentent (or like Yoon Ki), and it's not like she is scheming to hold on to that other man. Even if she ends up in divorce, I still think she needs a friend, a shoulder to cry on, and not just judgemental people like a lot of us.
And I disagree strongly on the fact that if you date someone for a long period of time, you should know someone inside out. People do change over time. Marriage changed the dinamics of your relationships. I am going to assume Nerdy is not married here (Sorry if I am wrong). There is a saying that marriage is the graveyard of love. Depending on the society you are in, I will say most Asian countries, the dynamics change drastically and will take some getting used to. If before when you were dating, the men pampers and agrees to your every requests, after getting married you are expected to fulfill their requests. Even in this age of supposed gender equality,women are expected to do more, to be subservient to the husband. Sometimes we do it out of love, other times it is something expected of us. Doesn't mean the man you married is bad, but if they lack consideration, it does make life harder.
Again, I do not support cheating but I think it is too harsh to suggest that we should not feel sorry for the character at all. Sorry for the long post.
Required fields are marked *
Nina Chikovani
November 16, 2016 at 8:39 AM
Marriage is hard, being a working mom is also hard, but you see, tons of working moms don't cheat. I wonder what makes Soo Yeons situation so special or different
"Would it make you feel better that the wife never cheats but suffers silently until she breaks down mentally?"
Again, why do we have only two options? Her husband is not some sort of tyrant, he tried to protect her from his mother, asked for a few times if she was angry when he forgot their child, washed the dishes because she might be tired. As you said, our main hero lacks considiration but at least he tries and when his wife acts like everything is fine then he trusts her words. He is not some mind reader but he is a lot better then a lot of husbands of faithul wives.
She also has a son, the one who loves her without any reason, he can't give her the shoulder to cry, but we definetly can say that she is not alone.
I am not even going to start talking about how for 35 years of life k-drama character couldn't find even one friend...but really, if she needed someone else (because for some reason her husband is unable) to understand her she could find a friend, not a lover. And lover with a wife on his own. Selfish no? Destroing someones else's marriage because you feel lonely.
As you said I am not married, I am not trying to hate or anything, I like this show so I wonder about why is it trying to make character sympathetic if she digged her own grave.
Sorry, for my bad english
Required fields are marked *
MapleSilver
November 16, 2016 at 8:58 AM
Your English is perfectly fine and you made good points.
So we know Hyun Woo connects to people very easily and she does not from the fact that he has so many friends and she is all alone. His personality is down to earth whereas she seems to be closed and reserved as evidenced in their wedding video when she does not want to openly show affection. I wonder if she ever feels insecure next to such extroverted partner who never lacks company and so her coping mechanism over the year is to overcompensate her insecurity by building this perfect image of a wife/mother. As an introvert myself I definitely often feel insecure around more extroverted people.
Required fields are marked *
maymay
November 16, 2016 at 9:39 AM
Soo Yeon is not special and she is not the only person who has cheated either but to make a character hateful just because she cheats is very one-dimensional. Just like we argue some murderers come from broken family (sorry probably a poor example), she could have her reasons too and it is definitely more interesting to let her story be stold as well. And like you say, tons of other neglected wives don't cheat too, but there are also a significant number who does and I like that this show tries to explore that angle.
Each of us has our own set of values and it is very easy to judge based on our values. You would think people in an abusive relationship should just run away and leave the partner but in a lot of situation, I feel like the personality of that person matters too. What we think is right sadly might not mean the same to others for whatever reasons (upbringing, family, society, etc). Probably because we have been seeing the story from the husband's point of view that makes it harder for some to spare even some sympathy for the wife (especially if one feels strongly on the subject). That is for the show to rectify if indeed it plans to do so anyway.
My argument, or my personal sentiments anyway, was that we can think that the wife is wrong to cheat but we could still feel a degree of sympathy for her anyway. At the very least, sorry that she did not do better to maintain her marriage that sort of thing. This is where I think you misunderstand me, I don't mean sympathetic as to justify her actions but just yunno be sorry for her.
Sorry my points are all over the place, I make a horrible debater. It's just that I had a friend who well was sort of cheating (she wasn't married at the time), and I distanced myself from her thinking that she's doing an awful thing. She didn't end up with that other guy (they both had partners) but I realized after we got closer again how alone she was when facing all the criticisms and side eyes. And then I wished I had been a better friend and be there for her when she was struggling.
Required fields are marked *
mary
November 16, 2016 at 1:25 PM
@maymay, I get your points and understand them very well.
Yes, it is wrong to cheat. But just because Soo-yeon cheated doesn't negate all the other things that she did, or suffering that she went through. And just because we acknowledge those sufferings doesn't mean we excuse her of cheating!
This is like Min Joon-gook in I Hear Your Voice. He was wronged, so he turned to murder. His being a murderer was inexcusable. Not everyone who is wronged turns to murder. But it also doesn't mean we cannot feel pity for the tragedy that hit his family. We can pity a sinner without necessarily giving them a free pass on their sins.
Another meta reason I want to know Soo-yeon's thoughts and feelings is because, as a viewer, I find her character has been held back from us. I want to know her story and I want Hyun-woo to know too. Because only then will I know as a viewer whether to root for them to fix their marriage or to find an amicable way to split up.
Islander north
November 16, 2016 at 10:14 AM
You said it so well!
Required fields are marked *
Islander north
November 16, 2016 at 10:16 AM
That comment was for NERDY.
thatstp
November 16, 2016 at 10:23 AM
By your logic of "a lot of other working moms don't cheat, what makes her so special" then we can say the same of him. Just because he's not as bad as other husbands with faithful wives doesn't make him guilt free in his marriage breaking down. He tries to make up for messing up but it still shows a lack of consideration for his wife. Because when he messes up she has to clean up behind him. "I'm sorry", is only going to smooth over the first few times. Otherwise he's just adding to her stress.
Having a kid does not mean you are not alone. Hell, having a spouse doesn't mean you're not alone. I don't know if you have kids or not but let me say this, being a mother is only a part of who you are. You are a different person with your kids. The son can be a source of joy for her but that can only help so much. Adults need other adults too.
Soo Yeon probably had friends before she got married. Any married working parent can tell you that you barely have time for others. Hyun Woo has time because his wife is picking up the slack. Like most marriages there is always someone who gives a little more than the other.
You say she should have found a friend. We don't know yet if Soo Yeon and Sun Woo didn't start off as friends then progressed to something more. She didn't destroy his home. You can't destroy another person's home or marriage. Only they can do that. Sun Woo knew what the consequence's were just as much as Soo Yeon. He could have said no.
Yes, she dug her own grave but Hyun Woo is not blameless. His expectations and her desire to be a perfect wife were the start of the cracks in their marriage.
Required fields are marked *
Nursejackie
November 16, 2016 at 10:43 AM
I'd argue that it's the other way around. Sooyeon had time for the affair because hyunwoo and his mother were picking up the slack. Hyunwoo's job is more flexible than hers and so he winds up with much of the care taking responsibilities. Taking their child to the bus stop, driving him places, feeding him and cleaning up the dishes, reading bedtime stories, etc. We see hyunwoo doing these things but rarely see sooyeon doing them and finishing them. More often than not she asks her husband to finish the task for her. When she leaves home she goes to hyunwoo's mother, who then takes over some of the care taking. It's so extreme that even the child is told not to stress his mother out too much, because her husband and mother in law are so considerate of the stress that her office environment must cause. And juxtaposed to that you have hyunwoo and their son requesting a family day together, only for sooyeon to decline in favor of meeting her affair partner.
thatstp
November 16, 2016 at 11:38 AM
If you tell a child not to stress his stress his mom out isn't it because you can see that something is stressing her out? As her husband shouldn't he try to get her to tell him what's wrong? I'm not saying she is right for cheating because she is not. She had a responsibility to communicate with her husband. People make time for the things that make them happy. She was trying to escape, she just went about it the wrong way. We'll know more as more is revealed.
Nursejackie
November 16, 2016 at 12:05 PM
It's rather pointless to try to fix your spouse's work related stress. I say that as the wife of a man with a very high stress job. There's nothing you can do to help practically speaking. Forcing them to talk about it at home can often make things worse because then the home ceases to be an escape. If a spouse who works a high stress job needs additional support, beyond help at home, then it is their responsibility to ask for it. Sooyeon's conflict avoidance does not mean that hyunwoo is obligated to read minds.
A well functioning adult does not simply make time for their cheap thrills. First they take care of their responsibilities. Then they weigh what makes them happy against the price of what makes them happy. Either sooyeon failed to make that calculation or she decided that her affair was more important than her marriage vows and her child's stability. Neither reflect well on her.
I fully expect the show to give us plenty of faults on hyunwoo's end. But the bottom line is that she failed to fulfill her responsibilities towards her son and her husband. Even if hyunwoo had neglected her or cheated first, that does not negate her responsibilities towards her son. Addressing the problems in the relationship and deciding where to go from there teaches her son healthy relationship dynamics. Engaging in an affair, playing the martyr, and then running away teaches him unhealthy relationships dynamics. She's not a monster, but it is past time that she face her own failings
tunamayo2
November 18, 2016 at 4:20 PM
@maymay and @thatstp-thank you for such well thought out, mature commentary and it's a pleasure to read them. @Nerdy, you see things as very black and white and it's very telling from your comments that you aren't married. Perhaps when you happen to meet someone else that shares a deep connection with you at the lowest point of your marriage, you will look back at the person you are now and realise how one dimensional you have been. Like what @maymay said, Marriage changes everything. Especially in Asian societies where couples live together after marriage. And @thatstp, you are absolutely right " adults need adults too".
Before I start off, I have to say that this does not include Serial cheaters like Yoonki. Everyone has different sets of values. Some look at an affair and go full blame mode, you broke the vow, you broke whatever promise you made before we got married. But hey, an affair is often a symptom of a problem and its rarely just 1 persons fault. And what about other promises? To love her and take care of her and be a lifelong partner till death do you part? Hyunwoo, as we've seen from this great drama, sees his wife as someone who simply ticks the checklist of a good wife. Does laundry, check. Pick up kids, check. Pretty and capable in career, check. How about Soo Yeons emotional needs that are so obviously neglected from her husband? He's out with colleagues most nights, we rarely see the 2 of them spending a day out, even with their son. He blames her when he sees his son playing alone. She tried for years to be a great mother so that you can have your career, while she has her own to handle. Michael, the affair partner, as it was shown, is also an excellent father. Perhaps they found comfort in each other being colleagues whom you spend more time with than your spouse, and it grew with time. Perhaps the glimpses of romance alleviated the daily and prolonged crap they face from their own spouses. Not such raunchy meaningless affair like Yoonki. Humans play different roles, we can be great parents, great daughters and sons, great friends and great romantic partners. To question how she can be a great Mom yet have an affair is childish and ridiculous. Loving your kids is a different love from loving a man or woman romantically.
The pressing question is now, how and where do they go from here? Will Hyunwoo become a husband that fulfils her emotional needs and spend more time talking to her and loving her such that her heart is so full it is incapable of letting another in? (For women to cheat, it's rarely just physical. ) or will he continue his blaming ways and drive her further away? Obviously she still loves him and is filled with remorse ( being indifferent is indicative of a woman/man who doesn't ) and as long as he reminds her of their love, she will rebuild their marriage together. Many people find their happiness after a divorce too, but I'm rooting for this couple to keep trying! Excited to see the rest of this...
Shalala
November 21, 2016 at 2:33 PM
@tunamayo2
After reading your comment, it shows that you're quite bias in your thinking. Your argument is very one dimensional. It's funny that you'd feel sympathetic towards Soo Yeon, but not towards Yoo Lo? Why is that? To cheat repetitively is a sign that's something is wrong, either with him or his marriage. There are degrees of cheating, sure. People have different values, sure. But you can't state "an affair is often a symptom of a problem and [it's] rarely just 1 person fault" and then "go full blame" on Yoonki but not Soo Yeon. What are you implying? Yoonki may be sneaky with his affairs, but don't forget, so was Soo Yeon. She carried the affair on for six months.
I'm not sure what you meant when you said "[e]specially in Asian societies where couples live together after marriage." Isn't that across all cultures? Soo Yeon may have found comfort in being together with her ex-lover, and it could have started from a friendly place. But she took that friendship further by engaging in an affair with the man.
I do feel sympathetic towards Soo Yeon. She's a hard working woman who is struggling to juggle her home, work and personal life. But to say that it's because her husband didn't satisfy or fulfill her with empathy and listen to her silence pushed her to have an affair is a bit ridiculous. Your last paragraph screams sexism. He may not be the perfect husband but neither is she the perfect wife. Yet, you put so much emphasis on how he could become a perfect husband but state nothing for her.
It's obviously not obvious that she's still in love with her husband. The only indicator that we received from Soo Yeon is that she wanted to salvage her marriage was when she told her husband a few episodes back that she didn't want a divorce. She's yet to explain why she had an affair. She's yet to tell Hyun Woo her honest feelings about him. She's yet to even show that she willing to fight to be in this relationship.
If being indifferent is an indicator that you want to be in a relationship then good luck to her on her next relationship. Because here's one thing that's universal, no matter what kind of relationship you get into, if you don't express or communicate; the relationship will fail.
No, the pressing questions shouldn't only be about how Hyun Woo is going to save his marriage, but what are they both going to do. You can't put forth that Hyun Woo should fill her heart with so much love that she's incapable of cheating again (a bit silly to me), but not state that Soo Yeon should also put in the effort to gain her husband's trust again.
Dundundun
November 21, 2016 at 7:14 PM
@thatsp – She did break her ex-lover’s marriage. She may not be the only factor, but was she was a factor. Breaking news: Soo Yeon was the mistress. She knew as well as her ex-lover what they were doing. She played a part in that affair.
If you're the driver of a get away car after a robbery, you're an accessory. You may not have been present during the robbery, but you knew the plan and didn't prevent it from happening. She was an accessory. She wasn't an innocent bystander.
So, yeah, she is a homewrecker. So is her ex-lover. Call it how it is, don't pick and choose just because she's someone we can sympathize with.
matrice
October 15, 2018 at 7:29 PM
"There is a saying that marriage is the graveyard of love."
Seems like random BS to run away from your individual responsibility and push your guild on some inanimate, external cause.
Required fields are marked *
a
November 16, 2016 at 3:18 PM
the wife would have continued the affair If not for hung woo finding out n then we getting our story. She isn't innocent and is very aware of her situation n her lacking. She covers it by trying to be toopolite n bending, with the other parents, her m I L, her colleagues or she slam s shut when she has to truly be herself n communicate, like with her husband.
I don't understand her character, if she is like this or some nuances are needed n it's the actress's lacking. She is some one I really don't know what to make of.
Required fields are marked *
Dina
November 17, 2016 at 11:34 AM
I agree. If her husband didn't find out, she would continue the affair. She is not innocent at all and I have very little sympathy for her. She stomped all over her marriage vows. She wants to garner sympathy.
What did rub me the wrong way is when the husband said he couldn't go pick up their son, saying its her job,. Like what, it's your son too so put in the work!
Required fields are marked *
matrice
October 17, 2018 at 3:40 PM
We can keep in mind more things at the same time. Did she have a hard time? Absolutely. Was he perfect? No. I would find it perfectly acceptable for her to even leave him -you are not entitled to love-, but not betraying and deceiving him for half a year -you *are* entitled to basic respect-. These are really separate issues. Being frustrated doesn't make you entitled to selfishly hurt someone who didn't do anything to you. Conversely, having a shitty day doesn't suddenly makes you a more noble, better person -it doesn't change you at all, ethically, nor does it give you a get out of jail free card-.
Required fields are marked *
6 Mikimouse12
November 16, 2016 at 4:49 AM
Yoon Ki's smug face makes me want to grab his collar and shake him so bad. I'm sooooooo frustrated with Yoon Ki and even more so with his mistresses. Like seriously?!?!? the flower teacher knows that he has a wife. The wife is even her student. huhu.
Anyway, thanks for the recap!
P.S. love reading the comment section. Hello people!
Required fields are marked *
Islander north
November 16, 2016 at 10:18 AM
Seriously? Well, Yook Ki's character isn't really a serious character...he's there to show us adultery unbridled. He is so extreme and outrageous, that he's actually funny...you can see he is rapidly digging his own grave. So glad they don't have children.
Required fields are marked *
Mikimouse12
November 16, 2016 at 6:40 PM
I know he's there for comedic relief. But because he's being portrayed that way, it looks like its okay for guys to cheat. I don't find him funny (maybe because of my experience lol) well i hope he gets what he deserves. hahah i agree with you! so glad they don't have children.
Required fields are marked *
mary
November 16, 2016 at 1:33 PM
@mikimouse12, it annoys me that his marriage isn't being explored too. I think Ara knows deep down that he's cheating (why else will she go through all those strict checks?) She's just deluding herself into thinking he's not and I think it's breaking her.
I wish the show would hurry up and give this pair some progress because I'm getting sick of watching him hurt his wife this way.
Required fields are marked *
Mikimouse12
November 16, 2016 at 6:46 PM
I KNOWWWWW. I just feel bad for her. I can totally relate. She knows he's cheating but she doesn't have solid evidence. So she can't do anything about it but wait for him to slip up or something. But as we can see, he's so used to it that he has even M.O lolzzz ugh really can't wait for Ahra's turn.
I just want to add... when he dreamt of Ahra cheating on him, he got mad. He kicked her out of the bed and texted his mistress. Um wtf?
Required fields are marked *
mary
November 17, 2016 at 11:56 AM
Yeah, his double standards are sickening. I have hope for HW and SY's marriage if they work on it, but for Yoon-ki and Ara, I think it's just better to separate. He only married her for her connections anyway.
Required fields are marked *
a
November 17, 2016 at 12:38 PM
The thing is she very well know s her husband is cheating. But she wants to either catch him in the act or find solid evidence to mail him. It's like a thrill for her n and she does this because she simply had nothing else s nothing else to do. She cooks , cooks for the whole team , for him. Waits on him n thinks of ways to get him snared. If she leaves him , I m not sure what will she do in life, because when I'd she does mail him, don't v think shell leave him rather shell give him hell living with him.
Required fields are marked *
Mikimouse12
November 18, 2016 at 4:51 AM
Trying to catch his husband cheating as a form of entertainment would be pathetic. I don't think anyone (even bored housewives) would want that as a way to pass time.
Required fields are marked *
a
November 18, 2016 at 1:56 PM
Isn't it. But i see her expressions her insinuations her games as well and all I see us her ways of entrapping him, how she feels so busy doing this. It's strange ,but she seems to thrive .
Else looking at the petals on her hubby she did put two n Theo together yet don't force him to remove his shirt or call up the flower lady n ask her n get done with it. On a way the more it prolongs the more she 'likes' it
7 bu
November 16, 2016 at 5:22 AM
I feel like Hyun Woo is a really shitty father.
He calls his wife a bad mother for sucking up to those other mothers, but what does he do?
I feel like he has decided to not take care of his son (in regard to taking him to school etc, not in regard to love) because his wife cheated.
It makes him very unsymphatetic.
Required fields are marked *
Lynn
November 16, 2016 at 6:38 AM
I think it would be hard to be sympathetic in his case. His wife cheated on him for 6 months, didn't even say sorry when she was caught, and wants to leave and take their son.
She has created her own hell and I don't get the expectations for Hyun Woo to be the bigger person.
He did end up going to pick up Joon Soo so it's not like he's heartless and derelict. She wanted to take the kid and bear responsibility for him. She will soon realize that she cannot handle it all alone.
Required fields are marked *
du
November 16, 2016 at 6:58 AM
Well yeah, but thats my point, the son didn't cheat, bis wife did. It's not like its only her son, they are both Parents. So at the moment, the son is getting hurt, because bis mother is in over her head and bis father is taking bis hurt heart out in him. To me, thats unfair
Required fields are marked *
Kwinchikochi
November 16, 2016 at 7:23 AM
Yea I agree she soon will realise that she can't handle it all alone ,I think we are getting there ,I mean her immediate reaction to getting caught initially was more like yes I did this ,I take responsibility sort ,even in this episode with her planning to leave the house ,like WOMAN talk it out with your spouse !
But again hyun woo isn't anymore reasonable in his own ways
Man the frustration looking at the two of them
Required fields are marked *
Nursejackie
November 16, 2016 at 7:29 AM
To be fair he has a really valid point. What has she done? She's blown up the family unit. She's spent time and energy that could have gone to her husband and child on another man. (That scene when she distractedly sends father and son off to the theme park while planning her day around banging her other man... Oof. That scene made me rage so hard that I woke my nursing baby.) She's increased the odds of her son either cheating or being cheated on. She put half of the household income at risk. She caused severe distress to the boy's father, which the boy picked up on pretty early on. She's separated father and child once and keeps threatening to do so again.
Even her efforts to get the kid into the art academy net negative for the kid. Sure he's in the academy now, but he has to watch his mother prostrate herself in front of his peers' mothers. He has had his time spent with his mother drastically cut while she runs around doing errands for them and trying to clean up the mess left by her affair. It would have been much better for them to simply hold off until the next enrollment period. The kid even flat out tells her that he understands that it'll be difficult for him to get in late. She really does need to stop and ask herself "Am I doing what is truly best for my child, or am I merely putting on a show for my neighbors?"
Required fields are marked *
du
November 16, 2016 at 8:09 AM
" She really does need to stop and ask herself “Am I doing what is truly best for my child, or am I merely putting on a show for my neighbors?”
That's a very interesting point! I didn't view it from that angle. I guess keeping up appearances is one of the themes of the show - like joon-young pretending to be married for 3 years(!) or bo-young who just doesn't care about image. You could say that Hyon-Woo is struggling with his own image of his wife that's so drastically different than what she feels (not that she isn't responsible for that unatainable image!)
Required fields are marked *
Anika
November 16, 2016 at 8:48 AM
I also wondered about why is it so important to get your seven years old son in art academy, I mean do we know that he is good at art subjects? Or does he wants to go simply because his friends decided so?
I mean yes, wish granting mom is great, but at that age I wanted to study so many not suited for me things, that if my parents listened to me everytime, now I would have awful scores and have no chance getting in university
Required fields are marked *
MapleSilver
November 16, 2016 at 8:39 AM
"I feel like he has decided to not take care of his son (in regard to taking him to school etc, not in regard to love) because his wife cheated. It makes him very unsymphatetic."
To answer this question posted above:
Go back and watch episode 1 and 2. He is the one who regularly takes his son to school. Remember the other parents/grandparents comment on how many fathers have flexible schedules too, but not many are willing to do pick-up/drop-off work. Many times Soo Yeon asks him to finish doing thing for her regarding the son, like finish feeding him breakfast, read to him in bed, etc..
Required fields are marked *
Mel
November 17, 2016 at 8:16 PM
We watched the same episode but what I saw from the very beginning was a guy who forgot to pick up hid kid because he was too busy getting a toy out of a machine. Other times he is too busy drinkink ang singing karaoke with his team to take care of his kid. He is so focused on himself that he practically forgot his child in the car when he was supposed to dropp him off, he is so busy pitying himself and stressing out everything she does/did wrong that he completely misses out how lonely the kid is and why he has no friends. Also in a different line of thought the other guy to whom h
Required fields are marked *
Islander north
November 16, 2016 at 10:23 AM
From experience, I'd say Hyun Woo is still in shock. He is not functioning well. He's in free fall and every time he tries to stabilize, something new happens as in the wife wanting to leave and take their son and now tossing divorce papers at him. On a deep level, at this point in the series, I don't see her as that great of a mother...she needs to quit acting like a flake.
Required fields are marked *
8 rowanharper
November 16, 2016 at 5:26 AM
This show is so real, so poignant, so well acted, so unexpectedly funny and so much better than I was expecting.
The only low point is Yoon ki ( but fastforward was made for reasons (characters) such as these) ;)
Can't wait for more.
Required fields are marked *
9 Ace in the Trap
November 16, 2016 at 5:43 AM
As much as I love Song Ji-hyo in comedic roles, I really love her in this (much like in Emergency Couple). I'm not justifying her cheating, but man I wanted to slap Sun-woo's wife AND Hyun-woo in this episode. T_T
Required fields are marked *
thatstp
November 16, 2016 at 9:48 AM
I am with you on slapping Sun Woo's wife and Hyun Woo. The wife pissed me off talking all that mess thinking she was better than Soo Yeon. I just wanted Soo Yeon to say "If you're so great then why did he cheat with me?" or "He said I was nothing? That's funny because he told my husband he loved me." I know Soo Yeon didn't say anything because she is accepting her punishment but that doesn't stop me from wanting her to cuss that wife out for being condescending.
Hyun Woo is showing his true colors. Makes me wonder how he acted in the past. He feels like his marriage was perfect but obviously it wasn't, he just didn't take time or care enough to see his wife was drowning. He is being downright mean and treating her like she was his property not his partner.
I don't condone cheating. I am firmly in the "Before you cheat you should leave" camp. HOWEVER, I know for a fact (from witnessing it happen more than a few times, male friends being cheated on and female friends cheating) for women, cheating is rarely about the sex. When you're being pulled at from every angle and you feel like your spouse can't or won't be supportive or helpful or even listen, it opens a door for someone else to step in. Doesn't mean you want out of your marriage or don't love your spouse. It just means at a vulnerable time someone offered an escape from the very thing that was suffocating you. Hyun Woo is hurt and right now is under no obligation to try to understand or be patient with Soo Yeon but if he were HALF as much a perfect spouse as he thought his wife was he would try to figure out what made her do what she did. Because honestly, he is scorching the earth with his behavior (ie not letting her talk after asking her a question) and if he keeps this up they won't be able to co-parent their child and that definitely will be the worse part of all of this.
Last thought, I am sick of people saying Soo Yeon hasn't apologized or taken responsibility when the first words out of her mouth at the hotel were I'm sorry and it's all my fault. Just because she tried to remain calm doesn't mean it wasn't a sincere apology. Soo Yeon, in an effort to take responsibility, has calmly tried to do everything he has asked but it's hard when he contradicts himself. I can't sympathize with Hyun Woo because, from the glimpses inside their marriage, it seems that as long as he was happy nothing else mattered. He wanted her to get on her knees and apologize thereby validating his feelings come before hers. Was she wrong as two left shoes? Absolutely. Should she be berated, condescended to and have her efforts as a mother the past 5 years invalidated by Hyun Woo for mistakenly looking for answers outside their marriage. Absolutely not.
Required fields are marked *
Nursejackie
November 16, 2016 at 10:19 AM
The problem with defending her as a mother is that she's disengaged from the entire family unit. List the things that she has done for her son from start to finish since the show started. Most of the hands on care taking seems to be done by hyunwoo. She cooks the breakfast but then runs out the door to work and her affair before eating with the family. She dresses him for bed but then asks hyunwoo to finish the task. She asks for a favor from another mother but then expects hyunwoo to repay that favor via cameramen. She makes plans to pick their child up and then at the last minute asks hyunwoo to get him, after all that talk about moving out and taking their son with her. At one point her husband and child ask to spend a day together and instead she runs off to meet her lover in a hotel room. For whatever reason she is mentally distancing herself from her husband and child.
Sooyeon is a terrifying and relatable character because she embodies the average cheater almost perfectly. She's a conflict avoidant cake eater. People feel the need to completely condemn her or defend her because all of us see ourselves in her. Sooyeon's weaknesses and struggles aren't at all uncommon. All of us have issues with conflict and communication sometimes. All of us want to do something selfish at the expense of others sometimes. The extreme reactions are in response to the embodiment of what we are all capable of.
I see your point about how she shouldn't be branded with a scarlet letter, but I can't completely agree. At this point she's still living in a fantasy, playing the martyr. It seems she's built up this story in her head where the affair was some Great Love that simply couldn't be and she's nothing but a loving, struggling, working mother. I think the insistence that the son enter the academy, even if it's ultimately to the child's detriment, is really about preserving that fantasy. The same goes for defending her affair partner, moving her and their child out of the family home, and ignoring hyunwoo's wishes regarding his mother. She's not ready to confront herself over her failures. It's infuriating to watch someone play the martyr like that at your expense, which is why hyunwoo keeps confronting her with the fact that she is at fault.
Required fields are marked *
gem28
November 16, 2016 at 10:43 AM
@Nursejackie
Very well put. Thank you, that is exactly why some can outright condemn her whereas some can find ways to understand her but we can all connect somehow.
Required fields are marked *
thatstp
November 16, 2016 at 11:54 AM
When had she said it was some great love affair? She said she missed him. Does that constitute a great love affair? I don't think shes playing a martyr. She knows she's wrong so she's taking her punishment. If it were I wouldn't care that I was wrong you are only going to yell at and degrade je for so long. There is no talking to him and there doesn't seem to be an end to it. He told her to leave the house and the son. She did. He says he wants to talk but won't let her have a word in edgewise . She wants to come clean with his mom so she won't blame him anymore, he says no. He doesn't want her to be at the house, it's his house, so she packs to leave only to have him call her a shit mom for leaving. She says she'll take the son with her, he yells why would you wake him and where would you take a sleeping child. What more can she do? He won't be happy until she's on her knees begging him to forgive her and I don't think that will satisfy him. The smartest thing she's done is fill out divorce papers. He will never forgive her, time for everyone to move on.
I'm at work on my tablet so forgive me if I missed something. On the fun side I work in a hair salon and have my computer workers and clients debating this too. I'm so proud that I have gotten others to join my addiction. Lol.
Required fields are marked *
Nursejackie
November 16, 2016 at 12:32 PM
You see it as accepting her punishment. I see it as passive aggression. Telling her mother in law, for instance. Truly accepting her punishment would mean dealing with the guilt of hyunwoo's mother scolding him until he felt comfortable explaining the situation to his mother himself. Instead she wrestles away what little control over the situation that hyunwoo does have and outs him to his mother as a cuckhold. He wasn't ready to give his mother that piece of intimate information but she ignored his feelings to alleviate her own guilt. And as a bonus now she gets to pat herself on the back for being honest. Classic passive aggression and zero concern for his feelings.
She didn't just say that she loved the affair partner. She said that it was all her fault (martyring herself) and that she missed him so much that she begged to see him one more time (putting the affair on a romantic pedestal while simultaneously twisting the knife). At no point has she given hyunwoo a sincere apology and asked for forgiveness. Every time she starts to apologize she ends it with "it was all my fault." She's trying to defend her affair partner to her husband while her husband is still processing a massive betrayal. That's not a true apology. That's trying to appease him to mitigate the fallout from the affair. Same with the other man's wife. Sitting and listening to her vent doesn't show remorse, it just shows that she's conflict avoidant.
Thus far she has shown zero character growth. The conflict avoidance that led to the affair still leaves her paralyzed. She has not come to terms with her own shortcomings. She hasn't truly made amends yet. I really hope that the drama will round out the characters by showing hyunwoo's mistakes in the marriage (though none of them will excuse what sooyeon did) and having sooyeon address the problems that prevent her from communicating openly.
You are definitely right in one way though. Even if they stay together the marriage will never go back to what it was and neither will her relationship with her son. It's a common saying but it really is true that all the glue in the world doesn't fix the cracks in a shattered plate and all the apologies in the world won't return a relationship to what it once was.
Nursejackie
November 16, 2016 at 12:33 PM
And good job on spreading the drama virus! Lol.
matrice
October 17, 2018 at 4:45 PM
Well, that's spinning the facts if I have ever seen it. She didn't have a one night stand with a stranger, she had a half a year long relatioship with a coworker, and it would have continued longer had she not been caught red handed. We are splitting hair here, since even a one night stand would have been betraying her husband's trust all the same, and in my eyes would be a distinction without a difference.
That say, she did imply that she cared about his with her words, and when asked if she loved him she didn't exactly emphatically deny it (he said he loved her). I am not saying that she does, mind you, and I actually don't think that it makes all that difference -it doesn't change her actions one iota, one way or the other... even if you fall for someone else, you owe your partner the bare minimum of honesty and respect, which means breaking things off cleanly, not lying to his face for half a year-. Of course she is at fault, but I have to say that all this contrition is manifesting only within the confines of your own head. She gave the most perfunctory, underwhelming apology possible. She didn't forget his birthday, she lied to his face for half a year. She stated the obvious (that it is her fault... what could she have done, claimed that is was her evil twin that betrayed his trust?). She was noncommittal and standoffish. I think I gave more hearthfelt demonstrations of remorse when caught stealing candy in elementary school.
I don't find it at all unreasonable that he would find her reaction perfunctory and was expecting a show of remorse more commensurate with the severity of her actions -not that thi is that any word on her part could even fix-. She didn't exactly run after him at the hotel, from her "whatever" reaction one could guess she had forgotten his birthday or something equally trivial -she doesn't appear particularly contrited... I don't know what "appropriately" contrited would look like in this case, and it wouldn't change what she did one bit, but the fact she didn't even try is somewhat unnerving, and for him kind frustrating... if feels like hitting cotton or talking to the wall-.
She doesn't really give off any indication that she actually grasps how badly she has hurt him, or how the serious the fact that she betrayed and lied to him without caring how actions could potentially affect her husband and child. I don't really get the vibe that she actually understands the hurt she caused him, or empathise with his position. In fact, it seems to be assumed that teh focus should be on her, on her experience. No time is spent with her trying to view the situation from his point of view -which surely should be an effort made by the guilty party, her being the one that took a manageable situation where they both didn't live up to the standard, and escalated it to this point by utterly betrying his trust and lying to his face for months on end-.
I agree that there is essentially nothing she can do...
matrice
October 17, 2018 at 4:53 PM
I agree that there is essentially nothing she can do or say to undo her actions and make this right. I agree with you that they should cut this short and have a divorce. That said, I don't tink it's unreasonable for him to be frustrated by her reaction (or lack of), it's not clear at all from her behavior that she understands how badly she has fucked up -at some points, she is actually the one acting defiantly, talking back, or being noncommittal and impatient with him-. If I was in her shoes, and someone discovered I had been deceiving them for months, I wouldn't even be able to face them and look them in the eyes, let alone act like she did. But yes, since this is what it is, it doesn't make much sense for him to insist on this point any longer, he should just cut to the chase, end things and try to restart his live with someone better (which would not be hard to find, the set, for a starter, includes anyone who didn't betray his trust or lie him for half a year), and yes, try to learn from his mistakes in the last relationship and grow -I do think that while, like any self respecting individual, he should't be willing to put up with someone violating his boundaries like this, and should acknowledge that what she has done has gone past the point of no return, but at the same times he should acknowledge that he should have done better, been more appreciative... if you are rude to someone without meaning to and they punch you in face, they can't claim that you "caused" them to act that way, and there is no proportionality between the two acts, no "they were both wrong", equivalence, equation or equivocation, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't strive to be a better individual, in this case more attentive to the way he expresses himself-.
Dina
November 17, 2016 at 11:40 AM
Yes!! All of what you said describes it perfectly!
Required fields are marked *
Meeyo
November 16, 2016 at 6:58 PM
What i see here is most comment keep bashing towards Soo Yeon and keep on mentioning that she has been slacking off/disengaged from her responsibilities and duties as wife and mother [during her 6 MONTHS love affair].
We tend to see the worst and bad of other person when they did something wrongful and yet we try to close our eyes and heart on how she has lives as a good wife and mother for the past 5 YEARS!
Well, She really cares for her family during those 5 YEARS and we can't deny and close that fact.
I do not condone cheating and i know how much it hurts when someone you love cheat on you. We after all only human and as human we tend to only see thing our way or believe whatever happen in front of us. We sometimes forget that other people maybe suffering and they choose to keep quiet or some choose wrong path of life.
Now, the only option is how those two handle their cracked marriage. Those two to need to talk/explain to each other or go to marriage counseling and
No. 1) accept that their marriage is beyond repair and go for separate ways. Asking other people (not specialist on marriage) for opinion and pointing out who is at fault will only hurt the child and their relationship further more. (Other people do not know your partner well, so there will be lot of biased opinions)**
No.2) accept your partner wrongdoings and become family again (well, that really need a lot of courage to take someone back and a lot of patience as some day the memories of hurting/ deceiving may haunt you back, it will always haunt you back!!). To become back as family, you need to remember what good of person your partner is and keep reminding yourself that this will work. You must not get haunt by that 10% of the wrongdoing if you want to build your family back.
To accept or not to accept, that is not really the question. But the most important is yourself. Whether can you be happy and live through this situation and what that other person really mean to you.
Love is not only what you feel but what effort you and your partner has done and shared.
Required fields are marked *
matrice
October 17, 2018 at 2:32 PM
"What i see here is most comment keep bashing towards Soo Yeon and keep on mentioning that she has been slacking off/disengaged from her responsibilities and duties as wife and mother [during her 6 MONTHS love affair]."
I don't think that slacking off is exactly the worst thing she did in that time period. She betrayed her husband, humiliated him and lied to his face for half a year, without caring of the effect it would have on him, or on their kid, for that matter, not exactly something you can offset by cooking a good meal and getting the kid to school. I would say it's plenty of reasons for condemnation.
"Well, She really cares for her family during those 5 YEARS and we can't deny and close that fact. "
She obviously didn't care enough to avoid breaking her husband's trust, shaming and deceiving him for half a year, without caring how it would impact him or their child's lives.
"I do not condone cheating and i know how much it hurts when someone you love cheat on you. We after all only human and as human we tend to only see thing our way or believe whatever happen in front of us. We sometimes forget that other people maybe suffering and they choose to keep quiet or some choose wrong path of life."
That's saying nothing, completely euphemistic, banal, feel-good nonsense and weasel worlds, pretentious fake profundity, narcissistic "look at how undestanding I am". It could be applied to anything from being slightly rude to outright abuse. It doesn't acknowledge the existence of gradations, and in failing to distinguish and discriminate between behaviors is completely useless. Obviously there is a difference between a normal slights in a relatioships, such as being rude, snapping at someone, and looking in the eye of the person who trusts you most in the world, and lying to his face for half a year, a deal breaker.
Required fields are marked *
matrice
October 17, 2018 at 3:04 PM
"No.2) accept your partner wrongdoings and become family again (well, that really need a lot of courage to take someone back and a lot of patience as some day the memories of hurting/ deceiving may haunt you back, it will always haunt you back!!)."
I fundamentally find the second point ridiculous, though I agree that it will be a permanent stain (which is why one shouldn't masochistically sacrifice himself and suffer to keep together a relationshi. A relatioship ending is not a personal failure. This is an important point, it's not psychologically healthy to see a relationship as something that shouldn't be allowed to end no matter how we suffer, because otherwise we would be somehow morally reprehensible for having "given up on it" and "not doing everything we could to stay together"... that's not how relationships works, they should add to your lives, not becoming your burdens and masters). I found the tone smug and pretentious. Something uttered in an attempt to sound profound and open minded, in a somewhat self congratulary manner (thinking he appearl to be someone forgiving, while instead seeming someone with low self esteem that doesn't have any standard, and does't think he could do, and deserves, much better), but coming off as preachy and unselfaware.
The second choice is not an honorable, brave, morally superior or more desirable decision as laughably described here. It doesn't require courage, simply lack of basic self respect, possible delusion and fear of the unknown. It's simply the case that people who have invested time and emotional energy in something tend to stick with it rather than giving up due to a cognitive bias (it's called loss aversion and the sunk cost fallacy). They also have low self esteem (), fear of the future (thinking they don't deserve or can do better than this -false, there are tons of better people out there, for example, anyone who didn't show themselves willing to betray the trust you put on them-), and reasoning from a place of scarcity. Basically, you need to be a spineless doormat without self respect, who can't set boundaries and will settle for less. It's not obvious to me why it would be worth fixing in the first place -she showed that she wasn't deserving of trust, and the world is full of people who would be objectively better, which is not a very high bar... it could be met by basically any random person that *did't* betray and deceive him for the last half a year-.
matrice
October 17, 2018 at 3:05 PM
"To become back as family, you need to remember what good of person your partner is and keep reminding yourself that this will work. You must not get haunt by that 10% of the wrongdoing if you want to build your family back."
The last line was simply delusional and absurd on its face. First of all, the person you thought you knew does not actually exist. To borrow from cognitive science, your map (the idea of that person) was a honest person who respected you. This by definition implies not betraying your trust and deceiving you for half a year. The person before you is therefore a stranger that simply resemble the object of your love in your head. They are no more the same person than her twin sister would be. Then, there is the fact that it's idiotic to try to brainwash yourself into believing something on no evidence (in fact, with tons of evidence of the contrary, namely that the chosen partner has already showed herself to not be worthy of being trusted), he doesn't know if it's gonna work or not, and all the evidence points to the contrary (plus, it could work much better with someone more suited for him and more deserving of his affection, let's say someone who didn't cheat on him, for example).
Lastly, a glass might be filled with water and 10% poison, but it will still kill you. That's an important 10%, not something that can be casually sweeped under the rag, as if she had forgotten a birthday. You might be working for a company for 10 years, but if they catch you leaking company secrets, you are fired nonetheless. They can't trust you anymore. And obviously trust between people is much more delicate than in a professional setting, the sting more personal.
If someone was charming and sweet, but after we fought he hit me, I would consider that a deal breaker -I don't have battered whife syndrome-. Same for cheating or lying to my face for half a year. My trust is not cheap, and more importantly, the new information obviously clashes with my assumptions of the person enough to warrant reassessing, obviously I didn't know him well enough, so I shouldn't overplay his past behavior. If my best friend talked behind my back or shot my dog he would not be my best friend anymore, plain and simple. It's not as if treating me well in general means that I will put up with anything as long as you do it once (or for six month and counting, had he not caught her red handed -let's not forget that she would still be deceiving him had he not discovered her betrayal-). The former does not even come close to make up for the latter.
matrice
October 17, 2018 at 3:06 PM
"To accept or not to accept, that is not really the question. But the most important is yourself. Whether can you be happy and live through this situation and what that other person really mean to you.
Love is not only what you feel but what effort you and your partner has done and shared."
This is literally white noise. The world is filled with people. Most of them won't stab you in the back, and will actually treat you well and treasure the trust you put on them. She has shown herself not to be one of them, so it's not really a question of "would she ever". Yes. She did. The "other person" was a trustworthy individual that would never betray you or hurt you, and she did not exist. A relationship should not be your master. It's not your damn job to bend over backward and there is nothing right and noble about sacrifyicing your own happines just for the abstract concept that the relatioship *has* to stay together, otherwise it's a moral failure. Seeing a relatioship ending like a personal failure is psychologically unhealthy.
matrice
October 17, 2018 at 3:29 PM
The kid is not an idiot, and shouldn't be treated as such. It's not pleasant to hear this stuff, but she should have thought of it before. If you steal from someone, you can't complain that he reports you and this disappoints your parents. The victim is not responsible for the fallout of your actions. If you don't want there to be recrimination, don't do something to deserve it. If you want people to trust you, don't break their trust. The simple fact is that this is not a morally neutral situation, they are not standing on equal ground, ethically... someone is at fault for taking solvable, mundane issues and going past the point of no return, and while it's unpleasant for the kid to contemplate that her mother willingly jeopardized her family without a thought about how he would be affected by her actions, it's also something that actually happened in the world, and that he can't simply ignore and sweep under the run. Hurting is not the worst thing that could happen to a child or relationship, deception, self rationalization, bs and lack of honesty are. That's why a breakup is better, morally and practically, since at least there is still honesty, and basic self respect, and trust is not compromised.
matrice
October 17, 2018 at 3:32 PM
On the first point, I think that the child should be a non issue. A child needs happy parents. If they can't be in a relationship, there is no shame in splitting up, tons of divorced parents live happy lives and give their children love, it sure beats trying to reanimate a corpse of a marriage and staying together "for the children". That's putting an undue burden on the kids, it's not the kind of pressure and responsibility they should shoulder, it's not fair to make them feel as if they are forcing to people together like a chain or prison. The last phrase was completely backwards. By definition, it's exactly because they *don't* have a personal connection with the woman than their opinion *isn't* biased (they might well be idiotic, like the one above), that's why people have to recuse themselves due to conflict of interests due to knowing the other partner in circmustances where objectivity is important, why a judge can't be one of the parties' best buddy, etc. The right context her would be something like not talking to her friends, who might come up with excuses (if they are morally bankrupt), because they are biased in her favor.
Who is at fault if they break up is really not up for debate. They might be equally responsible for the lack of communication. And he was not perfect. He could have been more attentive. Does he deserve to be cheated on? No. So that can't be used as an excuse, anymore than a slightly rude comment could be used as an excuse for a beating. The person throwing the first punch (or in this case cheating) can't claim "but he started it" as if they were in kindergarden. It was a reaction that was to either reasonable or proportional, not unintentional but deliberate. He has the perfect right to point out that obvious fact, and can't be emotionally manipulated by some cheap bs pseudoscientific mumbo jumbo "you are the victim, but keep your mouth shut otherwise you are the bad guy", basically lie (or lie by omission), don't tell the truth because it could hurt the kid.
The kid is not an idiot, and shouldn't be treated as such. It's not pleasant to hear this stuff, but she should have thought of it before. If you steal from someone, you can't complain that he reports you and this disappoints your parents. The victim is not responsible for the fallout of your actions. If you don't want there to be recrimination, don't do something to deserve it. If you want people to trust you, don't break their trust. The simple fact is that this is not a morally neutral situation, they are not standing on equal ground, ethically... someone is at fault for taking solvable, mundane issues and going past the point of no return, and while it's unpleasant for the kid to contemplate that her mother willingly jeopardized her family without a thought about how he would be affected by her actions, it's also something that actually happened in the world, and that he can't simply ignore and sweep under the run...
Required fields are marked *
matrice
October 17, 2018 at 8:02 PM
While the relationship wasn't black and white, and he made some mistakes, we should be careful about not conflating that with the betrayal. If one was hungry and he beat up a guy to steal his food, he couldn't very well claim that it had been "because of hunger". Another person in his place would have bough lunch. This means that hunger was not a cause, but a circumstance, and different people would have handled that differently. She cheated. Most other people wouldn't have. Because I cant' see myself ever thinking that it would be beyond the pale, and I wouldn't be willing to be with anyone who would:
1) Let's pay attention to linear time. He is interacting with her after learning that she had been deceiving him for moths. He is understandably cross with her -no one would logically show perfect equanimity in his position-. That's not his normal behavior.
2) That said, he took her for granted and wasn't a good listener. Half the communication problems were his fault. The other half are hers. He is not a mind reader, you can't very well complain abut not being listened to if you don't even try to speak... she is not a child.
3) None of this has to do with the betrayal, which was her sole responsibility. Had he hit her during a fight, we wouldn't be victim blaming her and talk about communication problems, we would recognize it as an escalation that was beyond the point of no return. Betraying someone and lying to his face for half a year are not physical abuse, but are on a continuum of unacceptable behavior that we shouldn't rationalize or excuse (they differ in that I don't view betrayal as always impossible to understand and beyond the pale, for example I would get it in cases where the other party had cheated first, etc., when all bets are off... I wouldn't even be considering a betrayal in that case, since the assumption of mutual trust and respect would have already been violated by the other side: they declared war, she would be responing). See point on cruelty, adultery and fault divorce.
4) He shuold learn how he contributed to crate an atmosphere where he wasn't listening and paying attention to her enough, and they didn't manage to communicate. He should not conflate that as him having had a role in the betrayal, that has been entirely her descision to make one way or the other.
5) Divorce would have been a moral option to consider, and in that case they would have had equal fault. Now they are *not* standing on the same plane morally, with her having escalated the sitution to a point of no return all on her own. The relationship was not black and white, but her specific actions were in no way ni a gray area. They were unacceptable, and entirely her responsibility. He is neither her father nor her puppet master, she is old enough to make her own decisions.
Required fields are marked *
matrice
October 15, 2018 at 4:48 PM
The point I agree on is that Sun Woo was the person his wife should be after. He was the sort of guy who would do a thing like this, and if it had not been Soo Yeon it would have been someone else. That said, among all this 'oh-poor-me-healthy-young-careerist-in-first-world-country' bullshit, let's remember that she and the MC are the victims of half a year of humilation, conscious, intentional betrayal and deception. It's natural for her to be pissed off, you can't very well do something like that to a person and pretend that she treats you with equanimity. She wanted to hurt her, and I respected her for not talking back, because she was most definitely in the wrong. She knew he had a wife and kids. She can't very well wipe her hands and say that it's none of her business. That's basic empathy and putting yourself in the other's shoes.
I agree that leaving is much preferable. Why? Because it shows that you are willing to show at least a minimum of human respect to your partner, rather than humiliating her or him, and breaking her or his trust. The sex bit is completely uninteresting. It doesn't really matter. Polyamorous couples have sex with other people, and they don't break each other's trust. The betrayal, the physical, concrete demonstration that the person you love and trust most in the world is not worthy of your trust, and ready to betray it and humiliate you because... what, she can't cope with the stress of her job and home life?
On Hyun Woo's part and Soo Yeon's "apology"... that's the part I considered completely idiotic. She has the right to ask for forgiveness (it has to be noted that in the beginning, she didn't exacly run after him in worry, she seemed rather blase', and he was the one that wanted to, however angrily, confront her... she didn't exactly give the impression of understanding the severity of what she had done to him, or how much she had hurt him... not that words could have made it better, and there are no excuses for the pain she caused him, nor possibility of reparation or restoration... there is no potion of the past or time machine, she is an unfaythful wife and he a cuckholded husband, and that's that... there are people who would never betray your trust, and people who would, and she has placed herself in the second category with her own actions). He is under no obligation to provide it. Your only have the right to ask for forgiveness, and hope to receive it, but I don't agree that you are owed it. For that matter, I find it ludicrous that the focus should be on her point of view in this matter, and particularly, immediately. A bit of consideration for the time frame, he has been lied to and betrayed systematically for half a year.
Required fields are marked *
matrice
October 15, 2018 at 4:52 PM
I can fully understand that due to pain and anger he is not exactly equitable and rational. It would be strange if he was, and frankly I believe that the people that would act that way far surpass those that would behave like she did in the same situation, something they would admit had they not been monday morning quarterbacking. He was oblivious and inattentive? Okay. He unintentionally hurt her. She lied to him for half a year and systematically humiliated him. Intentionally. A mother of 5 years? Was she thinking about her kid when she was deceiving her family? Was she thinking about him? Were her free hours getting longer with an extramarital affair? Let's cut the bullshit. Let's leave the kid out of this, she has a responsibility to him, it's not something that should be contrasted to her affair. "Mistake", "stakenly looking for answers outside their marriage". These are frankly bullshit euphemisms and weasel words.
Let's speak plainly, and say that she systematically hurt, betrayed, humiliated and deceived her husband for half a year, and would have continued to do so. He ignored her too much. That' a 100000 vs a 10. A cancer vs a cough. A nuclear bomb vs a tickle. She should surely be "berated" and "condescended" for that, but to be honest, she is not worth the effort, he should just pick up and leave. That's not to say that she would have been wrong had she come up and told him that she was unhappy, and left him. That's ok, it would have showed a modicum of respect. She didn't owe him her love. She owed him a sliver of respect. She didn't give it to him, and therefore has no good reason to assume that she should be given it back. Which doesn't mean that he shouldn't treat her with civility, but this sense of entitlement is simply unreasonable. She humiliated him in the worst way possible and he essentially caught her red handend. He should try to understand what he did wrong and strive to do better, but he didn't "cause" her to choose to break his trust, she chose that herself, as she is not a marionette. There is no proportionality, in terms of severity or in terms of the morality of the situation. Intent matters.
That said, I do agree that he should try to understand what he could have done better. That's useful information. It's also not a "gray area", morally, it's pretty clear. They had communication problems (due to both of them, he is no mind reader), he should have paid more attention and appreciated her (and she should have not assumed that he knew)... that's the equivalent of being rude by mistake, something you didn't do intentionally. Then there is willingly betraying, humiliating and deceving someone, systematically, for half a year. The equivalent of hurling slurs at somebody. Intentional. Why? Because you *chose* to. It was not the other guy, nor her emotional needs. Those were circumstances that existed at the same time, but are not in a causal relationship with her actions any more than...
Required fields are marked *
matrice
October 15, 2018 at 4:53 PM
more than a coward ratting out his family under threat is in a causal relatioship with the threat. It's not the threat tha made him a coward, it was the fact that he was the kind of person that in that circumstance would spill the beans. Similarly, she is the kind of person that instead of treating her husband with a shred of dignity and respect, and eventually leaving him, or talking to him, would rather deceive him, potentially ad infinitum, and humiliate him. Had it not been the overwork, it would have been being a bored housewife, or any number of other stressors.
Life is hard for everyone, you don't get to use it as an excuse. She is a human and a moral agent, and as such she has to take responsibility for her actions. He should have a civil relatioship with her (this doesn't means being friends), and should try to understand in what way he showed little attention. This doesn't mean that she did what she did *because* of him. A thousand other people would have reacted differently in the same circumstance, and I can't really empathize with her because while I won't pretend to be a saint (I would freely admit that I would not forgive her, not that I think that doing so would make me morally superior), I am as sure as can be that in the same circumstances I wouldn't find doing what she did to be understandable, reasonable or acceptable. Realistic maybe. A reason. A realistic reason. Not a *good* reason. I firmly believe that a decent person would have done better. There are people looking dealing with poverty, looking after paralyzed or incapacitated family member. She talking about her inability to cope with her first-world, time-management problems to me shows a complete lack of perspective about her circumstances.
matrice
October 17, 2018 at 1:32 PM
"should she be berated, condescended to and have her efforts as a mother the past 5 years invalidated by Hyun Woo"
She wasn't at all deterred from the betrayal by any thought of how her child would be impacted by her actions, which for me raises some questions about her qualities as a mother. Not to say that she should sacrifice herself to an unloving marriage for the sake of the kid, in fact I think that it would have been a perfectly moral thing to do -the first thing a kid needs is happy parents-, but she didn't consider at all how her actions would affect her child. That's not something that getting him to school can compensate for.
"Last thought, I am sick of people saying Soo Yeon hasn't apologized or taken responsibility when the first words out of her mouth at the hotel were I'm sorry and it's all my fault.
He wanted her to get on her knees and apologize thereby validating his feelings come before hers."
Yes, given the fact that he basically caught her red handed, he was reasonably expecting a bit more contrition, and maybe some sign that she understood how deeply she had hurt him. Her almost-non-apology was basically completely underwhelming -she didn't forget his birthday, she betrayed his trust, humiliated him and deceived him for six months-. Not that this is something any apology could fix -she can't ever take back her actions, there's really no "I'm sorry" that could ever feel sufficient in the face of what she has done-, but she did exhibit a seeming lack of empathy for his, or an understanding of how deeply she has hurt him, and how grave and disgusting what she has done is.
Required fields are marked *
matrice
October 15, 2018 at 4:02 PM
Her anger was understandable
Required fields are marked *
matrice
October 15, 2018 at 4:55 PM
Just to be clean, she was the one who had been betrayed, humiliated and systematically deceived for half year... not the other way around.
Required fields are marked *
matrice
October 15, 2018 at 4:57 PM
And while her husband would have found someone else (I think it's simply false that circumstances or the availability of people are the determining factors here... he was someone willing to betray her trust in the right circumstances, and those were the right circumstances), the MC's wife should have spare a little thought and empathy, knowing he had children and wife. She can't simply say "oh, well, none of my business, if he doesn't mind".
Required fields are marked *
matrice
October 19, 2018 at 10:34 AM
I can't really think of anything more morally bankrupt to say than this. Can't believe anyone with theory of mind would utter such a statement. It's really not a mistery that they would react like that, one doesn't need a Phd in psychology, it's understandable with the slightest application of social and emotional intelligence to the problem. In the last half a year, the people they loved and trusted the most have betrayed their trust, humiliated and lied to their faces, without caring about how it would affect them or their children. They would have continued, had the protagonist not caught them red-handed. This has *just* happened. It would make perfect sense for them to be angry at them, or even hate their guts. And they have the right not to trust them. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. It's obvious that after this experience they would assume the worst, and given the way they had been treated, it's a perfectly fair heuristic. If I tell someone a secrets and he publicizes it, it's perfectly fair for me to adopt the strategy of assuming the worst and mistrusting him, he would have no right to complain that I view his actions in a negative light. After doing something like that, it's perfectly obvious that you would lose the right to a charitable interpretation, and the people you have hurt would be entitled to assume the worst, if there is any ambiguity -it's not unfair, you have proven yourself to be untrustworthy, and having squandered the trust and good will, you have no right to complain that they are not simply given to you the same as before, as if nothing had happened or changed-.
If you treat someone like shit, you can't complain that they treat you like shit in return. It's in no way unjust or unfair, you reap what you sow. Or, put otherwise, it's perfectly fair for them to be unfair in this circumstance. They don't own them equanimity, in fact they don't own them a damn thing. It's like grieving after a funeral, people don't have the right to expect you to crack jokes on the return trip to the cemetery. You can't betray, humiliate and deceive someone, and then expect them to treat you civilly, as if nothing happened.
I find the lack of empathy for the protagonist and the lover's wife unbelievable. *Everyone* would react like that in their position, something they would have to admit were they not too busy monday-morning-quarterbacking (by contrast, most people wouldn't deceive someone they love for half a year). It's not rocket sience, if you put people through this kind of pain, you can't expect them to like you and treat you well.
It's perfectly fine for the two of them to be angry and not trust them, it would be insane to react any other way when realizing that the people you had been living had been looking you in the eye and lying to you for the past half month. Given the way they have treated them, they have absolutely no right to expect the people they have deceived to...
Required fields are marked *
matrice
October 19, 2018 at 10:35 AM
It's perfectly fine for the two of them to be angry and not trust them, it would be insane to react any other way when realizing that the people you had been living had been looking you in the eye and lying to you for the past half month. Given the way they have treated them, they have absolutely no right to expect the people they have deceived to treat them well in response. If you don't want shit, don't start shit.
That the lover's wife gets thrown under the bus is maybe the most insane part. The protagonist's wife knew her lover had a wife and children, and she didn't give a damn. To the lover's wife, she is a stranger that has shown no regard for the way their actions would affect her or her children, thus she is classified as "the enemy", and since she didn't care for her feelings, it's not as if she has the right to expect anything different in return. She humiliated her, thus she is paid back with the same coin. Call it karma if you will. In fact, it would be insane for her to expect to be treated any other way. Her lover's wife hates her guts, as she should. Maybe a part of it is also about protecting her family (like, "stay away"). I have to say that this is in contrast to the bs she bought from her asshole husband, she should have thrown him under the bus and taken the kids.
Required fields are marked *
matrice
October 19, 2018 at 10:38 AM
Trust and respect are earned, not given. They had love and trust, and since they had not treasured them, they can't complain once they lose them.
Required fields are marked *
10 Lx
November 16, 2016 at 6:27 AM
Anyone else getting sick and tired of Yoon Ki's part? So repetitive and IMO, kinda unnecessary.
Required fields are marked *
kdramaanalysis
November 16, 2016 at 6:53 AM
Yes I really hope we get less Yoon ki scenes unless they are really heading somewhere with this storyline. At least in this episode we got less of it compared to ep5.. I am no longer finding his scenes funny at all
Required fields are marked *
Islander north
November 16, 2016 at 10:30 AM
Yoon-ki isn't a guy who has affairs, he is the classic "womanizer." You can spot them fairly easily if you have cleaned your glasses and BS sensors. We had a doctor in our town who, for years, had an endless series of affairs with women of all ages. Countless divorces (with children) came from working for this guy. But women still fell for his line of garbage.
Required fields are marked *
mary
November 16, 2016 at 1:43 PM
He's cheating. Plain and simple. I don't get why he gets a pass while Soo-yeon is being axed.
Six episodes of him making out with random women should be enough to tell us that he's a despicable character, right? I just want the show to give us less of his sexcapades and get a move on with his actual story.
Why does he do this? Why does his wife go to great lengths to catch him if he was never caught? Why do they both put up with this stupid "game"?
That throwaway convo in an earlier ep "as long as she doesn't catch me and I try hard not to get caught, we love each other" just doesn't cut it anymore. If that was the only point of their storyline, then they could have just given us that tidbit and erased the characters completely after that.
Required fields are marked *
Mikimouse12
November 16, 2016 at 6:52 PM
Ikr. That's what upsets me the most. Why is it okay for him to cheat but not Soo-yeon? Right? I just think regardless of the gender, cheating is not okay. Cheating should not be glorified! Ugh. I just remembered the petal shower scene. Hahahaha
Nina Chikovani
November 16, 2016 at 7:00 AM
I try to reason so many Yoon Ki scenes as showing why affairs happen.
We have someone who gives a lot thought to it, ALSO loves her spouse (at some degrees), we pity her
And someone who simply doesn't think about it as a big deal, for whom it is like a game and... that's it. We feel disgusted watching him
I think real affairs happen with those two combined, like two sides of coin? Or two different stories with the same consequences
Required fields are marked *
11 kdramaanalysis
November 16, 2016 at 6:56 AM
Thanks for the recap and comments. Totally agree about how refreshing it will be when we start exploring Joon Young and Bo Young's relationship because it will be the one adultery free relationship - unless they decide to throw in some complication and Joon Young's wife decides to return to him! Even so I am also looking forward to see the show explore Bo Young's journey post divorce... she's indeed one of the more likeable characters so far on the show!
Have shared my thoughts on this episode here: http://wp.me/p7U37n-sp
Thanks all for your comments and sharing.. I always learn a lot when reading the comments for the show!
Required fields are marked *
MapleSilver
November 16, 2016 at 1:10 PM
Great analysis as always. You hit it with the nail that Yoon Ki is an addict and as such he will probably meet his end like an addict. He might lose everything he has, his house, his wife, his practice, and even his life. We'll see how far this show dares go with this character.
Required fields are marked *
12 klurker 🐙 Dora-Momo makes me wish I was young again
November 16, 2016 at 7:11 AM