The Woman Who Still Wants to Marry: Episode 15

by girlfriday

Meltdown! Hey, if my 24-year old boyfriend were hanging out with a popstar who calls him oppa, I’d be gnashing my teeth on raw pasta too. Or making a voodoo effigy. To each her own. There’s trouble in paradise this week, as we close in on the finale, and all our couples are put through the proverbial wringer.

 
EPISODE 15 RECAP

Min-jae drags Shin-young outside her apartment to escape his mom’s intrusion. Shin-young asks where they’re going, and Min-jae drops the bomb: “To get married.” What?! That’s the worst possible thing you could say in that moment. Come on, how could anyone take you seriously now? Shin-young feels the same way, as she tells him to stop it and insists they go back and clear things up with his mom.

Min-jae tells her not to over-think it, but Shin-young sees right through his insecurity and naïveté. I mean, really, if you’re trying to get married to escape your mom treating you like a child, you should know that she’ll be doing that till the day you die anyway. Min-jae is really at odds with being unable to control this situation. He grabs Shin-young for a desperate hug, saying, “Don’t go.”

Inside, Sang-mi is stewing in righteous motherly anger, that is, until she finds a letter that Shin-young wrote to Min-jae:

Roommate Min-jae!

I don’t think I’ll be able to see you tomorrow morning before I leave, so I’m writing a letter.

Da-jung always complained about that room being cold; I worry that it’s cold while you’re sleeping.

The promise I made with your mom, I really want to keep it. It’s a courtesy that I want to pay to the person who brought the Min-jae that I love, into this world.

I’ll only accept you as my roommate until the end of this week. I’ll give you a heated blanket for the rehearsal studio so you can stay there. When I miss you I’ll come see you.

An excitement I haven’t felt for a long time
The desire to try and live well
This is the gift that you have given me.
What gift can I give you…I think about it every day.

Thank you, and I love you,
My heart’s Spring, Ha Min-jae.

It’s both super-cute and super-convenient, since it exonerates her from any hanky-panky goings-on in the apartment. We should all leave such letters lying around in strategic places for bosses, mothers-in-law, insecure boyfriends/girlfriends…it would save a lot of time and energy in the long run.

It looks like Sang-mi’s buying their chaste living arrangement, (which she should, since it’s true, much to my own dismay) and leaves the food that she brought over.

Meanwhile, Min-jae is aimlessly driving Shin-young around town, with no destination in mind but refusing to head back home. Shin-young finally gets fed up with his childishness and tells him to stop the car. She gets out and takes a cab back home.

Bu-ki comes to her rescue, paying for her cab fare and helping her suss out the situation with Min-jae and his mom.

They discover all the food that Sang-mi left, making Shin-young feel even guiltier. Shin-young confesses that she felt a generation gap with Min-jae today. Bu-ki replies, “It’s not a generation gap; it’s just differences in thought.” While that’s a nice ideal, I tend to agree with Shin-young in this case.

But then Bu-ki drops some knowledge in Shin-young’s lap: “Lee Shin-young, if there are so many things plaguing you, then just break up with him. Every couple has a mountain they have to climb. If you don’t want to deal with someone ten years younger, you could choose someone your age with a bad personality, or maybe you’d prefer to deal with parents-in-law and siblings. This is your choice. No matter which man you choose, there will always be something you have to overcome in the relationship. Pick something you can accept.” Shin-young: “Do you not have anything you can accept? Is that why you’re still single?” Bu-ki: “I just like my life right now. That’s why I’m single.” Well how do you argue with that?

While I don’t think that any relationship conflict is interchangeable, I do appreciate Bu-ki’s no-nonsense brand of wisdom. It comes from the school of Value Thyself, with a mix of Life Can Be Whatever You Choose, both of which are right on my wavelength.

Shin-young texts Sang-mi that she hopes any misunderstandings will be cleared up and that she’ll send Min-jae back home. I like that Shin-young always does the adult thing and considers the other person’s point of view.

To his credit, Min-jae shows up at his mom’s house to do some damage control. First he petulantly chastises her for treating him like a kid in front of his girlfriend. So not cool, Mom. But then he explains that there’s nothing to worry about, and that Shin-young is frustratingly intent on keeping her promise to Sang-mi.

Sang-mi just chalks it up to Shin-young making up for her age. But if you knew Shin-young, you’d know she doesn’t think her age is a sin or a shortcoming that has to be made up for. Which is why her face belongs on a flag. Or a quarter. At least a t-shirt.

Min-jae then switches to sweet-talk mode, apologizing and admitting fault. This totally works, as it usually does with moms. Turns out no matter how pissed they are, they still love you.

Back at home, Shin-young packs up Min-jae’s things, and finds his student ID:

That thing is probably Bummie’s real student ID photo, because he looks about twelve in it. At first she thinks it’s adorable, but then it makes her feel the age gap even more. I don’t blame her, because the dude in the picture is a tiny, tiny baby.

Over in the land of the happily wed, Da-jung is studying for an upcoming job, when her sister-in-law bursts in with bags of groceries and nephew in tow. Oh, horror. I know she’s not the worst sister-in-law in kdrama land, by any means, but there’s something so frustrating about these sorts of people—the ones who pretend not to know that they’re totally imposing on you and bilking you for everything they can.

Sure enough, today she wants Da-jung to cook her a five-course meal, so she can pack it up and take it to her in-laws. Really? I thought you were just a resident of crazytown, but now you’re in the running for Mayor.

When Da-jung insists on getting back to her work after helping her prep the food, Little Miss “Unni, you’re so chic, you’re so smart” shows her true colors. She can’t believe Da-jung won’t help her with this one little thing, when their family accepted her against her father’s wishes. What?! You never lifted a finger to accept her! What the jeebus are you talking about, you crazy woman?!

She actually goes on to add that she thought Da-jung, being of her age, would be sweet and kind (read: making up for her age by being extra “helpful”). And the girl their dad wanted Ban-seok to marry is SO nice and good-mannered. Oh, I want to hit her with heavy objects!

In one sense, I am satisfied, because I KNEW she was just putting on that nice-clueless act. Big faker! But of course, Da-jung is now completely at a loss (who knew human beings could be like this?) and feels trapped and helpless.

She seeks out Bu-ki’s advice, and I’m glad to see that we’ve dispensed with exorcists and fortune-tellers and gurus, and are now going straight to Bu-ki. Should have been that way from the beginning. She’s free and she’s always right.

Bu-ki tells her the two viewpoints are too different; that she should just suck it up and help her out. Aw, man. Isn’t there some scare tactic you can think of, involving crazy wigs and makeup? It worked so well on the father.

Da-jung says longingly, “Today, I’m jealous of you and Shin-young.” It’s funny that Da-jung is jealous of Shin-young, and Shin-young is jealous of Da-jung, while Bu-ki isn’t jealous of anyone because SHE’S AWESOME.

Bu-ki tells her to think of all the times she prayed for someone to share agu-jjim with (that octopus stew for two), and Da-jung replies that the price of sharing agu-jjim with someone is too high. She wonders aloud why people get married. It befits her character to want so much to get married to end her single life, only to realize marriage isn’t an end, but a beginning.

At work, Shin-young is finally making waves as she scores a big story about that politician who beats women, getting to air the interview that got squashed way back when. The whole team feels vindicated and Shin-young gets acknowledged by her boss. Victory!

Shin-young goes to find Min-jae to share her good news, but she comes upon him just as he is doing this:

To be fair, the girl is the one doing all the snuggling, but you’re not exactly shaking her off like she’s got leprosy, which you should be doing!

It’s actually harmless, and Shin-young sees it as such, but it stings her a little, in the face of all the age-gappy pangs she’s been feeling lately. She turns around and leaves without saying anything, but Min-jae sees her and runs after her.

They chitchat, and she casually asks who the girl is (nice move). Min-jae tells her that’s Senna, a junior classmate, and a singer. He gave her one of his songs for her new album. Okay, she’s not only younger than you, but also a singer? Why are you doing this to me, Show? If you set her up to be some perfect match for Min-jae, I will boycott the final episode! I will!

Min-jae wants to have a final dinner together at home, since he’s moving out tomorrow. They decide that the first person home will cook, and Shin-young says she’ll probably be late. Yeah, if my 24-year old boyfriend were going to cook dinner for me at home, I would have this look on my face too:

Over at Sang-woo’s house, he and Sang-mi are meeting with his mother, and as expected, things are not going well. Can’t argue that Sang-mi is good on paper. Sang-woo’s mom tells them that she and her husband won’t be attending the wedding, and she ends up pleading with Sang-mi to let Sang-woo go.

It’s actually really hard to watch Sang-mi endure this, because even though she’s the mom who said this sort of stuff to Shin-young not too long ago, she’s been through more than enough emotional abuse in her life. Sang-woo’s mother tries the mom angle; she asks her to think of her own son, and how people will look at him. Seems to me that well-adjusted kid would do fine even if you decided tomorrow to marry a woman instead.

Sang-woo decides that this is too much, and he defiantly drags Sang-mi out of his apartment. The poetic justice is not lost on Sang-mi, as she flashes back to Min-jae dragging Shin-young away in front of her, just the other night. Yup, mother-son-girlfriend dynamic is pretty much the same, no matter what planet you hail from.

Shin-young turns down offers from her co-workers to celebrate their big story tonight, and decides to go home early and be the one to cook dinner for Min-jae. She sets up an elaborate spread of pasta ingredients, which is a cute domestic side of Shin-young that we rarely get to see.

Meanwhile, Min-jae gets up to leave the studio, and his friends raise hell because they want him to go out with them tonight, and they won’t take no for an answer. Min-jae hesitates, but lets himself get dragged out. I suppose Shin-young did say that she would be home late, but then by your account, you’re still flaking on making her dinner. Flake!

He texts her that he’s going to be late and to eat first if she’s hungry. This is the toughest part of early relationships—the setting yourself up, anticipating this great date, and then getting that call. You can’t be angry because the other person doesn’t know, but then you are angry, because you still put in all this effort. Listen, women have a hard time managing expectations, okay?

Shin-young decides to wait for him, since it’s their last dinner together in the apartment. I have a feeling this is going to get much worse before it gets better.

Over in married land, Da-jung and Ban-seok are eating a lovely sushi dinner, and Da-jung tries to broach the subject of her sister-in-law. Ban-seok hears that his sister asked for all that help, and his reaction is happiness that his sister likes his wife so much. Oy, so clueless this grown man.

He announces happily that his sister will be buying the apartment upstairs, and wow, I am speechless. If you think the sister is bad now…when the commute is one staircase…Da-jung and I both shudder in horror. And yep, that’s the thing that drives her over the edge. She finally lets it all out to Ban-seok.

The argument spills over all the way from the restaurant to their house, and I have to say, although I can see both sides logically, Ban-seok is disappointing me with his failure to see how much it strains Da-jung to be a good wife in the eyes of his family.

Da-jung, tears in her eyes, says that when she thinks of her future, she’s frightened. Ban-seok counters that he didn’t know she was such a selfish person. That cuts to the heart, as Da-jung breaks down and Ban-seok walks away from the argument.

Back at home, Shin-young waits and waits, chomping down on sticks of raw pasta, sticking them in her hair, trying to pass the time while growing increasingly impatient. And then, the kicker: her co-workers end up at the same bar that Min-jae is at, and this is the picture they decide to send to Shin-young:

Ha Min-jae? Meet the doghouse.

Meanwhile at the bar, Min-jae is actually trying to leave, but his friends keep pressuring him to stay. This is probably a universal thing, but it seems to be a very pronounced social pressure in Korea—you can’t be the first to leave a gathering because people get all upset that the mood will be broken, and they literally badger you into staying. I don’t know why this is a thing with Koreans, but it’s inescapable when hanging out with them. Know a Korean? Are one yourself? Yeah, think about it. You’ve been badgered.

Not that this lets Min-jae off the hook; let’s get that straight. Social badgering is one thing, but flaking on your girlfriend to do loveshots with a girl who’s totally hot for your junk is NOT COOL.

Shin-young has a little freak-out, makes a giant mound of pasta which she eats herself, and then decides she has to calm down, so she does some yoga. Heh. She hears Min-jae coming in the door, and the look on her face is a woman preparing for battle. Be afraid. Be very, very afraid.

Min-jae comes in bearing a box of cake and acting like nothing happened. Shin-young gives an excellent cold shoulder, in case you were wondering. It’s sub-zero, the vibe she gives off. Min-jae picks up on it, but doesn’t know why she’s so mad (thinking the pasta dinner for one is the only problem).

Shin-young then gets a cathartic fantasy moment where she rips Min-jae a new one for being out with Senna when he made dinner plans with her.

But then she rationalizes in her head that she can’t be outwardly angry and jealous of a 22-year old; that’s crazy! Well I would argue you’re already feeling crazy, and bottling it up is unhealthy, but I completely empathize with your preference to save face here. And you’ve got the cold shoulder working for you.

Shin-young seals the passive-aggressive deal by going to bed. Min-jae decides it’s something cake and candles will fix. Uh, remember the last time you tried to win her over with candles? You had to dye your hair white because you screwed that up so badly. Will you go blue this time?

He walks in with cake and candlelight, but Shin-young’s not impressed. So he plops down in bed next to her. She jumps up and says he can’t stay, but he just pulls her back to bed and puts his arm around her, saying he’s tired and he’s drunk so he’ll just stay ten minutes.

Aw…darn it. What to do with all this superfluous…righteous…anger….gah, it’s gone. Seriously, why so cute?

Shin-young finally thaws, not because they address the issue or he apologizes, but because she’s inescapably drawn to his charm. This is why friends get so frustrated when you decide the rational thing to do with them, and then do a complete 180 in the presence of your significant other. It’s not logical; it’s love.

As they drift off to sleep in each other’s arms, Shin-young asks Min-jae what he’s thinking.

Min-jae: “Until I met Ban-seok, I was a total troublemaker. But when I met hyung I changed once, and when I met you, I changed again.”
Shin-young: “How?”
Min-jae: “I’ll tell you later.”

I feel like there’s no bigger compliment to pay someone than to attribute a change in your life to their presence, advice, or love. It’s the highest form of praise in my book. So this blew me away, and not just because he is aware of it, but because he knows to say it to her.

Since Min-jae and Shin-young spend the night together, Da-jung and Ban-seok of course have spent their first night apart. In the morning, Da-jung wakes up disappointed that Ban-seok just let her sleep alone in another room, and things are still pretty dicey between them. It’s not going to be easy to solve, this conflict. She seems to be at a total impasse with the entire family, including her husband.

Min-jae and Shin-young wake up in bed together and Min-jae cranks up the charm, saying that even her unwashed face is pretty. Min-jae: “So, we’ve slept together.” Shin-young: “I guess we have.” Min-jae: “I’ll take responsibility. Don’t worry.” Oh, you two and your verbal foreplay. Don’t tease!

Then, as soon as they get up, Min-jae gets a call from Senna. Ack, we just forgave and forgot! Why are you still fielding calls from the skinny boyfriend-stealer from snotville?

And while Min-jae has yet to do anything actually wrong in the realm of cheating, he isn’t exactly fending off Senna’s advances with what could be a few simple words such as “girlfriend’s house” and “slept over at.”

It’s not crazy to assume that he thinks very little of Senna’s flirting because he’s indicated that he’s pretty popular and well-versed in the dating game. And his relative fame does add to that theory. But it’s also not a leap to think that he enjoys the attention and indulges in it, to a harmless degree. I don’t picture Min-jae crossing the line into cheating man-whore territory; I just think he’s young and cute and probably having fun.

And that’s the conundrum that Shin-young’s having in this episode, because when she looks at it from an outward perspective, she knows that Min-jae should be enjoying his youth, his popularity, and his carefree time with friends complete with loveshots and harmless flirting. But as his serious girlfriend, her jealousy of Senna can’t really be compartmentalized in that way. It’s a pickle.

Sang-mi and Sang-woo take a scenic walk along the river, and oh man, scenic walks along water always mean someone’s going to get dumped. At least it’s not the ocean. Go back and look at all your old kdramas. The ocean spells death for couples.

Sure enough, Sang-mi’s brought Sang-woo to the river to break up with him. She’s realized that her life isn’t sad or pathetic, and that she’s got a lot to be thankful for. Okay, that part’s good. She then says that it’s enough for her to live as Min-jae’s mom, and that she’s choosing him over Sang-woo. What? What about that whole other part of your life, as a newly single beautiful woman?

Sang-woo tells her that she shouldn’t be thinking of Min-jae, or even Sang-woo, but herself first. Yay, Sang-woo. But she’s not hearing him, which makes me sad, mostly for her. And then she walks away, leaving him to brood by the river. At home she cries alone, and I know she’s doing that thing where she’s giving up Sang-woo thinking it’s best for him, but that’s just stupid because he loves her, so I’m more annoyed than sympathetic.

At work Shin-young sees Min-jae with Senna yet again, and that girl really needs to take her greedy paws off of Shin-young’s boyfriend. I’m actually starting to get upset, as if I’ve discovered her hanging onto my real friend’s boyfriend’s arm.

Shin-young has a good day at work and goes home to an empty apartment, and imagines Min-jae coming out of his bedroom to greet her after her day. But she looks back and he’s gone. And then she imagines Da-jung coming in the front door, bag of makgulli in hand, wanting to drink away a bad day. Shin-young’s face lights up, and then she sees that no one is there. The way her face falls is heartbreaking. She wonders aloud, “Is this why people get married?”

The moment isn’t meant to make Shin-young seem pathetic or totally alone; it’s more of a comment on how full her life has been lately because of these two people populating her everyday life. Now that they’ve gone, she’s feeling the emptiness. I’ve lived alone and I’ve lived with friends, and I have to say, the silence is palpable. Living alone can make you a little batty.

Then, just as in one of Shin-young’s hallucinations, Da-jung steps right out of her old bedroom, bag in hand, making Shin-young jump right out of her skin.

She answers, “Don’t ever get married. Just live freely and comfortably.” Shin-young can’t figure out if she’s hallucinating. Da-jung says that she couldn’t get any reading done with all the construction going on upstairs, and her sister-in-law’s meddling. She fills her in on the latest family drama, then says longingly, “Lee Shin-young, I’m jealous of you.” Then she cheerily says good-bye and leaves Shin-young wondering whether or not she saw a ghost.

Turns out that Shin-young is doing so well at work that she’s being promoted. Her boss offers her a chance at a foreign correspondent job (which if you remember from way back when, was her original area of study and training). He tells her it’ll be about three years abroad, and she hesitates, turning it down. He tells her to think about it and not lose this opportunity.

Shin-young waits for Min-jae in the hallway, deep in thought about her job offer. When Min-jae comes bounding up to her, she tries but can’t manage to tell him about it. They just make plans to call each other later, and she continues to weigh the decision on her own.

Shin-young goes to see Bu-ki about the matter. She should just start charging by the hour. Bu-ki tells Shin-young in no uncertain terms to just go for it. Shin-young hems and haws that if she leaves, the chance of her returning a single 37-year old woman is 99%. Bu-ki reminds her that the same thing would happen even if she stayed right here. True.

Bu-ki adds: “You didn’t think you’d be thirty-four and single, did you? But life is pretty good, right? Thirty-seven will be the same.” This is what I love about this drama. The message isn’t some idealistic vision of agelessness. It’s about rediscovering yourself at every age, and opening yourself up to encounter new things at every turn. You cannot predict what you will be at age X. And setting yourself up for that only limits you.

Shin-young muses that it will mean the end of her relationship with Min-jae. Bu-ki simply says that even if he’s by her side, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll stay together, and even if they’re apart, it doesn’t mean they’ll break up. Shin-young thinks that these sorts of crossroads usually pop up when it’s time to break up. Bu-ki just zens that the future is unknown and they could be apart, then come back around to each other. She adds for emphasis: “The world is wide, there are lots of men, and you’re valuable!”

Over at Sang-mi’s house (oh, how I wish Sang-mi was present for Bu-ki’s talk just now), she tells Min-jae that she broke up with Sang-woo. Min-jae is actually disappointed in his mom for taking the coward’s way out, asking her why she can’t be brave like Shin-young. Sang-mi thinks about it, and replies that she must not love Sang-woo the way that Shin-young loves Min-jae. Actually, I think the difference has nothing to do with love and everything to do with self-perception and choosing not to be a victim of circumstance.

Min-jae decides he needs to yell some more, so he goes to see Sang-woo and demands to know how he can say he loves Sang-mi if he was just going to give up like that. Sang-woo explains that he’s waiting for Sang-mi to come back around and change her mind, which is not good enough for Min-jae’s grand-gesture sensibility.

Min-jae: “You don’t know how to love. You didn’t know how to love Shin-young back then, and you’re the same with my mom now.” He goes on to accuse Sang-woo of chickening out once the divorce was final, and Sang-woo counters that Min-jae’s still a kid for not understanding and accepting his mom’s difficult decisions. Min-jae says it’s Sang-woo’s responsibility to change his mom’s mind; Sang-woo replies that Min-jae should worry about changing Shin-young’s mind.

Wait…what? Aw man! This is how Min-jae is going to find out? From Sang-woo? Gah! I hate this! Why of all people is he hearing about Shin-young’s job offer from her ex? This doesn’t make sense. Why would she have consulted Sang-woo on the matter at all? Don’t make me start the bitter ranting, Show. We’re so close to the end. We were doing so well.

Sang-woo tells Min-jae about Shin-young’s offer to go abroad (grumble, grumble) and adds that when she was given a similar chance before, she was more than willing to leave him for the opportunity to advance her career. But this time the girl who used to be so bold is hesitating because of Min-jae. Sang-woo says outright that it must be because she doesn’t have faith in the relationship. Which is ballsy of you to say, Sang-woo, since you TOTALLY DUMPED HER when you were in Min-jae’s shoes ten years ago.

Time for a motorcycle ride, as Min-jae rides out his angst, and then contemplates what to do. Meanwhile, Shin-young decides to take the job, and finds out that she’ll be going to Helsinki, Finland (random). She notes sadly that it’s “a cold and foreign land.”

Is there a lot of news in Finland? Are there Korean people there? I don’t really know much about the foreign press in Korea, but that seems like a randomly odd choice. I would’ve rather seen them choose a currently relevant place, even if it dates the show to a specific time.

Min-jae asks Shin-young to meet him in the fated hallway, and they stand in silence for a while, as Min-jae tries to steel himself. Finally, choking on the words, he tells her to go. Good for you. Stepping up in the way that Sang-woo couldn’t do for her before.

Shin-young: “Do you really want me to go?”
Min-jae (lump in his throat): “Yes.”
Shin-young: “Even if it’ll be three years before I’m back?”
Min-jae: “I still want you to go.”
Shin-young (tears in her eyes): “Okay, but I don’t want to go with a heavy heart. Let’s break up.”
Min-jae: “Why do we have to?”
Shin-young: “In three years’ time we can’t say we’ll feel the same way. And the place you belong…I don’t think it’s next to me.”
Min-jae: “I’ll wait. Go and come back.”
Shin-young: “You can’t commit to a future me three years from now. And I want to leave comfortably. Let’s break up.”
Min-jae: “Is this really what you want?”
Shin-young: “Yes. I really mean it.”

She turns to leave and Min-jae grabs her hand. She turns back one last time and thanks him for broaching the subject, and says, “Be well” as she lets go of his hand and walks away.

It’s the same hallway where they first said “I love you,” holding hands in the same way, and now it’s the place where they say good-bye.

Min-jae watches her go, as we watch his heart shatter into tiny, tiny pieces.

I don’t think Shin-young is doing the classic kdrama martyr thing. I think she’s being pragmatic, if overly so. Truthfully, I would be doing the exact same thing when faced with a three-year separation. So I think she’s being careful to guard her heart, realistic about time and distance, and mindful of Min-jae’s age.

That said, I don’t really believe that either of them said everything that they really mean. They might mean what they said, but that wasn’t the whole story. I think that even if the break-up holds, they’ll have to revisit this conversation.

What I don’t want: a three-year fast-forward. I know, we’re probably going to get one. But I really, really don’t want a neat little bow-tied fast-forward happy ending. It would ring false for a drama that stayed so realistic and fresh in its approach to relationships. I care more about how they’re going to solve the problem in the here and now, and how that will cause the characters to change and grow. I’ll somehow feel cheated if we skip that and go straight from angst to…and then they are magically happy and together three years later! Seriously, if that happens, I might poke an eye out.

If you spoil me, I will smite thee and thy village!

See you for the finale…sob.

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